Of Epic Proportions
by authorinprogress97
Summary: And I thought life was hard enough the first time. OC self-insert (because I'm that shameless)
1. Odd

_**And I thought life was hard enough the first time.**_

_**OC self-insert (because I'm that shameless)**_

_**-0-**_

It's odd, reincarnation.

I never really… believed in it. I mean, it sounds so _simple_. Die and you'll get a second chance at life. You might be reincarnated as an animal, but you'll still get another chance at life. It just doesn't _end_ there. We hear about in stories and we think, _yeah, okay, I'll do good deeds and be reincarnated as a person_, but how many of us really go through with it?

I wouldn't say I was a _good_ person. I had done my fair share of lying and I may have yelled at my parents in a fit of frustration (although I felt horrible afterwards), but I definitely wasn't bad. Not bad enough to warrant being reborn as a slug or ant, apparently. I guess it wasn't so bad, being reincarnated as a human, despite the situation.

Being reincarnated is confusing. Imagine being in that state between awake and asleep, where you're feeling comfortable. You're dozing and anything could wake you, but doesn't. Suddenly, there's a sudden urgency to everything and you hear, feel, _think _again.

All I could think of was how _odd_ it was, having everything so sudden again. I was suddenly forced out of my comfort zone (although admittedly not for the first time) and there was sound everywhere. My senses felt like they were in overdrive, but they were strangely dull as well. I couldn't understand anything being said, nor could I see. That was the scariest part – not being able to see. In my old life, I used to wear glasses – a souvenir from too much time with my nose in a book and in front of a screen – and I'd always hated the fuzziness of everything during times when I didn't have them on.

I found myself actually _being picked up_ and if that wasn't a weird sensation, I don't know what is. I was being carried like a baby and last I checked, I was a seventeen-year-old girl. Seventeen-year-olds don't get picked up, and especially not with such ease.

The confusion was so sudden and I did the only thing I could do: I cried. I wailed and screamed. I tried to ask what was happening, but my tongue wouldn't obey me and all that came from my mouth were these wailing screams that all babies emit when you tease them too much. It rattled on my nerves a little, but all I could think was how _scared_ I was.

Where was I? What was going on? Those thoughts repeatedly ran through my head and I had no way of asking those questions. In the place of those questions, I cried.

I didn't really know it at the time, but my parents (the ones in this world, not from my old life) told me that the moment I was in my mom's arms, I quietened. My dad even swore I started to smile a little, but I find that highly unlikely. I wasn't quite a joyful baby. I'd be less melancholic when I was older, of course, but there was no question that I was an odd child.

The first few weeks of my new life were filled with questions. I had no real idea what was going on, so I just went with the flow. I like to think that I'm good at adapting to the situation, but being in a new body is a really weird experience. I spent those weeks refamiliarising myself with my limbs.

I was about seventeen when I died. We all know how it's like at that age, don't we? I'd been learning how to be independent for years and suddenly, I was dependent on someone else again. It was… frustrating, to say the least. I couldn't do anything on my own. Hell, I couldn't even _speak_. I was a child again and childhood was difficult enough the first time.

My mother gave me the name Danika, following her Slavic roots. It was so different from my old name, which doesn't really matter now, and I absolutely loved it. Whenever Mom would coo my name, I would fall quiet in wonder. It was _my_ name and it was so _cool_.

About a month into my new life, I was hit with the startling revelation; I had _died_. One month was probably a long time to realise that I was dead, but I had always been a little slow. I might have also been trying to push that fact into the back of my mind – as teenagers are wont to do with thing they don't want to think about (like homework) – but it was bound to hit me eventually.

There was a three month period where I mourned – I mourned the old me, my old life, my friends and family who weren't technically my friends and family anymore. I wondered how they were – they weren't grieving too much, were they? – and I wondered where I would go from here.

I had two choices, of course; I could choose to live in the past or I could take this second chance and make the best of it. I chose the second choice. After all, I was given the chance to _live again_. Why not make the best of it?

I was Danika Vale, only daughter of Katarina and Aaron Vale. I wasn't who I used to be in my old life and that was something I had to live with. I moved on.

I started learning to walk at six months and the week before my first birthday, I was already taking tentative steps around the house. At the same time, I had started to pick up the language my parents were speaking. It wasn't English, that I was sure. I would tentatively say they were speaking Japanese – oddly enough, everyone seemed to speak that particular language – but it didn't seem right. Occasionally, my parents would also speak in a language that sounded strangely Russian from the little I heard it in my previous life, but that wasn't right either. Tentatively, I would say that the universal language was a bastardisation of Japanese, Latin and some other language that I had never heard of in my relatively short lifespan. It didn't really matter what language it was, I suppose. All that mattered was that I was able to speak it.

I was unused to being unable to speak my mind, so I set right to learning how to speak with a fervour that was probably a little frightening. I would sit and listen to any conversation around me a frown of concentration on my face, trying to figure out which words were used in what context. I had never been very good at language, growing up in a primarily English-speaking home interspersed with my mother tongue and some Korean, but I was determined to pick up this one. It was just so _fascinating_, the way it sounded so lilting and harsh at the same time.

It took me a while to realise where I really was. Like I said before, I'm slow at picking up signs, but part of the reason why I never really figured out where I was could be attributed to my parents keeping me in the house for the first two years of my life.

I remember the first time my dad brought me out of the house, my small arms wrapped around his neck as I clung onto his back. I giggled a little; it had been a long time since I was small enough to get a piggyback. I guess there _were_ perks to being a child again. We had decided to venture into the market for some groceries and it was about high time I was brought out of the house anyway. Mom was beginning to comment how pale and sickly I looked, being cooped inside all the time, while Dad would just ruffle my hair and reply almost defensively, "My little star is too precious for the big, bad world."

It's typical for children's eyes to dart everywhere when they were in a new environment. That wasn't what happened with me. Instead, my eyes were glued in front of me. Beyond the fuzz of red hair that sat atop of Dad's head, I could see a huge wall looming above us.

"What's that?" I asked, a suspicion already brewing in my mind. The sight of the wall sparked a memory in the back of my mind – somewhere in my old life, I had seen it before – and with the memory came an unexplainable fear.

Dad looks back at me with his twinkling blue eyes except – no, they weren't twinkling. That was the reflection of the sun overhead. The twinkle was dimmed as if he was saddened by the mere mention of the topic. "That?" he repeated, gesturing to the wall with his chin. The corner of his mouth curled up in a half-grin, but even I could detect there was a sardonic edge to it. He reached back to ruffle my hair. "That's Wall Rose, my little star. Big, isn't it?"

I nodded, but I wasn't paying attention anymore. My attention was riveted on the huge wall and I looked around. It might have seemed like I was taking in my surroundings as that was the moment we had reached the crowded main street, but I was really looking at the span of the wall. It circled the city and there was a moment where I feared we were in Shiganshina district, but as I listened to the conversations around us, I picked up complaints of how the rations in _Karenese_ were running low again. I relaxed against my father's back again.

Suddenly, I jolted back into awareness, eyes darting forward to Wall Rose again. It's presence coupled with the fact that I was living in Karenese could only mean one thing.

I had been reincarnated into the world of Shingeki no Kyojin.

•●•●•●•

There were a lot of things I wondered after that shattering realisation, but the first one was _why_?

Why here and why me? In my old life, nothing grand ever happened to me. I was a typical almost-seventeen-year-old who spent too much time reading, writing and watching anime. I had best friends who I had fun with and I had a loving family. I was continuing my studies to get a diploma, for god's sake. I was the most average teenager you could think of, if you discounted the fact that I had already died once.

I had already resigned myself to the fact that I wouldn't be famous, nor would I have an interesting story that would be told and retold hundreds of thousands of times. I was a normal person trying to get through life. I had never expected to be reincarnated into a world where there were such things as Titans that ate humans because they could.

Most of all, I didn't know why I remembered. Most people who were reincarnated had no idea of their past lives, didn't they? If that was so, why could _I_ remember my past life? It made no sense. On a regular day, I couldn't even remember what I had for lunch the day before. If anything, it sounded like something out of fanfiction: interesting to read but highly unlikely.

My first order was to figure out where I was in the timeline. Was I born before Eren and Mikasa and Armin were or was I already in the world where they had, hopefully, already gotten rid of the Titans? A world that was, if not safe, then safer than their own.

I wasn't very good at reading yet, but I could read numbers just fine, so I searched for the newspaper Dad had left around the house somewhere. It wasn't that difficult to find and it was with a slight shiver of fear that I found the date. The twenty first of February, year… 837.

_Oh, you've got to be kidding me_, was my first thought. My memories were a bit hazy, but I was pretty sure the first appearance of the Colossal Titan happened in the year 845, which was eight years from now. Assuming that Eren, Mikasa and Armin were ten at the time of the fall of Shiganshina (I wasn't really that sure about the age), I was their age.

Even if I was older… well, it didn't really mean much, did it? They were in Shiganshina. I was in Karenese. The fall of Wall Maria didn't really _affect_ me that much.

That was that. Maybe I would meet them if I decided to enlist, although that was unlikely. I was never an athletic person and even if I helped around the garden every once in a while and fed the goats, I wasn't really suited for hard work. At most, I would see them when they passed with the Recon Corps at the start of the fifty-seventh expedition.

I shrugged off the notion of meeting the canon characters, if they even existed; Shingeki no Kyojin _was_ just a story, after all. It might have even been just part of my imagination, as Mom has told me countless times that I have an overactive imagination. I had nothing to worry about.

Oh, how wrong I was.

•●•●•●•

We all knew how Mikasa came to be with the Jaegers. Her parents were killed when human traffickers killed them in an effort to get her, with her special oriental lineage. When I watched the episode, my heart broke for her and I lamented the loss of her childhood. At the age of eight, when I found myself thinking of her in an off-handed manner, I felt a sense of sorrow. My parents had enrolled me in the local school when I was six and a classmate of mine, a mousy girl whose name I hadn't bothered to know, had had a sister kidnapped by those beasts. She used to be bubbly, but now she kept to herself. I didn't know if the other children had noticed (I greatly doubt they had), but she often came to school with her eyes rimmed red, which I didn't doubt were from crying. I thought about that happening to Mikasa not too long from now and futilely hoped it would never happen.

It's one of those things we never thought would happen to us. They always happen to other people, don't they?

I guess I should have expected it. I had been reincarnated into Shingeki no freaking Kyojin, which was arguably one of the harshest worlds to ever be reborn into. I would have thought that was a first-hand example of how much the fates loved to play with me.

It had been a normal day at school, sitting there and learning how to read and write and then watched the other children play. I didn't really mingle well with peers, but I had never been good with children in my old life, either. Disregarding the fact that I was a child myself, I didn't know how to connect with them. I didn't know what to say and all of their games held no appeal to me, even with my childish nature. As a result, I didn't have that many friends, or any at all, really. I have to admit that most of my childhood was quite lonely. In my old life, I had been a younger sister and my older sister had taken good care of me. Here, I had no one my age to connect to nor siblings to tease me and shelter me from reality in their own way. It was saddening, but I dealt with it. What else could I do?

I knew something was wrong the moment I neared my house. The goats were quiet and the stray cat we had taken to feeding regularly hadn't rushed out to greet me, demanding food. I stopped at the edge of our house property, eyes wide in fear. Our front door was ajar.

Our front door was _never_ ajar.

I didn't want to take another step. I had a bad feeling somewhere deep in my bones. I ended up walking forward anyway, as if I was in a dream. I didn't feel in control of my body as I stopped in front of the door without pushing it open further.

I strained my ears for sound and found none but the erratic beating of my heart. It was _wrong_. There was always sound in my home – my mother singing in her melodious voice, the sounds of footsteps, even the insistent meowing of the cat… it was all missing.

With a trembling hand, I pushed the door open, the habitual _tadaima_ resting on my lips. My words stuck in my throat as four pairs of eyes turn towards me.

"Mama?" I whispered into the silence. I watched as Mom's eyes widened, the grey of her irises startling against the white of her eyes. She was gagged, a rag stuffed in her mouth and her delicate wrists in the iron grip of the man looming over her. She didn't say a word, but I could hear her telling me to run away. I don't think I would have even if my feet hadn't felt like lead. She was my _Mom_, had been my Mom for the past eight years. She gave birth to me, sang to me when I had nightmares and smiled at me in that special way that made me feel like the luckiest girl in the world. No, I wasn't cruel enough to abandon her.

"You didn't say there was a little girl," one of the men hissed in a dark voice.

"Leave my daughter alone, you immoral bastards," Dad bellowed, struggling against the restraints. "If you lay a single hand on her, I'll _kill you_!"

"Shut him up," the first man said and I couldn't look away as they punched Dad until he lost consciousness. "Get her."

I could never get that harsh voice out of my head as the man who had been holding onto Mom lunged towards my frozen form.

I have to say that Mom had never been a particularly feisty woman. She's a little like me – or maybe I'm the one who's like her – but she's pretty good with going with the flow. I guess that got me to think that she wasn't much of a fighter. It wasn't the first time I've been proven wrong and it wouldn't be the last.

Her legs kicked out and she managed to kick the man holding her on the shin. Her hands scrabbled for his belt and I understood why when she brandished a small knife and waved it around almost frantically. She couldn't speak from the rag n her mouth, but I could hear what she was trying to say just as clearly as the men trying to harm us did: you'll have to go through me first.

It was over so fast. Mom's arm was wrenched backwards and her eyes screamed pain. She didn't relinquish her grip on the knife though and that was her mistake.

I could see it in her eyes – the sharp flash of pain, followed by surprise as she went limp. "Mama!" I screamed helplessly as I saw the lights in her eyes dim and noticed the knife protruding from the base of her spine. She couldn't have been dead yet, but they didn't really have the medical knowledge to properly sew her up. If we were in Back Then, she would have survived, probably, if paralysed. Here… she'd bleed to death in minutes.

"Katarina, no!" Dad yelled and I had never heard him sound so heartbroken in my life. It wasn't _right_ to hear my big, strong father sound so lost.

We all like to think we're heroes, don't we? We'd all like to think then when it came down to it, we'd go down fighting to protect our loved ones. I had thought over what I would when it came down to that, if something like this had happened and I had resigned myself to hiding or running. To this day, I still didn't know what came over me.

We kept a brick near our front door that we used to prop open the door on windy days when Mom would sweep the house. I reached down, grabbed it and threw with all the force I could muster. It didn't reach as high as I had wanted it to, only smashing into the kidnapper's side, but it was enough to get his attention that I hadn't wanted.

I shuffled backwards a step, but I couldn't move anymore. I didn't have anywhere to go and I couldn't leave my parents. True they weren't the parents who moulded me, but they took care of me and they made me who I am _today_. All that mattered was today.

"Daddy," I whimpered, "help."

I didn't have any weapons and my scrawny arms wouldn't put up much of a resistance. I didn't have much strength and if that monster got me, it was over.

Dad broke his restraints with a roar and barrelled the man threatening me. "Run, Dani," he snapped. "Run away!"

"Daddy – "

"Just do as I say!"

I caught a flash behind him and gasped. The man was towering over Dad and I had to do something, _anything_ –

"Go!" he yells and my body obeyed. I turned and ran, my auburn hair whipping into my face. I heard Dad yell again, but it was wordless and tears finally pricked my eyes. I was alone again, all alone.

I didn't where else to go, so I ran into the woods near my house. I had been in there a few times, but I never went far. The branches pulled at my clothes and scratched my bare skin as I ran. The cold rain pelted my skin, but it wasn't only rainwater on my face. My tears streamed down my cheeks and made my vision blurry. I desperately tried to stop them, but I couldn't. I had never been one to cry much, but once I did, I couldn't stop. I had lost my _parents_; I was allowed to cry.

I could hear them thundering behind me. It only made me cry harder. Their pursuit only meant that Dad hadn't managed to stop them. He was _gone_. Logically, I knew that even my dad wouldn't have been able to take on two large armed men in his state, but I had this unshakeable faith that Dad was the strongest man I would ever know. To have it shattered like that… I can't possibly put into words how terrified I was as I ran through the dark woods with their angry yells tailing me.

The mindless running was a bad idea. I wasn't particularly coordinated on a good day and today was definitely _not_ a good day. I tripped over a protruding root and skidded across the forest floor. The cuts stung as rain dripped onto them. I tried to stand, but cried out as pain shot up my ankle. I had never had a sprained ankle, but I was pretty sure this was what it felt like.

I could hear them catching up with me. I was cold, alone and terrified. I did the only thing an eight year old could do: I screamed for help.

"Help," I screamed. "Someone, anyone, _please_. Help me!"

I didn't know why I thought anyone would come. I had no idea where I was and I doubted there would be anyone nearby. That was it. I was going to die. Again.

I couldn't help but sit there and weep as I heard them catch up to me. I stared up at them in horror before looking up to the treetops. Maybe it would be quick and painless, like my last one. The fates wouldn't be that cruel, would they?

I wasn't sure if it was due to a raindrop splashing into my eyes, but I thought I saw a flash of a blade in the treetops. I shook the thought away; it was probably a figment of my imagination.

"You little bitch," one of the men – I didn't even know which one anymore – seethed. "I'm going to gut you like a fish and throw you to the wolves."

I whimpered, holding my injured ankle. I wasn't ready to die. I wasn't ready to die Then and I wasn't ready to die now. I didn't _want_ to die without putting up a fight. Mom had and Dad had, so I would too. I searched blindly for a branch, a rock, _something_ to hit with. I was my parents' daughter (and my _parents'_ daughter) and I would at least try to bring them down with me.

They descended upon me and I steeled myself to fight, but they were suddenly blocked from my sight by a silhouette. My eyes were drawn to the naked blades on each side of the silhouette and I could make out lumps that I had never seen before in this life but recognised from hazy memories; 3D Maneuver Gear.

"Only scumbag assholes pick on little children," a voice full of disdain sneered. "The two of you are obviously far worse."

"You punk," one of them snarled. "You're dead meat."

The silhouette in front of me sniffs. "Corpses shouldn't talk."

They never saw it coming. Not really. The blades flashed once more and then they were on the ground. I had never seen anyone move so fast before and I had to admit that my silence was in awe at the speed my saviour had moved rather than in horror at the obvious dead bodies in front of me. I had always been somewhat detached from my feelings at times and I supposed this was one of those moments. It felt like I was seeing those bodies through a TV screen, like they weren't in front of me and were living, breathing _humans_ mere moments ago.

"Tch, they got blood on my blades," my saviour muttered, wiping his blades clean on the kidnappers' shirts before finally turning his eyes on me. I jolted when I noticed his silver eyes in the dim light. "Brat. Can you walk?"

I rubbed my nose with my arm. It was probably unhygienic, covered in dirt and grime, but I was safe and the relief that flooded through me couldn't be expressed through words.

"Thank you," I half-sobbed, hiding my face in my knees. "Thank you so much."

"Can you walk?" he repeated, a twist of annoyance in his voice as he stood over me. His eyes never softened and he never smiled, but I knew that I'd be okay now. I wouldn't be fine, not for a long time, but I'd be okay. I'd _survive_, I'd live another day and that's what the man in front of me had given me.

Hesitantly, I shook my head. "I – I think I sprained my ankle," I answered in a small voice.

"Troublesome," he sighed.

I could hear a _whoosh_ sound that I would later easily recognise as the compressed air being released as the 3DMG is used, but at the time, I thought it was danger and surged forward, clinging onto my saviour and burying my face in his cloak. I could feel his muscles tense under my fingers as I clung to his leg. His hand rose to rest on my head, but I didn't know if it was to tell me everything was fine or push me away. Frankly, it could have been either one. It might have even been both.

"Heichou," a distinctly feminine voice cried. "Are you okay?" I didn't dare shift my face away to see the newcomer.

This time, my saviour pushed me away with shove, causing me to sprawl onto the forest floor once more. "The brat is hurt."

"Ow," I muttered, rubbing away the last traces of my tears. No, I should stop whining. Whining wouldn't get me anywhere. I peered at the newcomer – a woman – from between my fingers. Her ginger hair was not unlike mine, although it was shorter. It was plastered to her skull and as I watched she looked to me. Her amber eyes widened and her lips formed an 'o'. Slowly, as if not to alarm me, she walked towards me before kneeling in front of me.

"Where are you hurt?" she asked kindly. She held out a hand to touch me and I flinched back. They had never laid a hand on me, those monsters, but they might as well have. Plus, my parents had taught me to never talk to strangers. I had a feeling I _knew_ this woman though, although I couldn't quite remember her name. She frowned briefly before seeming to understand. "I'm Petra. What's your name?"

I sniffed, wiping my nose with the back of my hand again. "D-Dani," I mumbled.

"Dani," Petra repeats with a soft smile. "Is it a nickname?"

Petra. That name was certainly familiar. It was as familiar as her face. I just had to place her name and face into the anime. But… it had been eight years since I last watched it. My memory was never very good anyway and I had only ever completed the anime up to episode twenty five. There was a lot I didn't know, only glimpsed from the anime wiki.

Damn, I should have read the manga instead.

I was so absorbed in my thoughts that I almost forgot to answer. I blinked up at the two adults, inhaling sharply. "Danika," I answered quietly. "My – my ankle hurts," I added weakly, remembering her first question. "I can't… really walk."

"Where are your parents?"

An ache developed in my chest, so acute that I was clutching the front of my blouse before I noticed. Tears burned the back of my eyes, but I couldn't cry anymore. "They're gone."

They didn't ask me to elaborate. Maybe it was something in my face or my voice, but I managed to convey what had happened with just two words.

Petra's eyes slid behind me – no doubt to the bodies – before they turned back to me. Her hand rested on my head, stroking my drenched hair away from my face. "I'm sorry," she said quietly.

I hiccupped, rubbing my eye as a tear escaped. I guess I wasn't quite out of tears yet. I was sorry too. Where was I supposed to go now? I had no other relatives, no one to turn to…

"Petra," my saviour said gruffly. "Carry the brat."

"Heichou?"

"We'll bring her back with us. She doesn't have anyone." It stung, having someone else say that. It was one thing to tell myself I was alone, but it was different hearing someone say it so nonchalantly.

"Heichou, are you sure?" Her hand never moved from my head.

"Just do as I say."

"… Yes, Heichou." She turned to me, a strained smile painted across her lips. "Dani-chan, I'm going to carry you now, okay?"

I simply nodded, my eyes drooping. I guess the adrenaline was finally fading now and my exhaustion was catching up with me. I wrapped my arms around Petra's neck and buried my face in the crook of her neck. As she lifted off the ground, the sensation of flying hit my body and I fell asleep.

_**-0-**_

… _**I don't know why I'm doing a self-insert. I am the worst possible person to be in this universe. Why am I doing this. I suck at self-inserts. Maybe. This is my first one. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.**_

_**I'll try not to make Dani look too… bleh. You know, **_**try**_**.**_

_**Yeah, so review or not. No pressure. Hope this was okay?**_


	2. Crash

_**And I thought life was hard enough the first time.**_

_**OC self-insert (because I'm that shameless)**_

_**Writing canon is difficult, yo. Dani is such a difficult character to write. Armin is a difficult character to keep in character. Eren is just difficult. Mikasa is forever awesome.**_

_**Sigh, oh Anna. You will be missed.**_

_**On a side note… CAAAAAAARRRLLLAAAAAAAAAAAA! (I have been thinking that since the first time I watched SnK and forever will think that.)**_

_**Episode one and half of episode two down. I feel somewhat accomplished. –smiley face-**_

_**(I don't feel like I covered much though OTL)**_

_**(I'm on a roll, so I'm updating early. Don't judge me.)**_

_**Nina ******__–_ I have delivered, friend! Hope you like this chapter -heart-

_**-0-**_

I readjusted the groceries in my arms, frowning slightly. There was something about today. Something was going to happen, wasn't it? Ugh, I hate my horrible memory. I knew something important was going to happen today. I just didn't know _what._

I sighed as I looked up at Wall Maria in front of me. After The Event that had taken my parents from me, my saviour had turned out to be _Levi_. Lance Corporal Levi, Humanity's Strongest and in my opinion, the coolest guy in the whole series!

I couldn't believe I hadn't recognised him at first (it would be a little juvenile to mention his height, wouldn't it?), but I guess that must have been the shock. Seeing as he was one of my favourite characters, I should have at least recognised his rough speech pattern. Then again, I'm not good at recognising hints. Odds are, if it weren't spelled out to me, I wouldn't get it.

He had brought me back to their camp where the rest of the Recon Corps were. That's not to say I met them. I was pretty much smuggled in by Petra and Gunther. Then, I was dropped off in an orphanage in Shiganshina, a trip which took a horribly long three months by horse-drawn cart.

Oh, how I missed the convenience of planes and cars.

I have to admit that it was pretty awesome, meeting canon characters for the first time. I had resigned myself to never meeting the characters in the show because, hey, they probably didn't exist, but _Levi_ had saved me and _Petra freaking Ral_ comforted me. I couldn't quite remember why I was so sad when I thought about her, but I was sure it would come to me eventually.

They couldn't keep me with them, of course. They'd be insane, taking an eight-year-old with them on expedition. I mean, come on. Even Levi is lucky to survive an expedition.

Well, no. He also has his mad skills, but fangirling aside, keeping me with them wasn't logical. I didn't exactly _want_ to go with them either. I was painfully aware I had been reborn into a world much more dangerous than the one I had been in before even with all the guns and threats of nuclear warfare. The walls, no matter how suffocating in their vastness, were there for a _reason_. For a century, they had kept the Titans from eating humanity into extinction. Even if we had a couple billion populated within the walls, I was well aware that in my old world, we had much more. Not to mention that we'd soon lose twenty percent of the population after the fall of Shiganshina –

I stopped. That was it, wasn't it? The fall of Shiganshina. It was soon, if not today.

Where had the time gone? My tenth birthday had gone and passed. Ten years in this world and still so much I didn't know. It wasn't like I _had_ the resources to figure anything out, but it's not like I had been trying anyway.

"Dani!"

I turned at the call of my name, but the crush of people coupled with my lack of height (of all the things I could have brought with me from Back Then, it _had_ to be my height) made it almost impossible to spot whoever it was. The voice was familiar though.

"Armin?" I called back, tiptoeing in futile to look over heads. I huffed slightly when I couldn't spot his blonde head. "Armin, where are you?"

"Dani," he exclaimed, clutching me elbow and causing me to jump. Holy crap, he came out of nowhere! "Hi."

"Hey," I wheezed out, nearly choking on my spit from the suddenness of his appearance. "You scared the crap out of me, Min."

"Oh, sorry." He grinned. "I've been calling you, but you only heard me that last time. What are you thinking so hard about?"

I shrugged, smiling back at him. "Stuff," I replied vaguely. "How have you been? I haven't seen you around lately."

Of all the people I hadn't thought I'd befriend, Armin Arlert was definitely near the top of the list (Levi obviously being the first because, hello, _Levi_). Back Then, I definitely admired Armin, but I was aware that we weren't exactly _friend_ material. When I looked at it, our personalities couldn't quite mesh. If anything, I expected them to clash. I guess being in this world changed me more than I thought.

"And you know, Eren was thinking of joining the Recon Corps," Armin said, looking down at his hands.

"Yeah?" Yup, that definitely sounded like the Eren Jaeger in the series. "I don't think Mikasa would like that. Their mom won't either."

"No, they won't," he agreed. "I mean, it's the Recon Corps. It's _dangerous_."

"You'd get to go outside the Walls though. I think that's a pretty big perk." I couldn't help the wistfulness in my voice. I did come from a world where borders weren't really a boundary. There was TV and the internet. I could be in Paris, Rome or even New York and I would never have to leave my room. There was so much space in the walls, true, but… it felt like a cage. Sometimes, I'd look out of the window of the orphanage only to stare at the grey of Wall Maria and I couldn't _breathe_. Going outside the walls, even with the threat of being eaten by Titans, would be worth it, if only to get a taste of that freedom. It's true what they say; you don't know what you have until you don't have it anymore.

I didn't realise Armin had stopped until I had walked a few steps and realised Armin wasn't next to me. I blinked and turned, seeing him looking down at his hands again with a slightly forlorn look. "Armin?" I asked hesitantly. "What's wrong?"

"You're going to join him too, aren't you?" he asked back, his hands clenching into fists. He looked up at me and I could detect the slightest hint of desperation in his blue eyes. "Join the Recon Corps."

I pursed my lips in thought. I couldn't lie; I _had_ thought of enlisting. I didn't want to be cooped up within the walls forever, not when I _knew_ there was a whole world out there waiting to be explored. I also wanted to be stronger and the Recon Corps… that was where the strong are, aren't they? I didn't want to continue being a burden to the orphanage Petra and Levi had left me at either. They still had to look after me for eight more years and the orphanage was spread thin as it was.

Those were all excuses that I had thought up, but I knew those weren't the _real_ reasons. I only had one and it was to prove someone wrong.

_You're weak, Danika. Don't try to pretend you're strong. That would just get you killed._

"Maybe," I said after an elongated pause. "I just – I don't want to stay _here_ forever." I didn't even know if I was referring to Shiganshina or the walls in general.

I watched him as he breathed out a sigh, his shoulders moving with the force of his sigh. "You too," he said quietly. "You're going to leave too."

"Can we not talk about this?" I pleaded. I could feel an argument brewing and the last person I wanted to fight with was Armin. Favourite character aside, he was one of my closest friends in Shiganshina and I don't _want_ to fight with him. "I haven't even really made a choice. Who's to say that I _will_ enlist anyway? I can't really see myself in the military."

"I can."

I startled, staring at Armin with wide eyes. "Really?"

Armin shook his head and nudged me, a grin tugging up the corners of his lips. "Why not? I think you'd look good in the uniform."

He coughed, his cheeks turning pink as he looked away. I looked back down into the two bags of groceries in my hands, my own cheeks probably flooding with colour as well. That was… unexpected.

The bells signalling the opening of the gates tolled and we both stopped. I was itching to go see the return of the Recon Corps, if only just to confirm that Levi was still there. If this really _was_ canon Shingeki no Kyojin, then he'd definitely still be there, wouldn't he? We needed him to keep Eren from falling into the hands of the Military Police, after all. Even if it wasn't, I had enough faith in Levi's abilities to stay alive.

However, I didn't want to leave Armin like that, with the threat of a fight still looming over us. It would just leave me feeling uncomfortable and distracted for the rest of the day and I was absent-minded enough without the added distractions.

"I'm going to – " I made a vague gesture towards the gates. It's not like it was out of my way or anything, but it was definitely out of Armin's way. I would be heading towards the gates anyway; the Saint Maria Orphanage where I lived was only a couple blocks from the gates, after all.

"I'll go with you," Armin said firmly.

"I promise we'll talk about this later," I told him, manoeuvring my arm so I could hold his hand to tug him forward.

It was… disheartening to see the soldiers entering the gates like that. I recalled from my fuzzy memory seeing the same scene through the screen of my phone. This was completely different because they weren't just characters in a show anymore. They were _real people_ and those people parading past in poorly cloaked shame, they were really injured and those bodies were really dead.

My eyes scanned the crowd of people, but I deflated slightly. Levi wasn't among them. I bit my lip, trying to remember if he had left with them all those days ago. I don't think he had…

"Moses, Moses," I heard an elderly woman cry out, bringing me out of my thoughts with a jolt. With a twinge of sympathy, I watched as a slight woman with grey hair stumbled out to one of the Recon Corps members walking. "My son, Moses… I can't find him." She walked up to the man, clutching the front of the man's cloak. "Where is my son?"

I could see the thinly veiled horror on the man's face. I winced in sympathy; it couldn't be easy, telling a mother her son was dead. "It's her," he said in an attempt at an emotionless voice, but I could hear the undercurrent of regret, "Moses's mother. Bring it here."

I flinched back, bumping into Armin when the man next to him with one eye missing turned back to the cart with the dead bodies and unearthed a bundle. I clutched the groceries in my arms closer to my chest, swallowing the bile rising in my throat. My god… that's all they have left of him?

"That was the only part of him we can salvage," I heard the man say. But I wasn't paying attention to his words anymore. No, I was too focused on the grieving mother in front of him, who was beginning to sob.

"But… my son… was useful, right?" I could hear Moses's mother ask between sobs. I didn't want to see the heart-breaking sight of a mother clutching the arm of her dead son. There's nothing worse than seeing a parent mourning the loss of their child. With a shudder, I wondered if my parents from Back Then had to suffer like her. "He might… not have been a hero, but at least he died helping mankind fight back, right?" The end of her monologue sounded like a desperate plea and that was all I could take.

I turned around, shutting my eyes tightly. "Let's go," I said quietly. Armin didn't protest as I elbowed my way out of the crowd. I could hear the soldier's disappointed spiel, but the words didn't register in my head.

We walked silently next to each other through the now empty streets. I blinked away tears that I really had no right to shed. I never knew that Moses person, so it didn't make sense for me to mourn for him. I didn't even have any right to mourn my old life; I had _moved_ on. I couldn't go back, so the only thing I could do was strive forward.

"Do you still want to join?" he asked quietly, shattering the silence between us. "After what we saw?"

I shrugged, not looking at him. "I don't know. I never knew, Armin."

He stopped me with a hand on my elbow. I glanced at him to see his lips thin in determination. "What if that was you? What if all they could salvage of you was an arm? You heard him. They haven't learned _anything_ about the Titans. They're only going out there to get killed!"

I fell silent. "I don't have a mother to cry for me anymore," I said quietly.

"I'd cry for you. Anna would cry for you. Sister Therese would cry for you too. Dani, you still have people who care."

I do. I know I do. I'm not stupid enough to think I was alone. I'm not. I had Armin. I had Anna Campbell, my best friend and roommate at the orphanage. I didn't have my parents anymore, but I had friends and I'd be damned if I didn't know how to appreciate them.

I smiled, trying to lift the melancholic atmosphere that had settled between us. "I know," I assured him. "I told you; I still haven't made a choice. I have two more years before enlistment age. I could still change my mind."

Armin didn't look sure – he knew how I was when I set my mind on something – but let it go. I still didn't know how to tell him that the main reason I wanted to join was to march up to that one person and say _I did it, I made it into the Recon Corps, so I am _not_ weak_. I'll tell him eventually. "Okay."

"So… since you're walking me to the orphanage, are you going to help me unpack the groceries?" I shot him a cheeky grin as he raised an eyebrow.

"Is this why you brought me all the way here?" he teased. "And here I thought you were just enjoying my friendship."

"Friends help each other," I retorted as I pushed the front door open. "Tadaima!"

"Okaeri," a bunch of voices squealed right before my legs were assaulted by miniaturised people. "Nee-chan, nee-chan, you're back!"

"Hey, kids," I laughed, struggling to wade my way to the kitchen with two different children sitting on my feel and another tugging on my skirt. In my old life, I had never been very good around children, but there was something so _comforting_ about being around the other kids at the orphanage. I wasn't quite used to being the elder, but most of the kids (I hated the word _orphan_) here were eight years old or younger. That made me and Anna the oldest here, which was something I wasn't used to. It was… something, learning to be an older sister. I'm just glad the kids weren't as devilish as I always thought children were.

"Nee-chan, is this your boyfriend?" David, a six-year-old with jet black hair and the greenest eyes I had ever seen, asked. I dropped a carrot on my foot with a muffled curse as Armin made a strangled noise, setting the groceries down on the counter.

"No," I replied once I calmed myself down, trying my best not to say it in a way that would be offensive. "We're friends, David. You know, like you and Marissa."

"We're best friends," Marissa piped up from her spot on my right leg, "and we're going to get married!"

"That's great, kiddo," I said weakly. Yeah, that's not really helping my case. "Now, shoo. Armin and I have groceries to put away."

"You'd better take care of my nee-chan," Daniel threatened. He was eight years old and already thought he could take on the whole world. I knew he wanted to enlist when he was old enough so he could join the Military Police and have a good life. I'm not complaining; if he got into the Military Police, he would be safe in Wall Sina, away from the Titans. I couldn't wish for a better future for him.

"Danny. Out." I snorted under my breath, grinning at Armin, who was still a little pink. "Sorry about that."

He shook his head, smiling back. "It's fine. That was cute, how much they cared."

"Yeah. They're… they're like family, you know?"

He fell quiet as he stored the bread in the cabinet I pointed out to him. "You'd have to leave them behind if you joined the Recon Corps."

I sighed, glancing out of the window to where the children were playing. And we were back to that again. "I know."

He looked away from me. "Hey, I'm going to see if I can meet up with Eren and Mikasa. You want to come with?"

"Um…"

You see, the thing is I had been putting off meeting Eren and Mikasa for as long as I've known Armin. Deep down, I'm scared that I might not get along with them. I didn't want Eren and Mikasa, two of Shingeki no Kyojin's most important characters and Armin's two best friends, to _hate _me. That would tear Armin apart and I didn't want to make him choose between us. I'd always want him to choose Eren and Mikasa, even if I had to be alone.

"Come on, Dani. Eren and Mikasa aren't that bad." He frowned at me, lips pursed.

I blew a stray lock of hair out of my face. "I know. I just – what if they don't like me?"

I blinked at him as he laughed. "You're kidding, right? Danika Vale, there's no way Eren and Mikasa wouldn't like you. I mean, Mikasa might be a little stand-offish at first, but she's just really protective."

"Fine," I relented, poking Armin's cheek when he shot me a brilliantly bright grin. "Only because you asked so nicely."

"You guys will get along fine," he reassured me as I put away the last of the groceries and yelled I was going out again.

I wasn't so sure about that, but hey, what could go wrong?

•●•●•●•

"What's wrong, heretic? Why don't you punch me if you want to prove me wrong?"

The blonde, spiky-haired bully pushed Armin against the wall and I heard my best friend grunt in pain. I struggled against the large boy behind me that was keeping me from rushing forward and punching Blondie in the face multiple times.

"Cut it out," I yelled. "You cockalorum!" Man, I've wanted to use that word for _ages_.

"Shut up," the bully snarled at me, blush brightening his cheeks. I didn't doubt he had absolutely no idea what that word meant, which made the insult all the more worse, in his head. Childishly, I stuck my tongue out at him as I kicked my legs in an effort to be released.

"Why would I do that?" Armin said, blue eyes burning. "I won't stoop so low."

"Say that again!" the bully yelled, grip tightening on Armin's collar.

"Invertebrate," I spat. "Why don't you pick on someone your own size? Better yet, why don't you let me go so I can pound your ugly face into the ground!" I wasn't much of a fighter in this life, but I had been somewhat feisty in my old one and I was _sick _of seeing Armin being pushed around. He deserved better than that, damn it.

I was ignored, of course. Well, if they wanted to ignore me, they'll regret it. I stopped struggling, trying my best to figure out a way out of my restraints first. If I pulled my leg back like so…

"You're beating me up because you know I'm right and you can't prove me wrong," Armin pointed out in that calm manner of his. The bully reared back, obviously cowed by Armin's intelligence. I suppressed a snort. Simple-minded town people. "Doesn't that mean you've admitted that you're wrong?"

The bull growled and drew his hand back to hit him. "Enough with your crappy arguments!"

At that moment, I drove my heel back with as much force as I could muster, driving it into the boy's shin. He howled in pain, dropping me onto the ground. I grunted in pain as I hit the dirt, but I grinned to myself in satisfaction when the idiot simply hopped around, cursing me out. That'll teach them to underestimate me.

"Stop!" a voice growled, full of determination and righteous anger.

We turned, watching as a boy around my height with brown hair and turquoise eyes running towards us. I blinked at him, tilting my head in contemplation.

"It's Eren!" one of the bullies whispered snidely, confirming my suspicions. "What a moron. He's back again!"

"Does he want to get his ass handed?" the blonde bully snorted. Okay, I'm a little offended for Eren.

"We'll teach you a lesson," the grey-haired bully sneered.

I stood up a little shakily, wincing at my bruised knee and pushing up my sleeves. If it's a fight they want, it's a fight they'll get. I bent my knees to get ready to jump on one of their backs – probably the chubby idiot who thought it would be fun to hold me back – when their demeanour changed. I could practically _taste_ their fear in the air.

"Mi-Mikasa's with him!" Blondie gasped. "Shit! Run!"

Wait, what?

They rushed past me, accidentally knocking me over and sending me to the ground again. I turned, watching their retreating backs with an amused smile. Man, I'd heard of Mikasa's fighting prowess, but I hadn't thought she was _that_ good. Then again, she wasn't first in the 104th training squad for nothing.

"That was interesting," I commented to Armin as we shared an amused glance.

"Hey, they ran away after seeing me!" Eren said loudly in elation. I squashed down a giggle. Not quite, Eren. Not quite.

"No, they ran away after seeing Mikasa," Armin clarified and the look of dismay on Eren's face managed to coax a chuckle out of my mouth. "Ow."

"Hey, you okay, Armin?" Eren asked, immediately moving to help him up. I couldn't help but smile; it was just so _cute_ to see their bromance unfolding right in front of me.

I saw Armin look at Eren's hand before looking down at the ground. I bit my lip; I hoped he didn't think he was weak. He wasn't, not in my eyes. If anything, he was probably stronger than I was. I talked big, but I was all bark and no bite most of the time. Armin… his words were a lot more powerful than he thought they were. "I can stand up by myself," he muttered. He looked at me. "Maybe you should check on Dani."

Eren and Mikasa turned to me and I blinked up at them at the suddenness before grinning. "I'm fine," I replied immediately, waving their concerned gazes away. I winced as I stood. Ah, my knee was going to be a real pain for the next few days. "Ouch, damn it."

Mikasa's blank stare was a little unsettling, I had to admit. No ten-year-old should look so uncaring. "Are you okay?" she asked, her voice even and almost devoid of all emotion.

I brushed the dirt off my skirt, grinning widely. "Oh, yeah, definitely. It's just my knee. I'll live." Awkwardness descended and I shifted. Come on, Dani, _say_ something. "Ah. I'm Dani. Dani Vale. Nice to meet you." I bowed slightly in greeting.

"Oh, you're Dani," Eren said happily, pulling me into a sudden hug. I flailed, nearly hitting myself in the face. Hugs, I don't mind, but I'm not a fan of sudden hugs, especially with strangers – and Eren _is_ technically a stranger, despite what I already know about him. "We've heard so much about you!"

"You… have?" I asked, my voice muffled in Eren's shoulder. I locked gazes with Mikasa, who seemed slightly shocked (_do people not look her in the eyes or something?_) before she nodded in confirmation. _Armin…_ "Well, I've, uh, heard a lot about the both of you too."

"We're practically friends already, right, Mikasa?" I didn't have to look at Eren's face to know he was grinning.

Mikasa merely eyed me before sighing, "Eren. I think you should let go of her. She's uncomfortable."

I can't read her. I can't tell if she likes me or detests me. Being able to read her is something that would come with time, I'm sure, but would she be willing to give me the time? God, I'd really hate it if Mikasa didn't like me. She was just such a… _role model_, even if she never thought so.

Eren was quick to let me go after that, apologising profusely. I didn't really pay attention to him, instead smiling at Mikasa. "Thanks," I said quietly. I held out a hand. "I hope we can be good friends."

She looked down at my hand for a few moments before slowly taking it. "Me too," she replied. Her lips twitched upward into a small smile and mentally, I patted myself on the back. Thank god I wasn't an awkward penguin and made both of Armin's best friends hate me. Maybe the fates don't hate me that much after all.

•●•●•●•

I let my legs dangle over the water, watching the river roll by as I listened to Armin give a recount of what had happened to us.

"So," he continued, "after telling them that mankind needs to go outside eventually, they beat me, calling me a heretic."

I scoffed, picking up a small stone and tossing it into the river. "Bigoted idiots," I muttered.

"Dammit," Eren swore, picking up a larger rock and throwing it. "We just want to go outside. Why does everyone hate us?"

"Well," Armin said thoughtfully, "it's been peaceful living inside these walls for the past one hundred years."

I nodded, sighing as I swung my legs. "Titans might be let inside when people leave the walls too," I added, "so the King's government banned people from showing interest in the world outside the walls." It's a juvenile way to keep us under control. It's not like you can stop ideas once they're formed. I hate how… small the thinking is in this world.

Eren exhaled sharply through his nose. "We're risking our _own_ lives. No one has the right to do that."

"You can't do that," Mikasa interjected. The three of us looked towards her. My eyes widened slightly in surprise. "No way."

"Mikasa!" Eren exclaimed. "How dare you tell my parents!"

"Tell his parents what?" I asked Armin under my breath, leaning in towards him.

"That he was planning to join the Recon Corps, I guess," Armin muttered, frowning down at the water as he shrugged.

"I don't remember agreeing to help you," Mikasa pointed out, gaze thrown towards the river.

"So how did it go?" Armin questioned.

"Well, they weren't happy about it," Eren sighed.

No, I imagine they weren't. What parent would be okay with their child risking their lives for what seemed like a hopeless cause?

"I figured," Armin sighed. I could feel his gaze on me, so I looked back, raising an eyebrow in question. "Dani wants to join the Recon Corps too."

"Armin," I chided, feeling a blush rise up my neck as Eren and Mikasa look at me in shock. "I didn't tell you that so you could tell the whole world!"

"_You_ want to join the Recon Corps?" Eren asked. I could hear the shock in his voice and huffed.

"Do you have a problem with me joining the Recon Corps?" I said, a twist of annoyance in my voice.

Eren shook his head. "No, that's awesome!"

"Oh." I looked towards Mikasa, whose gaze didn't waver from the blue water. "Mikasa?"

"Why?" she asked simply.

I sighed in thought, shrugging. "There's a whole world out there," I replied, tilting my head up to look at the clouds. "A world a lot bigger than just these three walls. It'd be a shame if I didn't even try to see it."

We fell into silent contemplation for a while. It was nice, sitting with friends and being comfortable with silence.

Armin was the one who broke the silence. "People are crazy for believing these walls will protect us forever. Even though the walls have been intact for the past one hundred years, there's nothing that can guarantee they won't be broken down today…"

_Broken down today_… why do those words ring so loudly in my mind?

_Fall of Shiganshina, Colossal Titan, Clara's death…_

He's right. Armin is _so_ right and he doesn't understand how right he is.

I glanced at him, eyeing his side profile almost sadly. He was in for a lot, wasn't he? He's already lost so much and I only know he's going to lose more. They all were.

Suddenly, there was a bolt of lightning from somewhere beneath the walls. A gasp tore from my throat as I stared, wide-eyed, at the yellow bolt of lightning, the _crack_ deafening in my ears. I clutched the ground as if it was attempting to throw me off, covering my head.

_This is it. This is how it begins._

Fear numbed my limbs and I almost couldn't move, but I had to. If I didn't move, I would _die_ and I refused to leave everything behind again. I wouldn't leave Armin or Eren or Mikasa behind. I want to be there to see Jean grow into a better person, to have a chance to _meet_ the 104th Training Squad. I won't die again before I at least _try_ to make a difference, and I won't die unless I get to see the untouched world lying beyond these walls! Eren's right; I refused to die without a glimpse outside of these cages we called walls.

"Wh-what was that?" Armin asked shakily, helping me up. "Was it an explosion?"

"I – I don't think so," I breathed as we turned to the alleyway where people were running past.

"Over there!"

"Something fell?"

"I'm not sure…"

What were they – Wall Maria! That's what they were talking about, weren't they? If they were talking about the wall… the orphanage!

I ran forward without thinking, Armin following right on my heels. Not the orphanage, _please_ not the orphanage. All the children, Sister Therese, Anna, they're all at the orphanage!

"Oi, Armin, Dani!" Eren yelled, running after us with Mikasa not far behind.

I nearly slammed into the person in front of me as I skidded to a stop. Armin actually _did_ run into me, steadying me with a hand on my elbow so I didn't fall over. He didn't apologise and I didn't care as we looked up at Wall Maria, dumbstruck.

It was one thing to know it was going to happen, to _anticipate_ it, even, but it was a whole other thing to see it right before my eyes. Fear overcame me, my limbs trembling from the force of the emotion. It was easy to think of this moment logically when the danger was far away, but I had seen what Titans could do and to see one that was so huge…

"What happened?" Eren demanded as he ran up to us. "What are you looking at?"

He fell silent as his gaze fell upon the skinless hand sitting atop Wall Maria. I wanted to do something, say something, but I was numb with fear and _oh my god that thing is fucking huge_.

"You're kidding," Armin said, shock saturated in his voice. "That wall is fifty meters high!"

"It's them," Eren breathed. A low keen of desperation escaped my lips when I saw the head. If I thought the hand was terrifying, the sight of the ugly, skinless head of the Titan – _Colossal Titan_ – was enough to almost make me pass out. I felt like hyperventilating as my eyes traced the steam emitted from the side of that _thing's_ mouth. I stumbled backwards, Eren's arms coming up to stop me from falling onto him. "Titans!"

_He's going to kick the gate – !_

No sooner had that thought formed, a loud _boom_ sounded, followed by terrified screams as debris went flying. My breath hitched as rocks landed near us, but I couldn't move. The fear was _immobilising_ and I couldn't even do anything because I was still _too weak_.

"H-he… made a hole in the wall…" Armin stuttered, falling to his knees.

"Oh, no," I moaned, feeling faint. I stiffened, brushing Eren's hands off. No, I wouldn't be weak. I _refuse_ to be proven wrong. I wasn't weak and I was going to prove it even if I had to turn all of humanity upside down to do it!

"We need to get – Eren!" Armin exclaimed when Eren stumbled in the opposite direction of the crowd. In fact, he looked like he was in a daze. I swallowed down a scream; he could be trampled if he wasn't careful!

"My house is over there…" he shouted, but I don't think he really heard Armin. "Mom is…!"

Mikasa was the next to move, knocking into my shoulder as she ran forward.

"Mikasa," I called after her, reaching out a hand to pull her back even though she was already too far. I clutched Armin's sleeve. "Armin, we have to – " I stopped, staring at Armin's trembling arm. "Armin?"

"It's over," he told me in a shaky voice. "The Titans have invaded this town!" There were tears gathering at the corners of his eyes and I didn't know how to make them go away.

I have to admit that I found myself confused for a moment. I guess I forgot that while I knew this was going to happen _eventually_, Armin had never actually thought this was even a possibility. Right here, I was met with the startling revelation that Armin was only _ten_. I mean, I was too, but if you wanted to count years where I felt I was alive, I was technically twenty seven (almost). I was mentally prepared for this – somewhat – and Armin wasn't at all. We had only _just_ brought up the idea that the walls could be breached.

He was beginning to freak out and if I didn't do something now, his logical mind would be gone. We _needed_ him, if only to keep Eren and Mikasa alive. I didn't know Hannes – didn't even remember what he looked like anymore, nor did I get a chance to meet him in this life – but Armin did and it had to be _Armin_ who rescued them. I could never take that away from him. "Armin, snap out of it," I snapped, slapping him. My hand throbbed and I could see the shock and pain in Armin's blue eyes, but they were quickly disappearing, being replaced with calm and logic.

"Ow," he muttered, cupping his reddening cheek. "You didn't have to slap me _that _hard, Dani. I wasn't panicking."

Oh. "Well, I was," I huffed at him before grabbing his hand. "Come on, we have to do something about Eren and Mikasa!" I started to run, pulling Armin along so we were running away from the huge hole in the wall and the hungry Titans that were probably starved for human flesh.

"Eren and Mikasa… we have to find Hannes!" Armin said, taking the lead. I let him, looking over my shoulder to where I knew the orphanage was. Everyone was home… _everyone_. I was the only one who wasn't home. I stumbled over a rock, nearly crashing into Armin and sending him to the ground. "Dani! Are you okay?"

I squashed down the sarcastic _how can anybody be when we're about to be eaten_ for the lighter, "I just… wish the last thing I said to Anna hadn't been 'no bread until you clean our room'." I choked on my words. Oh god, Anna. Why did _that _have to be my last words to her instead of _you're the best friend I've ever had in this life_?

He slowed down once my words sank in. "The orphanage – Dani, I'm so sorry."

I pushed him so we sped up, wiping at my eyes to get rid of the tears. "Forget it," I insisted. "There's nothing I can do. We should go get that guy – Hannes, right? – and save Eren's and Mikasa's butts." I could mourn later. Besides, everyone might _not_ have been home. They might have gone out on a small expedition. Unlikely, but better than thinking everyone was dead.

I slowed down once more, my hand slipping out of Armin's sweaty grip. I didn't want to hope, but there was a flash of Anna's oddly coloured grey hair with some red at the tips. It couldn't be… could it?

"Anna," I whispered, stumbling forward and uncaring of the people knocking me around. There she was, right _there_. "Anna!"

"Dani, come back!" Armin yelled after me. "Dani!"

"Go – go find Hannes," I screamed. "Just go!"

"Danika!"

"Anna, Anna, it's me," I cried, dropping to my knees. My knees stung from the friction, but all I cared about was Anna and the stupid debris that was stopping her from standing up and running away with me. "Goddammit Campbell, get _off_ your lazy ass."

Anna groaned and I almost sobbed in relief when she opened her eyes and shifted. "Vale, your melodious voice grates on my poor eardrums," Anna rasped. "What are you doing?"

"I'm getting you out," I ground out, tugging at the bricks in an attempt to get her out. I _have_ to get her out, I _have to_! I can't lose anyone else, so _please_ don't let me lose anyone else…

Anna's hand rose to mine. I tried to ignore her blood smearing across my skin, but I could feel the wet slide and I had to hold back tears. "You can't do that," he said, her tone oddly gentle in comparison to how she usually speaks. "Go."

"Shut up," I snapped, my voice thick with tears. "I'm getting you out so I can get you your stupid bread."

"The hell you are!" She slapped my hand and I reeled it back, massaging the stinging skin. "Get the fuck out of here right now, Danika Vale or so help me, I will haunt you until the end of your miserable life!"

"Fuck you," I shouted back, pulling on a particularly large brick. "I'm getting you out and we're going to be fine, so just – "

"No, Dani. This is it."

My arms trembled from the effort as tears dripped down my cheeks onto my bloodied hands. I didn't want to believe it, but the logic was staring me in the face. Even if I could miraculously dig her out, could we _really_ outrun a Titan? No, we couldn't. I knew that, knew that even before I went to school.

"I'm sorry," I sniffed, wiping my tears away on the sleeve of my blouse. "I was dumb."

"Yes you were," she agreed weakly. "Good thing you're not dead yet."

"Dani!" I heard Armin exclaimed and turned. "I was worried sick!"

"Dumbass," Anna scoffed. "You made geek boy worry."

"He's not a geek," I replied defensively. "He's my best friend too."

Anna smirked, but I could see the sadness in the curve of her lip. "I know." She turned her eyes to Armin, who had stopped behind me. "You take good care of this idiot, you hear me?"

"Anna, I – " Armin started, only to be cut off.

"Arlert, promise me you'll look after Dani."

"I'll – I'll try."

Anna wheezed out a snort. "Good enough, I guess. Dani, you look after him too."

"Yeah, of course," I answered without hesitation. That had always been my plan since the day we became friends. I suppose that should have been a given, seeing as we had met because I threw rocks at a group of bullies who were bullying him.

"Good," she sighed. "Now, run, idiots! Do you _want_ to be Titan food?"

"You're the best friend I ever had," I confessed.

Anna smiled and patted my palm. "I know. Now go!"

This time, I let Armin pull me away to safety. I looked back again, but I probably shouldn't have. I could see one of those ugly Titans heading towards her and there wasn't anything I could do. I looked away; I didn't need to remember her that way.

I couldn't remember the walk to the boat. Hell, I couldn't even remember meeting Armin's grandfather. The next thing I knew, I was sitting next to Armin on the boat, en route out of Shiganshina. I clutched the bloodied bracelet in my hand, stubbornly stemming my flow of tears. No, I wouldn't cry. Anna would hate that. I've cried enough.

"Armin, sit down," Armin's grandfather calmly said.

"But Eren and Mikasa aren't here yet," Armin protested.

I jerked my head up to look at him. "They're not?" I asked, turning around as well to look for them. I could hear Armin's grandfather sigh slightly as I kneeled on the seat for a better vantage point. I scanned the crowd, letting out a sigh of relief when I spotted Mikasa's red scarf. "There they are," I said, slapping Armin's arm and pointing to them.

"Oh," Armin said and I felt his arm lift in a wave, but he didn't call out to them. "Eren…"

I could see why. You could tell from their faces what had happened, even if you hadn't already known the way I had. Mikasa's saddened stare didn't pull at my heartstrings as much as seeing Eren's blank stare. He didn't even seem like he was aware of anything, so deep in his thoughts was he. I wanted to reach out and hold him, tell him everything was going to be fine, but I knew they weren't. This was only the beginning.

"Now isn't a good time to talk to them," Armin's grandfather advised. "Those poor souls. You can tell what happened by looking at them."

"He's right," I agreed quietly, tugging Armin to sit down next to me. I didn't look up to meet his eyes. "We'll talk to them later, when we get off the boat."

I thought seeing the Titans was bad, but seeing the desperation of humans was in its own league of horrible. I couldn't tear my eyes away as people started lunging for the boats, even when it was obvious they were full to bursting. I hated the ones who couldn't make it and only fell into the water.

I didn't know why, but I suddenly found my attention drawn to the gates once more. Confusion fuddled my senses for a moment until I finally registered it: the sound of abnormally loud footsteps.

_There was… one more, wasn't there?_

Shit, I had forgotten all about the second one. We hadn't just lost Shiganshina; we had lost _Wall Maria_. The only way mankind would be pushed back to Wall Rose was if the gate between Shiganshina and the inner city was breached. For that to happen… there was one more Titan. Only… I couldn't remember what it was. _Damn my failing memory_.

"No," I gasped as Wall Maria crumbled under the force of the new Titan: the Armoured Titan. "The wall… it's – it's – no."

I felt horrible as the world we knew crashed around our ears, and all I could do was clutch onto Armin's arm and try not to cry.


	3. Friendship

_**And I thought life was hard enough the first time.**_

_**OC self-insert (because I'm that shameless)**_

_**I'm on a roll, so I'll be updating often. I am… feeling weird because I'm not used to being so focused on one story before, but I'm inexplicably excited for this story. It's only because I have so much free time now, but I don't think it'll last long.**_

_**Speaking of long, this chapter is another long one, but I swear I haven't covered much. This is about half of episode two, no joke. Actually, it's a little less than episode two.**_

… _**I have no idea why progress is so slow either. -shrugs-**_

_**Either way, enjoy!**_

_**Nina – I have delivered!**_

_**-0-**_

Once the boat started moving towards Wall Rose, I drew away from Armin and curled into myself. I knew Armin didn't need that right now – he needed someone to remind him that there was still good, that this _wasn't_ the end for humanity – but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

It… it really happened. Even after all this time, I held a small candle of hope that Shingeki no Kyojin was _just_ a show. I had been hoping the Armin, Eren and Mikasa being around was just a coincidence. Even Levi… I was hoping it was all just some whacky coincidence. I had managed to fool myself into thinking that the Recon Corps' return and the way the rest of the day had panned out was just a coincidence. Maybe the fall of Shiganshina wouldn't really happen…

I realise now that it was stupid; a child's dream. Even if I wanted to fool myself that I was more experienced at, well, life, I was still so childish in my thoughts. I still needed to _grow up_ and at a much younger age than I had before.

Could I… could I even do that?

My grip on my arms tightened as I buried my face into my knees. The charm of Anna's bracelet cut into my palm, but I couldn't care less. I might have looked like I was crying, but that wasn't an odd sight. Everyone was crying, grieving or halfway to losing their minds.

I thought I could join the Recon Corps, but that was a pipe dream. How could I even _think_ I could be a part of such a dangerous branch of the military? I don't even think I would last the training period.

Those… those things. Titans. They'd eat me. How could I think I could defeat even one? I wasn't strong enough, or smart enough and I'd never get to meet the 104th trainees or be there by Armin's side to see him grow –

I jerked out of my thoughts. What was I thinking? Hadn't I promised Anna I would look after Armin? How could I do that if I didn't get into the Recon Corps? Armin was my _best friend_ and I had made a promise to watch his back.

In my old life, I had made and broken dozens of promises. I had yet to break a promise in this life and I _wouldn't_. Not when I had made a promise to my best friend, my _sister_ on her deathbed, practically.

_Snap out of it, Dani_, I told myself forcefully. It wasn't like me to give up so easily. My parents had never taught me to give up when things seemed difficult and I was my parents' daughter, for the love of god. I would only give up when I was dead, and I would die fighting. There was so much to be done and I hated leaving things before they were done. I won't die (again) before I see the world outside those damned walls.

I straightened, inhaling a deep breath as I wiped away any stray tears that might be lingering on my face. I was pleasantly surprised to find there weren't any; it would have been embarrassing to explain why I had suddenly started crying. I'd have to figure out what I was going to do with the knowledge that I had (which wasn't much, to be honest) and to figure out a way to mentally prepare myself for what would happen in the years to come.

"What's the matter, Eren?" I heard Armin ask, concern colouring his voice. I'll figure that out after I make sure Eren doesn't attempt to drown himself first.

I stood up, turning my head to where I heard Armin's voice and unsteadily made my way towards where Armin and Eren were. I made a surprised noise as Eren shoved Armin's arm off, almost causing the blonde to fall. "Eren?" Armin repeated, sounding a little confused.

I walked up behind Armin. I rocked forward, but didn't move towards Eren. I wanted to reach out and comfort him, but what could I say? Talking about my own experience with losing my parents seem so… tactless. I've never been very good with my words anyway (yet _another_ souvenir from Back Then). I had a feeling if I tried to talk to him now, I'd only piss him off. It was better to let him rant.

"I'm going to kill them all," Eren swore in a harsh voice. I'll admit that I shuddered; no ten-year-old should be filled with so much hatred and vengeance. It wasn't right. Armin startled and I didn't doubt he wasn't used to hearing that tone in Eren's voice. "Not even a single one of them… will be left."

I couldn't stand the look on Eren's face, but I couldn't look away. This was how he became who he was. I couldn't change that. Sure, I could try to head off his suicidal tendencies, but I was one person. What could I do? Eren didn't have to listen to me.

"Eren…" Armin whispered.

I tugged on the back of Armin's shirt and he started, turning to look at me. I shook my head, telling him he shouldn't bother Eren right now. It was best to let Eren stew in his own thoughts. If he didn't rationalise by the time we boarded, then I'll step in. For now, there was nothing any of us could do.

•●•●•●•

The next day, I woke up earlier than the others. I looked over at Armin's, Eren's and Mikasa's sleeping bodies, blearily rubbing my eyes. My body craved for more sleep, but I knew if I went back to sleep, I probably wouldn't get up again until the sun was too high in the sky to do anything useful.

I sighed. I hated that they had to go through this. Life was _fine_ before those stupid abnormal Titans attacked. The walls might have been cages, but at least they were keeping us alive.

I drew my knees up to my chest and just spent a few minutes watching over them, like some guardian angel.

I suppressed a snort. I'm no guardian angel, but I wanted to protect these three _so_ badly. They didn't deserve what was coming, especially Eren. I didn't know why I felt so bad for Eren. If anything, he was the one most likely to survive this whole thing. I… I didn't need to worry about him so much, I guess. After all, he had Mikasa and Armin to watch him. In turn, I'd watch them.

No matter how much I told myself I wouldn't have to worry about Eren, I had a feeling he was going to my biggest worry for as long as I knew him. Eren Jaeger was just such a worrisome kid.

I had to figure out what I was going to do next. No, first, I should figure out what I already knew.

It wasn't easy digging deep into my memory for something that wasn't even a huge part of my life. I didn't even know much about it in the first place.

I knew Mikasa, Eren and Armin would end up in the Recon Corps. That was a start. I had to make sure I joined them. A lot of that involved working hard so that I was at least up to their level. I gave a mental sigh, moaning about how much effort I'd have to put in if I wanted to at least make it to Armin's level. I'd never be as good as him tactics-wise, but I was pretty sure I could at least match him for intelligence in general. So maybe I wasn't a _genius_, but I wasn't an idiot. I could even say without much embarrassment that I was smart.

I could be idealistic and try to change things, but I'll leave the idealism to Eren. The important was to stay alive and to keep Armin and Mikasa alive. I wish I could change a lot more, but I should be realistic. I was one girl. What could I hope to change?

There was Marco. I could always try to save him.

I shook my head. Marco was in the top ten. He was much better than I was, I don't doubt. What could I add to him that could possibly save his life? I could never make it into the top ten.

No, I shouldn't think like that. I could… but the possibility wasn't very high. Besides, it didn't matter if I made it into the top ten. My goal was to get into the Recon Corps. I didn't need to be in the top ten to do that. Even if I _did_ make it into the top ten, I'd just be stealing a spot into the Military Police that someone else might want.

Marco… of all the things I remembered, it had to be him. I don't know why he affected me so. To be honest, I didn't think I had paid much attention to him while I was watching the show. I obviously had, if I could still remember him after all this time. I just… he didn't deserve to die. He could have made such a difference.

Well, I didn't know that. There was a lot I didn't know. Everything I knew about what would happen in the future was enough to fit in the palm of my hand.

I needed to focus on the near future. 104th Training Squad, the Battle of Trost, the Female Titan… Annie Leonheart.

I threaded my fingers through my hair, messing it up in frustration. Those were too big for me to change. I couldn't possibly change Annie's mind about… about… what had she done?

_Fifty-seventh expedition…_

Squad Levi. Shit. That was it. She… she killed them, didn't she? Just to get Eren. If I could change her mind –

No, I don't think I could. It's difficult to change belief and I wasn't good enough with my words to think I could change Annie's mind.

There was too much I couldn't change… maybe I shouldn't focus on changing anything at all. I should just focus on staying alive and protecting Armin and Mikasa (and probably Eren too, even if he rejects my help) with whatever resources I had available.

"You're up early."

I blinked out of my stupor, looking over at Armin's grandfather who had just woken up.

"Oh, good morning," I said, clearing my throat a little to get rid of the sleep. "Why are you up this early, sir?" I glanced out of the food reserves where we were currently using as lodging. I noticed that the sun was just beginning to rise, it's golden rays not yet touching the building.

He chuckled. "I was going to start queuing for rations," he explained, slowly getting up. "Figured it might get a little crazy if I waited. You should get some more sleep."

"Oh."

"Penny for your thoughts?" Armin's grandfather asked as he placed his hat on his head, smiling down kindly at me. I blinked up at him. In this life, I had never had the chance to meet my grandparents. Both Mom's and Dad's parents had passed away before I was born. It was… nice, knowing there was a grandparent looking out for you. I sort of envy Armin for that.

"I just – " I cut myself off. There was no way I could explain what I was thinking without sounding insane. After all, who believed in previous lives in this time? The only religion that was around was the religion involving the walls and nothing else. If there were, there weren't any in Shiganshina or Karenese. I shrugged. "Everything's changing."

"That's true. If you think about the future, it sounds scary." Oh, he had no idea just _how_ scary. "That's why you have to take everything one step at a time."

"One step at a time…?" I repeated, frowning in thought.

"That's right," he said, nodding. "For now, live day by day. It's good to think of the future, but don't think too far. After all, you'll never know which day is your last." He ended his statement with a wink and a ruffle of my hair – a lot like how Dad used to ruffle my hair – before shuffling off.

I blinked at his retreating back, watching as he pushed the door open and shuffled out. It made… so much sense! Why should I worry about things that were out of my hands _now_? If we followed canon Shingeki no Kyojin, the problem would still be there in a few years. Heck, I still had _years_ to figure out what could be done. I didn't need to panic about it now. All I had to worry about today was… rations. Yeah, rations.

I stood up, brushing dust off my skirt and readjusting my vest. Maybe I could accompany Armin's grandfather or just walk around and try to figure out where we are. I assume we're in Trost, but it doesn't hurt to clarify –

"Oof," I grunted as I tripped over someone's legs. Right, I brought my coordination from Back Then too. In fact, I think it's gotten worse.

"Wha – Dani?" Armin asked groggily, sitting up.

I winced, getting up again and grinning apologetically at him. "Sorry," I apologised, only to cough on a giggle when I noticed Armin's bedhead. "Nice hair."

Armin's hand shot up to his hair and I snorted. _Cute_. It's stuff like this they didn't show in the anime that I personally think is a shame. He attempted to smooth his hair as he asked, "What are you doing up? It's still early."

"Ah. I was going to go outside. Gather gossip and see what's going on."

He looked around. "Where's Grandpa?"

"He went out to get rations," I replied, tugging on a stray lock of hair and wondering if I should tie my hair.

"Oh." He started to stand up and I put a hand on his arm. I couldn't help but feel a little concerned. We had just had our _whole world _destroyed in front of us. I just wanted to keep Armin from that horrible word for as long as I could.

"Maybe you should get some more sleep," I suggested. "I mean, we might be transported to a different district, so we'll need the energy to – "

"I know what you're trying to do, Dani," he sighed, patting my hand. "I don't need you to protect me."

If it was anyone else, I would have been shocked, but this was Armin. He knew what I was thinking even before _I_ knew what I was thinking, half the time. He would most likely be one of humanity's greatest tacticians. Besides what I knew he would be, he was also my genius best friend.

I smiled, ruffling his hair. He still looked pale, but he was right. He didn't need me to protect him. Not from this. I'll have a lot of chances to protect him in the future. "Okay." I stood up, looking out the slit at the top of the food reserves. The sun was struggling to make its way past the wall, faint rays starting to shine. "Well, off we go. Much to see, much to do."

Armin laughed a little and I hadn't realised how much I was worried I wouldn't hear it again. I never wanted him to stop smiling and laughing. He was still _ten_ and he deserved a childhood. I knew he wouldn't get one and that made me sad. "I don't think there's much we can do," he pointed out. "I was just going to look for Grandpa."

I pulled him up and we walked towards the door. "You do that. I'm going to look busy."

He rolled his eyes, linking his arm with mine as we pushed the door open. "You _always_ look busy."

"Well, I'm good at fooling the whole world then."

My grin slid off my face as I took in the scene before me. It was… crowded. No, that wasn't the right term. Crowded meant that an area was simply full of people. This wasn't just _full of people_. It was _overflowing_.

They didn't have enough space for all these people. That much was obvious. I could see why they did what they did… but it still didn't make it right.

"That's a lot of people," Armin commented weakly. I glanced at him in concern. He was sounding a little faint and oh, I couldn't help but think of Armin as a precious little brother that I had to look after. "It'll be a little difficult finding Grandpa."

"Just look for his hat," I suggested brightly.

Armin glanced at me with an amused smile. "Please don't."

There goes my lame attempt to lighten the mood. "Sorry." I poked his cheek. "You're still smiling though." I scanned the crowd and ended up finding his Grandpa from his hat anyway. "Hey, there's your grandpa."

"Where are you going?" he asked, tightening his grip on my arm when I tried to pull away. _Only ten._ I recognised that he was holding onto me for a familiar face. In a way, I guess I was a security blanket. I had never had one of those in my old life, nor in this one, but I understood.

"I told you," I said gently. "To look busy." I ruffled his hair again. "I'm going to see if I can hear anything from the soldiers. I'll look for you when you're done, okay?"

I could see him slowly relaxing his grip. I didn't know what was going on in his head, but I could guess. Maybe he was just reminding himself I was still here, that I wasn't gone. I understood because I felt the same. I wanted to keep him by my side just to be sure that Armin wasn't taken away from me (_like Anna_), but I had to be independent from him as well.

"Okay," he said quietly and I left with a wave.

•●•●•●•

Well, that was… useless. I didn't anything that I hadn't already speculated.

The food shortage was expected. We were already lacking in food before the attack on Wall Maria and this was just making it worse. There were so many times when I had to clench my fists and force myself not to throw a brick at the soldiers.

They sounded so _condescending_, but they had never seen what we had. I bet they had never even _seen_ a Titan before, let alone seen someone be eaten. They talked about us refugees like we didn't deserve to be here – like we deserved to _die_ out there. Whoever thought that having a common enemy would unite humanity was proven wrong in a horrendous way. We'd always find enemies among each other, wouldn't we?

I sighed, clapping my hands free from grime as I jumped down from the roof into the hay below. I had spotted Armin heading towards Eren and Mikasa (oh, sleepy head's finally up) with the rations and I was sick of hearing those shams of soldiers spitting derogatory comments towards people who have been through hell and back. If I didn't leave, I'd probably spit on them or something.

Now that I think about it, it wouldn't have been a bad idea…

No. Impulsiveness is not a good thing here. It could get me killed, or at the current moment, in trouble.

Armin turned when he heard my footsteps, smiling slightly. "Did you find anything interesting?" he asked, handing me a roll of bread.

I didn't bite into it, instead turning it in my hands as I sighed heavily. "Nothing I haven't already speculated," I answered, my lips twisting into a frown. "I definitely _heard_ interesting things, but I won't repeat them because I might actually punch a soldier."

He winced. "That bad, huh?"

I shook my head. "I never get sick of hearing soldiers talk down on us people from the outskirts," I said, sarcasm dripping off my words.

"Hey, stop cutting the line!"

Armin and I stopped, peering curiously in the direction of the voice. My eyebrows creased as I took in the sight of two men fighting over a place in line. Well, it's good to know people haven't really changed, even if I'm in a whole different world.

"Shut up!" the other – and younger – man snarled back, gripping the other man's collar and tugging. "I haven't eaten anything since yesterday!"

Armin shook his head this time. "This isn't doing anything but prove them right," he muttered.

I pat his back in sympathy, steering him to where I could see Mikasa and Eren talking – well, Mikasa talking and Eren listening distractedly.

"Eren! Mikasa!" Armin called, attracting their attention. I gave both of them a wave and a small smile as I walked behind Armin at a more leisurely pace. I couldn't help but peer into the line nearest to the food reserves. I thought I had seen a somewhat familiar face…

"Armin? Dani?" Eren said, still sounding a little out of it.

"Look, I made it!" Armin said with some forced cheer, gesturing to the bread rolls in his arms. "Grandpa got these for us kids!"

He handed Mikasa her bread roll, nodding at her 'thanks' before passing Eren his. He looked up, but he wasn't looking at Armin. Instead, he was looking somewhere behind me and I turned, glaring slightly at the soldier who huffed slightly under his breath and glowered at us with a look of disdain.

"What's the matter with him?" Eren asked, eyebrows drawing together in confusion.

"There's probably not enough food for everyone," I answered, sticking my tongue at the soldier's retreating back. I turned back to Eren and shrugged. I waved my own bread roll and added, "This is an entire day's worth of food."

"There are just too many refugees," Armin continued when I pinched off a bit of my bread and chewed on it. "There's always been a food shortage, and you know how people always look down on those who live in the outskirts."

"Why do we have to give our food to outsiders?" I turned, noticing that our soldier friend was complaining to a fellow soldier. "I mean the Titans broke through the wall anyway. They should've eaten more of them."

I lifted my arm to throw my bread at the jerk – I don't care if this _is_ my ration for the whole day – but Armin's arm shot out to stop me. I'll thank his foresight later, but for now I really want to hurt that no good –

Eren walked past with an enraged look on his face, dislodging Armin's hand from my arm. "Eren!" Armin cried as I grabbed for Eren's sleeve, only to miss, my fingers grazing the fabric of his shirt.

Oh no. He's going to cause trouble and get hurt!

"This will just make the food shortage worse," that disgrace of a soldier continued, unaware of Eren stalking towards him. He grunted in pain when Eren kicked him. I gaped at the scene. Armin, Mikasa and I couldn't move, totally shocked. I can't _believe_ Eren actually had the balls to kick a soldier!

"What the hell are you doing, you brat?" the soldier bellowed, drawing his hand back and striking Eren. I made a surprised noise in the back of my throat, moving forward to _do something_. I couldn't just stand there and watch Eren get beat up! The other soldier kicked Eren, sending him to the ground. I growled under my breath, elbowing those in my way so I could get to him. It was despicable, two _soldiers_ ganging up on a kid.

"You don't know what you're talking about," Eren shouted. "You've never seen it happen with your own eyes! How the Titans eat people…" I finally reached a break in the crowd and say Eren looking up at them from the ground, tears welling in his eyes.

"Shut up," the soldier roared, stepping forward and I shot out of the crowd, almost tripping over Eren's legs and bumping into Armin as we stood in front of Eren with our arms outstretched.

I opened my mouth to spit a few choice insults, but Armin beat me to it. "We're sorry," he cried. I could hear an undertone of fear in his voice. "He's just ticked off because he's hungry."

I shot Armin a sharp glance, but he stepped on my toe. It wasn't enough to injure, but it made his message loud and clear: play along so we won't get in trouble.

I didn't like the way they talked about us, but I trusted Armin's judgement. This time, I'll bite my tongue. That didn't mean I had to like it.

"That's why he's acting like a brat," Armin finished somewhat sheepishly. "We're really sorry!"

Armin bowed, which I thought was a bit excessive. I was going to tug on his sleeve so we could leave when I felt his hand at the small of my back, applying slight pressure. He's not _seriously_ suggesting I bow too – !

The pressure was insistent and I sighed under my breath, acquiescing. It wasn't a good idea to antagonise anyone needlessly. If that meant setting aside my pride so that Eren wouldn't get beat up, so be it. I _had _made a silent promise myself to look after all three of them.

"Sorry," I muttered, hoping I sounded sincere enough.

"Whatever," the soldier scoffed, dismissing us immediately. "You would've been dead without us. You kids should learn to be more grateful!"

I waited until that bastard walked away before straightening and muttering under my breath, "We would have been just fine without you." A lot of lip he has considering he hasn't even seen half the horrors we have.

"Yes, sir!" Armin called out. I huffed, turning around to see how Eren was.

"Are you okay?" I asked him, holding out a hand so I could pull him up.

"Dammit…" Eren said, looking at my hand before gingerly placing his hand in mine. "I'd rather die than leech off people like him."

"Don't talk that way," I chided lightly, pulling him up. "Even this is better than death." I looked down at his hand in surprise. "What happened to your hand?"

In the blink of an eye, his hand was out of my grasp. I looked up at him, but Eren wasn't meeting my eyes.

"Forget it," he said, walking past me and knocking against my shoulder.

"Huh?" I turned my gaze to Mikasa, but she didn't meet my eyes either.

"Don't ask," Mikasa said, following after him. I bit my lip, mentally beating myself up. Idiot, that probably had something to do with his mom.

There I go, putting my foot in my mouth again.

•●•●•●•

I chewed on the last piece I had saved for breakfast, placing the rest of my bread in my pocket. I glanced at Eren, sitting next to me. He still wasn't really looking at me, his gaze settled on his injured hand.

"I'll be back inside Wall Maria and kill off all the Titans," Eren said in a low voice.

I shared a concerned look with Armin, chewing on my bottom lip.

"Eren," Armin said in a gentle voice, "you're not serious, right?"

Even I had to admit that it sounded like a suicidal plan. It didn't even sound possible!

"I've never been more serious!" Eren stood up, getting into Armin's face. I straightened as well, keeping a grip on Eren's upper arm. It's not that I thought he was going to attack Armin or anything, but we didn't need him to get riled up and cause a scene. "I'm not like _those people_ who only act tough when protected by the wall!"

He picked up his bread roll and I could predict what he was going to do. He tossed it, swearing, "I don't need this crap!"

I immediately let go of his arm to hit the back of his head. Next to me, I felt Mikasa flinch slightly.

"Don't be stupid," I reprimanded. "How are you going to get rid of the Titans if you don't nourish yourself?"

Eren stared at me in shock before scowling, rubbing the back of his head. "Why do you care?"

"Because I'm your friend."

It might have been a little premature to say that, but it didn't seem wrong. Eren looked like he wanted to protest, but only kept quiet, looking away from me, his fists clenched.

Armin looked down at Eren's bread roll that he had managed to catch in shock before looking up at Eren. "Eren, what are you doing?" he asked incredulously.

"Doesn't it piss you off?" Eren demanded. "We can't do _anything_ against the Titans because we live off of such pity!"

"It's impossible," Armin countered, eyes wide with worry. "Nothing can defeat them." _I don't want you to waste your life on something so pointless._ "Our only choice is to live inside the walls. If you do anything rash, you'll die the same way my parents did!"

"So that's why you're sucking up to those people? Do you have no _shame_?"

Armin was pretty even-tempered, but sometimes people forgot that Armin had a temper too. I could see his temper threatening to flare, but he kept it reigned in. He had a hold over his anger that I honestly admired. If I held in my anger like that, I would have exploded. As it is, I'm glad that I have a long fuse. Seeing me angry was _not_ a pretty sight.

"That's all we can do right now!" Armin pointed out through slightly gritted teeth.

"That's just an excuse," Eren yelled. I could tell he was getting angrier. If Mikasa or I didn't step in, I didn't doubt that they'd end up in a fight. I glanced at Mikasa, who finally met my eyes. Her facial expression didn't change, but I could detect the uneasiness swirling in her eyes. "Just continue living like livestock, you weak piece of shit!"

My breath hitched, the edges of my vision turning red as I clenched my fists. I knew Eren was frustrated. I _knew_, but I still wanted to hit him for what he said to my best friend. Armin was _his_ best friend too, so how could he _say that_?

Thankfully, Mikasa hit him before I did, rushing past me and landing a hard punch on Eren's cheek that had him flying. Eren fell to the ground for the second time that day. I took in a deep breath to calm the trembling in my limbs, whispering _thank you_ to Mikasa under my breath. She glanced at me, inclining her head minutely in acknowledgement.

"Mikasa?" Armin murmured in quiet shock.

The three of us turned to Eren, who still hadn't stood up. I was somewhat glad, because if he had, I would have punched him. He… Armin's best friend or not, I would have hurt him. Armin _didn't_ deserve to have those words thrown at him, especially not by Eren.

"If Armin's weak," Mikasa began evenly, "then are you and I. So is Dani." I started, not expecting to be included in the conversation, even mentioned off-handedly like that. "We couldn't even escape the Titans or leave the city by ourselves. Even the food we eat is from someone else. There's absolutely no chance of us weaklings taking down even one Titan."

Well, not the way we were, no. We could enlist and train. We would be able to take them down then. I knew we would. Eren's eyes widened slightly before he looked away. It was obvious he didn't like what Mikasa was saying, but it needed to be said.

"What's important is staying alive," Mikasa continued, "just as your mother said."

Mikasa walked towards Eren, snatching the bread roll out of Armin's hand. She then proceeded to stuff it into Eren's mouth.

"Mikasa?" Armin said, not knowing whether he should stop her or not. Personally, I feel bad for not knowing whether I should laugh or protest that Mikasa might be choking Eren unintentionally.

"Eat," Mikasa said. I wasn't sure if the boys could hear the quiet – almost silent desperation in Mikasa's voice. "Eat and stay alive. I won't let you starve to death."

Tears gathered in Eren's greenish-blue eyes, but I didn't know if it was from Mikasa shoving the bread in his mouth or something else entirely. He let his eyes slide shut, the tears flowing down his cheeks.

This… was the extent of Mikasa's love for Eren, wasn't it? I never thought it would affect me so, seeing it unfold right in front of my eyes like this. It made me long for a sibling, but there was no use lamenting something I had no chance of having. My eyes caught Armin's blue pair and I smiled. What did I need a sibling for? I had Armin; that was enough for me. I'd have Eren and Mikasa as my friends too, if they didn't, you know, hate me.

•●•●•●•

I jumped when I heard shuffling behind me, letting out a sigh of relief when I noticed it was just Eren. I smiled softly, waving at him. He paused before shuffling forward, no doubt a little hesitant about approaching me after what happened. I patted the area next to me, looking out at the square. It was still filled with people, but they were all asleep. There wasn't quite enough space in the food reserves for all of the refugees, so some of them had to sleep outside. I guess it's a small comfort that there aren't any children sleeping outside.

He sat down next to me, but didn't say a word. I didn't feel like breaking the silence, choosing to look up at the moon for a while. There was so much I wanted to say, but I didn't know how to word it in a way that didn't sound harsh or insensitive.

I rested my chin on my knee, humming a song under my breath. It was one Mom had loved to sing around the house. I had forgotten most of the words, but I could never forget the tune.

"That's a nice song," Eren commented quietly.

"Thanks. My… mom used to sing it all the time." I winced. I didn't want to remind him about his mom. It was different, me talking about my parents and him talking about his mom. I was used to talking about them like they weren't around, but for him, the wound was still fresh.

"Oh." He didn't say anything for a while. I was afraid he was going to leave, but then he asked, "Why are you still up?"

I ran a hand through my unruly curls, trying to smooth out where they were mussed from when I slept on them. "I had a nightmare," I replied, flicking a small rock from the ledge. It didn't feel very comfortable, talking where we had been fighting earlier this afternoon, but it was the best vantage point for… well, everything. It helped me remember what I was striving to fight for. You know, keep things into perspective. "What about you?"

I rested my cheek on my knees, looking up at his side profile. He stared out at the square before shrugging, glancing at me. "I don't know."

I straightened when I caught the shimmer on his cheeks. "Eren, have you been crying?"

He blinked at me, wiping at his cheeks. "Huh. That keeps happening." He scrubbed at his cheeks a little harder and I placed a hand on his wrist. I didn't want him to scrub his cheeks raw. "How do you do it?" he asked, sounding a little desperate.

"How do I do what?"

"Live. After… what happened."

I drew my hand away, tilting my head as I thought. I guess this was his way of trying to talk about his mom. To be honest, I had been wondering how to breach the topic, but he beat me to it.

I lifted a shoulder in a shrug, looking back up at the moon. I squinted up at it, saying, "I just do. I do it because that's what they would have wanted. I mean, they died so I'd live, so it'd be a really poor way to repay their sacrifice if I didn't move on, you know?" I glanced back at him, my eyes lingering on the bruise on his cheekbone. "Mikasa meant well."

He laughs a little humourlessly. "I figured." There was a slight pause before he added, "I shouldn't have said those things to Armin."

No duh. "Why do you think Mikasa hit you?"

He glanced at me, nudging me with his shoulder as the corner of his lips lifted in a small grin. "Maybe so _you_ wouldn't." He sighed. "I'm sorry."

"I'm not the one you should be apologising to," I pointed out. If I find out he still hasn't apologised to Armin even though the poor boy deserved it, I'm going to hit Eren's other cheek. At least that way, he'd be even.

He laughed again and this time it didn't sound so dark. It sounded more carefree – a child's laugh. "I already apologised to Armin, so please don't hit me."

I nodded sharply. "Good." I poked his shoulder. "Armin's my best friend, so if you hurt him, I hurt you back."

"Armin's my best friend too," Eren protested, trying to stop my poke assault on his shoulders. "Dani. Dani, cut it out!" The bark of laughter he let out came as much of a surprise to him as it did to me.

I stopped poking him, a small smile settling across my lips. "You sound so much better when you laugh."

"Yeah, well, I don't think I'll have a lot of chances to laugh," he sighed.

I frowned. That was such a pessimistic way to look at things. I mean, our future wasn't full of rainbows and unicorns, but we wouldn't be able to face it if we kept thinking like that. So I did the only thing I could think of doing: I slapped his forehead.

"What gives?" he exclaimed, rubbing the red handprint on his forehead. I lunged forward, covering his mouth with my hand.

"Not so loud, you human cannon of sound," I hissed when one of the refugees stirred in their sleep.

"Why did you hit me then?" he demanded, hitting my shoulder.

"Don't be so pessimistic," I huffed. "I can't breathe with your gloomy thoughts around."

He stuck his tongue out at me. In retaliation, I stuck mine out at him. I know, we're so mature. I snorted, causing Eren to snort out a laugh too. I elbowed him lightly.

"Hey," I said softly, "I know it's not going to be easy, but we've got to keep our chins up. You know, stay confident and not be too… depressing. It's hard to live when you never see the sun."

"But we can always see the sun in the day – "

Oi vey, this boy is so dense. I elbowed him again, this time a little harder. "It's a _metaphor_, Eren. Do you know what a metaphor is?"

He scowled, pushing me hard enough to make me teeter. "Yes, I do. I'm not stupid."

"Could've fooled me," I muttered under my breath. He poked my side, which was very sensitive. I had to cover my squeal behind my hands so I wouldn't wake anyone. I glared at his smirking face, wrinkling my nose in displeasure. "Look, just… don't be so depressing."

His smirk melted into a grin. "You said that before."

I opened my mouth to retort, but all that came out was a huge yawn. I hadn't realised how tired I was until now. My lids were feeling heavy as I rubbed them. "I'd retort," I began, "but I'm tired." As I noticed Eren yawning wide enough for me to be able to see his tongue, I added, "Bed time for both of us, I think."

"I would disagree… but I can't even see straight."

We shared a snort, making our way back to our designated spots on the floor. Before we entered the food reserves, I put a hand on his arm, stopping his from walking in.

"What is it, Dani? I'm tired," he whined. "I thought we were done – "

"It'll get better," I interrupted quietly. "I'm not promising you'll be okay anytime soon, or even if you'll ever be okay, but I _can_ promise that things probably aren't as bad as you think they are. We're weak… but we're strong, too." I exhaled sharply; I wished I knew how to convey what I wanted to say. "Sometimes… there'll be days when it looks bad, but you just have to remember that you're not alone. You have Mikasa and you have Armin… and you have me too. You don't – you're not alone."

Eren was quiet for a moment before he chuckled. "I don't really understand what you're saying and I'm not sure if I'm just that tired or if you're the one who's not making sense."

I rubbed my eyes, laughing a little tiredly myself. "I think I'm not making sense. Maybe I'll make more sense in the morning." I turned to look at him, our eyes meeting, grey against green. "So, friends?"

I held out a hand. Eren smirked, taking my hand in his and shaking once. "Friends," he agreed. "Now, sleep."

"Sleep," I repeated sleepily.

As I tried not to trip over sleeping bodies, I couldn't help but think _mission accomplished_. I mean, I'm finally friends with my best friend's best friend and it only took me a couple of years and a few hits exchanged.


	4. Growing

_**And I thought life was hard enough the first time.**_

_**OC self-insert (because I'm that shameless)**_

_**I get so tired thinking about how I need to make everything in chronological order without making this story boring. You know, a good tired. Awesome tired. ******__Finally finished the last bit of episode two and first half of episode three -insert victory sign here-_  


_**WHO IS THIS MYSTERIOUS NII-CHAN I WONDER HMMMMMMM**_

_**I got ten reviews? I'm so touched I don't even know what to say. I'm incoherent and just – ARIGATOU GOZAIMAS (or something like that). So many thanks to you awesome people -crying-**_

_**Nina – Who you calling marvellous and awesome, you precious cutie patootie? Are you going to review every chapter, because if you are I'll let you know that you're stroking my ego too much calm down girl. I'm so glad you love Dani because frankly, I love her too.**_

_**bggirl – Aw, that's sweet! I don't really think I could consider this one of the best though…**_

_**-0-**_

It's funny how time passed.

It felt like just yesterday our lives were crashing down around us. Now, the Central Government was planning on launching the biggest campaign since planting mobile cannons on top of the walls.

I blinked up at the roof. One year and we were still living in the food reserves, not that I could complain. At least we _had_ a roof over our heads. There wasn't much I could complain about anymore.

I felt a nudge to my side, accompanied by a whispered, "Dani?"

I rubbed my eyes, turning my head so I was facing Armin. "Yeah?"

"Oh, you're awake."

I turned on my side so I could look at him without hurting my neck. My muscles protested – it was a hard day of work yesterday – as I moved. "You want to talk?" I inquired, even though I didn't need to. I could tell from the look on his face that something was troubling him and he needed to get it out.

"Today's the day," he whispered. "They're going to try and retake Wall Maria." He paused, gathering his thoughts. I could see unease swirl in his blue eyes. "Do you think it'll work?"

I hummed thoughtfully. I didn't _have _to think, of course. I already knew. I knew that the whole campaign would be a huge failure; that the only reason the Central Government was doing this was to reduce the population in order to overcome the food shortage. I _knew_ all this… but I couldn't say that to Armin. His _grandfather_ was participating in this sham.

"Maybe," I replied after some thought. I ruffled his hair. "We won't know until they come back, right?"

"Right," he agreed reluctantly, sitting up. He looked around the food reserves, emptier than it was the morning before. "We should go if we want to catch them."

I smiled softly and maybe a little sadly too. "Right behind you."

My hands clenched in my skirt as I watched Armin walk away from me. I _knew_ he was going to lose his grandfather in this expedition, but I couldn't say anything. Even if I had wanted to, I wouldn't have been able to change this.

I tried. Believe me, I tried. I had talked to Armin's grandfather, pleaded he not volunteer for this, but he had just told me I was worrying too much. I wondered if he knew – if he was like me – but Armin's grandfather had never made any allusion to Back Then. Maybe I was just too desperate in looking for a kindred spirit.

I ran a hand through my hair, heaving a deep sigh. I didn't want to see this, but Armin's grandfather had been taking care of me too for the past year. If anything, I wanted to see him one last time while giving Armin moral support.

"Ah, Danika, I see you're seeing me off as well," Armin's grandfather chortled, hand lifting to ruffle my hair. My nose wrinkled, but I was just glad I hadn't decided to tie it up.

"Of course, sir," I replied, smiling faintly. It sucked, knowing what was going to happen and not being able to do a _single thing_ to stop it. "Stay safe."

Armin's grandfather looked sadly at Armin, who was looking down at the ground. I watched as he took the hat that was perpetually on his head and pressed it onto Armin's head.

"Take good care of it," he said, "and take care of each other." With that, he turned, joining the troops of refugees that would attempt to retake Wall Maria (and who would fail with nothing to show for it).

We stood there long after the last person was a speck in the distance. Silently, I took Armin's hand and led him back inside, biting my bottom lip to stop myself from crying.

After all, how could I tell my best friend his grandfather – his last family member – was never coming back?

•●•●•●•

I had been loitering near the gate with Mikasa, the two of us keeping a silent vigil. It wasn't awkward or anything, but it was certainly tense. I wasn't sure if it was because we had been waiting for news for three weeks or because of our relationship, which sometimes seemed like it was barely there.

The bells tolled and I immediately stood up from where I had been sitting. I shared a tense look with Mikasa before we strode forward, trying to look over the crowd that had gathered. I was about to brave the crowd when Mikasa grabbed my arm.

"Over there," she said, pointing at a couple of crates that should be sturdy enough to hold our weight. I let her pull me towards the crates reluctantly.

Now that they were back… I didn't want to see them. I didn't want to see the two hundred and fifty thousand refugees reduced to a mere one hundred. It was bad enough that I _knew_ this was going to happen, but it was even worse seeing it in front of my eyes. That's how most things went, didn't they? Out of sight, out of mind; if it wasn't in front of me, I didn't have to believe it.

I took a deep breath as I stepped onto the crate, trying to prepare myself for the sight I was about to see.

Mikasa's grip on my arm tightened as we watched the survivors trudge into the walls. They looked… horrible. Some of them were missing limbs and they all had this empty look in their eyes. It scared me and I worried that I would see that same look in Armin's, Eren's or Mikasa's eyes.

I scanned the crowd quickly, but I couldn't find Armin's grandfather among the survivors. I looked towards Mikasa, hoping against hope that I had missed him, but she shook her head. No, he really wasn't there.

I linked my fingers with hers and we took silent comfort in each other's presence as we meandered back to the reserves. Briefly, I thought about suggesting to Mikasa we hurry, but I immediately shot down that idea. Why would I want to hurry to tell Armin bad news? I don't want to see my best friend cry.

"I'll tell him," I told her when we neared the food reserves. I could feel her curious gaze on me, so I explained, "It'd… be better coming from me."

I thought she would protest, but instead she answered with a quiet, "Okay."

Nobody wanted to be the bearer of bad news, but I'd rather take the burden than push it onto Mikasa. She'd have enough stress looking after Eren anyway. I didn't need to add on to that.

Armin knew even before we said anything. He wasn't my genius best friend for nothing. The moment we came in, just the two of us, he flopped down to the ground like a marionette with its strings cut. I wanted to get rid of the forlorn look on his face, but as with most things concerning Armin, I didn't know how. As I threw my arm around his shoulders for a one-armed hug, I couldn't help but wish I wasn't so useless when it came to emotions.

All he did was clutch his grandfather's hat, his tears silently staining the fabric as he held in sobs. It broke my heart to see Armin grieve like that. Silently, I grieved as well. It sucked, having someone who took care of me like that taken away so suddenly.

It's despicable, sacrificing a fifth of our population just to alleviate the food shortage. Despicable… but that's human nature. Good to see some things haven't changed at all, I thought sarcastically, dashing away a stray tear as I held Armin close.

"The Titans are to blame," Eren stated, sounding a little sad himself. Armin's grandfather… he had taken good care of all of us. I know Armin and I won't be the only ones to miss him. "If only we could defeat them, we would regain our place in the world."

"We can't," I said quietly. I could feel Mikasa's and Eren's gaze heavy on the top of my head. "Not the way we are now."

The wet slide of fabric against stone could be heard as Eren knelt down on the opposite side of Armin. I had a feeling I knew what Eren was going to talk about; we had discussed it not too long ago. "I know," Eren said. I glanced at him to see him looking at me with a fierce gaze of determination. "That's why I'm applying for military training next year. I'll become strong enough to fight them."

Armin turned to look at Eren as Mikasa sighed, but Eren's gaze didn't waver; a silent challenge. _Are you, or aren't you?_ I let out a sigh of my own, leaning my head back and breaking our gaze. The words were out of my mouth before I gave myself more time to think.

"I'm applying too," I said firmly. Armin jerked and I could feel his fearful gaze on me, but I didn't turn. I just stared at the floor in front of me. _I'm in if you are, Eren._

Armin shrugged my arm off and I let him. I didn't think my joining the military would sit well with him. It never has.

"Me too," Armin said quietly and the quiet conviction in his voice was a little frightening. I knew – I _knew_ he was going to join, but that didn't mean I wasn't scared for him. There was a nagging feeling that told me if Armin enlisted, I wouldn't be able to watch over him the way I wanted to. That I'd _fail_ and I'd end up breaking the promise to myself. Regardless, I accepted his decision, even if my lungs tightened at the thought of losing Armin.

"Armin?" Eren gasped.

"Me too!" Armin repeated, a little more confidently. I placed my hand over his and squeezed. No, I _won't_ lose him. Armin is smart and he has me. I won't lose him.

"I'll join too," Mikasa added. She looked at me and understanding passed between us. We would both be there to watch out for Armin and Eren. I had to admit that it was a relief, knowing that I didn't have to take on that job alone. I nodded slightly, causing the smallest smile to spread across Mikasa's lips; we would watch out for each other too, because that's what _friends_ did.

"Mikasa? You don't have to," Eren exclaimed. "You said survival is the most important thing!"

"Yes," she agreed, "and I will be there ensuring your safety."

Eren stood up suddenly, the movement drawing my attention. The fire burning in his gaze was enough to put me at ease. I could see him years from now as a reliable adult. I could only hope I would be able to see it for myself. "Alright, we'll all join."

"We're in this together," I added, clenching my hands into fists. "The four of us."

The others didn't have to say anything for me to know they agreed.

•●•●•●•

I felt so distracted by the blue sky, dotted with white clouds. The clouds were so close that it seemed like I could touch them if I stretched out my arms. I suppressed a sigh, letting it stick in my lungs. Now wasn't the time for wistful thoughts and distractions. It was time to be serious.

"You are now officially members of training unit number 104," our instructor bellowed. I maintained a neutral expression, which wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be. "Unfortunately for you, I, Keith Shadis, will be in charge." I scanned his face quickly, taking in the deep-set eyes and no-nonsense expression. I couldn't help but think he was somewhat familiar though… "I'm not here to give you a warm welcome. All of you are now merely livestock, waiting to be eaten by Titans. You're even worse than livestock!"

Well, he certainly was a morale builder, I thought sardonically.

"For the next three years," he continued in that loud, harsh voice of his, "I'll train you useless shits. I'll teach you how to fight Titans. When you face a Titan in three years, will you still be just food? Or will you become a glorious wall to protect these walls? Or a mighty champion of mankind who will destroy the Titans?"

I swear it took all of my willpower not to turn and look at Eren when Shadis said that. I guess I've gotten more disciplined since being in this world. If this is the me from Back Then, I don't doubt that I would have turned and most likely be chewed out by Shadis.

"The choice lies in your hands," he finished.

I cast a cursory glance around the trainees, finally letting it sink in. I clenched my fists a little tighter to reign in my excitement and nervousness. This is it – I made it into the 104th Training Squad. I kept an intent gaze forward. I _was_ going to graduate and go on to the Recon Corps. No more self-doubt.

_Just you wait, nii-chan. I'll show you Danika Vale is _not_ a weakling._

Shadis started to move towards us trainees and I almost started, catching myself just in time. I'd forgotten he'd start approaching those he thought wasn't worthy. But… why was he heading towards Armin?

"You there!" Shadis barked, standing in front of Armin.

"Hai!" Armin replied, saluting with his right hand thumping over his chest. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye, noting the determined expression on his face. I'd seen him wear that expression multiple times in the time I've known him, but this was different somehow.

"Who the hell are you?" Shadis demanded, his voice booming throughout the valley. Someone didn't have an inside voice.

"I'm Armin Arlert, sir! From Shiganshina!"

"Sure you are," Shadis said, condescension dripping from his voice. "Good name for a retard. Your parents call you that?"

My fists clenched reflexively, but I forced myself to relax before I drew his attention. I couldn't always fight Armin's battles for him. It's not like he ever wanted me to in the first place. I still hated it when people said bad things about my best friend, though.

"My grandfather, sir," Armin replied, loudly and evenly.

"Arlert! Why are you here?"

"To contribute to mankind's victory, sir!"

A textbook answer. Well, I assumed it was a textbook answer. I wouldn't know; I haven't touched a textbook in years.

"Fucking _splendid_," Shadis roared. "You'll make fine Titan feed! Line three, about turn!"

I started to tune him out, distracted by the person in front of me. I scanned the face briefly, waiting for the familiar click in my memory, the one from Back Then. It was fine with recognising faces, but it would take a while. I accidentally met his gaze, my eyes widening minutely before I slid my gaze to somewhere below his right ear. Damn it, who _is_ he?

I glanced to the side as someone went down. Huh, I think Shadis head-butted him. Is that even allowed? Oh, wait, Shadis practically makes up the rules here. It probably is.

Shadis stopped in front of me – only he wasn't facing _me_.

"And who the hell are you!" Shadis demanded, leaning in to the guy I had accidentally been caught ogling. "Why are you here?"

"Marco Bott, sir!" I heard him answer promptly. "From the southern Wall Rose town of Jinae, sir! I came here to join the Military Police and offer my body up to the King!"

Holy shit… I was just staring down Marco. Of all the places I would be placed, I didn't think I'd be standing right in front of _Marco_! Of _course_ I couldn't recognise him.

"Oh. What a patriot." The patronising tone in Shadis's voice was _scorching_; even I could feel it. "You've got the right idea. But, y'know, the King doesn't need a talking sack of shit."

Yup, I would definitely want to visit one of Shadis's motivational talks. He really… has a way with words, doesn't he?

Shadis moved on to the next person and I accidentally met Marco's gaze again. I swiftly looked away, a blush heating the back of my neck and threatening to colour my cheeks.

Can I… please stand somewhere else?

I heard a loud commotion as Shadis caught someone… holy crap, is that girl _actually_ eating a potato now? Of all times, why now?

I couldn't help but watch in muted horror as she offered up half of her potato (not even half, actually) to Shadis. I winced ever so slightly as Shadis roared out the ultimatum of skipping lunch or running laps until she dropped.

Well, at least I know it's going to be an interesting next few years.

•●•●•●•

I couldn't help but stare out the window. Man, I can't believe she's still running. Five hours of running laps would kill me.

"Is she still running?" Mikasa asked, although she sounded extremely disinterested.

"Yeah," I replied. I was glad we got neighbouring beds. I glanced at Mikasa, reclined on her bed (and I call them beds only because we weren't sleeping on the ground) with her eyes closed. I was feeling antsy, needing to get out and _move_. Mikasa didn't seem like moving, though. I chewed on my lip contemplatively, watching potato girl – Sasha – run absentmindedly. Finally I stood up, the wooden boards beneath me creaking.

Mikasa opened an eye. "Where are you going?"

I stretched, tugging on my blouse. "I'm going to find Armin and Eren," I answered. She made to move, but I pushed her back down. "You rest. I'll come get you when dinner rolls around, okay?"

She watched me, but I was too used to her eyes on me like that. It was like a thing between me and Mikasa; we were always watching each other. It wasn't due to wariness or anything like that. That was simply how our relationship worked. We could communicate without words in a way we couldn't communicate with the boys.

She nodded, lying back down and closing her eyes. I sighed inaudibly, glad that Mikasa would finally get some rest. She might think I hadn't noticed how little she had been sleeping these past few nights, but I had. I didn't doubt she was worrying about Eren, because that kept me up at night sometimes too. Worrying about both Eren and Armin did.

I walked briskly towards where I knew Eren and Armin were, waving slightly when they noticed me.

"Potato girl's still running," I commented casually. I glanced at the others on the porch with them; Connie Springer, a girl whose name I never caught and… oh, Marco Bott. Really?

Eren rolled his eyes, looking pointedly behind me where we could see her still-running form. "We can see that," he said sarcastically.

I slapped the back of his head. "I was trying to make conversation, doofus," I reprimanded, raising an eyebrow when he scowled and stuck his tongue out. "How old are you, six?"

"I'm older than you," Eren announced.

I shot him with a disbelieving look. "Are you seriously going to try and hold four months over me? _Seriously_?"

"He's running out of arguments whenever you bring up his childishness," Armin pointed out with a slight grin. I snorted at Eren's betrayed look, tugging on my vest.

"He never _had_ any arguments for it in the first place."

"Respect your elders," Eren demanded, flicking my forehead.

"What the hell, Eren?" I yelped, rubbing my forehead. "Grow up."

He opened his mouth for what he probably thought was a witty retort, but ended up distracted by something else. I followed his gaze curiously, my eyes resting on a cart that was slowly making its way up the road leading out of the training camp. "What's that?" Eren asked.

"Dropouts," the girl answered. "They asked to be transferred to the landfills."

Armin turned to the girl in shock. "Seriously?" he asked. "But it's only the first day."

It's a little weak, I had to admit, dropping out on the first day. I mean, we haven't even done any training yet. All we did was stand in the sun and wait to get yelled at.

"It's only natural," Eren said. I looked at him, a frown settling on my lips. He had tone in his voice he only had when he was going to say something that made sense but was a little pessimistic. "Those without strength have no place here." The others turned to him, not expecting those words to come from Eren's mouth, not after the comedy act we just put on. "But still, _wanting_ to pick up rocks and pull weeds…"

I shrugged, tugging the hem of my vest and fingering a loose thread. "To each his own," I said. "At least they're not getting in our way."

"That reminds me," Marco started somewhat hesitantly. I glanced at him, our gazes meeting briefly once more. This time, he was the one who looked away. "You weren't asked where you were from and all that. Both of you."

I blinked and pointed to myself. "Me?"

Eren kicked my ankle. "Who else?"

I backhanded his shoulder in retaliation. "No need to be so sarcastic, butt face."

He smirked, pulling me into a headlock and ignoring my protests and insults. "The three of us are from Shiganshina," Eren answered, messing up my hair, which he _knows_ I hate. Why else would he do it?

"Jaeger, I swear I will push you into a large body of water one day," I spat, pushing away from him as my hands immediately rose to my hair to do damage control. My hair was a hopeless mess of curls on a good day and with Eren messing it up, I might not be able to get it into a manageable state in the morning. If I have to cut my hair off, I'm going to give Eren a haircut similar to Connie's.

"Oh, so…" Marco didn't continue.

"Does that mean you were there on That Day?" Connie asked, ignorant of the growing tension among us.

"Oi," Marco interjected urgently, but Connie didn't pay heed. My left fist clenched, the charm hidden in my fist.

"Did you see it?" Connie continued excitedly. "The Colossal Titan?"

"Yeah," Eren answered slowly, glancing at me worriedly. I sighed, rolling my eyes slightly in a universal sign of _don't bother about me, I'm fine_.

I looked up at the sky, humming contemplatively. "I should get Mikasa," I told Eren and Armin. "Dinner should be soon. See you guys later." I looked towards Eren's and Armin's, er, roommates, I guess, and gave a shallow bow, which they returned. "It was nice meeting you guys."

I headed off towards the building my room was in, slowing down when I heard footsteps behind me. I figure it was Armin catching up to make sure I was fine, so I got the shock of my life when I turned to find Marco walking next to me.

"Uh, hi," he greeted awkwardly. I blinked at him, inclining my head in acknowledgement. This is… weird. Most definitely weird. "It's just… I didn't catch your name."

"That's because I didn't say it."

The awkwardness between the two of us increased and holy fuck, I could have slapped myself. Way to go, Dani. You had to go all awkward penguin on this nice boy who hasn't done anything mean to you.

I scratched the back of my head, grinning sheepishly. "Sorry," I apologised. "I'm just… tired. It's been a long day, you know?"

"Yeah," he agreed. I waited for him to say something, only to realise that was all he had to say. Come on, Dani, think! Be a nice person and not… awkward.

"I'm Dani Vale," I finally introduced, giving Marco a proper smile.

He smiled back, looking a little at ease now. "Marco Bott," he said, only to wince. "You probably already know that."

I laughed a little. "Yeah." I stopped in front of the building that had my room. "Well, this is me. Thanks for walking me over here, even though you didn't really have to."

He rubbed the back of his neck, smiling faintly as he didn't meet my eyes. "Right. No problem. I'll… see you later."

"Probably," I agreed, waving goodbye. Before I entered the building, I turned back, watching him walk off with my head tilted in thought. A small smile played on my lips as I continued my walk to my room. Definitely going to be interesting.

•●•●•●•

I sipped my soup, eyeing the crowd around us somewhat disdainfully. It's not that I didn't _like_ crowds… it's just that I didn't like being in a crowd while I was eating. Honestly, couldn't they have done this after I was done eating?

"Like I said, I've seen it," Eren said seriously. Ugh, I can't believe he's actually _encouraging_ this. Why did I think it was a good idea to sit with Eren?

Wait, I didn't. Mikasa was the one who tasked me with making sure Eren didn't get in trouble while she had a peaceful dinner.

(Even _Mikasa_ can get sick of Eren sometimes.)

"Seriously?"

"How big is it?" someone behind me asked, leaning in a little close to me. I shot him an annoyed look that he couldn't see, elbowing him slightly so he would back off. Someone needs to learn the concept of personal space.

"Big enough for its head to peek over the wall," Eren replied, taking another bite of his soup.

"What?" another person gasped a little too loudly in my ear. I scowled, glowering at the person. Screw looking after Eren. If this keeps up, I'm sitting somewhere else. "But I heard it could step over the wall!"

"Rumours," I disputed irritably before Eren could say a word. "It wasn't _that_ big. I don't think it's even possible for a Titan to be big enough to step over any of the walls. Besides, why would it kick the gate in if it could step over the wall? Why not just kick the whole wall down?"

There was stunned silence following my words. I didn't pay them any attention, trying to focus on finishing my meal as soon as possible so I could get away from all these curious people. Eren's foot brushed mine and I looked up at him. He raised an eyebrow and I shook my head, telling him to just ignore me. He knew how irritable I could be when people crowded around me. I didn't mind being _in_ a crowd, but it was a big problem when they were crowding around me, like now.

"What did it look like?" the girl from earlier asked in a hushed whisper.

"It had pretty much no skin, but its mouth was huge," Eren described and I could see it in my mind's eye. My spoon stilled over my mess tin before I blinked the image away and resumed my eating.

"What about the Armoured Titan that smashed through Wall Maria?" another curious bystander asked.

"That's what they're calling it, but to me it looked like a normal Titan," Eren commented.

"It didn't," I said quietly, my voice cutting surprisingly well through the chatter. I glanced up, noticing that everyone seemed to hold their breath as they waited for me to speak. I shrugged, looking back down at my food. "Look like a normal Titan. It looked… fitter somehow." I shook my head. "It definitely moved faster than a normal Titan." _Impressive_, I almost added, but held my tongue.

"T-then, what are the normal ones like?" another idiot asked.

Flashes, so fast I almost didn't catch them. I bit my spoon, settling the person who had asked the question with a hard gaze. He gulped. I turned towards Eren when I heard his breath hitch and in his green eyes, I could see him being transported back to that day. His spoon dropped into his soup and that was when I decided it was enough.

"No more questions," I announced and even I could hear the hard edge in my voice. I watched Eren carefully as he clapped a hand to his mouth.

Connie looked at me. I didn't know what I was showing on my face, but it had him looking down apologetically as he said, "Sorry about all the que – "

"That's not it!" Eren interrupted. He was back to his normal self in a flash, the fire burning in his gaze. He bit into his bread almost forcefully. He had the look on his face that meant he was getting overconfident. "Titans are really just a bunch of pussies." I finished off the last of my soup, pushing away my mess tin and leaning my elbows on the table so I could rub my temples. I have a bad feeling about this. "If we master the 3D Maneuver Gear, those things won't stand a chance!"

I sighed a little wistfully, envying Eren's idealistic nature. I guess it's people like him who gave other people hope.

"I've finally become a cadet," Eren said, excitement shining through his eyes. "I just got a little too excited, is all. I'm going to join the Recon Corps and exterminate every last Titan."

"I'll say you got a little more than _a little_ excited," I drawled, hitting the back of his hand with my spoon. He drew it back with a glare. "Come on, finish up your food and we can leave."

"Come on," another voice drawled. "Are you retarded?" I turned, rolling my eyes slightly. It was that guy that got head-butted – Jean Kirstein. "Did you just say you wanted to join the Recon Corps?"

"Yeah, I do," Eren replied, frowning slightly. I think he recognised Jean too. "Didn't you say you wanted to join the Military Police and take it easy?"

"I'm an honest man," Jean said haughtily. "You won't find _me_ acting like a hero when I'm actually pissing my pants."

"Well, that much is obvious," I muttered under my breath, biting into my leftover bread and standing up. "Come on, Eren. Let's – "

"You talking to me?" Eren asked, his voice dangerously low. I huffed slightly, resisting the urge to stomp my foot. The testosterone levels were beginning to rise and I could feel myself choking on it. Did Jean really have to try and pick a fight with Eren? He should have just stopped at _I'm an honest man_.

"D-don't!" someone protested, but they obviously don't know Eren well enough if they think that's going to stop him. Only a hard knock to the head will.

Jean let loose a sharp laughter of disbelief. "Come on, now," he said in what I supposed was supposed to be a placating manner, but came out really patronising. "I wasn't really…" The two of them stepped up to each other and I could feel a fight brewing. If this wasn't stopped, Eren would get in trouble and Mikasa would have my head. The bells tolled, signalling curfew, and I let out a sigh of relief. Talk about being saved by the bell.

Jean smiled, although it seemed more like a smirk. "Alright, sorry about that. I'm not saying your ideas are wrong." He held out a hand towards Eren. "Let's just drop it."

I stared at the back of Eren's head, willing him to take Jean's peace offering. I was tired and just wanted to get some sleep in an actual bed with a mattress and a pillow.

"Yeah, I'm sorry too," Eren relented and I smiled slightly. He slapped Jean's hand and I bounded forward, slinging an arm around his shoulders.

"I'm so proud of you," I cooed, pinching his cheek. "You really _did_ grow up!"

"Get off me," Eren muttered, slapping my hand away.

Mikasa walked up next to us and I smiled at her, shooting her a wink as I slid my arm from Eren's shoulders. "I did a pretty good job keeping him out of trouble, right?"

She hummed. "Good enough. But Eren…"

"What's the big deal?" Eren complained when he found himself pinned with Mikasa's disapproving glance.

"You're letting yourself be led by your emotions again," Mikasa chided lightly.

"Not this shit again," Eren muttered.

I slapped the back of his head. "Don't be rude," I reproached. "Mikasa's right. You were too quick to fly off the handle."

Eren shot me an irritated look before turning back to Mikasa. "More importantly," he drawled, "don't you think your hair's a bit too long? Might cause an accident during Maneuver training."

I looked around Eren to scrutinise Mikasa's hair. "I think it's fine," I protested. "She just needs to trim her fringe a little and when training comes around, she'll have to tie up her hair."

Mikasa pinched a lock of hair between her fingers. "Okay," she said, even though I could tell she was reluctant to cut it. "I'll cut my hair."

Then, Eren turned to me and tugged on a lock of my hair. "You too, Red."

I slapped his hand away, scowling. "Keep my hair out of this," I exclaimed. "You don't need to worry about my hair, so don't."

"If it annoys you during Maneuver training – "

"Focus on your _own_ Maneuver training, Jaeger. Don't worry about mine."

"How long do you think it should be?" Mikasa asked, no doubt in an effort to stop me and Eren from getting into another argument.

I eyed her hair, lamenting her decision to cut it. All she really needed was a trim, but if she wanted to cut it short, then she could. I wasn't going to stop her. "How about shoulder length?" I suggested. "Or better yet, I'll cut it for you."

Mikasa nodded. "Thanks."

"So, Dani, about _your_ hair…"

"Eren Jaeger, if you don't shut up about my hair, so help me I will cut yours."

I didn't know why, but I ended up turning back to the dining hall, noticing that Jean was standing there with a forlorn look on his face. I laughed slightly, elbowing Eren playfully. I guess some things never change.

•●•●•●•

I sat behind Mikasa after our shower, a small pair of scissors in my right hand. I picked up a lock of hair and brought the scissors up. I managed to get the lock of hair between the two teeth of the scissors before sighing and putting the scissors back down.

Mikasa turned, curiosity in her eyes. "What's wrong, Dani?" she inquired.

I sighed, pouting slightly. "Do you _really_ want to cut your hair? I mean, it's so pretty…"

Mikasa frowned lightly, eyeing her hair in the small mirror in front of us. "Everyone keeps saying that," she murmured. By everyone, I assume she meant Jean.

"That's because it's true."

I wanted to try and persuade her not to cut her hair, but I could tell from the look in her eyes that what I said didn't matter. All that mattered at the moment was her own desires… and Eren's. She wanted to have her hair cut and she was going to do it with or without my help. "Dani."

"Yare, yare," I said easily, finally snipping off a lock of her hair. "I'll cut your hair, since you're so keen on it."

"Maybe you should cut yours too." The suggestion sounded like a sneaky way of not suffering alone. Hey, I'll support her if she wants to cut off her hair, but I'd really like it if she could keep _my_ hair out of it. I _like_ my long hair.

I rapped the back of her head lightly with my knuckle. "Don't you start with me, Mikasa Ackerman."


	5. Persevere

_**And I thought life was hard enough the first time.**_

_**OC self-insert (because I'm that shameless)**_

_**There is so much I want to cover and I can't seem to. I don't know man. Action scenes are not my forte. I don't do movement well. Or feelings.**_

_**People who comment, I'm so grateful. Seriously. I never thought I'd get so many reviews and it's so nice to hear the reader's voices, figuratively. Seriously though, I have such wonderful reviewers and you're all wonderful people for not saying mean things.**_

_**This is the longest chapter yet. Dude. DUDE.**_

_**Nina – Marco is awesome and cute and I am sad he didn't make it. He would have been an awesome addition to the Military Police (or Recon Corps where he can watch over Dani's reckless ass). FRIEND. HI FRIEND.**_

_**-0-**_

The next day dawned bright and early.

Well, it could have been earlier, but it wasn't and I was thankful. Last night had been _heavenly_. I'd forgotten how great it was to sleep with a pillow. We didn't have proper beds, but at least we weren't sleeping on the cold, hard ground. At this rate, the wooden bunks we were sleeping on with the cloth over it might as well have been a bed. It was certainly a step up from the stone floor of the food reserves.

I eyed the structures in front of us with slight apprehension. It… didn't look safe, to be honest. Then again, I came from a world where _safety scissors_ were still considered unsafe. I mean, seriously. Safety scissors. I couldn't have cut myself on one of those things even if I wanted to.

They were basically attaching strings to our waists and telling us not to flip over and possibly give ourselves brain damage. I wanted to panic – I can barely walk a straight line without tripping most days – but panicking wouldn't help me. I had made a promise, goddammit and I was also a Vale. Vales didn't back down and _I_ wouldn't back down.

But god, did that thing still look scary.

"First off," Shadis announced, "the aptitude test. You worms aren't even good for _bait_ if you fail this! Fail and I'll throw you back into the landfills."

I… didn't doubt that. Like Shadis said, this tying strings to our waist and keeping our balance is the _basic_ of basics when it came to working the 3D Maneuver Gear. Balance was the most crucial aspect of working it, along with spatial recognition. I was horrible at things like that Back Then, but I didn't know about now. This would be the first time I'd be testing that out. It'd be really embarrassing if I couldn't stay up at all.

I glanced at Mikasa, sighing in slight envy. I didn't know if I could stay up like her. She was barely moving, even when a slight breeze blew. I scanned her posture, trying to see if I could memorise the way she positioned her body. I tugged on my braid nervously. Can I _really_ position my body just like that?

A rap to the back of my head had me turning. Armin smiled at me bemusedly, his smile sliding off his face when he took a look at mine. "Hey, why do you look so worried?"

I bit my lip, making a slight noise of frustration. I gestured to Mikasa, who I didn't doubt was passing the test with flying colours.

"I can't do that," I blurted, flailing slightly. "Armin, I trip over the _floor_. I think it's safe to say that my balance is pretty horrible." My voice dropped to a whisper. "What if I end up failing this test?"

I hated this, the self-doubt. I know I told myself that I wouldn't doubt myself anymore, but it was just _so_ easy. All I could think about was my horrible coordination on the ground and the many ways it could translate to the air.

Armin's hands landed on my shoulders, shaking me a little so I was looking at him. "Hey," he said firmly and softly. "Dani. You'll be fine. Just – don't panic."

I stared into Armin's calm, blue eyes, forcing myself to relax. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply through my nose. This was just another test. I took a lot of tests Back Then, and this was just another test. If I didn't panic, I'd do fine.

I needed – I needed to be confident. I needed to be confident in myself – in my abilities. I can do this. No, I _have_ to do this. I need to be there for Armin, for Mikasa and for Eren.

I opened my eyes, feeling my head clear and smiled at my best friend. He smiled back.

"Thanks," I said quietly, patting the hand on my shoulder as the instructor called out for the next cadet.

He squeezed my shoulders, turning me around and nudging me forward. "Any time."

_Don't panic, don't panic, don't panic_, I chanted in my head as the instructor asked for my name and I gave it. I attached the strings to my belt the way I saw the others did and waited for them to lift me up.

I thought back to how Mikasa had posed, hands by her side. But… it wasn't only her pose that had caught my eye; it had been her expression. She had looked so _calm_, which was the exact opposite of the way I was feeling. I had a feeling that was the key.

I closed my eyes and emptied my mind, trying to calm myself down. I needed to get rid of the tension in my shoulders. I wouldn't be able to balance myself if I couldn't feel the way I was shifting. I tried the typical way of calming down: I tried to picture waves lapping against a shore.

It… wasn't working. I couldn't even _picture_ it. It had been so long since I last saw the ocean… no, that wasn't right. Technically, I had _never_ seen the ocean. Sometimes I forgot how different this life is. It just shows that even if I tell myself that I've moved on from my old life, I still haven't quite let go.

I didn't have time to ponder that now. I could feel the tension in the strings and opened my eyes. Calm. I just needed to calm down.

My feet left the ground and I suddenly remembered.

_Sensation of flying coupled with the sting of cold rain against my skin, coupled with the warmth of another body against mine…_

I tilted backwards, but instead of flailing the way I normally would, I stuck my leg out a little further in front of me. As I had expected, I tilted forward and with that, I immediately placed my leg right underneath me, where my centre of gravity was.

I was smart, wasn't I? I had been smart Then and I was smart now. This was how I was going to pass this – with a calm, analytical mind. This was all just physics. If I kept my weight in line with my centre of gravity, I wouldn't wobble.

Slowly, I let myself relax into the harness, my weight settling on my hips. Whenever I felt myself start to tilt back, I readjusted my left leg. Not too much – that would throw me off-balance – but just enough so that I would stop tilting. I let myself _feel _my body for the first time, allowing me to straighten myself before I could visibly tilt. I was aware that I didn't have the natural talent Mikasa seemed to have, but I seemed to be doing well enough.

"What the fuck are you doing, Eren Jaeger?" Shadis roared. I glanced out of the corner of my eye to where I heard the commotion, inwardly sighing when I noticed Eren was hanging upside down. _Oh, Eren…_ "Get yourself upright!"

I felt myself being lowered back to the ground. "Good job, cadet," the instructor said distractedly, no doubt distracted by Eren's epic failure. I unhooked myself from the contraption, bowing at the instructor before heading towards Eren.

I pushed my way to the front of the crowd, not believing the sight in front of me even though I had expected it. I remembered this had happened, but I couldn't remember what the cause was.

I'll have to remember quickly if I didn't want Eren to get left out.

•●•●•●•

I scrutinised Eren's belt before looking upwards to the rest of the test rig, chewing on my bottom lip in thought. I tugged on the end of my braid, standing next to Armin.

He nudged. "What are you thinking?" he asked.

I sighed, shrugging. "Something's not right," I murmured. "I mean, Eren should be able to do it, I think. I did. You did. This should be easy for him."

Armin hummed. He didn't say anything, but I knew he had a feeling there was something off too. "Maybe there's something he's not grasping," Armin suggested. "It's Eren; it could be anything."

"I guess so."

"You should be able to do it if you stick to the basics," Mikasa said. Eren was listening intently, even if it was something Mikasa had been trying to tell him for the past three hours. "You don't need to try anything fancy." Mikasa stopped, looking past Eren to meet my gaze. "Dani, anything else you want to add?"

I blinked, but walked forward so I was facing Eren. I didn't know why she wanted me to continue when she was doing just fine. "Um, just lean forward and back," I said, my voice taking on a slightly lecturing tone that I hadn't noticed I had until now. "and place your weight gently on your waist and hip harnesses. For added balance, I use my leg to counter my body when I start to tilt."

"Just relax," Armin added. "You can do this. Even I managed it."

I nodded. If Armin and I could manage it, this should be easy enough for Eren to accomplish.

"Okay," Eren replied, but I could hear the uncertainty in his voice. "I'm sure I can do it this time. Take me up, Armin."

"Okay."

I kept a careful eye on Eren's body as Armin slowly lifted him up. It didn't make sense. His shoulders were relaxed and as Eren's feet lifted off the ground, I noticed that he was placing his weight on his waist and hip harnesses, just like I had said. He _should_ be able to stay upright.

Eren hovered in the air and I thought he managed it. Then, his weight shifted far too much all of a sudden, sending him reeling forward. I winced as he cracked his head against the ground.

"I'll go notify the nurses," I told Armin and Mikasa as they rushed towards the unconscious Eren.

•●•●•●•

Dinner was a quiet affair. I would be glad about the lack of a crowd, but I couldn't stand Eren's forlorn look. I wanted to tell him it wasn't his fault, but it sure seemed like it was. He was staring at me, but he wasn't seeing me. He hadn't even touched his foot.

"Hey, Daz," I heard someone near us say, just loud enough for me to hear. "Wasn't that guy bragging about killing all the Titans last night?" He snickered. "Looks like he'll be on his way to the landfills tomorrow. We can't afford to feed good-for-nothings around here."

I turned to shoot them a brief glare before turning a concerned gaze towards Eren. He hadn't even reacted at all. Then again, neither had Armin or Mikasa. Maybe I was just being too sensitive to everything.

"Don't let it get you down," Armin said, trying to cheer Eren up. "You can just do it tomorrow."

"Armin's right," I agreed, trying to force some cheer into my voice. "You still have another chance. This isn't the end." _We _will_ make it into the Recon Corps, Eren. Trust me – and trust yourself._

"Pathetic," Eren muttered. I wished I knew a way to tell him everything will be fine without it sounding like a lie. I couldn't help but be frustrated with myself; what was the use of my knowledge from Back Then if I forgot important details like this? "I can't hope to exterminate them. Not like this."

"Don't give up," I said harshly, frustration welling in my chest. "If you give up now, that's more pathetic."

"You should just give up on that," Mikasa voiced, completely contradicting me.

I jerked, frowning at her. "Mikasa!"

"What'd you just say?" Eren snarled.

"I'm saying you should give up on being a soldier," she clarified, not looking at any of us. "Throwing your life away is not the only way to fight."

I'll admit it. I was shocked. I knew she wanted to keep Eren safe, but to dissuade him like this… I didn't think it was the best way.

"Oh, come on," Eren protested. "I've seen what they do! You think I'll be content not facing them directly?"

"Your feelings are irrelevant."

"What? Why?"

Mikasa looked at me before glancing at Eren. "Because you're not the one who gets to decide whether you can be a soldier."

I sighed. "She's right," I agreed reluctantly. "Eren, it doesn't matter how much you want to kill the Titans. If you can't even get the basics of the 3D Maneuver Gear, you can't hope to master it. Shadis can't pass you if you can't stay upright for the required amount of time."

Eren glared out the window as the bells tolled, signalling the end of dinner.

"I'm not saying you have to go back to the landfills by yourself," Mikasa told Eren, but he wasn't listening. I opened my mouth to protest, but Eren was dragging me out of my seat before I could even alert Mikasa. I didn't think it was very nice just leaving her there to soliloquy when it was meant for someone's ears.

"That wasn't very nice," I mumbled, readjusting my vest so it wasn't crumpled from where Eren had grabbed it.

Eren waved a hand impatiently. "I didn't need to hear Mikasa telling me I couldn't do it again," he said, kicking a rock. "Ne, Dani. How did you really do it?" he asked – no, he demanded.

"I just… did," I answered, realising that I wasn't quite answering him. He gave me an annoyed look and I sighed. "You shouldn't try to think so much. Just focus on your body and manipulate your weight so that it's focused over your centre of gravity – "

"My _what_?"

"Centre of gravity," I repeated slowly. "It's, well, it's the key to keeping your balance."

"What the hell is a centre of gravity?" Eren asked Armin, obviously confused.

"It's the point from which a body is considered to act," Armin explained. "Well, to put it simply, it's an imaginary spot where your weight is. It helps with balance."

Eren kept silent, staring at the two of us like we were aliens. Well, I should have guessed physics wouldn't make Eren understand everything better. It was just difficult to explain how it felt, hovering in the air like that.

"Just clear your mind," I suggested gently. "It'll be a lot easier when you're not thinking about where you're supposed to place your arms."

Eren scoffed, picking up a rock and throwing it towards the field. "Even _Dani_ can do it and I can't even stay up for ten seconds."

I folded my arms across my chest, frowning at Eren. That sounded mildly offensive. "What is _that_ supposed to mean?"

He glared at me. I could see the frustration swirling in his eyes, but the tone on his voice _hurt_. "You _know_ what I mean," he scoffed. "Most days, you trip over nothing. Suddenly, you're some expert at this balancing thing and I can't do shit!"

I didn't answer for moment. I clenched my hands into fists, my lips thinning in displeasure as I reigned in my temper. Eren was frustrated and he was on the verge of being sent to the landfills with no chance of getting into the Recon Corps. If I was him, I'd feel frustrated too. However, I wasn't a saint. I refused to take his sharp words without at least dishing something out.

"Eren," I said through gritted teeth. "I'm trying to help you – "

"No, you're not," he snapped, his voice rising. "You haven't done _anything_."

"Like hell I haven't done anything," I bit out. "I tried to help you, giving you all that advice – "

"Useless advice," he spat. "I don't need your stupid help."

I stepped forward and shoved him. He obviously didn't expect it as he nearly fell over. Armin grabbed my elbow to stop me from hurting Eren further, but I shrugged him off. I wouldn't hurt Eren, even if he deserved a slap for calling my advice _useless_ when it wasn't even my fault he couldn't get it.

My chest heaved and I wanted to yell at him, but that wouldn't make me feel better. It wouldn't make any of us feel better.

"Fine," I said, my voice dangerously low. "You don't need my help. I won't waste it on an ingrate like you."

I stalked off, ignoring Armin's calls. I paused just out of ear shot. I didn't turn as I said monotonously, "If I were you, I'd ask Reiner and Bertolt for advice, if you aren't keen on mine."

I walked off then, my heart aching slightly at Eren's growled _good riddance_.

•●•●•●•

I turned again so I was face-down, my face buried in my pillow. I kicked at my thin blanket lightly, hugging my pillow close to my chest.

I hated this; fighting with Eren. I knew we argued a lot, but we had never had a _fight_. I knew it was just Eren's frustration speaking. I was the mature one. I should have just countered all his insults with a cool head, but Eren just made me _so_ angry sometimes! Couldn't he see that I was trying to help him? I wanted him to be in the Recon Corps just as much as he did.

I sighed, pulling my face away from my pillow and gazing over at Mikasa. She was fast asleep. I should be too, but the residual anger – both at Eren and at myself – coupled with my guilt at blowing up at him was keeping me up.

I rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands, sitting up. Everyone else was fast asleep except for me. I slid my legs to the floor, slipping my shoes on and grabbing my vest. Maybe if I sat outside for a while, I'd feel tired. Maybe I'd even be able to think a little clearer in the open air.

I slipped my vest on, slipping out of the building and sitting on the porch steps. I looked up at the full moon, drawing my knees to my chest and clutching the vest.

It was a birthday present from my mom. She had made it for my sixth birthday. I didn't know why she decided to make a vest instead of a scarf, but Mom was weird like that. Weird in a good way, of course. The vest was dark blue with light blue designs along the hem. It didn't close because we couldn't afford buttons, but I didn't mind. It was a lot more comfortable when it was loose around my relatively thin frame.

It was the only thing I had left of my family, aside from my father's ring that hung from my neck. I didn't have time to go back and get my things. It would have been so easy to forget them, but I wasn't that cruel. They took care of me and loved me for eight years. To forget them would be the highest form of ungratefulness.

I looked down at the vest clutched in my hands. This was all I had of my family. It had been big on me when I was six, but now it was fitting me snugly. In a couple years, I wouldn't be able to wear it comfortably anymore. I couldn't just throw this away.

I gazed back up at the moon, my eyesight going a little blurry from tears that I wouldn't let fall. The moon looked a lot like the moon from Back Then.

I felt a pang in my heart as I thought about my old life; the life I thought I had moved on from, but instead had been caught in for the past twelve years.

I… I had to throw my old life away. Not completely throw it away, but most of it. It needed to forget the person I used to be, because I wasn't that girl anymore. Fundamentally, I was still her, but my experiences in this world had undoubtedly changed me. If my friends and family from Back Then met me now, they wouldn't recognise me and not just because I looked completely different.

I had to throw away that person from the modern era. I had to focus on _now_. Focus was the most important thing I needed now. I knew I wouldn't be able to focus if I was still clinging to a life that wasn't mine anymore.

It was… harder than I thought. I hadn't realised how tight a grip I kept on my old life until tonight. It wasn't much – old habits from Back Then that didn't make sense here, trains of thoughts that were so obviously not of this time – but the fact that they were still _there_ were evidence to how much I had been lying to myself all these years.

Tonight, I finally thought of the person I used to be and let her go.

I wasn't her anymore. I was Danika Vale, daughter of Katarina and Aaron Vale. I was born in Karenese district within Wall Rose on the twenty third of July in the year 835. My best friends were Armin Arlert, Mikasa Ackerman and Eren Jaeger. I was a cadet of the 104th Training Squad.

It felt a lot like grieving, but I also felt lighter somehow. I looked back down at my vest, fingering it gently. This was who I am. The only thing I needed to retain from Back Then was my memories of Shingeki no Kyojin. Anything else was irrelevant.

It felt odd, being so in tune with myself and my surroundings. It was like forgetting who I used to be allowed me to traverse a barrier that would help me survive this harsh world. No, I wouldn't just survive. I would live. I would _thrive_. I might not have family, but I had friends I could trust.

I noticed a light in the woods in the distance. I could spot the tall figure of Reiner, his blonde hair noticeable to me even from this distance. If I was right, the two smaller figures trailing after him were Eren and Armin.

I contemplated calling out to them, but I could feel the fatigue settling in my bones, as well as the anger – although faint – still swirling in my belly. Talking to Eren and apologising could wait until the morning.

•●•●•●•

Eren didn't talk to me throughout breakfast, but it was more out of nerves rather than anger. I wanted to apologise first, but I could tell that Eren was still deep in his thoughts. Speaking to him now would only be a waste of breath.

I hadn't thought he'd talk to me at all, to be honest. If anything, I figured he'd leave any speaking to after he passed the test. It wouldn't be the last time Eren Jaeger took me by surprise, that's for certain.

He grabbed my elbow, steering me away from the crowd as we headed towards the test rigs. I let out a protest, but he shushed me with a look.

"I'm sorry," he said in a rush before I could demand an explanation. "I was frustrated and I shouldn't have taken it out on you."

I crossed my arms, staring at him with a blank gaze. I waited until he shifted uneasily before speaking. "Eren Jaeger," I started seriously. I almost laughed when Eren visibly swallowed and screwed his eyes shut. "You're lucky we're friends or I'd be more pissed at you." I let my face relax into a smile, kicking his shin lightly to get his attention.

"Huh?" He looked confused, but was Eren really any other emotion around me?

"I get it. I was kind of frustrated too." Suddenly, I punched his shoulder, causing him to let out a surprised yelp. "That doesn't mean I'm allowing you to yell at me every time things don't go your way, got it?"

Eren eyed me for a moment longer before grinning back at me. "Got it," he answered, slinging an arm around my shoulders. "Now, watch me pass this test."

"Someone's confident," I teased.

"Of course. I got some great advice." He grinned at me, telling me wordlessly that it was my advice just as much as it was Reiner's.

"You're welcome," I replied. "And good luck!"

Armin glanced at me when I sidled up next to him, smiling slightly. "I see you guys are good now," he commented, linking my arm with his. "Thanks."

I nudged him lightly. "I figured you were stressed enough without the two of us adding onto it." We fell quiet as the tension rose.

Shadis began to speak. "Eren Jaeger, are you prepared?"

"Hai!" Eren replied, gaze burning with determination. I tightened my grip on Armin's arm. He can do it this time. I _know_ he can.

The trainee began to turn the crank and my breath caught in my throat. There was an irrational fear that Eren wouldn't be able to make it and he'd end up being sent to the landfill anyway. I had promised the four of us would be in this together. If he failed –

No! What was I doing?! I shouldn't doubt Eren. He _could_ do this and he would.

I nearly screamed when Eren remained upright. I actually _did_ scream when Eren toppled over backwards.

"What the hell?" I said loudly, feeling unreasonably outraged. I don't _get it_. Wasn't his stupid belt the fucking problem?

_Oh_. His belt. Was I an idiot or what? _Of course I only remember now._

"I can – I can still do it," Eren panted, sounding sure of himself with the slightest bit of uncertainty slipping into his voice.

"Let him down," Shadis commanded. No. No, no, nono_no_. I'm not going to let Eren go away when I _know_ he can do this. I couldn't just keep quiet.

"His belt," I exclaimed, my voice sounding unnaturally loud. Everyone turned to me, even Shadis. Oh, snap. My fingers twitched. I wasn't used to this many eyes on me.

Well, too bad. I'm going to have to deal with it. I stepped forward, continuing, "There's something wrong with his belt. That's why he can't stay upright for extended periods of time."

Shadis's eyes narrowed. I stood at attention as I let him scrutinise me.

He circled me once before standing in front of me again. "Vale, isn't it." It was worded like an inquiry, but I knew it was a statement. "Are you sure about that?"

_No, not really_. "Yes, sir," I said with as much conviction as I could muster.

He made a little derisive snort. "Fine then. Switch belts with Jaeger."

"Sir?"

"_Now_, Vale."

"Yes, sir."

"What are you doing?" Eren whispered when I took off my belt and handed it to him.

I gave him a look. "Saving your military career. Belt off."

"You only figured out what was wrong _now_?" he asked incredulously, his hands still not moving.

"Eren, we'll talk about this later. Now get your belt off or I'll take it off for you."

That finally had him unbuckling his belt. I passed him mine, taking his belt but not putting it on. I stepped back, clutching Eren's faulty belt in my hand. I watched as he put on my belt and hooked himself into the contraption.

"If he still fails, I'm sending both of you to the landfill," Shadis informed me nonchalantly. My grip on the faulty belt turned white-knuckled at the thinly veiled threat.

"He won't."

The trainee – Thomas, I think – turned the crank again, bringing Eren up. I watched him carefully, noticing him hovering steady. I couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief.

Next to me, Shadis smirked. "Vale was right," he announced. "Your equipment was defective." He snatched the belt from my hand, inspecting it briefly. "The fittings on your belt were damaged. I didn't even know that could happen, but I suppose I need to add them to the maintenance list."

"Wait," someone behind me said in poorly disguised wonder, "does that mean he managed to get himself upright with _broken_ equipment?"

"Amazing!"

Okay, they shouldn't keep this up or it'll go to Eren's head.

"Th-then what about my aptitude assessment?" Eren asked, still sounding a little worried.

A pause. Shadis sure knew how to work a crowd. "No problems," he said eventually. "Do your best in training!" Shadis sent me a sidelong glance and I started, immediately saluting him before walking back towards the others with my shoulders slumped in relief.

"Phew, he made through," Reiner whistled. He smacked my back with enough force to rock me forward. Ow. "Good call with his faulty equipment." He gave me a look, waggling his eyebrows.

A blush heated up my neck, thankfully staying away from my cheeks. It's not like I _wanted_ to look at his belt the whole time. Sheesh. "Whatever you're thinking, stop it," I warned. "It's not what you think."

Armin sighed in relief, smiling at me. "I think he's saying, 'see that?'"

"No, he's not," Mikasa refuted, eyes on Eren's still hanging form. "He's thinking now he won't have to be separated from me." She turned to me and even if her lips weren't smiling, there was a happy glint in Mikasa's eyes. "From us. He's feeling relieved."

He wasn't the only one feeling relieved. I was too. It'd still be the four of us together. That's all I could ask for.

I looked towards Eren, meeting his eyes. His turquoise eyes shined in the light as he nodded at me. I nodded back.

•●•●•●•

_Two years later…_

The rain pelted my skin despite the raincoat covering me, but I couldn't stop now. Even if my lungs burned and my muscles ached, I had to keep going.

"You're slow," Shadis barked. I tried not to glare at him, comfortably seated atop a horse while we had to run through the mud with heavy backpacks slung across our backs. "Run, you shitheads!"

I tightened my grip on my backpack and tilted my head downwards further to keep the rain off my face. I couldn't count how many kilometres we had already run, my tired mind losing track after twelve. Stamina training was important for 3DMG use, but that didn't mean I had to like it.

I inhaled through my nose, trying my best to keep my breathing even despite my lungs consistently screaming for more air. I was going at a steady pace, on par with Armin at least.

"What's wrong, Arlert?" Shadis demanded. "You're falling behind!"

I blinked rainwater out of my eyes, turning my head and realising Armin wasn't next to me anymore. He had fallen behind, somewhere around the vicinity of Reiner instead. I could tell he was struggling to keep up, but he was stubborn and he wouldn't give up easily. I started to slow down, but –

"Vale!" Shadis growled. "Don't you fucking dare slow down!"

I grit my teeth, choosing to push a little more speed to vent my anger instead of snapping at Shadis. That would only get me in trouble for insubordination. It's not like I had the breath for it anyway.

Shadis slowed his horse down to a leisurely trot – that bastard – until he was next to Armin. "Is it too hard for you?" he taunted. My grip tightened, but I kept my silence. "Do you want to be the only one who puts down his equipment? If this was a real mission, you'd be Titan food already!" he shot forward and I hung back when he was far away.

"Come on, Armin," I panted. "You've got to go faster."

"Dammit," Armin breathed, his breathing heavy. I knew Armin was always a little frail, but I couldn't convince him to stop, so I could only cheer him on.

"Don't think about the pain," I urged, gripping the hem of his raincoat and tugging lightly. "Just keep moving. We're almost there!"

"Give that to me," someone rasped behind us. I turned my head, my eyes widening when Reiner easily swung Armin's backpack onto his back, his pace still steady next to us. He pinned us both with a stern look as he muttered, "You'll end up dropping out this way. We're being graded on today's training!" Reiner's gaze lingered on me and I bowed my head. I knew I could go faster without burning myself out, but I was only lagging behind because I didn't want to lose sight of Armin.

"But now, they're gonna punish you too," Armin protested, his words coming out unevenly. He turned to look at me, blue eyes pleading. "Both of you."

"Then do your best so they won't find out! Don't make me change my mind," Reiner countered harshly. "Dani, go!"

"But, Armin – " I glanced at my best friend.

"Go," Armin panted, not looking at me. "I won't pull you down." Oh, he noticed too. Well, that was expected.

I bit my lip before nodding once, picking up speed until I was in the middle of the crowd in front of me. I didn't need to watch Armin so closely, damn it, but I couldn't help it. I had to trust in Armin and trust in Reiner too. Reiner wouldn't do anything to harm Armin, nor sabotage him so he would fail.

Soon enough, I heard Armin's distinct heavy breathing next to me and smiled a little.

_Knew he could do it._

•●•●•●•

Wind whooshed in my ears as I flew by, engaging and disengaging the grappling hooks of my 3DMG as my eyes scanned the trees. I gritted my teeth; I had to find the cardboard 'Titans' soon or I wouldn't be able to get a good grade.

Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a brown different from the one surrounding us. It wasn't the brown of the targets, but the brown of the military jackets. I changed course, choosing to follow whoever that was only to rethink my decision. Connie was already tailing whoever that was. It was tough enough to find an unharmed target without piggybacking someone who already had a leech.

"Dammit," I cursed, zooming just by Connie, who startled briefly before keeping his focus on – oh, Jean. He was tailing Jean.

I was starting to feel a little antsy, but I firmly pushed the panic away. I still had another twenty minutes and there were plenty of 'Titans' to kill. I just had to find them.

Another shade of brown caught my eye and I swore again, swinging around one-eighty and heading towards the target. I noticed Eren and Mikasa heading towards me and grinned a little wildly. My blades flashed in the weak sunlight as I cut a chunk from the back of its neck, winking at my two best friends.

Even as I dashed off in a burst of compressed air, I could hear Eren's muttered, "Show off."

•●•●•●•

Mikasa and I stared each other down. I could feel her analysing gaze on me as I carefully watched her, my body tense enough that I could react when she chose to attack.

So far, we had been on even ground, with the two of us winning two rounds each. This last match would determine the winner and I wouldn't be easily beat, not even by Mikasa.

I knew what they said about her. They called her a prodigy and I couldn't disagree. Her skill was unmatched. The only person I could even compare her to was Levi and even then, I didn't think the comparison was accurate. Tentatively, I would say Mikasa could be better than Levi, but that was without seeing the full extent of Levi's prowess.

The flash in her eyes was the only warning I got. Her leg shot up towards my face and I caught her foot with my hands cupped, pushing it back in a poor attempt to push her off-balance. I countered by attempting to catch her torso with my leg sweep, but she ducked under it. Shit, that put my back to her.

I jumped, just in time to avoid her leg sweep and turned, leading with a right hook. She caught my fist and I noticed the slightest of smirks across her lips as she twisted my arm behind my back. Ow, _fuck_.

I gritted my teeth against the pain and hooked my leg behind her knee, causing us to both fall backwards when her knee buckled. Mikasa grunted softly as my weight collided with her gut, threatening to squish her. I wasn't by any means heavyset, but I was hardly light. I spun to my side to untwist my arm, the joints protesting from the fall. I backed away; I needed to put some space between us –

Mikasa lunged, catching me off guard. We struggled for a little while, rolling on the ground before Mikasa caught my arm again and got me facedown onto the ground. She twisted my arm behind my back and dug her knee into the base of my spine.

"I give," I wheezed, Mikasa finally releasing me so I could breathe. I panted heavily, catching my breath as I lay on the ground. After a while, a hand entered my vision and I smiled up at Mikasa, letting her haul me up. "Good game."

"You too," she praised.

I brushed the dirt from my clothes, laughing breathlessly. I rolled my right shoulder, wincing slightly. Ah, it was probably going to be sore for the next couple of days.

She caught my action, her lips turning down a fraction. "Are you okay?"

I waved away my discomfort, smiling brightly. "I'll live. Don't worry about it." I sighed, shaking a lock of red hair out of my eyes. "Congrats on the win."

To be honest, I couldn't really find the point of combat training like this. We weren't learning a specific martial art. We were learning what I assume would have been basic self-defence that they would have thought Back Then. I had never attended a self-defence class, but it certainly had intrigued me.

Mikasa picked up the wooden dagger that handed been handed out to the pairs at the beginning of the session. "Now, we should start trying with armed versus unarmed."

I smirked slightly, picking up on Mikasa's unique brand of dry and extremely subtle humour. _Playtime's over_.

Mikasa flipped the dagger in her hand, the blade pointing towards me as she readied to attack. I got into a stable fighting stance, waiting for Mikasa to attack.

"Wait, Annie!" Eren cried from somewhere behind me and I turned, nearly missing Mikasa running towards me. I jerked back just in time, grabbing her wrist and applying pressure as I gripped her collar and hooked my right leg with her left, effectively tripping her. She released the dagger, panting from the sudden exertion.

"You shouldn't have gotten distracted," she chided as she took my hand. I looked back towards Eren's cry.

"Sorry," I murmured, taking the dagger from Mikasa distractedly as I watched Annie and Eren interact. "Wow," I breathed, watching Annie dispatch the dagger from Eren's hand with minimal effort. It was certainly a lot more efficient than the way the instructors had taught us.

I watched Reiner say a few words. He charged Annie and it seemed like in the blink of an eye, he was down on the ground, his body contorted in a painful manner similar to the way Eren's had been in moments ago.

"Dani," Mikasa said sternly, tearing my attention from where Annie had suddenly pressed in close to Eren.

I couldn't help but feel uneasy. To tell the truth, _Annie_ was the one who made me uneasy. Annie Leonheart, with her quiet menace and cold, pale blue eyes. She looked a little like Armin, which unsettled me just a little.

_Female Titan…_

I shook away all thoughts of the future, gripping the handle of the makeshift dagger in my hand. no, all I needed to focus on was _now_. One step at a time…

•●•●•●•

I frowned thoughtfully, biting on the head of my spoon to keep occupied. It was a strange quirk I had picked up over the years. While I thought, I always had to have my mouth occupied, most times it was my bottom lip, but if I was holding anything that could be gnawed on, it would end up in my mouth.

"It's just natural," Armin said, looking a little disappointed. I could understand; we'd all like to think that humanity was worth saving, but sometimes things like this happen and you just wonder. "Before the fall of Wall Maria, only the few soldiers in the Recon Corps actually utilised the 3D Maneuver Gear."

I had half an ear on Armin's brief lecture, my ears picking up an interesting conversation going on behind us.

"You should rev it up hard, but just for a second. Using inertia that way, you can minimise gas consumption," Jean explained in what I thought was a slightly cocky manner.

Still… that was actually really smart. I hadn't thought of using the Maneuver Gear like that. By using inertia, it was a brilliant way to make the limited supply we usually had go further. I shook my head slightly. Jean wasn't top in our class when it came to 3D Maneuver Gear handling for nothing.

"You make it sound so easy," his conversation partner scoffed.

"Sure, it's not something anyone could master," he sniffed. Jean didn't usually talk like that, though, unless…

I turned around, rolling my eyes when I realised Mikasa was sitting next to him. Whenever Mikasa was around, Jean went from slightly annoying to downright intolerable. I wish he didn't try to show off in front of Mikasa so much. It only annoyed me – and her.

"Typical Jean," I snorted, shaking my head. "He's really… desperate, isn't he?"

Armin broke of his train of thought, glancing at Jean. "I suppose so," Armin mused. "I wonder if he knows he's actually being a little intolerable."

"I doubt he does."

"But it's still worth remembering if you're trying to get into the Military Police," Jean finished.

"It'd be great if I could get in…" Marco sighed. "There's no higher honour than working near the King."

"Oi, Marco! Stop being such a goody-goody and tell the truth," Jean said, leaning in towards the freckled teen. "You want to join the Military Police so you can live a simple, comfortable life within the Inner District."

"No," Marco protested. "I actually want to – "

"Not everyone is like you, Jean," I said, allowing my voice to travel. I glanced at the two teens out of the corner of my eye. "Some people choose to go to the Military Police because they want to make a difference."

"Like you?" he scoffed, gaze sharp. "You're obviously trying to get into the Military Police too."

I lifted my chin in defiance. "You're wrong," I replied, my voice low enough that he didn't have to strain to hear my voice. "I'm going to get into the Recon Corps."

Stunned silence followed my announcement. Then, Jean erupted into guffaws. My eyebrow twitched in annoyance. It wasn't _that_ absurd of a notion. "Just admit you want the easy life in the Inner District," Jean chuckled. "You don't have to act tough in front of us."

I sighed, rolling my eyes. Whatever. He'll find out I was serious after we disbanded to choose the branch we were joining.

"So interior life's simple and comfortable?" Eren asked, a tremor of anger rippling through his voice. "Five years ago, this place was also part of the interior."

I nodded. Eren made a good point.

"What's your point, Eren?" Jean demanded.

Eren took a swig from his mug, putting it down with an echoing _clank_. Only then did I realise how everyone had suddenly gone quiet. "Jean, you're such a simpleton, you'd be comfortable wherever you go."

I coughed to hide my laugh as Jean's eye right eye twitched in annoyance. No, wait. I was the mature one. I'm not supposed to encourage this. Where was this even coming from, anyway? This couldn't stem from his talk with Annie… could it?

"Damn you," Jean growled, taking a step forward.

"Don't you think it's crazy, learning how to kill Titans just to run away from them?" Eren continued, no doubt building up to a speech.

"You're bringing that up now? This farce should be kept going; for my sake if nothing else!"

That statement right there was human nature at its basest. As long as it kept me alive, I'll allow it to happen.

"You damn bastard," Eren snarled, standing up.

"Fuck off and face reality!" Jean yelled back, standing up as well.

"Eren," Armin exclaimed, "stop it!"

"Cut it out, guys," I added, getting out of my seat as well. "You'll get in trouble!"

Mikasa stood up calmly, standing between the two. "Stop this," she commanded quietly, taking Eren's hand and placing it by his side. They two adopted siblings shared a look filled with so many words and I looked away, feeling an odd sense of not belonging.

_Not really that odd, _Dani.

Shut up, me. I turned my gaze back to the trio in front of me, frowning slightly at my own melancholic thoughts.

"Dammit, you asshole!" Jean roared, a burning fire of jealousy emitting from his eyes. He grabbed the front of Eren's shirt and my protective instincts kicked in.

I scowled, picking up my spoon and launching it at Jean's head. "I said _cut it out_, dumbass," I yelled. "Stop picking fights needlessly!"

Jean bared his teeth at me in annoyance. "Fuck off," he growled. "I don't care! I'm so jealous!"

"Oh my fucking god, are you actually serious?" I uttered, completely baffled. Sometimes it was easy to forget that these were actually _teenagers_ I was dealing with. No matter how childish I acted, no matter how much they could match me in maturity most of the time, it still boiled down to the fact that they were teenagers and I was going through the torture of puberty a second time.

"What the hell are you even talking about?" Eren shouted. I nearly face palmed. Eren could be so _dense_. He had reached a density that went beyond the obtuse mind of a fourteen-year-old boy.

My eyes widened as Eren gripped Jean's wrist, his other hand coming up to clutch the taller boy's neck. It seemed to happen in slow motion in my eyes as I recalled a similar grab earlier this afternoon, when I had thought it was too fast for my eyes to catch it. It turned out I _had_ committed it to memory, after all. Eren's leg kicked out and that was the end. Jean went crashing to the ground.

I gaped at Eren, not believing what he had done. It was a near perfect mimic of Annie's move on Reiner from the sparring session. Just… why did he do that?

"That hurt," Jean groaned, sitting up and rubbing the back of his head. "What the hell was that?"

"That was a move I learned while you were slacking off," Eren said, sounding unbelievably stern. My eyes were unwittingly drawn to Annie's half-turned figure. "If you think reality is just living comfortably and following your own whims, can you seriously dare to call yourself a soldier?"

I was… surprised. Eren had learned something that took me years to figure out. I hadn't figured that part out until I was in my late teens.

I was wrong. Perhaps I was the one who needed to match them in maturity. I still had much to learn. _A lot_ more to learn.

The door creaked open and I flinched back when I saw Shadis's form, shrouded in darkness. It clung to him like a cloak and all we could see were his eyes, irises shrunk into tiny pinpricks of darkness. I had to squash down a shriek at his sudden appearance. "I thought I just heard some kind of loud noise. Someone care to enlighten me as to what's going on?" His voice had an ominous ring to it.

The silence within the mess hall was so loud it would only take someone breathing a little too loudly to shatter the fragile silence and earn everyone's attention. We sat down and I was just about to come up with an excuse when –

"Sasha just ripped a giant fart, sir," Mikasa offered, raising her hand. I snorted into my soup. I was just going to say Jean had fallen. Man, did I love Mikasa's humour!

A shadow appeared over Shadis's face as he covered his nose discreetly. "You again?" he muttered with a glower. "Learn some self-control!" The door shut behind him and we waited for his footsteps to fade before breathing a collective sigh of relief.

Wordlessly, I passed my bread to Mikasa. Mikasa looked up at me, the barest twinkle of mirth masked behind her stoicism.

"I was just going to say Jean fell, so you win," I told her just as Sasha bounded up to her and wailed about the injustice. To shut her up, Mikasa shoved the roll I had just passed her into Sasha's mouth.

Eren and Armin just shared an amused look – they were more than used to our silent friendly competitions, even if they didn't understand – while Jean just stared between Mikasa and me in mild disbelief.


	6. Battle

_**And I thought life was hard enough the first time.**_

_**OC self-insert (because I'm that shameless)**_

_**This chapter was hard, yo. Not as hard as the next one, but still plenty hard. So many emotions and… movement. The movement and fighting is a thing. I hope I don't disappoint?**_

_**As usual, you reviewers are a gem. You're all so fun to communicate with. –hearteu-**_

_**Nina – Thanks for your review~ I'm glad to hear you enjoy Dani's character. She's just so fun, isn't she?**_

_**-0-**_

"Hands upon your hearts!"

"Hai!" us trainees answered, a dull thud sounding through the room as two hundred and nineteen of us simultaneously saluted.

I… finally made it. I made it to graduation with minimal black marks on my record (there was a thing with me and Jean involving snowballs and Keith Shadis. I'd rather not say). I lifted my chin a little higher, proud of how much I've changed. I wasn't the same, spoiled child from Back Then. No, I had grown up too.

"For you trainees graduating today," the blonde man in the front continued, voice booming, "three paths now open before you.

"You can be stationed at the walls and defend the cities as members of the Garrison! You can put your lives on the line to fight the Titans in their own territory as members of the Recon Corps! Lastly, you can serve the King by controlling the crowds and protecting order as members of the Military Police Brigade! Of course, only the ten people with top scores we announced earlier are allowed into the Military Police."

I glanced to my left, not really believing that I was stood _here_. True, you could say that I just made it into the top ten, but I actually _made_ it into the top ten. I mean, tenth place isn't so bad when I was worrying I would be in the bottom ten. I just… couldn't believe it.

Maybe this is a dream.

It was a shame this spot into the Military Police was wasted, though. Well, nothing to regret now.

I looked forward once more, thinning my lips in determination. Top ten or not, I couldn't be complacent. I couldn't _afford_ to be. If I made it into the top ten, I'd better damn well _prove_ I deserved it.

"Congrats on making top ten," Armin congratulated once the graduation ceremony was over. I smiled, pulling him into a hug. Sudden, I know, but I was just so _happy_. Armin stiffened before hugging me back.

I chuckled, ruffling his hair. "I don't believe it," I uttered, feeling like I was in a daze. "I'm tenth. _Tenth_. This has to be a dream. Someone pinch me." I yelped when I felt a sharp pain in my shoulder. "Mikasa, I wasn't serious!"

"You asked. I delivered," Mikasa pointed out, taking a sip of her drink. I snorted, nudging her with my hip. I fiddled with the end of my braid. The cloth bracelet around my wrist shifted and I pressed it close to my heart. I had, um, outgrown my vest last year and I couldn't bear to throw it away, so I cut it up and braided it into bracelets instead. It was painful, cutting up my mother's hard work like that, but I just needed it close to me. it made me feel better, knowing that the cloth my mom had touched was still with me.

"You don't wanna join the Military Police, Eren?" Thomas asked, shock evident in his… well, everything. "Are you serious? But you've got one of the top ten scores!"

"I've been dead-set on my goal since the very beginning," Eren stated, looking down into his tankard. He looked up, that familiar fire burning in his eyes. I couldn't help but think the light of the lantern reflecting in his eyes was very fitting. "I didn't train to live comfortably within the Inner District. I worked this hard so that I could fight the Titans."

"But you can't possibly win!"

I shot him an annoyed glare. Thank you for putting a damper on this awesome evening.

He seemed cowed at the sudden silence, but carried on. "You know full well… you _know_ just how many have been eaten by them. We've lost more than twenty percent of the entire population already. Mankind doesn't stand a chance against them."

Silence descended. I couldn't but feel so _annoyed_ by Thomas's train of thought. I have been struggling with the thought that I might _die again_ because I chose the Recon Corps and I was aware that we were lacking, but that didn't mean I was just going to – to give up! I hated when people thought mankind wouldn't ever be able to win. It was people like that who _ensured_ we would never be anything more than Titan food.

"So what?" I asked, crossing my arms. Thomas's eyes widened, suddenly shooting to me. I get why he's surprised; I usually preferred to hang back and watch, like Mikasa, but I just couldn't _stand_ it anymore. "So _what_? You're just going to give up without even putting up a fight?" I let my gaze roam the room, noticing a lot of eyes on me. I didn't even feel embarrassed, my irritation burning hot in my chest. "We don't stand a chance because we don't _fight_. If we keep hiding behind these walls, how can we ever expect to stand a chance?"

There was so much more I wanted to say, but I just didn't have the capacity to express them in words. I was so frustrated my hands were trembling. I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked back, meeting Eren's eyes. His eyes glinted in the low light – approval, maybe?

"It's true. We've only suffered defeats so far," Eren said and even then, he was on much steadier footing than I was. Back Then, Eren would have made a great public speaker. "That's because we knew hardly anything about them! We can't defeat them using sheer numbers. We may have lost, but the knowledge we obtained from those battles is our guiding beacon of hope."

Eren's eyes flashed. "Yet, you'd discard the tactical progress bought by hundreds of thousands of sacrifices, just to serve yourself up on a silver platter? You've gotta be kidding me!" Eren raised a hand in front of him and clenched it into a fist. "I'll kill every last one of them and break free of these walls," he vowed. "That is my dream! Mankind hasn't lost everything yet."

I couldn't help but gaze at him in admiration. There was something so impressive about his drive and focus. I couldn't hope to have that same single-minded determination, but the goal was a bright beacon in my mind, urging me to go forward and grab it with both hands. Just out of reach and I was willing to take the steps to achieve it.

_I'm almost there, nii-chan. I told you I'd make it. Just you wait._

Eren gazed at those around, eyes darkening with anger. Then, he turned and stormed off. Mikasa, Armin and I shared a brief look before following after him.

"Wait, Eren," Armin cried.

We stopped when we saw Eren sitting on the steps. I pretended not to hear him sniffling as I shared a concerned look with Armin.

I sat down next to Eren as Armin sat down in front of me and Mikasa sat on Eren's other side, a little ways up. We sat in silence and I was reminded to the day of the fall of Shiganshina. Not the appearance of the Colossal Titan, no, but the happenings before – when we were sitting by the river and shared a silence like this. I glanced at the three teens before me, feeling fondness settle in my chest. They were my friends and my family and I wouldn't let them go; not even in death.

"Eren, can we talk about your dream?" Armin inquired.

Eren smiled slightly. "Yeah. After all, I got it from you." That peaked my interest. He did? "Break free of the walls and all that…"

Armin turned forward and I stared at the back of his blonde head. I could practically hear the gears turning. "I'm going to enlist in the Recon Corps," he stated.

My fists clenched in my skirt as I swallowed down the urge to protest. He was his own person. He was getting too old for me to tell him what to do (not that I did that a lot anyway). I already _knew_ what he'd choose. That didn't mean I didn't still fear for his life. I think… I always would. As long as there were Titans around, I don't think _any_ of us would be safe.

Eren reeled back in surprise. "Are you for real, Armin? You're our top theoretician! Put that to better use."

"I don't care if I die as long as I can be useful," Armin countered, hands clenching into fists. He looked back, not at Eren, but at me. I could see the apprehension in his eyes and it took me a while to realise he was waiting to hear what I would say. We had talked briefly about the different branches we could join after we finished training, but neither of us had outright said which we would choose.

I smiled softly, hand raising to tousle his hair. "I think having the top theoretician in the Recon Corps would be more than useful," I commented and Armin relaxed.

"I'm going to join the Recon Corps too," Mikasa announced.

Eren turned to her, frowning. "Oi, you got the top score, didn't you? Go to the Military Police!" he demanded.

"I'll go to the Military Police if you do," Mikasa retorted in an even voice. "If you go to the Garrison, so will I. You'll die an early death if I'm not there for you."

I bit my lip so I wouldn't grin. Mikasa didn't need to say anything for me to know she would be joining the Recon Corps. Eren and Mikasa were a package deal, end of story. There was never any doubt for Mikasa. Where Eren went, Mikasa would follow like an intelligent, deadly shadow.

"I never asked for that," Eren muttered, tousling his hair.

"I don't want to lose what's left of my family," Mikasa whispered into the air.

He grunted, leaning back on his hands before turning to me. "What about you, Dani?"

"What about me?" I asked, reclining and resting my weight on my elbows.

Eren nudged me. "Where are you going to go?"

I nudged him back. "Isn't it obvious?" I asked. "I haven't changed my mind. I'm joining the Recon Corps too. I said before the four of us are in this together. I meant it." I exhaled slowly, looking up at the night sky. "I have something to prove to someone, anyway."

"Who?" Eren questioned.

I lolled my head to the side, wondering if I should tell them. I peered up into Eren's curious green eyes. "Maybe next time," I said gently. No, I wasn't ready to tell them yet. I still had to keep this close to my heart.

"Tch," Eren scoffed, shoving me slightly in mock annoyance. The grin playing on his lips gave away his lack of annoyance. "Always needing to act mysterious."

"It's make me interesting to be around, ne?" I grinned a little cheekily.

He shook his head, looking back up at the sky. "No, not just that."

I glanced at him curiously, but he looked at me out of the corner of his eye and nudged me, gesturing to the sky. I held in a gasp as I saw a shooting star fall, my eyes fluttering closed. It was childish, but I _am_ technically a child, so I made a wish.

_I wish… I wish the four of us would never be apart._

•●•●•●•

I barely managed to keep up with Eren, stumbling over a loose rock and nearly pulling us both to the ground. It was weird, being the one pulled around. Usually, I was the one pulling Armin around. This time, Armin trailed behind the two of us with Mikasa following closely behind. I don't get it. Out of the three of us, how come _I'm_ the one being tugged by Eren?

"Where are we going?" I asked. Eren paused briefly for me to catch up and to rap my forehead. "Ow, _what_?"

"Did you forget?" he sighed. "It's the start of another expedition!"

I stopped rubbing my forehead. Oh, right. I forgot. Today was the, what, fifty-sixth expedition? I'd almost forgotten about that. Eren tugged me forward, nearly dislocating my shoulder. I put a little more effort into catching up with him (damn teenage boys and their ability to shoot up twenty centimetres within a year). We reached the small crowd that was gathering near the gates.

"They're here," someone shouted. "The main force of the Recon Corps is here!"

I turned, placing a hand on Eren's shoulder and tiptoeing slightly. Eren snickered, causing me to tweak his ear. He gave a yelp, retaliating by poking my side and causing me to shriek slightly. We shared a brief glare before I rolled my eyes and smirked. Children will be children, I guess. Hey, I was fourteen again. I could afford to be a little childish.

"Commander Erwin," a spectator screamed. "Kick their Titan asses for me." He didn't even blink.

It was funny how the Recon Corps were heroes _now_, but when they came back with at least half their forces reduced and injured, they were the scum of the military. Humans were so fickle. This was worse than reading about the press turning on celebrities Back Then.

I scanned the soldiers for that one familiar face. When my eyes rested on his face, I sighed inaudibly, relaxing and rocking back onto my heels. I knew he'd be there of course, but it eased my mind to confirm it with my own eyes. I followed Levi's form for a while, making sure he had all his limbs.

"Look," another person yelled in excitement. "There's Captain Levi! They say he alone counts for a full unit!"

That didn't matter; I already knew he was strong. All that mattered was that he was _there_ and I could finally prove to him that I wasn't just some weak little girl with an impossible dream.

"He's okay," I sighed, my gaze lingering on Levi for a moment longer before I looked away.

"Who's okay?" Eren inquired. I blinked at him in slight shock. I hadn't expected him to hear that.

"Just…" To tell or not to tell? "The person I needed to prove something to."

I could tell he was getting a little excited at the thought. "Which one is it?" He tried to follow my gaze, but I was simply scanning over the entire main force now, not lingering on anyone in particular.

I tilted his head to the side with my index finger. "You'll find out eventually," I laughed. "Not today, though."

"Tch." He took in the whole force again. "They look completely different from five years ago," he commented. "People really count on the Recon Corps a lot."

"They are pretty cool," I agreed.

"They're cheering everyone up," Hannah, who was behind me, piped up. "The past won't have to be repeated."

"The artillery has been improved as well," Franz (we all know he's Hannah's boyfriend, but he doesn't know and Hannah doesn't know so shhh) added. "That Colossal Titan won't come again, right?"

"Yeah," Hannah chimed. I held in a squeal. Oh, they're so _cute_.

They're also horrifically wrong. I rested my chin on my fist, sighing inwardly. Today was yet another milestone in the series – the Battle of Trost. I stared at Eren's side profile, a shudder threatening to run through me. I was going to _lose _him, no matter how brief the moment. I couldn't even remember how his Titan form looked like, the image in my mind some fuzzy blur. Not for the first time, I cursed my failing memory.

Eren's reprimand along with Hannah's and Franz's protests at not being a couple (lies!) sounded like buzzing in my ears as I thought. It was today. God, I couldn't believe it. These past four years seemed to have passed by so quickly. Am I really ready for another attack – one that I would have to _participate_ in?

I quickly shook myself. I didn't have a choice. I _had_ to be ready. Mentally, I felt I was almost there. Physically… well, I placed tenth, so it meant _something_. It didn't mean _everything_, though. Marco placed seventh and… he died.

I pressed my knuckle against my lips as I thought. Could I… could I change that? I wasn't sure. I wasn't sure at all, but damn it I had to try. It was one thing to want to save him when he was simply just a character to me, but that changed. He wasn't just _some character_ anymore. No, he was my friend and I would be devastated if he died.

I looked up from the ground to meet Armin's concerned gaze. He sidled next to me, leaning in close so we could have a private conversation.

"What are you thinking?" he asked, lips pursing in concern.

I blinked, forcing myself to lift the somewhat dark aura that settled over me with a cloud. I coaxed my lips into a smile, relaxing into his side. "It's nothing," I reassured him. He still didn't look convinced, so I shrugged. "I just have a bad feeling, that's all. It's probably nothing."

He scrutinised me closely, but let it slide. "Alright. If you say so."

"Although…" I bit my lip when Armin urged me to go on. I dropped my voice to a whisper as I said, "I'm pretty sure Hannah and Franz like each other."

We shared a look, erupting into silent laughter. "I'm pretty sure they like each other too," he coughed out. "They're not exactly subtle."

"Hey, you there," someone called, the words obviously directed at us. Mikasa, Eren, Armin and I turned. The face wasn't familiar to me, but it was obviously familiar to the others.

"Hannes," Eren called out, smile lighting up his face.

Hannes walked up to us. Oh, so this was the famous Hannes. He stopped in front of us, surveying the others closely as a parent would after not seeing a child for some time and sparing me a curious glance. "You guys graduated yesterday, right? I can't believe they really let you kids through."

"I heard they made a drunkard like you captain of the Garrison," Eren retorted.

"Touché," Hannes replied, poking Eren's forehead back. The smile slid off his face. "Sorry." Why was he apologising? "I'm sorry I couldn't save your mother."

I glanced at Eren, watching his reaction carefully. We had never really talked about it, his mother, since the night after the fall of Shiganshina. I didn't really see the need. When it boiled down to it, Eren would be a lot more talking about something like that with someone he knew longer, like Armin or Mikasa.

"It's not your fault, Hannes," Eren stated firmly. Surprise blossomed across Hannes's features. "I'm no longer ignorant. I won't let that sort of tragedy happen again. I _will_ defeat the Titans."

Sometimes… sometimes I wondered if Eren thought saying it enough times would aid him in making it a reality. Maybe he repeats that statement again and again to remind himself of his goal. Either way, it was heartening. It helped me remember my _own_ goal; to protect the three of them as much as I can.

Eren ran off not long after that, Mikasa and Armin staying behind to speak to Hannes.

"And who's this?" Hannes asked jovially, gaze directed towards me. I blinked myself out of my thoughts, smiling softly and bowing.

"Dani Vale, sir," I said politely. "I've heard a lot about you from Armin and Eren." Mainly Eren when he felt like complaining how hard training was and some spiel about not believing a lazy-ass drunkard like Hannes could pass it.

"Ah, so _this_ is the Dani I keep hearing about." Hannes laughed, thumping Armin's back. "You caught yourself a good looking one, Armin!"

Armin turned red while a blush heated up the back of my neck. Why does _everyone_ assume that I like Armin or Armin likes me? We don't _think_ of each other that way!

"They're not a couple, Hannes," Mikasa clarified while Armin and I were struck dumb at the notion. I could detect an amused glint in Mikasa's eye. In response to that, I shoved her lightly.

"Oh? Well, that's a shame."

"Hannes!"

"Seriously?"

Eren ran back at that moment, grabbing my arm. "Dani, come on," he panted, dragging me along and nearly causing me to trip _again_. I really hope this 'tugging Dani around everywhere' isn't going to be a regular thing with him. "We have to go maintain the cannons, remember?" He turned back to look at me, raising an eyebrow. "Why are your ears red?"

"Don't ask," I deadpanned.

•●•●•●•

"Huh? You enlisted in the Recon Corps?"

I looked up at Eren's exclamation, wiping my hands free of gunpowder. He was looking at Connie. I had to admit that _I_ was surprised too. Connie had been dead-set on joining the Military Police, like Jean. I knew Eren was persuasive… but could he really persuade a knucklehead like Connie to completely change his mind and join the Recon Corps? You have to admit that the Military Police and Recon Corps were completely different. Almost worlds apart, in fact and that's a lot coming from me.

"Connie!" Eren continued, eyebrows furrowed. "You were going on and on about joining the Military Police. "

"Yeah, I know," Connie replied nonchalantly. "But…"

"Seems like he was listening to your lecture yesterday," Mina chimed, walking up to Eren. Interestingly enough, her eyes slid to me for a brief moment before resting on Eren once more. Um, okay, weird.

"Shut up!" Connie shouted. "This is my own decision!"

I giggled at the blush on Connie's cheeks. "It's not a crime to let yourself be swayed by someone's words, Connie," I teased, grinning gleefully as the blush on his cheeks darkened.

"Shut up," he repeated, this time directed at me.

"Don't be so shy about it. You're not the only one," Thomas expressed, joining our conversation. He scratched the side of his jaw a little bashfully. I looked at him with my eyebrows raised. When he met my gaze, he quickly looked away, blush darkening.

… I don't get it.

"Thomas…" Eren murmured. "Are you serious?"

"Um, guys," another voice interjected. We turned to see Sasha walking towards us, her Maneuver Gear clanking as she walked. I could only describe the look on her face as blissed out. "I borrowed some meat from the officers' morning rations."

I choked on my spit. "You're not serious," I deadpanned, eyeing the meat she was hiding in her jacket the same way I would a ticking time bomb. Holy shit, I knew Sasha was insane, but stealing from our _commanding officers_…

"Sasha," Eren choked out, sounding a little strained. "Do you want to get solitary confinement?"

"You're a real idiot!" Samuel concluded.

"Real idiocy's scary…" Connie breathed.

Suddenly, I patted Connie's head, causing him to flinch back and hit his head against the cannon. "What gives?" he demanded, rubbing his head and shooting me a glare.

"Connie," I said seriously, almost smirking when I saw him gulp. "I think I prefer your brand of idiocy over Sasha's."

He blinked at me in obvious confusion, still rubbing his sore head. "Thanks… wait, hey!"

"Let's all split it up together later," Sasha sighed wistfully, a little bit of drool dripping from the corner of her mouth. Her eyes widened in excitement as she added in a dreamy voice, "We'll slice it up and eat it with bread!" She shuddered in obvious pleasure and longing.

The bat shit insane are _scary_.

"Bring it back," Connie insisted, only to be disputed by Mina.

"Yeah," the shorter girl agreed, bluish-grey eyes shining. "Meat is a luxury now that we've lost so much land."

"Don't worry about it," Sasha said in a cheerful voice. She kneeled to place the meat in the chest as she continued, "Once we retake the land, we can keep pigs and cows again."

I smiled, resting my chin on my hands as I watched everyone get swept in the optimism. I let myself float in the current of positivity as well; I think I deserved a little cheer after all this time.

"I'll take that meat!" Samuel said loudly, looking like the words were forced out of him.

Connie seemed to steel himself. "Me too," he declared. "So save my part!"

I laughed, shrugging. "What the heck," I said, throwing caution to the wind. I haven't eaten meat in years. I almost feel like a vegetarian. "Save me some too."

"That goes for me too," Mina added.

Eren looked around at all of us in awe. "Guys…"

I poked his side, causing him to jump and look at me. I tilted my head towards the graduates. _You in?_

Eren blinked at me before a smile spread across his lips. In that one smile, I could see all he hope Eren had for humanity and for us. I wanted to be there to make his hopes and dreams come true.

"They'll find us out if we don't get back to work," Samuel sighed, heading back to the canon he was supposed to maintain.

"It's still a while before lunch," Mina chirped, heading back to her own canon as well.

"Back to work," I sang, poking Eren with the rammer. He huffed out a laugh, but I didn't push when he just stood there for a moment. I bet he was just taking in our awesomeness.

There was a sudden bolt of lightning, causing me to flinch back. The crash was deafening and even when it was gone, my ears were ringing. A shadow dropped over me and I dropped my rag, my body shaking as I slowly turned.

My eyes widened impossibly as I saw the monster that I hadn't seen in five years. It was one thing to see it from the ground, behind the safety of a wall, but seeing it _right in front of me_ damn near had me pissing my pants. I could almost feel the heat of the skin.

Time seemed to suspend as we stared at the Colossal Titan in horror. I knew I had to do _something_, but my body wasn't obeying. I had my 3DMG on and all I had to do was reach for it and pull the trigger. I just – I _had_ to do something. If only time would just _move_ –

Eren gasped and I shot up, my hands flew to my gear when I found myself blasted by steam. I was thrown off my feet, my body flying through the air as I gave a short-lived scream.

Panic threatened to overtake my mind, but I pushed it away the same way I always did during training. I took a quick survey of my surroundings, releasing my grappling hooks into the wall to stop my fall. I felt disorientated, everything suddenly in razor sharp focus. _The adrenaline_.

"Eren!" I yelled, the ringing in my ears finally subsiding.

"I'm okay," Eren yelled back, a little ways away from me. I heaved out a sigh of relief; since Mikasa wasn't around, it was my job to look after Eren while she kept an eye on Armin for me, not that Armin needed it. Watching out for Armin was certainly a whole lot easier than watching Eren's back.

"Sasha!" I heard Mina desperately cry out and turned, my eyes easily catching Sasha running against the wall and… no, Samuel's falling body! My foot slid, my fingers twitching to disengage the hooks and try to grab Samuel out of freefall, but logic told me I wouldn't be able to make it. No, I had to leave it to Sasha.

I leaned my head back, releasing the breath I hadn't realised I was holding when Sasha fired her grappling hook into his leg. It would hurt like a bitch when he awoke… but at least he wasn't painting the ground with his blood.

I looked towards Connie, who was closest to me, but he wasn't looking at Samuel. No, his gaze was somewhere a little lower…

I followed his gaze, something akin to ice sliding down my back when I noticed the hole in the wall. Damn it, he broke the gate again!

My grip on the wires holding me up tightened to the extent that the metal bit into my skin. I could feel myself trembling, but I wasn't sure if it was from adrenaline, anger or fear. It might have even been a strange mix of all three. I couldn't decipher my own emotions right now.

In the back of my mind, a voice blubbered _too fast, too fast_, but I had had _years_ to prepare for this. I hadn't gone through that hell of a training, I hadn't lost Anna, I hadn't come this far just to freeze when it counted.

"Ready the artillery! Four groups!" Eren commanded and I snapped myself out of my thoughts, gritting my teeth in determination. I was goddamn _ready_ for this shit and if I wasn't, there was something seriously wrong with me. "Prepare for battle!"

Eren snapped his blades on, unsheathing them with a ridiculously loud scrape. I had a feeling it was only loud in my head, having heard the same sound multiple times before. That was in training. This was the real thing.

_I'm ready_.

He let loose some wire and my hands reacted, dropping down to the handgrips and efficiently snapping a pair of blades on. I drew them out as well, bottom lip clamped between my teeth.

"The target's right in front of us," Eren shouted.

_No more doubts._

"It's the Colossal Titan! This is our chance!"

_I've been training for this. I'm not weak. I'm _strong_._

"Don't let it slip away!"

_I'm Danika Vale. I've been preparing for this moment my whole life!_

I pulled the trigger, reeling myself to the top and simultaneously using the gas to propel me upwards. I shot over the edge of the wall, landing a little harder than I wanted to, my knees bent to accommodate my landing.

Eren was _right there_ in front of the Titan and I had promised Mikasa I would take care of him. Most of all, I had promised _myself_ that I would be there for him. I didn't break promises in this lifetime.

I ran towards Eren. He turned slightly and we shared a brief look. _I've got your back._

A large hand swept towards us and we ran to avoid it, jumping off the edge towards the Colossal Titan. I gasped as it took out all of our fixed canons. I shouldn't have been surprised, of course. I _knew_ it wasn't like the other Titans. It was far more intelligent.

It turned towards the two of us, still falling and I shot my grappling hooks forward, snarling under my breath as it reached for Eren. The grappling hooks embedded in the miniscule flesh near the base of the skull and I shot forward. If I angled myself like so, I was pretty sure I could cut near the nape, if not actually hit it.

I spun, reeling in my hooks at the same moment as I used the compressed air to spin me around faster, my blades poised to strike. I could sense Eren nearby and we were going to hit it, going to _kill it_ –

Steam buffeted me, making me feel uncomfortably hot. I felt myself knock into Eren, the two of us freefalling. His arm wrapped around my waist as my left arm wound its way around his shoulders. I couldn't see, the steam too hot for me to even try to squint. I could only cling to Eren, the only thing keeping the both of us anchored.

I felt both of us being propelled forward – Eren had managed to reel us in and I let go of him as the steam dissipated, firing my grappling hooks forward.

I bared my teeth in a wordless snarl as they impacted stone instead of flesh; damn Colossal Titan was _gone_. I hurriedly reeled myself in; the line was too long and it I didn't act fast, I would just end up plummeting fifty feet to the ground.

I was moving too fast to the wall. The momentum I gained would end up with me crashing hard enough into the wall to probably fracture something. I gritted my teeth, disengaging the hooks once more to reel it in faster and shooting it forward once more.

The impact jarred my knees, but it wasn't crippling.

"Dani!" Eren yelled from somewhere above me. I looked up at him, shielding my eyes from the sun with my arm. "Are you hurt?"

I reeled myself up so I was next to him. "I'm fine," I panted, not from exertion but from the suddenness of the Colossal Titan's disappearance.

He scanned my body, eyes widening when it reached my right hand. "You're bleeding!"

I looked at my hand and sure enough, blood was beginning to stain my right handgrip. I must have cut myself when we were blown off the top of the wall the first time and I gripped the wires for something to do.

"It's nothing," I dismissed quickly.

"Eren, Dani!" Thomas called from the top of the wall. "Did you get him?"

"No," Eren replied, looking frustrated at himself. "It's just like five years ago," he growled. "He showed up out of nowhere and vanished into thin air!"

I eyed the huge hole in Wall Rose uneasily, the words _Titan shifter_ repeating in my mind repeatedly. The Colossal Titan… it was a Titan shifter, wasn't it? If only I could remember _who_.

"Are you coming?" I shook my head, reeling myself to the top. I could think about that later. The Colossal Titan was gone now, so musing about it would have to be done at a time I wasn't in immediate danger.

"… I let him escape," I heard Eren say as I reached the top, Connie holding out a hand to help me up. I sent him a strained smile of gratitude.

"What are you apologising for? We couldn't move a muscle." Thomas shook his head, probably in shame at freezing. I didn't blame him; I had been prepared for this and Eren had his unwavering focus and drive to propel him forward.

"Hey, there's no time for that," Connie interjected, sounding mildly irritated. Maybe at not charging forward like Eren had? "The wall's been breached. If we don't hurry and block the hole, the Titans are going to get inside again!"

I exhaled harshly. "We can't do anything about that," I pointed out.

"Damn right you can't!" The sharp _zip_ of 3DMG filled the air as an older soldier joined us. The four of us immediately sheathed our blades and saluted. "The operation we had planned for the Colossal Titan's reappearance is already in motion!" I frowned at him, lips pursing in thought. To be honest, I hadn't thought they would have planned for this probability. "Return to HQ immediately. Don't forget to make a full report if you came into contact with him!"

"Hai!" Eren and I responded.

"Best of luck to you and the rest of the initial response team, sir!" Connie added.

We stayed at attention until the soldier ran past us. I glanced down at the wreckage the Colossal Titan had made of the gate. "You heard him," I said. "Let's head to HQ."

We flew through the streets, flying over civilians. I spared them a brief glance. It couldn't be easy on them, suddenly needing to get up and _move_ like that. I gritted my teeth, forcing myself to go a little faster. At least they had the option of evacuation.

•●•●•●•

HQ was in chaos when we arrived. All the graduates were running around, putting on their equipment and filling up their gas tanks. There was someone attempting to make a speech – probably about us being true soldiers and blah, blah, blah – but his words were fading into the commotion.

I started forward to find Armin in the mess, but a hand in my jacket held me back.

"What?" I snapped, whirling around to meet Connie's eyes.

"You're bleeding," he exclaimed. I clenched my right hand, finally feeling the sting from the cuts.

"It's nothing," I replied impatiently. "Don't worry about it. I'm sorry, but I have to find Armin."

Eren grabbed my elbow and I nearly snapped at him, but the focused expression he was wearing had me following his gaze. Some of the tension in my shoulders eased; Armin was _there_ and I hadn't failed.

I grabbed Eren's wrist and squeezed, hoping it was enough to convey how grateful I was.

"Armin, are you okay?" Eren asked, concern colouring his voice as we ran up to Armin.

"I'm fine," Armin responded, his voice sounding hollow. "I'll be fine in a second."

He was obviously _not_ fine from the way he wasn't able to hook his gas tank up to the gas supply. The problem was we didn't _have_ a second. I put my hands over his, stopping his movement and feeling his hands tremble. He looked up to meet my eyes and I could see the fear painted in the blue depths. I squeezed his hands, guiding them and successfully hooking the gas tank up, the whistle of pressurised gas signalling it was hooked up.

"This is bad," Armin croaked out. I could feel him slipping into his safe haven, using facts as a shield from the fear. "Right now, we lack the means to swiftly fix an eight metre high hole in the wall. We haven't even managed to dig up that massive rock that was meant to fill the hole!

"That means we can't block access and that this town must be abandoned. It's only a matter of time until Wall Rose gets breached too! Regardless, the Titans have the power to destroy mankind whenever they damn well please!"

I slapped him, my hand stinging (I probably shouldn't have used my right hand). "Snap out of it," I ordered quietly. "We're not dying today and we're _not_ giving up more land, you hear me?" I tilted Armin's chin up so he was looking me in the eye. "We're not the same as we were five years ago. The Titans aren't going to win this time. So stop freaking out and _calm down_."

Armin stared at me for a moment, the cornered animal look still lingering in his eyes. Then, he blinked and my Armin came back again. The whistling stopped and I unhooked his gas tank, handing it to him.

"Sorry," he breathed, grasping his gas can and hooking it up to his gear. He stood up slowly. "I'm fine now."

"Good," I said sharply, double checking Armin's straps were tight enough, wincing when the straps bit into the cuts in my hands.

Armin grabbed my wrist, turning my hand over so he could see the cut palm. There was blood smearing my palm, but the twin cuts that ran the length of my palm weren't serious. They weren't that deep, only long.

"You're hurt," he whispered.

I pulled my hand gently out of his grip. "I'm fine," I said, the words sounding overused in my mouth. "It looks a lot worse than it feels."

A white handkerchief blocked my vision and I blinked at it as it fluttered down onto my palm. I looked at Mikasa, who held a glimmer of concern in her black eyes. I smiled faintly at her, clutching the handkerchief. "Thanks."

"I'll wrap it for you."

She didn't wait for my permission, taking my hand and wrapping it just tight enough. Standing here, with Eren, Armin and Mikasa, I felt taken care of. This was my _family_ and I wasn't going to give them up easily. Going out there again meant I could die, that _they_ could die, but I didn't care. I knew they'd be there, watching my back the way I watched theirs.

You know, as long as we were in the same team.

"Split up into teams, just as in training," a commanding officer (I wasn't sure which) barked and there was another flurry of activity as the graduates gathered. Mikasa squeezed my hands one last time, her gaze _demanding_ I not get hurt further. After all this is over, I'll tell her that those cuts were just due to my own stupidity.

"Under the Garrison's command, you will form supply and information routes as you mop up any Titans you encounter. The Garrison's Intercept Squad will form the vanguard." I couldn't help but scrutinise the high tone in the commanding officer's voice, broadcasting his panic like a bullhorn. _Pathetic_. "The cadets will function as the middle guard under our command and the Garrison's elite will form the rear guard! According to the information we received, the initial response team has been wiped out."

My eyes widened as I clenched my hands into fists in an effort to steady my trembling. Wiped… out? We… we had just _spoken_ to one of the members what felt like three minutes ago! They couldn't have… already?

"They let the Titans break through their defences and get into the town!" My jaw clenched. I didn't think he deserved to talk about them like that. _Let_ the Titans break through? They didn't just _let_ them through, goddammit. They sacrificed their _lives_. "In other words, as things stand, the Armoured Titan could show up at any time to destroy the inner wall.

"No way," someone, I wasn't sure who, uttered weakly. I tuned out the murmurs, not wanting to be brought down further. When people descended into panic, they tend to drag people down with them.

"Attention!" the officer croaked, his voice on the verge of cracking. "The vanguard is intercepting the Titans at the moment. This defence mission has only one goal: to protect Wall Rose until the civilians have evacuated! Also, as I'm sure you're all aware by now, fleeing from the enemy carries a death penalty. Keep that in mind as you offer up your lives!"

I pursed my lips. It was… counterintuitive. To face the enemy meant death and to flee it ended the same way. When you looked at it like that, it didn't matter which route you took. At least by taking your chances with the Titans, you have a chance of survival. Personally, I would always choose facing the Titans. I was sick of feeling inferior.

With one last glance around, the officer yelled, "Dismissed!"

"Hai!" I said in unison with the other, right hand thumping against my chest. As I held my fist over my heart, I could feel it beat at a faster rate than usual.

_Fear or excitement?_

Everyone seemed to move at light speed around me, making me feel a little out of place. I felt like I was moving through amber.

My knuckles turned white from the force of my clench. I cleared my head and everything slowed down again. I looked around, letting my surroundings filter through my senses. _Spatial recognition_. I wasn't as good as Jean, but I was good enough. Okay, first, I should look for my best friends.

I frowned as I looked around at all the trainees beginning to panic. I couldn't help but feel the slightest bit, well, _disdainful_. Being teenagers aside, they had been _trained_ to expect that something like this might happen. Albeit not at this scale, but they should have at least expected facing a Titan at least once in their lives. Especially in a time like this.

I strode forward, finally finding Armin amongst the crowd. I grabbed his elbow, ignoring his wordless yell of surprise. He struggled a little at first, but stopped when he noticed it was just me.

"How are you holding up?" I inquired, grabbing his shoulders. Hey, if I needed to shake him back to his senses, it'd be easier. I think I've slapped Armin enough for this lifetime.

"I'll be fine," he answered and I could hear the hard determination in his voice that I was used to. "We should find Eren and Mikasa."

I smiled a little. It probably looked a little weird, but whatever. This was a weird situation.

"Lead the way."

It was harder than I thought, finding them. Trying to find two specific people among two hundred and seventeen was like trying to find a needle in a haystack. I just needed to find –

"Hey, there's Eren," I pointed out, pulling on Armin's sleeve and pointing. There he was, heading towards Jean and… they were fighting. Again.

Armin and I shared a mildly exasperated, really scared look (I'm pretty sure the fear was more from our entire _situation_ than from Eren) and headed towards them at a run.

"What's gotten into me? I don't need to hear that from _you_, you suicidal bastard," Jean snarled, grabbing Eren's collar ad tugging him close. I bit on my lip, slowing down as I neared them. Jean had that frightened look in his eyes that Armin had had not too long ago. Looking around, I realised he wasn't the only one. _Only teenagers…_ "You actually wanted to join the Recon Corps, didn't you? I'm sure you're good and ready to die at any second! I was supposed to leave for the Interior tomorrow!"

This was a cruel world indeed.

"Relax," Eren urged. He didn't quite know how to calm Jean down either. Hell, I don't think even I could. In my old life, I never had to put my life on the line for _anything_. All I was doing when I was fourteen Back Then was struggling through school. This was my first battle just as much as it was theirs. The only difference was that I had five years to prepare for this and the rest of them were content with thinking they would be able to breeze through their lives with minimal danger.

"Relax and accept death, is it?" Jean was on the verge of hysterical, only keeping his calm from all the training we had been through. I heard footsteps and met Mikasa's gaze, the worry in her eyes evident.

"Hell no," Eren snarled, pushing Jean back until his back hit the pillar. "Don't forget; never forget the three years we poured our blood, sweat and tears into. We've nearly died so many times over the past three years. Some people actually did and some ran away or were driven out. But we _survived_! Isn't that right? I'm sure we can do the same now!"

The graduates around us, I could see them regaining their composure. I smiled faintly. The ability of Eren's words would never fail to amaze me. I don't think I had ever met someone like him before.

"You're going to survive this day and go to the Interior tomorrow, right?" Eren finished, burning gaze on Jean. His determination was so strong I felt I was going to burn in the heat of his fervour. Eren stepped back, but Jean stood in place for a moment. Eren had that effect on people. Sometimes I wondered if even _he_ knew.

Jean looked to the side, his fists clenched. In anger? I didn't know. If my skills at reading Armin were fair at best, Jean might as well have been a brick wall for all I could read him. "Shit," he muttered, walking away. "Let's go, Daz. How long are you going to keep crying?"

"Jean…" I murmured, staring sadly at his back. I hated this friction between Eren and Jean. Even if I sometimes got angry at him, I didn't dislike Jean. I didn't dislike him at all.

He paused, head almost turning to look at me, before he shook his head and walked off.

"Eren," Mikasa said, walking towards him. "If things go bad, come to me."

"Huh? Aren't we in different squads?"

They were. Armin, Eren and I were in one squad while Mikasa was in another. I couldn't help but feel a little frustrated; I had hoped I would be placed in Marco's squad, but no luck. I could switch with someone, of course, but that meant leaving Armin behind. I could never do that.

"Things don't follow the plan on a chaotic battlefield," Mikasa pointed out. "I'll protect you." I stared at her and sure enough, I found it; the same bright-eyed determination that brought Eren this far.

I stepped back to give them some privacy, but Mikasa's eyes flicked to me; a brief sign telling me not to go.

"Hey," Eren protested, "what are you – "

"Cadet Ackerman," a soldier interrupted, causing the three of us (I cast a cursory look around, spotting Armin talking to Marco) to turn. "You've been permitted to join the rear guard. Come with me."

I jerked in surprise, but I shouldn't have. Mikasa was _top_ of our class. Not only that, but she had a natural talent with, well, everything she did. I wasn't saying this as her friend, but from an objective perspective. Mikasa was _good_. I could confidently say she was good enough to be with the elite and thrive.

Mikasa frowned, the slightest crease appearing on her forehead. "A-at my level of ability, I'll only get in your way!" I sucked in my lower lip; Mikasa was too humble.

Or maybe… she simply hadn't realised just _how _good she really was. That was fine. In time she would. As long as I was around, I'd make sure she knew just how good she was.

The soldier's lips tightened. "I don't remember asking for your opinion. The evacuation is behind schedule. We need to place as many of our elite soldiers as possible with the civilians."

For the first time since I knew her, Mikasa was flustered. She wasn't able to fully grasp the situation. I don't think she even really realised what that soldier was commenting about her ability. "B-but – "

"Oi," Eren interrupted angrily, head-butting her. I placed a hand on his arm, frowning.

"Eren," I said sharply, but he ignored me.

"Cut the crap, Mikasa," he demanded. "Pull yourself together! Mankind is in real danger of _extinction_ here. Quit selfishly fooling your own priorities."

Mikasa stared at him in surprise before her gaze slid to the floor. "I'm sorry. I lost my cool," she whispered. Eren turned to walk away, but was stopped by Mikasa. "I just have one request." She paused. This time, I really did feel like I was intruding, so I stepped back and looked away. The wind blew, blowing their words towards me anyway. "Please… don't die."

The wind blew through my hair, the wisps of my fringe I could catch in my braid blowing into my face. This was the extent of Mikasa's and Eren's relationship, wasn't it? They were all they had left. I called the four of us family, but Eren and Mikasa truly were siblings. It didn't matter that they didn't share blood. They loved each other enough to move mountains for each other. Yes, even Eren would give his life to save Mikasa; he cared, but that didn't mean he was good at showing it.

I looked towards Armin, just taking a moment to stare at the back of his head. I'd move mountains for Armin too. I was loyal Back Then, but this was different. This wasn't loyalty. This was friendship – no, this wasn't friendship. This was something more. This was family. Armin was _my_ family too.

"Dani."

I looked away from Armin, letting my gaze settle on Mikasa's slightly hunched figure. "Yeah?"

She met my gaze, letting me see the worry in her eyes. She was actually _allowing_ this unmasked glimpse into her state of mind and it made me aware of how far we've come since our tentative friendship five years ago. "Look out for him. Make sure he doesn't die."

I couldn't promise he wouldn't die. I only placed tenth; what could I add on to Eren that he didn't already have? Nonetheless, I gripped her forearm, hardening my gaze with determination. "I'll try my best," I promised. "I won't let him die without a fight."

She gripped my forearm as well and it felt like a deal, but much more serious. I was serious. I would fight tooth and nail before I let Eren die.

It just settled heavily in my stomach that I wouldn't be able to stop his 'death'. I couldn't, not if I wanted him to discover his abilities.

I felt simultaneously hot and cold, but I couldn't back down. Maybe I could figure out some other way for him to awaken those powers without being eaten.

I stayed in my spot, long after Mikasa had walked away. I was in a strangely contemplative mood, the promise I had made to Mikasa weighing heavily on my shoulders. I figured I could change it, but if I killed the Titan while Eren was inside, did that mean he wouldn't shift?

I banged my head lightly against the stone, shutting my eyes. Ugh, what a headache.

"Are you okay?"

I opened my eyes to see Armin and Marco standing in front of me wearing similar expressions of concern.

"Yeah," I answered mechanically. "I'm fine. We should – we should head towards our squad, right Armin?"

I walked forward, but Marco caught my arm.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked, eyebrows furrowing.

"I will be." He was pulling away and the words were on my tongue. I didn't think it would change anything, but the word _friend_ kept repeating in my head. Marco was my friend and I didn't want him to die, goddammit. "Marco, don't…" _don't die_. I shook my head. "Be careful, alright?"

He blinked at me, hand hovering over mine that was clutched in his jacket sleeve. "Dani?" he inquired tentatively.

I wanted to tell him what I knew, but how could you tell someone he was going to die? He wouldn't be able to fight, knowing his end was near. I felt near frantic, my eyes constantly shifting between his. I _couldn't tell him_. All I could do was be his friend.

I took a deep breath, slowly releasing my fingers from his sleeve. _Calm. I needed to stay calm_. "Just – " I bit myself off. "Stay safe. Please." _For me._

He just looked at me for a while and I thought he was just going to brush me off, the way Eren, jean and even Armin would. Instead, he sighed and patted my shoulder. "Okay," he answered and I didn't know why, but it went a long way to calming my fraying nerves. "You stay safe too."

I took another deep breath, nodding sharply. The panic was receding back to a normal level and I could feel myself become normal again. Good. I needed to be my normal self.

The Battle of Trost was beginning.


	7. Fall

_**And I thought life was hard enough the first time.**_

_**OC self-insert (because I'm that shameless)**_

_**BRING OUT THE TISSUES BECAUSE BATTLE OF TROST ARC IS CONTINUING!**_

_**I am hurting so much man. There is so much pain writing this. I hope all of you enjoy my pain.**_

_**Right, to circumvent further questions, shipping Dani with anyone might not be a thing for a while. At this point in time, I'm still building up her relationship with everyone else. There may be shipping in the future, but it's not a priority. Because, you know, Dani is **_**old**_**.**_

_**Nina – I agree that Dani and Armin are a cute couple. However, I think they're much cuter as friends that are always mistaken as a couple.**_

_**Supernova – Liz? I think you mean Dani… I do enjoy writing her relationship with both boys -smiley face-**_

_**-0-**_

I checked my gas tank one last time, shifting it a little. I had been having some trouble with it recently, the nozzle not working well and allowing gas to leak. Marco had helped me fix it, of course, but I still worried about it.

Armin looked back at me as I tightened the nozzle one last time out of nervousness. "Is it okay?" he asked, leaning back to check it for me.

"Should be," I murmured. I stopped fiddling with it; if I did, I would just worry more and I didn't need to think about losing gas at a faster rate than everyone else. I looked out at the city before us, surprisingly quiet despite the threat that I _knew_ was coming.

It would be _so easy_ to give in to the panic, but I was made of stronger stuff than this. If I could charge the Colossal Titan, I could handle a regular Titan no problem.

Armin reached out, stilling my hand. I looked down in mild surprise, not realising that I had been picking at my nail for the past two minutes. He sent me a concerned glance and even Eren looked over, frowning slightly. Damn me and my subconscious nervous habits.

"You're going to be fine… right?" Armin asked, squeezing my hand before letting go of it.

I took a deep breath, shutting my eyes for a brief moment – so brief that it only looked like an elongated blink. I took a step back, realising that I wasn't worried about the Titans. I was more than ready for them. It was what came after this – losing Eren, Mikasa no doubt hating me, _Marco's death_ – that I still wasn't ready for.

"I will be," I said firmly, trying to convince both Armin and myself. I was sure I managed to convince my best friend, but it'll take me a while to convince myself.

"Hey, Armin, Dani, don't you think this is a great opportunity?" Eren asked, excitement turning his turquoise eyes lighter.

I raised an eyebrow, pushing aside my concerns. I had to care about right now, as in _this_ very moment. "What for?"

He glanced at me, a smirk lifting the corner of his lips. "Before we join the Recon Corps, we can steal the show here in our very first battle," he explained. He turned his head to face us. "They'll recruit us and put us on the fast track for sure!"

Armin took a while to answer, but when he did, he did so with just as much confidence as Eren had. "Yeah, for sure."

I returned Eren's grin with a small one of my own. "I bet I can kill more Titans than you can, Jaeger," I taunted, hand clenching into fists at my side. I had to get through this day. I _wouldn't_ die today. Not when I knew there was so much coming. I wouldn't leave them like this.

"Just so you know," Mina interjected, "a bunch of people want to join the Recon Corps this time round."

I widened my eyes, an unbidden smile curving my lips upwards. That was… heartening.

Thomas smirked. "Eren beat us to the punch earlier, but that's not going to happen again."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that," I refuted, placing a hand on my handgrip as I tilted my head. "Eren's pretty good."

Thomas's smirk widened into a teasing grin. "Then I guess I'll just have to beat _you_."

I scoffed. Challenge accepted. "I'm pretty good too, so tough luck, Wagner," I retorted, quirking an eyebrow.

Eren thumped my back. "Dani, you'd better beat him or we're not friends anymore," he teased.

"It's a battle to bag the most Titans," Thomas announced, nudging Mina.

"Don't you go padding your scores, alright?" Eren added, a feral edge to his grin.

"Squad thirty four, advance! Provide support for the vanguard," a soldier barked out from a neighbouring roof.

"Alright," Eren said, turning back to the rest of us. "Let's go!"

"Hai!" the rest of us cheered.

I grinned, glancing at my comrades. We _were_ ready for this.

Eren lead us, running off the roof and shooting forward. I jumped off, letting gravity catch me for a split second before I dispatched my hooks forward, reeling myself forward and flying past the deserted town. I was still a little scared, but hearing the burst of compressed air around me, it was comforting to know I wasn't alone.

"So many Titans already?" Mina exclaimed as we neared the gate. I frowned, clamping my bottom lip between my teeth.

"The vanguard was supposed to deal with this," Thomas said, sounding slightly panicked.

"It doesn't matter," I barked. "All those Titans are going to die and the Recon Corps will be _scrambling_ to get us to join!"

They fell silent and I spared them a glance. What? Did I say something wrong?

"Well," Mina said after a pause. I noticed a faint smile settling on her lips. "Dani, just goes to show how much time you've been spending around that suicidal bastard."

"What is that supposed to – "

"An abnormal type? Stop!" Eren screamed and I reacted, pulling Mina, who was right next to me, to safety as well.

We both groaned as we fell to the nearby roof. Right behind us, I could hear the others dropping next to us. I got up, holding my hand out for Mina to take as I did a head count, my eyes immediately darting to Armin first.

Eren was hanging from the ledge and Mylius was standing in front of me, so the only one missing was…

"Thomas," I gasped, looking towards the abnormal Titan and seeing Thomas hanging from its mouth. I scowled, stepping forward to try and save him because if I didn't, Thomas was going to _die_, but Mylius threw out a hand, blocking my way.

"Don't be rash," Mylius hissed.

I gritted my teeth, clenching my hands into fists as the Titan tilted its head back and Thomas disappeared down its throat. Tears sprung to my eyes, but I willed them down with sheer willpower. I knew – had known Thomas. He – he didn't deserve that. I should have _done_ something.

We just _stood there_ as the Titan climbed down and walked away. Rage welled up in my chest. I felt so _useless_. I should have thrown Mylius's arm to the side and charged anyway. I should have grabbed _both_ Thomas and Mina. I should have –

No. I had to stop doing that to myself. Thomas was – I swallowed – gone. I couldn't change that.

I noticed Eren's grip on the ledge turn white-knuckled. Even without seeing Eren's face, I knew he was getting angry too. Unlike me, however, I feared he didn't have the presence of mind not to charge. "Where do you think you're going?" Eren roared, the whizzing of his gear following as he shot off.

"Eren!" Armin and I cried. "Think first, goddammit," I growled, hands flying to my handgrips and snapping on a set of blades. This idiot…

"Don't run off on your own!" Mylius called after just as I jumped off the roof, following after Eren. "Dani!"

"Eren, don't just act," I yelled frantically, trying to catch up with him. "Try and _think_ first – " I cut myself off. He was far too deep in his rage to hear a word I said. It wasn't a good idea to waste my breath like that.

I thought it was going fine. Eren was right in front of me, close enough that I would be able to pull him out of trouble. I thought Eren was _focused_. I guess I underestimated how blind with rage he was.

The five metre class titan came out of nowhere, jumping up and snapping its jaws. I let out a shriek as Eren went down, changing my course so I didn't fly above the Titan. I reeled in the wires only to fire them again at the Titan. It might have been suicide, doing that, but all I could think was that I had to kill it before it killed more of my comrades. I knew Armin was behind me and if he was eaten by it, I would never forgive myself.

"Hey, ugly!" I yelled, skirting its mouth to go behind it. I disengaged the hooks once more, shooting them into the walls of the house right next to it. It wasn't fast enough to turn and my blades winked right before they scored its flesh, the chunk of its nape falling to the ground with a disgusting squelch. I hauled myself onto the roof, eyes zeroing in on Eren's immobile form. "Eren!" I yelled, fear saturating my voice. It mingled with the others' screams and I just felt so _helpless_.

_Make sure he doesn't die._

I took a running start, firing my grappling hooks forward and propelling myself forward with a little too much gas. I heard a thud near me and cursed, seeing Mina get yanked backwards into a wall. I changed course once more, the force of my turn causing my ears to pop.

The Titan grabbed a hold of her and I growled, my grip tightening. I wouldn't be able to make in time and why the hell wasn't she _doing anything_?

"Mina, fight back!" I demanded, but the wind stole the words right out of my mouth. I couldn't do anything but watch helplessly as she was held up to the Titans mouth and swallowed. "_Mina_!"

I shot my grappling hooks into the wall next to it, which was my first mistake. The Titan stared at my wires almost in confusion before reaching up and pulling.

_Shit_, I thought as I found myself flying forward at a speed too fast for me to control. It grabbed me out of the air, nearly crushing my ribs. I pummelled its hand, glaring into its vacant eyes. _Goddamn abnormal Titans._ I wasn't going to die like this!

But… there wasn't anything I could do right now. It had me trapped and I could smell its rank breath as I neared its mouth. The angle was too awkward for me to even attempt to cut off its hand (not that I could cut deep enough) and its saliva was starting to drip on me.

_One metre lengthwise, ten centimetres across._

The weakness. The nape on the back of the neck. That was its dimensions. Typically, we struck from the outside because it was accessible, but I suppose theoretically, it could be struck from the inside.

I had a slim chance of surviving if I attempted to strike it from inside the mouth. I didn't know how deep it was or if it would even work from the inside. There was a lot I didn't know and it was a lot like falling from a cliff and praying I fell into the sliver of sea I had spotted from fifty feet up instead of the sharp rocks. Actually, the analogy wasn't that off; still involved life and death.

I stopped struggling and its grip slackened slightly. Not enough to let me slip out, but enough to avoid crushing my ribs into toothpicks. I had to… I had to allow myself to get eaten to save myself.

If this wasn't such a serious moment, I'd laugh at the irony.

My fingers were beginning to cramp from how tense I was keeping them. Pull the trigger too early and all I'd end up doing was enrage it. Pull the trigger too late and I was Titan food. Timing… timing was everything.

I suppressed a shudder as I landed on the Titan's tongue and slid down. Titan saliva was getting everywhere and I wanted to wail, but I had to _focus_ on the back of its neck. I had to get the nape. All I had was _one chance_.

I sent a quick prayer to whatever god that was still listening and shot my grappling hooks forward, hearing a squelch as it impacted the soft flesh of the back of its throat. I propelled myself forward with a burst of compressed air, leading with my blades.

It happened in a flash. The blades pierced the back of its throat and I stayed there, hanging from my hand grips to keep from falling into the Titan's digestive juices. I didn't feel any shifts and there was the horrified moment where I thought I was going to die. Then, I felt myself start to tilt backwards.

The thud was almost strong enough to make me lose my grip, but I wouldn't be dislodged from my blades now. I had a death grip on my handgrips. Hesitantly, I took out both my blades, leaving me hanging on the wires. I was… hanging in the mouth.

It was odd, being parallel to the roof of the mouth. I… I actually managed to kill it?

I shook my head. No, I couldn't believe it. Maybe it had just fallen. If that was the case, I had to _make sure_ it was dead before it got up again. I reeled myself closer to the soft flesh of the back of its throat and got to carving the flesh out.

I didn't know how long it took, but it took too long for me either way. As I made an opening through its nape, the blood kept dripping onto me. I had to squint to make sure the blood didn't go into my eyes and blind me. The heat was _unbearable_, but I simply gritted my teeth and pushed past the pain. Finally – _finally_, I made an opening large enough for me to crawl out. The sun almost blinded me, after spending so much time in the darkness, but with the sun came fresh air and it only had me hauling myself out of the Titan faster.

I emerged out into the open, gulping down fresh air to get rid of the rotten scent in my nostrils. I reeled my wires in and promptly tripped on the edge of the opening I had carved, tumbling to the ground.

I was winded, but I had to get up before that _thing_ did!

Only… it didn't get up.

I stumbled back until my back hit the wall, staring up at the Titan that had eaten Mina. I had half expected it to get up again and try to eat me, but it lay face down on the ground, motionless. I wanted to pick something up and throw it at the Titan's body, just to make sure it was dead, but a wordless scream jerked me out of that line of thought.

"Armin," I whispered, recognising that voice. Fuck, it was _dangerous_ out here and I hadn't seen Armin in god knows how long. I made my way onto a roof, spotting Armin's kneeling form near the edge of the roof and running to it. Sheer relief flooded through my body. He was still _there_ and I felt like a horrible person for forgetting about him, even for a second.

He didn't even react when I thudded onto the roof, my footsteps sounding obscenely loud as I ran across the tiles, almost falling a few times.

"Armin, you're okay," I breathed, pulling him into a hug and burying my face into the crook of his neck. I could feel myself trembling and clenched my jaw, willing the trembling to subside. Armin was here and I could get back to looking after him and Eren. Eren! I stood back up, my eyes darting the rooftops for Eren. He had been knocked unconscious, hadn't he?

There was… no one. All I managed to see was a smear of blood across the roof facing us and it sent a cold shiver down my spine. That's where Eren was, wasn't he? If that was where he crash landed, where _was_ he?

I turned back to Armin, whose eyes were staring blankly forward. I noticed tear tracks on his cheeks and paled. No, I couldn't have taken that long, had I?

"Where's Eren?" I asked, not even bothering to mask the fear in my voice. Armin didn't even flinch, but tears welled in his eyes and overflowed once more. _No_. "Armin. Where – is – Eren." He cried harder.

I let my handgrips clatter to the roof as I took him by the shoulders and forced him to look me in the eyes. I nearly flinched from the hollow look in his eyes.

"Tell me Eren's okay," I begged. I knew I sounded desperate, but I had made a _promise_ and Eren couldn't die. He couldn't fucking die because even if he was the suicidal bastard, he was _Eren_. "Armin, open your mouth and tell me I just missed him. _Say something_!"

Armin's eyes finally slid shut as he shook his head slowly. My knees gave out under me, the sting not even registering. I screwed my eyes shut to stem the tears that threatened to fall, biting my lip in an effort to stay in control.

I knew what had happened the moment I saw Armin. I knew, but I still wanted to be proven wrong. I knew and I was right. I've never hated being right before in my life.

A sob escaped out of my mouth unbidden before I pressed my hand to my mouth to keep myself quiet. He wasn't dead. I _knew_ he wasn't dead, but I didn't have proof. I still didn't have proof that my old life wasn't just a dream. Eren wasn't there in front of me and the hollow look in Armin's eyes told me everything. _Eren is dead._ I failed Mikasa and I failed myself.

I was so out of it I didn't realise we weren't alone on the roof until a hand rested on my shoulder. I pushed it away, lunging for my handgrips and pointing my blade towards my assailant on reflex.

"Dani!" Connie exclaimed and I put my blade down shakily, pressing my free hand to my forehead. I noticed it trembled and slowly curled it into a fist. "Holy shit, you look like hell."

"Connie?" I murmured, my senses dulled from the shock of losing Eren.

Connie frowned, hauling me up and scrutinising me. "What the hell is going on?" he demanded. "You're acting weird and Armin's completely out of it!" He pulled his hand away and a sticky trail followed after. "You're covered in… sticky stuff. Both of you. And what happened to your squad?"

"Squad?" I heard Armin repeat faintly. I saw him open his eyes and blink, looking around in a daze before his eyes landed on me. They widened in surprise before he tackled me, sending both of us crashing onto the roof. "Dani… you're alive!" He took my face between his hands and squished my cheeks. "I thought – I _saw_ you get eaten but… you're alive!"

Tears trickled down his cheeks, dropping onto my face. I placed my hands over his, clutching them and slowly pulling them from my face. I didn't let go of his hands once my face was free, choosing to squeeze them in silent assurance that I _was_ alive. Then, I pushed him off me, sitting up. My hair fell around my face in clumps and I realised the bottom half of my hair had been bitten off. I hadn't even realised.

"Eaten?" Connie repeated in disbelief, looking me over once more in a seemingly different perspective. "What exactly happened?"

Armin suddenly started screaming again. I jolted backwards in surprise, staring wide-eyed at Armin as he buried his hands into his hair and began tugging.

"Useless dolt," he wailed. "Just die! Fucking shithead!"

"Oi, calm down, Armin," Connie urged. "Where's everyone?"

Armin suddenly stopped. I looked down at my knees as tears of frustration and grief burned my eyes. Thomas, Mina, Mylius, Eren… they were _gone_. Dead.

I buried my face in my hands, biting my lip so hard it started to bleed. The coppery tang of blood coated my tongue, but it barely registered. I had thought I was ready, but I was so fucking wrong. I had allowed my comrades to die in front of me; had let _Eren_ die. Armin wasn't the useless dolt. _I_ was.

"Give it up, Connie," Ymir drawled somewhere behind me. "They got wiped out, except for the two of them."

My nails bit into my skin as I held back tears. _Not here, not now. Not in front of the others._

"Shut up!" Connie yelled a little desperately. "Armin and Dani haven't said anything yet!"

"Can't you tell just by looking around?" she said irritably. "We don't have any more time to waste on them."

"She's right," I whispered, shutting my eyes again. "They're – they're gone. All of them. Thomas, Mylius, Mina…" My breath hitched. "_Eren_."

Silence descended over us. I uncurled myself from the ball I wound myself into, taking in a deep breath. I wiped my face, making sure there weren't any tears. No matter how much I wanted to sit there and feel sad over the entire situation, I didn't have that luxury. As much as I didn't want to, I took all my emotions and locked them into a box. I had to be clear-minded and analytical.

I also feared that I would go insane if I continued to let myself feel.

Ymir sighed. "It's a pity you guys ran into a bunch of Titans." I turned to pick up my blades and met Ymir's disinterested gaze. "I understand why you survived, but why did he? It just means Eren and the others died in vain."

I growled, finding myself next to Ymir with a blade pointed to her neck in the blink of an eye. "Don't you dare say that, you bitch," I hissed, pressing my blade into the soft skin of her neck.

She glanced down at my blade. "Your blade is dull," she commented.

I pulled my blade back, content to just hit her with it, dull or not, but Krista appeared before me just as I was going to strike.

"Stop it, you two," the blonde cried, looking up at Ymir and me with a pleading gaze. There were tears gathering in her eyes. "Everyone's just panicking. Our friends are all dying so suddenly. It's only natural!"

I stared Ymir down for another moment before withdrawing my blade from her, unclipping it from the handle and letting it fall. A small smirk settled on Ymir's lips as she slung her arm around Krista's neck.

"That's my Krista," she cooed, nuzzling the side of Krista's head. "Once this is all over, marry me!"

Krista, to her credit, only looked mildly disturbed.

"She's insane," I muttered, letting the other blade fall as I turned back towards Connie and Armin with a glower on my face. Ymir had always managed to rub me in all the wrong ways, but the two of us had never found the friction a problem. Maybe it was because we had never interacted before today.

Connie shook his head. "She's messing around more than usual," Connie grunted. He glanced at me before kneeling in front of Armin. "Anyway, the two of you can't just stay here. Can you stand, Armin?"

I watched him carefully as he stared at Connie's hand, but didn't take it. He stood up on his own, like he always did.

"Sorry for the trouble I caused," Armin apologised lowly. "I'll go join the rear guard."

I bit my lip in concern before stepping towards him and gripping his sleeve. "I'm going with you," I said firmly, leaving no room for arguments. The rear guard… well, I had to face Mikasa some time.

Connie caught the back of my jacket. I didn't turn, waiting for him to say whatever he needed to say. "Take care of him," he murmured.

I inclined my head in acknowledgement, stepping off the roof and letting my Maneuver Gear catch me, hearing Armin following behind.

I tried not to focus on the bloodstains painting the cobblestones. I had lost enough for today. If I thought about them, I might actually be sick.

Behind me, I heard Armin yell. I immediately stopped, falling against a wall with a crash. Armin crashed into the wall as well and I let out a gasp. One of his hooks hadn't gripped properly, my mind analysed as I let myself fall the relatively short distance to the ground, the pattering of my feet against the pavement echoing in this ghost town.

"Are you okay?" I panted, immediately checking for any serious injuries. Instead of just letting me fuss over him like I normally did, he pushed my hands away. I blinked, pushing away the unexpected hurt I felt at that action. "… Armin?"

"It's my fault," he whispered, looking up at me with blue eyes that had seen too much. "I'm the reason he died, Dani."

My hand hovered over his head before I let it rest atop his blonde hair. "Don't say that," I pleaded. "Please don't do this to yourself."

He opened his mouth to continue, but the grunts of exertion caught our attention. My eyes widened as I noticed Hannah, repeatedly performing CPR on Franz, lying motionless on the ground. We walked towards them; I felt like I was dreaming.

"Hannah… what are you doing?" Armin asked slowly. I couldn't tear my eyes away from Franz's obviously immobile chest. _Dead_, my mind noted.

"Armin, Dani, help me!" Hannah wailed, tears steadily tracking their way down her face. "Franz isn't breathing! I've given him CPR over and over and over again, but Franz…!"

"Hannah," Armin tried for a reasonable voice, "this place is dangerous, so let's hurry up and get – "

"We can't just leave Franz here!" she screeched. She continued her pointless actions, Armin and I just standing there.

"Please stop," Armin beseeched, his voice too low for her to hear. I looked at him, noticing he was crying again. _Please stop crying._ "It's pointless… he can't be saved. So _please_ stop."

I reached down and wrestled her hands away from Franz. It didn't matter how many times she did CPR. It wouldn't bring him back to life.

"Let me go!" she screamed, almost hysterical. "Damn it, Dani, just _let me_ – "

"He's dead," I said emotionlessly. Her eyes widened and I could see her trying to deny it, wanting to try and revive a corpse, but I tightened my grip on her wrists. "CPR can't bring back the dead, Hannah!" A tear landed on my hand, the handkerchief absorbing it.

I blinked and rain started to fall. I blinked again and let my tears be disguised by the rain.

•●•●•●•

I knocked my gas tank once more, gritting my teeth in irritation. Damn it. Apparently the damn tank was still leaking. There was no way I had used up that much gas. I'd have to repair it again. Maybe I just needed to wrap some tape around it.

I banged my head against the wall behind me, my eyes turned upwards to the greying sky. Useless. I was so useless. The bell sounded for us to scale the wall, but we couldn't even climb the wall if we wanted.

I couldn't. Not until I found Eren again. If I was lucky, maybe I could find Eren before Mikasa caught wind of his death…

"Let's do it!" Sasha exclaimed. I looked over at her lazily, not even containing enough energy to muster up enough emotions to respond. She looked so hopeful, like earlier today. I wish I had kept that optimism with me. "Stand up!" she urged. "If we all work together, we can do it! I'll be in front!"

I crossed my arms, eyes blankly staring at nothing and everything. Sasha was proposing we storm the gas supply with our feeble numbers? It was impossible. I glanced at Armin briefly, sitting next to me with his head bowed. No, I corrected, not impossible. If we had Armin, it wasn't impossible. At the moment, we didn't have Armin's bright mind, though. I didn't have the emotional capacity to drag him out of whatever dark hole he had fallen into.

I knocked my head against the stone wall behind me again, this time hard enough to sting. I couldn't even keep my best friend from spiralling into depression. What use was I?

For all my _future knowledge_, for all my skills, I hadn't managed to change _anything_. If anything, I had managed to make a bigger mess of things. I pressed the heels of my hands to my eyes in frustration. I was such a fucking idiot, thinking we'd all be fine.

Footsteps echoed slightly in the silence and I pulled my hands away, blinking at Sasha as she headed towards us. She had the most aching look of optimism on her face. I didn't know if I wanted to hug her or punch her.

"Armin, Dani," she chirped. "Let's go together and – "

She stopped short and I wondered if she had finally grown a brain. I turned, noticing she wasn't looking at me, but at Armin. I rested a hand on Armin's head, but he didn't react.

I sighed, pushing away from the wall. "Let's do it," I drawled. Sasha stepped back, blinking at me in confusion. I curled my hands into fists. "You want to take back our gas supplies? Let's do it."

"S-seriously?" Sasha gasped. I knocked my gas tank once again, clenching my jaw.

"Dead serious," I responded. I looked towards the figures on the roof nearby. "Get the others. We should group up. Then, we'll make a plan."

"It's over," I heard Marco whisper. He had a similarly blank look that was in Armin's eyes. He was my friend, but I wanted to yell at him, telling him to snap out of it. I had lost Eren, I was on the verge of losing Armin and once Mikasa found out about my failure, I didn't doubt I'd lose her too. "No matter what we do, we'll be dead before we make it out of here." He looked up to the sky, almost pleading. "I mean, I'm prepared to die… but what exactly am I going to die for?"

"You're already dead," I countered fiercely. Marco jerked, wide eyes turned towards me. My eyes were burning with tears again, but I shut my eyes to hide them. When they receded, I opened my eyes again with a glare towards Marco. "If you talk like that, you're dead. How do you expect to fight if there's a small voice in the back of your head telling you you're done for?" My breath hitched in anger as I spat, "It's pathetic!"

I looked around, at the defeated graduates who had seen too much in one day. "I know we've lost a lot. We all lost someone. But are we going to let three years of training go to waste like that? Are we going to _give up_ when it mattered most?" A tear escaped from the corner of my eye, but I dashed it away furiously. "I _refuse_ to give up. I'm not going to sit here and wait around for a Titan to eat me."

"Mikasa, weren't you with the rear guard?" Bertolt suddenly asked and I turned, seeing her heading towards me. I heard Armin breath hitch suddenly.

"Dani," she called. "I think I understand the situation." She looked around. "Where's Eren?"

I couldn't… I couldn't look her in the eye. Tense moments passed with silence dampening the already humid atmosphere. I could feel her concerned gaze and rubbed my eyes with my fist furiously, stepping away when she reached out a hand. I was such a _failure_. I didn't deserve Mikasa's kindness.

She started before turning to Armin, I presumed. She walked past me and I opened my eyes, seeing her kneel in front of Armin over my shoulder.

"Armin, are you hurt?" she asked gently. My mouth dropped open a little. Was that why she thought I was out of it? "Are you feeling okay?"

I turned reluctantly, tremors wracking my body. Seeing Mikasa was like ripping open a still healing wound. I couldn't tell her. I couldn't, but I had to. If I didn't, Armin would have to and he's beaten himself up over it enough.

Armin nodded jerkily and Mikasa seemed to relax minutely. She let out an exhale and stood up, looking around. "Where's Eren?"

Armin took a while before looking up with teary eyes, his tears tracing the tracks previously left behind. "Our squad," he gritted out, "squad thirty four…"

No, I couldn't let Armin do it. If Mikasa wanted to shoot the messenger, I'd gladly take the bullet. Mikasa was _entitled_ to be mad at me.

I took over, raising my voice enough to mask Armin's voice and practically demand Mikasa looked at me. I allowed myself to slip into the emotionless mask I denied myself from putting on after my parents died. "Squad members Thomas Wagner, Mylius Zeramuski, Mina Carolina and…" I faltered, forcing myself to look into Mikasa's eyes. I took a deep breath. _I'm sorry, Mikasa_. "Eren Jaeger have fulfilled their duty and died heroic deaths in battle."

Shocked silence sounded around me and muttering started up, but all my attention was on Mikasa. She reeled back slightly, her head shifting from side to side as if to tell me to take back my words too. Her figure blurred as I let my tears well up and overflow, trailing down my cheek and eventually dripping off my chin.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, trying my best to convey the sorrow and regret I felt. I cared about Eren too, but I didn't think anyone could care about Eren as much as Mikasa did.

"I'm sorry, Mikasa," Armin said, making aborted motions like he was holding in a sob. "Eren died in my stead… I couldn't do anything!" his voice went a little squeaky. "I'm so sorry."

"I should have been there," I murmured. I should have been there for Armin and Eren. I gripped Mikasa's forearm, causing her to jerk reflexively as she stared at me with wide eyes of a lost child. "If you're going to get angry, you should be angry at me. Don't blame Armin. _I'm_ the one who failed you… and Eren."

"Dani," Armin gasped, gripping the fabric of my pants near my calf. "Don't say that! I was the useless – "

"If you were useless, what does that make me?" I snapped. "I _promised_." My voice softened as I placed my hand on Armin's bowed head, sifting my fingers through his blonde hair in what I was beginning to realise was a comforting gesture for me. It reminded me that Armin was _here_ with _me_, but I was also painfully reminded that Eren _wasn't_ and it was _my_ fault. "I was supposed to look over both of you."

"Armin," Mikasa said softly. I hadn't realised she had knelt in front of Armin again. She rested her hand over his. I heard Armin suck in a breath. "Take a deep breath." She turned to me and I understood why; Mikasa's eyes were dull and lifeless. "You too. This isn't the time to be emotional."

I scrubbed my tears away, taking a deep breath and blinking at the grey clouds hanging above us. How fitting. She was right. This wasn't the time nor the place to be emotional. There would be time for that later. A lot of time for that later.

"Stand up," Mikasa urged, eyeing me out of the corner of her eye and putting an encouraging hand on my shoulder. It wasn't quite an _I forgive you_, but more of an _I understand_. I nodded. I didn't fault her for holding some resentment towards me. If Mikasa had promised to look after Armin and had failed like I did, I wouldn't have been able to forgive her that easily either.

"Marco," Mikasa said, all business. I had to be like that. "If we take out all the Titans around HQ, we can replenish our gas supplies and climb the wall. Does that sound correct?"

Marco hesitated before nodding once. "Yeah… but even if you're with us, there's just too many…"

"We can do it." Her sharp voice cut through Marco's hesitant voice like a hot knife through melting butter. "I'm strong. Stronger than all of you." She raised a blade to the air, looking up at the sky that threatened to rain hell down upon us. "_Extremely_ strong. I can kill all those Titans there, even if I'm alone.

"You're either incompetent or you're spineless cowards." She looked around and anger welled in my belly, mixing with shame as her gaze lingered on me, blade pointing forward at no one in particular. _Mikasa… which did you think _I_ was?_ "How pathetic. "You can sit here and suck on your fingers. Yeah, do that."

"Oi, Mikasa! What are you saying?" someone yelled in outrage.

"You want to fight all those Titans by yourself?" Tom cried, a silent accusation of insanity buried in his voice.

"There's no way you can do that!"

"If I can't, I'll die." It chilled me, the matter-of-fact way she said sounding it so unnatural. "But if I win, I'll live."

I looked around. One person had to step up and break the dam. "If you die, you won't die alone," I declared, my intent obvious from the way I held my handgrips. "I refuse to stay here like a sitting duck. I'm not a spineless coward."

She glanced at me, nodding once. "Unless we fight, we cannot win," she said and I could hear the echo of her words as she told me the story, one rainy night in the barracks. With that, she stepped off the roof and I cursed, giving myself a running start as she zipped away on her 3DMG.

As I propelled myself forward with my depleting gas, I turned and caught Armin's eyes. _I'll be waiting, Armin._

I didn't doubt they would follow after us – that wasn't how we were trained – but as Trost flew by and it was only the two of us, I worried. I knew Mikasa was strong and although I couldn't quite match up to her skill, I wasn't just Titan food. The two of us still wouldn't be enough to retake HQ.

Suddenly, a rallying yell echoed through the town and for the first time since Eren's death, I smiled.

Mikasa dispatched a Titan without a blink and I swerved to avoid the falling carcass, my blades biting into the neck of another Titan in my way. The blood spurted onto me, evaporating from the temperature difference.

"Hurry, follow Mikasa and Dani!" Jean ordered. I spared him a surprised glance, noticing he was leading the cloud of graduates – no, _soldiers_ that promised vengeance for mankind. "Let's keep this fight short. We need to kill them all before we run out of gas!"

_Marco, you were right about him after all_.

I turned to the left, my breath catching in my throat as I looked into the open mouth of a Titan. I shrieked, using a little too much gas as I propelled forward out of its reach. I head a jarring thud behind me and turned. The Titan was down and Jean was right next to me.

"Thanks!" I yelled.

He shot me a mildly irritated glare. "I won't make a habit of watching your reckless ass, Vale! Get your shit together."

I frowned. "Right," I bit out. I couldn't even be mad because he was right.

"Mikasa's just amazing," Connie observed. "How can she move that fast?"

I looked towards Mikasa. He was right; she _was_ moving fast. Impossibly fast, in fact. She wasn't bothering with conserving her gas.

"Damn it," I cursed, bleeding as much gas as I dared to get closer to her. At the rate she was going, she'd deplete her gas before we make it halfway to HQ. She wasn't her usual self. It went beyond the blank look she had given me earlier.

I had almost reached her when she ran out of gas. Time slowed down for me as Mikasa hovered in the air, almost floating, before she fell.

"Mikasa!" I screamed, my voice echoing Armin's. I reeled in my wires, shooting them towards where Mikasa had fallen. No, I couldn't lose Mikasa like this. It didn't matter to me if she didn't want to be friends anymore. She had to be _alive_ to break off our friendship, damn it!

I heard a loud crash and dust flew from where Mikasa had fallen. "Shit," I breathed, pulling the trigger harder so I could move faster.

"Dani, you're wasting your gas!" Armin cried frantically.

I glanced at him, immediately easing up on the trigger. "I won't waste my gas," I called back.

"_You should rev it up hard, but just for a second…"_

I let inertia push me on, continuing to use my momentum to swing around the buildings. My grip on my handgrips tightened, my blades starting to twinkle in the weak sunlight. _Hold on, Mikasa. We're coming!_

At that moment, a roar ripped through the air.


	8. Live

_**And I thought life was hard enough the first time.**_

_**OC self-insert (because I'm that shameless)**_

_**I apologise for Dani in advance. You'll find out later. Also, I'll answer the question that some people might ask next chapter, so hold in the questions, yeah? At least until next chapter.**_

_**I'd really just like to take this moment to thank AllTheAces for pointing out any flaws in my story. I promise I'll improve in the next chapter!**_

_**Nina – I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as you enjoyed the others, friend!**_

_**Supernova – It's okay! Happens to the best of us -smiley face-**_

_**Guest – Ah, well it'll be a while before I seriously ship Dani with anyone. Then again, she is still a teenage girl, despite her mature moments (which I'm starting to fear aren't many). Eren and Dani though… interesting choice.**_

_**-0-**_

The roar chilled me and gave me hope simultaneously. It was weird because it sounded so _familiar_, even if I was sure I had never heard it before in my life.

"Mikasa!" Armin said, suddenly changing course. I turned, spotting a lone figure in the middle of the alleyway and letting out a sigh of relief. I let Armin scoop her up as I waited for them on a nearby roof.

They landed next to me, rolling to cushion their fall. I immediately knelt by Mikasa, checking her for any major injuries. A fall like that must have hurt, even if she had lessened the fall by rolling off a roof. "Are you hurt?" I asked urgently, scanning her body for any unexplained splotches of blood or oddly-angled limbs. I nearly jumped when I heard another set of feet thud behind me, but relaxed when I noticed Connie's shaved head. Mikasa looked at me for a brief moment before shaking her head twice.

"Are you guys okay?" he asked, his voice sounding a little harsh.

"Yeah," Armin promptly answered.

"We must get going," Connie urged. He looked up as heavy footsteps sounded. I turned as well, frowning at the Titans that were heading our way. "Shit, this is bad. There are two fifteen-metre classes!"

"No," Mikasa refuted. "That Titan's…"

They stopped in what was vaguely reminiscent of a Western showdown. I couldn't keep my eyes off the Titan on my left; the one with the longish hair. It rang alarm bells in my mind, but I couldn't think why.

The Titan I was staring at let loose a roar, only to be replied by in kind by the other Titan. The Titan with the longish hair… I had never seen one like it before. Unlike the other Titans, with their potbellied appearances, this one was clearly muscled. I frowned, bottom lip clamped firmly between my teeth. _How odd._

My eyes widened as the odd Titan shifted into a vaguely familiar fighting stance, an image superimposed over the Titan before disappearing, so quick that I didn't manage to catch it. "That Titan, it's like … it's fighting," I murmured, not really making any sense.

The other Titan charged towards it and couldn't believe my eyes as the odd Titan swung its arm – an awful lot like a punch – and knocked the other Titan's head clean off. We turned, watching as the Titan's head hit a tower, smashing it into pieces. We turned back to the Titan just in time to see it stomp down on the fallen Titan's nape, effectively ending it.

"Holy crap," I breathed in disbelief, hand clutching my dad's ring out of reflex.

"It… finished the other Titan off?" Armin observed quizzically. "It knew of a Titan's weak point?"

"We must get going before it comes this way," Connie said.

"No," I said, my voice sounding strangely far away as I watched the odd Titan walk away. "It doesn't care about us, see? It could have attacked us a long time ago. I think… I think it only cares about the other Titans."

"It seemed like it had an idea of how to perform hand-to-hand combat too," Mikasa observed a little uneasily. "What _was_ that?"

"Just consider it an abnormal!" Connie concluded somewhat irritably. He looked a little forlorn as he added, "There's just too much we don't know."

That was something I wasn't used to: the lack of information. There was still so much we didn't know about the Titans. Where they came from, how they multiplied, why they only devoured humans… we didn't have the answer to that and it frustrated me. I was used to living in a world where information was only a click away. Here, I had to physically _search_ through books to find what I wanted and it frustrated me to no end. Coupled with the lack of information on Titans simply because we weren't exactly excelling at collecting information on them, it was so tempting to just give up on attaining information in this world altogether.

He exhaled sharply. "Anyway, we must head to HQ!"

"Wait! Mikasa's out of gas," Armin pointed out.

"Huh? Are you fucking _kidding me_? What are we going to do without you?"

Armin glanced at me before kneeling down beside Mikasa. "It's obvious what we need to do," Armin said in a matter-of-fact tone. "I don't have much gas left…"

Immediately, I caught on, reaching out to stop Armin from unhooking his gas tank. "No," I growled. "You're not giving up your gas!"

He looked up at me with a hard gaze, jerking away from my touch. "There's no other choice!"

I snarled, my own hands dropping to my own gas tank. "Like hell there isn't. If anyone should give up their gas, it should be me. It's not like I'll last long with my leaking seal – "

"They need you," he gritted out, gripping my arm hard. "They don't need me."

"_I_ need you."

Silence. To be honest, my confession shocked myself just as much as it shocked the others. I hadn't realised how much I depended on Armin until the _real_ thought of losing him was right in front of me. How – how could Armin ever think he was useless when I would always need him?

For all of my maturity, all my experience, I needed a crutch and that was what Armin was. If he wasn't around… how could I live? Not _how could I live with myself_, but _how could I live_. He was an integral part of me and I didn't even know when I had allowed that to happen. We had known each other for seven years, which was a lot longer than I knew some friends from Back Then. Nobody had ever stayed long in my life, so how could Armin leave me? He was my oldest friend – my _best_ friend.

"The gas is useless on me," Armin said quietly, "but your gas is more useful to yourself." I couldn't even move as Armin swiftly unhooked his gas tank and hooked it up to Mikasa's gear. He looked up at Mikasa imploringly. "Please use it carefully this time, Mikasa. You _must_ save everyone."

Armin quickly tested Mikasa's gear, letting out a spurt of compressed air. He nodded to himself. "Alright, your Maneuver Gear's good to go," he declared. "I gave you all of my blades as well."

"Armin!" I said sharply, pulling on his shoulder a little. What is he _thinking_, allowing himself to be so defenceless?

He didn't budge, ignoring me. "Just… leave one with me." He took out a solitary blade, staring at it. "Now that I think about it, I don't want to be eaten alive."

I didn't react as Mikasa took his blade and threw it off the roof.

"B-but…" Armin stammered.

"Armin, I won't leave you behind," Mikasa said firmly, hand atop his. She looked at me, eyebrow quirked a little. "Dani would just stay behind with you anyway."

I jerked; I hadn't thought Mikasa would have known what I had been thinking of doing. Armin stared at me with wide eyes and I met his gaze evenly. I could never have left him behind. He should have known that.

He stood up with Mikasa's help, looking down. My hand found its way onto his head and I ruffled his hair. He looked up and I held out my pinkie. He stared at it, his own hand rising to link his pinkie with mine.

"We promised, didn't we?" I whispered. "Nobody gets left behind."

"Or forgotten," he rasped. He rested his forehead against my shoulder. "I'm sorry."

I swallowed my tears of relief down, sending Mikasa a grateful look. I pressed my cheek against his temple, releasing a shuddering breath. _Still here_. "I'm sorry too."

He drew away from me, wiping at his eyes. "But, with so many Titans around, how are you going to carry me?"

I reached out a hand for him, but Connie roughly pushed my arm away, grabbing Armin instead. "Let's go," he said, pinning me with a stern look. I blinked at him before nodding. Connie probably had the necessary muscle strength to carry Armin the whole way to HQ anyway.

At some unknown cue, Mikasa, Connie and I started running to get a head start off the roof Armin trailing behind us. We were almost to the edge when: "Wait, listen to me!"

I jammed my heels into the slippery tiles to stop myself, nearly crashing into Mikasa. "Armin," I began agitatedly, "if you're going to try and convince us to leave you behind – "

"No!" he disputed. "I've got a suggestion."

"A suggestion?" Connie asked, frowning slightly.

"It's a two-person operation, so two of you should decide whether to carry it out." His gaze lingered on Mikasa and me. I don't understand… why me? I was only tenth. Connie was eighth, so he was better than me. With that brief glance, I knew he wanted me and Mikasa to carry it out. I just didn't understand why us – no, why me? "I know it's crazy, but… couldn't we use that Titan?"

"_That_ Titan?" Connie repeated, eyes following his gaze as well.

"It's only attacking other Titans," Armin pointed out. "It seems uninterested in humans." _Maybe because it's a human too._ "I was thinking of luring it to the supply tower somehow. If it handles the other Titans for us, we could get everyone out of this alive!"

I chewed on my lower lip contemplatively. We were working on the context that the Titan wouldn't attack us _at all_. I was pretty sure it wouldn't, but still… "How do we know it won't attack us?" I raised.

"We don't," Armin answered promptly, "but we still have to _try_."

"Lure it?" Connie exclaimed. "How would we even pull that off?"

"I think it acts on instinct," Armin inferred, studying the Titan for a brief moment. "If two of you defeat the Titans in its vicinity, then it'll start looking for other Titans."

"And with the large number of Titans at HQ," I murmured, finishing his line of thought, "it'll most likely move towards there."

Armin nodded. "Right."

"How could we do something so risky based on a mere guess?" Connie asked harshly.

"But if it does work, we could eliminate every Titan at HQ in one fell swoop," Armin countered back.

"It's at least worth a shot," Mikasa interjected.

I nodded. "She's right. If we're wrong, the worst that could happen is we'd have to hightail it to HQ."

"Are you two serious?" The question marks were practically bouncing around the air.

Mikasa's hands curled into fists. "If we're facing certain death either way, the path to take is the path with a chance of victory. Let's go with Armin's plan."

"You could always stay with Armin," I suggested, placing a hand on Connie's shoulder. "Mikasa and I will handle killing off the Titans."

Connie's eyes widened, his mouth dropping open slightly. I looked towards Armin and he gave me an approving nod. If that was his plan in the first place, then I'll go with it. Armin was our top theoretician for a reason. I didn't doubt his plan would work. It was unlikely the three of us could have come up with a better plan anyway.

That didn't mean I wasn't still apprehensive. If that wasn't who I thought it was, we were dead.

"You want to side with a Titan to fight against Titans?" Connie asked incredulously, eyes darting between Mikasa, Armin and me.

"Yes, precisely," Mikasa answered.

"It won't even be funny if we fail," Connie said in a low voice.

"But it'll be pretty awesome if we succeed," I retorted, squeezing his shoulder.

"Everyone will be saved," Armin added, looking refreshingly determined.

Mikasa's gaze swept over the three of us. I could tell she had made a decision and it was time for us to make ours. "Make up your mind," Mikasa ordered, darting forward.

Connie and I shared a look before I nodded, unsheathing my blades. "Connie, if Armin is harmed, you're dead meat," I warned, following after Mikasa.

"I'll take good care of your boyfriend," Connie called after me with a snicker.

"Not my boyfriend!" I yelled back as I leaped off the roof, letting my wires zip off to catch me.

Connie and Armin were an extra set of eyes for Mikasa and me as we eliminated any Titans that would distract our friend from going where we wanted him to. Frankly, this was a lot more preferable to the daunting task of needing to take care of all those Titans surrounding HQ.

"To your left," Connie cried out and I twisted, jumping off the hand that reached for me and running up the arm. I jumped off the Titan as its head turned, using my 3DMG to catch me and slashing off the nape.

I cast a look over my shoulder, my eyes widening when I noticed the Titan turn to look towards HQ, where there was a large congregation of Titans. _It's… working!_

I bared a feral grin, slashing at an unsuspecting Titan and anticipating the heavy thud of another dead monster. We could – we _would _survive this.

HQ was just in front of us, the longish-haired Titan helping us distract the rest of the Titans. I followed behind Connie and Armin, making sure there weren't any Titans coming up behind them. I had just reeled my wires in, about to shoot them out again to safely swing through the window Mikasa had broken when I heard it; gas sputtering weakly behind me before dying.

_Shit._

My eyes widened as I started to fall. Thankfully, my inertia carried me forward, but I definitely wasn't going to have a soft landing. I let out a shriek as I flew through the window and crashed into a body, sending us both to the ground.

"What the hell, Dani?" Connie groaned from beneath me.

I rolled off of him, coughing from the sudden impact. "Sorry," I wheezed. "I suddenly ran out of gas mid-air." I sat up, shaking glass out of my hair. "Son of a bitch, that was scary."

"You're… all alive?" Jean gasped.

I ran a hand through my tangled hair, wishing I had a hair tie. I raised an eyebrow at him. "Don't need to sound so disappointed, Kirstein," I drawled sarcastically, helping Connie up.

"We did it, Armin!" Connie whooped, patting Armin's back way too hard. I shot him an annoyed glance as Armin yelped. "Your plan was a success!"

"Of course his plan was a success," I sniffed, hauling Armin up next to me. "Never doubted it for a moment."

Connie's grin was a little teasing. "_Sure_ you didn't."

I jabbed his forehead, narrowly missing his eye. "Shut up, Connie."

He glared at me, rubbing his forehead before turning to the stupefied soldiers that had seen our entrance. "Everyone!" he exclaimed. "That Titan's an abnormal Titan that slaughters other Titans!" He turned, pointing to the Titan that I was pretty sure I had seen before. "It's not even interested in attacking humans. If we play our cards right, we can all get out of here alive!"

"We'd… use the Titan?" someone asked in disbelief. Okay, I knew it was a long stretch, but this was a lot better than waiting to die. Might as well participate actively in bringing about your own death, right?

Poor humour, sorry.

"You'd rely on a _Titan's_ help?" Jean asked. "That's more delusional than any dream!"

"It's not a dream," Mikasa argued calmly. "I don't care if it's an abnormal or whatever. Just let it rampage here for as long as possible."

"It's doing our job for us," I pointed out. "Can we really complain? It's not like it can feel pain."

I looked over at it as it let loose another vengeful roar, tilting my head to the side in contemplation. _Eren… is that you?_

Mikasa nodded, resting her hand on my shoulder. "Realistically, that's our best option for survival," she added.

"It's okay. That Titan's stronger than average," Connie added, nodding firmly. "They can't take over the building while it's rampaging outside."

I looked around the room, seeing cautious hope on each of their features. Humanity's hope… that's what Eren is supposed to be, right?

I turned back to the Titan, still fighting all those others.

_Eren… if that's you, you'd better win._

•●•●•●•

We retreated into the building. Before we could do anything else, we had to figure out a way to replenish our gas supplies. As everyone had said multiple times, we were nothing without our mobility.

I unhooked both my gas tanks from my 3DMG, rechecking the seal with a sigh of frustration. While I was relatively good with repairing my gear on my own, I couldn't figure out what to do with my faulty gas seals. They just kept _leaking_. I couldn't even remember when it started. Probably that last training we did…

Hands covered my own fumbling pair, gently moving them away. I noticed my hands were trembling and inhaled slowly, looking up into Marco's concerned eyes on the exhale.

"Is it still giving you problems?" he asked, his voice soft like he was talking to a frightened child. God, I felt like one. For all my bravado, for all my talk… I couldn't function properly if my Maneuver Gear wouldn't cooperate with me. I should have felt shamed at reacting so badly to my faulty gear, but damn it, what if I had run out of gas earlier? I would have _died again_ without completing anything and there was no guarantee I would wake up again.

_Calm. I have to keep calm. Calm down._

I swiped a lock of hair out of my eyes, pressing my fingers to my temple briefly. "Yeah," I answered faintly. "It's still leaking and I don't know why. I… I need your help again."

He squeezed my hands before releasing them. "Of course. That's what friends are for."

We drew to a corner as I took off my gear, setting it before us so we could examine it together. He brought out something from behind him and I almost smiled when I saw the electrical tape.

"Maybe we were thinking about it too hard," he explained as he wrapped it around the nozzle, preventing it from continuously leaking. He tore it off after he was done. "There. Finished."

"Thank you," I said, squeezing his shoulder. "Not just for my gear. For, I don't know…" _not being dead_, "stuff."

He patted my thigh, his lips twitching upwards slightly. "You're welcome for the stuff."

I scanned his face. No, he couldn't die. I didn't _want_ him to die. We had gone through so much the past three years. We knew each other's hopes, dreams and goals. I knew him the way he knew me and it wouldn't be the same if he was gone.

"How much do you know about that Titan?" I heard Reiner asked and I blinked, leaning away from Marco and reaching forward for my gear, murmuring my thanks. I glanced over at Reiner as I tinkered the last final adjustments, frowning at him. Why was he so curious about the Titan? Did he… know? I mean, there was no way he could know.

Was there?

He caught my eye, looking away swiftly. There was a flash of emotion in his eyes, but I couldn't figure out what it was.

Connie seemed slightly shocked, eyebrows furrowing. "Shouldn't we discuss that after we're safe?" he pointed out.

"True that," Reiner replied, sounding a little sheepish. "Let's get out of here alive first."

"Do you think we can?" Marco asked quietly, despair in his voice.

I glanced at him a little sadly. I hoped we could. Maybe if I just stayed near Marco? Would that be enough to prevent his death? I shook away the lingering sorrow – he wasn't dead yet, damn it – and shoved him. "Don't talk like that," I scolded. "If you talk like that, the fight is half lost." I poked his temple, sending his head tilting. "Don't be pessimistic."

"Since when were you such an – "

"Don't call me an optimist. You and I both know I'm not one."

"We found some!" Jean announced, carrying a crate under his arm. "They're Military Police supplies, though they're covered in dust." The last statement was muttered as he set the crate down.

I got up, curious to take a peek at what was in those crates. They were Military Police, so I doubted it would be much against Titans, but a weapon that wasn't very useful was still a weapon. I watched over Jean's shoulder as he took out the shotgun and loaded it.

"Will three bullets be enough?" he wondered aloud. I reached for another shotgun, the weight unfamiliar in my hands. I was much more used to the lightweight blades, but this was what we had, so I had to work with it.

"I think they could be," I replied, looking towards Armin. He had that concentrated frown on his face that told me his mind was whirring, coming up with plans and discarding them just as quickly.

Jean expelled an exasperated breath. "Do these guns even work against Titans in the first place?" He shot a frustrated gaze towards me.

I shrugged helplessly, loading the shotgun with mechanical efficiency. "Only one way to find out," I murmured, sighing as I sat down next to him. Things might look bleak, but I couldn't be overly pessimistic. I couldn't be too optimistic either or I'd just feel horrible when things went wrong.

"It's better than nothing," Armin stated, looking over the map of HQ once more. He looked up, easily taking control of the room. "Even if there are still six three to four-metre class Titans in the supply room, blinding them all at once isn't impossible with this much firepower.

"First, we'll use the lift to lower a large number of people into the centre of the chamber. Next, they'll fire directly into the faces of all six Titans at once. We'll blind them." He looked up at us, who were standing around him. "The next instance will decide everything. Six other people hiding near the ceiling will swoop down to attack their weak spots while they're blind. In other words… if we follow this plan, we'll be gambling everything on this single attack."

"If this attack fails, we're all doomed," I translated quietly. Tension rose as my words registered in everyone's mind. I looked around at my comrades, wishing it was a two-man operation instead. That way, only two people would be sacrificed instead of all of us. I would have readily volunteered.

Armin looked at me before nodding once, sharply. "Dani's right. That's why the whole point is for six people to kill all six Titans simultaneously. The six people should be the most physically capable ones. You'll have to shoulder the burden of everyone's lives," he reiterated.

I looked at the others; I already knew who Armin had in mind. Those in the top ten were obviously first pick. They only needed six, so Mikasa, Reiner, Bertolt, Annie, Jean and Connie were the obvious choices. I said so, causing them to look at me, but my eyes were on Armin. All it took was one glance for him to confirm those were the choices he had in mind as well.

"I'm sorry," he said to them, looking downwards. I placed a hand on his shoulder. I wished he didn't have to make these decisions, but I couldn't protect him from that. There was a lot I couldn't protect him from.

"No problem," Reiner boomed confidently.

"Whoever fails, all of us will die," Annie added, quite pessimistically. "The risk is the same."

"But… I'm a nobody. Is my plan really the best option?" Armin had always suffered from low self-esteem, but I could confidently say that this was on area he never had to doubt in himself. he wasn't just some _nobody_.

"We've got no other choices except your plan. There's no time left to think. This idea's our only shot," Marco said, wiping his top lip.

"Even if there was more time, nobody else could have come up with a better one," I added.

Marco nodded. "Now, we've just gotta give it everything we've got."

"Don't worry," Mikasa said calmly. "Be confident. You've got a talent for reasoning out the best solution. That intuition has saved my life before, and Eren's life too."

Armin looked confused as he muttered, "Huh? When?"

She caught my eyes, tilting her head towards him and I understood. The fall of Shiganshina, Hannes… that was what she was referring to. That's why I hadn't done anything, letting Armin lead. I could never take _this_ away from Armin. He needed it a lot more than I did.

"The lift is ready!" someone shouted. "So are the guns! All of them are loaded!"

"You just aren't aware yet," Mikasa told Armin. "I'll tell you more later."

"Okay…"

I watched her go, but there was that regret bubbling in my stomach. I couldn't let her go now.

"Mikasa, wait," I called, hauling her to the side. She didn't protest. I stood in front of her, trying to figure out a way through my broiling emotions and come up with words that could convey how I felt. That had always been a problem with me – my words. There were so many times – in my previous life and this one – where I couldn't find the right words and simply fell silent. I didn't want that to be the case. Not here, not now.

"What is it, Dani?" she asked, arms crossed in front of her.

I emulated her calm, tapping the barrel of the shot gun against my knee. "I'm sorry," I apologised quietly, looking into her black, dull eyes even if every nerve screamed at me not to. "I shouldn't have lost sight of Eren like that. I understand if you're angry at me, or if you hate me – "

"I don't hate you."

I paused at the proclamation. She didn't? Why – why not? I had let her only family die (even if I didn't think he was dead) and I was supposed to look out for him. "Why?"

She sighed, resting a hand on my shoulder and gripping it. "Armin told me. He told me how you tried to save Mina and got eaten. I realise you were busy with your own problems."

I blinked at her, meeting her steady gaze. She wasn't angry, but… "You can't forgive me," I concluded, realising the absent warmth in her eyes. I was on thin ice and would be for an indefinite amount of time. I nodded. "I get it. Just… I care – cared about Eren too."

There wasn't anything else for me to say, so I walked away, heading to the lift where majority of the soldiers were gathered. Armin looked up, frowning at me in concern.

"What was that?" he asked quietly. I could barely hear him over the turning of the gears as we descended.

I readjusted my grip on my shotgun, not turning to look at my best friend. "I had some things I needed to say," I replied, the tone in my voice signalling it was the end of the discussion. It felt… better, knowing she didn't hate me, but would I ever earn her forgiveness? This was undoubtedly going to be a wedge in our friendship. We had come so far, too.

We descended into the relative darkness of the gas storage, easily gaining the Titans' attention with our presence. A Titan right in front of us turned towards us curiously, waiting as we shuddered to a stop.

"We're all good," Marco murmured, lining up his shot as I lined up mine. "There's still only six. Follow the plan."

Somebody wailed right next to me, sounding like a dying pig, but Marco was quick, firmly ordering, "Calm down. Lure them in closer!"

The Titan walked closer, staring straight at us. It's lips were upturned in a gruesome smile and a vision passed in my mind of a woman being brought up to a smiling Titan's mouth and being _bit on_. Visions from another life.

I took in a deep breath, slowly releasing it as I stared down the barrel of my gun, aimed at the Titan's huge eyeball.

One shot. That was all we had. We couldn't blow it. We had one try at this plan and all I had was three bullets.

"Ready!" Marco breathed and I put my finger on the trigger. I breathed in. Breathed out. _Gently squeeze the trigger on the exhale._

I breathed in again.

"Fire!"

I pulled the trigger.

A cacophony of sound erupted in the basement, the enclosed space causing it to echo. I wanted to cover my ears, but I needed both hands on my gun. It made my ears ring as I fired off two shots. I was about to fire off one more, but something stayed my finger. I pulled the gun away as the Titan fell.

"It's Connie!" Bertolt yelled.

"Shit," I hissed, tuning to where Connie was and seeing him trying to crawl away from the Titan. I didn't even have my blades –

I looked down at the shotgun in my hands, still loaded with that one bullet. I felt sweat trickle down my neck as I thought. The Titan was closing in on Connie and I didn't know if the others could even move fast enough.

"I must be insane," I muttered under my breath, placing my foot on the ledge and pushing off. I ignored Marco's and Armin's panicked shouts behind me as I flew through the air, heading straight for the Titan's back. The feeling of flying assaulted me, but so did the fear that I didn't have my 3DMG to catch me this time.

"Hurry! Help – _Vale_! What the hell are you doing?" Jean raged somewhere next to me as I landed on the Titan's back, almost letting go from the heat of the skin. I gritted my teeth, ignoring him as I jammed the barrel of the shotgun in the Titan's nape so hard it started to bleed. _Holy crap, I can't believe I actually landed on its back!_

It was starting to turn, the shotgun embedded in its back moving along. I reached out for it, my finger desperately scrabbling for the trigger. They was shouting, but it wasn't getting through to my brain, the pounding of heart in my ears too loud. I found the trigger and closed my eyes as I pulled it.

The _bang_ of the shotgun was deafening, overpowering any other sound that could have been made. The Titan stood still and I was worried I had missed the spot, but then it started to tilt. Backwards.

My eyes shot open as I planted my feet onto its back and lunged off. I closed my eyes again, bracing myself for the pain. It wouldn't be crippling, but I didn't doubt it would leave me winded for a while.

Instead, I found myself crashing into a body for the second time today. We tumbled to the ground, rolling around until I eventually landed on top. My shoulders and back ached, but I wasn't winded; only very confused because I hadn't thought anybody would have been close enough to catch me.

I pried my eyes open, my jaw almost dropping when I saw who had broken my fall. "Jean?" I whispered in disbelief.

"Are you two okay?"

"They're not moving!"

"Get. Off me," he muttered through gritted teeth, glaring up at me. Oh, right. I rolled off him, staring up at the ceiling for a while – _I can't believe I survived that_ – before finally sitting up.

Jean promptly smacked the back of my head. "Ow, what the hell?" I yelled, hand raising to the back of my head.

Jean's hand snapped out and grabbed my wrist in a painful grip. "Have you gone insane?" Jean hissed, shaking my wrist. "You could have died!"

"I could have, but I didn't," I argued, trying to tug my wrist out of Jean's grip and failing miserably. "Let me go."

"How could you be so reckless with your own life! Haven't we lost enough today? What, because that suicidal bastard is gone, you decided to take his place?"

"This… this has nothing to do with him," I whispered. "It has to do with everything else. You said it; we lost a lot. I just – I didn't want to lose anyone else. Wasn't…" _Wasn't Eren enough?_

He fell quiet after that, finally releasing my hand.

"Are you two hurt anywhere?" Mikasa asked, running up to the both of us. She ran calculative glances over the two of us. I glanced at Jean, who wasn't looking my way at all. Was it because of what I said?

"We're fine," I answered, sighing heavily as I stood up. "Right, Jean?"

"Yeah," he mumbled, getting up as well.

Mikasa nodded. "Good." I could feel her gaze on me, but I didn't meet it.

I looked towards Connie, who was still backed up against the wall. "Are you okay?" I called out to him, wiping Titan blood off my face even as it evaporated.

He blinked before looking at me, nodding somewhat dazedly. "Yeah," he replied. "Sorry."

"You would've done the same for me."

Connie swiped a hand down his face, laughing breathlessly. "You're insane, Dani."

"Quite possibly," I agreed, wrapping my hand around my dad's ring. I hadn't thought it would actually work, but I was glad it did. The threat of dying had been dangling right in front of me and I had missed it by a hair's breadth. Despite whatever entity that had decided to reincarnate me into this world, apparently they were still on my side. I hoped this luck would last with me for a long time.

A smack to my back nearly had me falling over again. "You're one lucky bastard, Dani," Reiner boomed. "That was one hell of a stunt." I noticed he sent a glance towards Annie. In canon, she had been the one to save Connie, hadn't she?

_I'm glad you're not injured._

… Why was I remembering _this_ of all things?

"We got them all," Jean reported. "Stock up on supplies!"

"Hell yeah!" Armin cheered. I waved up at him and he visibly relaxed; well, to me at least. Next to him, Marco swooned.

When Armin got down to the basement, the first thing he did was tackle me to the ground.

"Don't you think I've been on the ground too much today?" I wheezed as his arms wrapped around my waist and he buried his face into my shoulder.

"Why did you do that?" he asked, tightening his grip. "That was pure insanity."

I threaded my fingers through his hair, ruffling it. "I guess my head took too long to catch up with my body," I sighed.

He looked up, a fire burning in his blue eyes that made them a darker shade than they usually were. "Don't ever do that again," he whispered fiercely. "I need you too."

I blinked at him in shock before letting the smallest of smiles settle on my lips. "Okay."

"Oi, you two lovebirds, get off the floor!" Connie barked and we both flushed.

"We're _not_ dating!" I squeaked as Armin scrambled off me and held out a hand to help me up, not meeting my eyes. If we did that, I didn't know if we'd burst into laughter (completely inappropriate at this moment in time) or turn redder (just plain _no_).

"Connie, cut it out!" Armin sputtered.

Connie cackled as he walked off. I caught Armin's eye before coughing, scratching at my cheek that still felt a little too warm. We didn't react this way because we liked each other. Oh, no. We reacted this way because we _didn't_ and it was just weird, having people keep thinking we're a couple when we're not.

I knew Connie was just teasing us, but did he have to do it now?

I took Armin's hand, intertwining our fingers as I tugged him out of the basement to get our gear and fill up the tanks. It was a coping mechanism, I realised, as I strapped on my Maneuver Gear. Everyone had one to deal with everything we had been through today. Connie's was to make fun of me and Armin.

"Dani," Armin called and I looked up from where I was checking Marco's bindings once more. I was met with Armin's serious gaze and stern expression. In that split-second, I could see Armin, only he wasn't Armin. He was older, more world-weary. It was just like seeing Eren as an adult and I held the same sentiment I did then; I hoped I'd be able to see it for myself, not just a vague image made up by my mind. "I'm serious. Don't ever do something so stupid again."

I sighed, looking down at the ground. I couldn't promise that wouldn't happen. I wanted to keep Armin safe at whatever cost. I wanted to save _everyone_, but I knew I couldn't. Most of them didn't even need saving anyway. I met his eyes once more, a corner of my lip rising in a small, lopsided smile. "I won't," I replied. "Well, I'll try, anyway."

"Dani."

I reached out to hold his hand. "Armin, you know I care, right?" I said gently. "You're my oldest friend, my _best_ friend. I care about you just as much as Mikasa cares about Eren. You're _my_ family. I'd… if it had been you instead of Eren, I don't think I would have made it this long."

His eyes widened as he gripped my hand back. "That's not true. You're a lot stronger than I am – "

"But I'm a whole lot stronger with you," I interrupted. "We're a team, remember?"

He fell quiet, looking at our joined hands. "I remember."

I didn't say anything else, tugging him back down to the basement so we could replenish our gas supplies. I just needed him to remember that individually, we were _both_ strong, but together, we were a lot stronger. Put us together with Eren and Mikasa and we were damn near invincible.


	9. Rise

_**And I thought life was hard enough the first time.**_

_**OC self-insert (because I'm that shameless)**_

_**I told myself it would be a while before I would ship Dani with anyone. I don't know what happened.**_

_**Battle of Trost arc is killing me, man. There's still so much and I'm looking forward to what comes after. Like heartache.**_

_**Marco is a sweetie pie. Enough said.**_

_**Hooray for late updates! Woot!**_

_**Nina – They're so cute together it's gross.**_

_**a fan – Aww… thanks!**_

_**-0-**_

I wasn't acting like myself.

I was well aware of that. I had been reckless, downright suicidal. What was _wrong_ with me? I couldn't let Eren's death affect me this much if I still wanted to look over the people in my life that were still around.

_Eren might not be dead, though._

I unhooked my gas tank from the nozzle, staring down at it for a moment. That Titan, the one that was rampaging outside… I knew it, didn't I? It was firing alarms in the back of my head – a familiar sign that I _had_ seen it before, only not in this life.

If it could be believed, if it wasn't just a stupid little girl's hopeful dream, then that Titan _was_ Eren. If that Titan was Eren… well, so what? I couldn't do anything with that information right now. The nape was the key… was Eren in the nape of that Titan's neck?

I hooked up my second gas tank, letting the whistling of compressed gas fill my ears and provide as soundtrack for my thinking. I could attempt to get him out, but I didn't know if I would end up hurting him in the process.

_If_ he was even in that Titan.

I sighed, knocking the side of my head with my fist. Stupid ass failing memory. Why hadn't I held on to my memories of Shingeki no Kyojin closer? I should never have allowed myself to forget. Now I was faced with so many questions and probabilities with no way of knowing the answers. So much for adapting.

Someone settled down next to me and my eyes flickered upwards. I fiddled with the nozzle once more before looking at Marco, turning so I was facing him. "Hey," I greeted.

He frowned at me a little before poking my forehead. "There's something wrong with you," he accused. "What you did back there wasn't smart."

I tapped my fingers against my gas tank, sighing through my nose. No, it wasn't. I couldn't even come up with an argument for what I had did other than rash and unthinking. "I know."

Marco sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I damn near had a heart attack, Dani."

"I'm sorry," I apologised. "I wasn't thinking straight."

He punched my shoulder lightly, a stern gaze pinning me in place. "No more stupid stunts like that again, okay?"

That was a promise I could easily make. I didn't think I could take any more of that for today anyway. I nodded, slumping down slightly as I unhooked my full gas tank and stood up. I had to remember that sometimes people worried about me too, even if I didn't want them to. As much as I felt I could take care of myself, I knew I couldn't. that's why everyone needed people around them. We needed to let ourselves be taken care by other people too.

I couldn't do that. For now, I hoped people would let me take care of them, first. There was a little voice that told me _I_ was the one who had to look after them because I was older. It wasn't even the truth, but I felt like I had been living too long, sometimes. I felt twice their age when I was younger than at least half of them.

I hooked up my second gas tank, hearing the reassuring hiss of pressurised air from behind me. I had my 3DMG all gassed up and working and we were almost home free. I had two full tanks of gas, so maybe I could figure out a way of finding out if that Titan was really Eren or not. I _wasn't_ leaving without him.

"I talked to Jean."

I paused, looking back at Marco. He was looking down at his feet. I turned around, crossing my arms as I waited for him to continue. He did, eventually.

"Remember when we talked about everyone?" he asked, finally looking up. There was an odd emotion in his eyes that I couldn't decipher at all. "We talked about who would last and who wouldn't. What roles everyone fit in most."

My eyebrows furrowed. Why was he talking about this now? We had had that conversation two years into our training, when we were both stuck in the infirmary after sustaining injuries during 3DMG training. "Yeah?"

He shrugged. "I told him."

I blinked at him before barking out a disbelieving laugh. He actually _told_ Jean what he had told me? Oh, Marco… I pulled at the handkerchief Mikasa had wrapped around my injured hand. "I guess he needed to hear it," I mused. There had been a shift in Jean when he had yelled at me; I could feel the self-doubt simmering under the anger, the _I'm not cut out for this_ that lingered in his eyes.

"He did," Marco agreed, "but you know what else I told him? I told him we never talked about us."

I jerked. We had discussed everyone in our training squad… except each other. The only two people we hadn't mused on and placed in a pre-destined spot was us. I had my own thoughts about where Marco stood – a commander, able to lead people and keep them calm in the face of adversity, as he had shown multiple times today – but I couldn't even think about where I stood. If Marco had asked me back then, I would have said I would have been one of the struggling passes. I might have said I would have dropped out if it weren't for Armin, Eren and Mikasa.

"It wasn't important at the time," I reasoned, but it settled like a lie in my mouth. Maybe I just didn't want to hear the ugly truth; that I wasn't cut out for the military.

"Is it important now?"

I looked down at my hands at his question, picking at my nails. I shrugged. "I don't know," I answered honestly. "It doesn't have to be."

"What if we don't have another chance to talk?"

"_Dani… Marco's dead."_

"_Shut up, Jean. Just shut up."_

"_He's dead! You can't change that!"_

I blinked away those words that assaulted my mind. I couldn't let that happen. That couldn't be an actuality. "Don't say that," I said quietly, gaze fixed on the ground in front of Marco's feet. If he said that… no. I didn't want to have this conversation now, but I worried that we wouldn't be able to have it later.

"It's something that could happen, Dani."

He had no idea just how real that threat was. It wasn't just something that could happen; it _was_ going to happen and I didn't know if I would be able to stop it.

I ran a hand through my hair. "I know. God, I _know_. Don't you think I know that?"

He took my hand gently, like it was going to break in his grip. I blinked furiously, not used to such gentleness. It wasn't that Armin and Eren were usually rough with me, but they had never treated me like this. Like, well, like a girl. "You're not leader material," he said, his voice imitating the gentleness of his hand. "What's great is that you're aware of that, so you try not to lead. You could, if it called for it, but you'd rather be the fifth or sixth choice rather than the second. You'd make a good second-in-command, though." He took a step closer and I almost felt like I couldn't breathe. "You're headstrong, but able to set your pride to the side when the situation called for it. Sometimes though, especially when it came to Eren, you'd hang on to your pride because he deserved it. You're logical, but reckless; emotionally stable, but a mess… you're a walking contradiction, Dani, and I think that's what you like best about yourself."

I chuckled a little sadly. When had I let Marco know so much about me?

"I never thought you'd drop out for a moment," I whispered, tugging on a lock of my red hair. I seriously needed to procure a hair tie soon. I knew there was more coming. There had to be. We couldn't just give Trost up like this. We still had to find Eren (and I had a much stronger feeling this time that he _was_ alive). "You were always so sure what you wanted to do."

"I never thought you'd drop out either, even if you did," he said and I finally looked up at him. I almost flinched at our proximity. I was only ever used to being this close to Armin and Eren, but they were my best friends. Although Marco was my friend, we weren't… well, we weren't even as close as Eren and I were, to be honest.

Nervously, I tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. Marco was quiet, anticipating my own deductions. "You're a natural born leader," I started, the exact opposite of what he said about me. "You're able to lead and people want to be led by you. You're a pretty good judge of character. You're good at calming people down and you're able to make good decisions, but…" I bit my lip, not really sure if I should say it. "I'm glad you chose the Military Police. You wouldn't be able to be a commander in any other faction. You're too idealistic for the Recon Corps or Garrison. You're kind, but not a pushover. You _make_ people want to listen to you."

"Would you listen to me?" His voice wasn't just gentle anymore. It was soft too, like whipped cream or a gentle summer breeze.

"I always listen to you."

Suddenly, he tugged me towards him, one hand curling around my nape while the other curled around my shoulders. My eyes widened, breath hitching. I was prepared for this conversation to go many ways… but this hadn't come up as a possibility. Like I said before, I was used to hugs. Being friends with Eren, I had gotten used to sudden hugs too. I just wasn't used to a hug like this.

My hands hung limp by my sides before one hand rose to clutch his jacket. I… had never been hugged like this before; like he was trying to keep me safe from the rest of the world. I just – I guess I just didn't understand.

"Keep a cool head," he urged, breath brushing against my ear. "Don't do anything reckless anymore. _Stay safe_. Dani, please."

"You too," I whispered back, worried my voice would crack. I felt so emotional, but I didn't even know _what_ I was feeling. If I hazarded a guess, I guess it was an odd mix of longing and sorrow. I had this feeling deep in my bones that I wouldn't be able to stop much. Things were already in motion and going at full-speed. "You've got to watch your back, Marco. Don't – god, just don't die."

Impossible. So impossible.

His grip tightened on me minutely before I felt him nodding. I couldn't make him promise he wouldn't die because he'd feel horrible, breaking the promise in the afterlife or whatever. Knowing Marco, he'd be the type to feel shitty over something he couldn't control. This was out of our hands.

I pushed myself away from him, needing to get away from the comforting warmth before I got used to it. I chewed on my bottom lip, the cut from earlier stinging, but I didn't care. Ugh, emotions are stupid.

My eyes darted around the near-empty gas storage before I punched Marco's chest likely. "I'll hold you to that," I said weakly, not even meaning it as I turned and walked out into the sunlight.

Armin grabbed my hand, the tilt to his lips not quite a smile, but holding enough hope that I could believe it was. I squeezed back, wanting to be out of here, but not ready to. I was still thinking of a way to tell him that I wasn't leaving when Armin's eyes looked past me and he frowned. "Mikasa?" he called up and I turned, following his gaze to where Mikasa stood on the roof, staring at something we couldn't see.

"Why isn't she leaving?" I asked, sharing a look with Armin before shooting up next to her with my Maneuver Gear. I heard Armin follow behind me.

I reached out for her, but my hand stilled as I turned to look at what she was looking at. There was that odd Titan, but it was surrounded by the other Titans. No, that wasn't right. It would have been more accurate to say that the other Titans were _swarming_ the odd Titan, attacking it in a pattern similar to a school of piranhas. They were _eating_ it and there was a shock of protectiveness running through my body that had me wanting to jump in and kill all those Titans. I clenched my hands into fists to stop myself, knowing there wasn't anything I could do. The odd Titan was pinned down and it was only a matter of time before they got its nape by accident.

"Mikasa, we've got to hurry," Armin urged.

"That Titan…" Mikasa said, her voice trailing off the end. I couldn't tear my eyes from the sight of the Titan being devoured. It was so horrifying I couldn't stop watching. It was unheard of, Titans eating another Titan.

"They're eating it," Armin murmured in disbelief next to me. As we watched, the Titan we were talking about let out a roar that sounded an awful lot like a cry for help. I shook my head slightly; that sounded ridiculous. "Its body can't regenerate?"

"I thought uncovering the truth about that Titan might be the key to freeing ourselves from this desperate situation," Mikasa said and I glanced at her, seeing the swirling in her eyes as she tried to make a decision.

"Do you… want to save it?" I offered hesitantly, tapping my handgrips. If she wanted to save it, I'd be there to watch her back and make sure she didn't get eaten. Of course, I didn't think it was a particularly _smart_ decision.

"I think we should," Reiner agreed from behind me. I whirled around so fast I slipped a little, needing to steady myself on Armin's shoulder. I hadn't realised Reiner, Bertolt, Annie (those three were always together, which I always found a little odd) and Jean were behind us. "If they just rip it to shreds, we won't have learned a single thing." There was this glint in Reiner's eye that I found puzzling. I tilted my head to the side, looking away from him before he found me looking and hid it away.

"That's insane," Jean cried, looking between me and Reiner like we deserved to be committed to a mental institute for even mentioning it. "We can finally escape this death trap!"

"But what if that Titan could become an ally?" Annie brought up calmly with a slightly disdainful look towards Jean. "Don't you think it'd be a more powerful weapon than any cannon?"

"Our… ally?" Jean repeated in disbelief. "Are you for real?"

"It might not cooperate," I argued. "We're not even sure if it can understand us."

Annie turned her cold, cold eyes to me and I felt a chill run down my spine despite the heat of the sun on my back. "A weapon doesn't have to be willing."

Armin let out a sudden exclamation. "That's… that's the abnormal that ate Thomas!"

I turned, my eyes narrowing at the sight of the lean body and blonde hair that belonged to the Titan that had killed my comrade in front of me. My fingers twitched and my hands immediately flew to my handgrips, tugging them off my belt and moving to snap on a pair of blades so I could attack the way I hadn't been able to last time.

My eyes widened as a now familiar roar boomed through the air. My hair whipped into my face as I watched in fascination as the Titan that was in the midst of being devoured started running towards the abnormal Titan responsible for Thomas's death. Its arms got ripped off, but it still kept going until it clamped its teeth into the neck of the blonde Titan and tossed it around.

Another Titan attempted to sneak up on it, but it turned, hitting the other Titan with the abnormal hanging from its mouth. The other Titan, a Titan with a huge belly, crashed into a building, sending dust and debris flying.

"Hey, what was that about helping it?" Jean said sardonically as the Titan let out a roar of victory right before collapsing.

I made an aborted noise of surprise. I rocked forward, but there wasn't anything I could do.

"Looks like it burnt itself out," Jean commented. I heard him shift; probably to turn around. "Whatever. Let's get going! There's _no way_ that monster's on our side. Titans are Titans."

I wasn't listening anymore as I spotted movement near the base of the fallen Titan's neck. My heart beat faster in anticipation. This was the moment of truth. This would either validate or discredit my memories and my future knowledge. Eren just _had_ to be alive.

My eyes widened as the body – and it _was_ a body – shifted before rising up. A bit of Titan skin clung to the body's face and I held my breath as it broke free. I stared almost uncomprehendingly as I stared at the familiar face, unconscious, but _there_ and he was clearly alive. Next to me, Mikasa gasped.

Mikasa rushed down, Armin exclaiming her name, but I couldn't move. All I could do was stare at Eren, hand raising to clutch at Dad's ring still hanging from my neck all these years. I – I couldn't believe I was right. I raised a shaking hand to my face and rubbed my eyes, blinking furiously just to check my eyes weren't playing a trick on me.

I watched as Mikasa ran towards Eren's motionless body, finally embracing it when she reached. There was a moment of silence and I blinked as Mikasa brought her head down to his chest. Mikasa's wails slowly reached us and my legs gave out from under me.

I sat down, looking up to the sky and breathing heavily as I blinked back tears.

"We should get them to safety," I said hoarsely, getting to my feet and gently brushing away Jean's hand. I rubbed at my dry eyes with both hands before taking a deep breath and shooting out my grappling hooks so they would catch me as I dropped from the roof.

Mikasa's wails started to quieten as I neared, allowing me to realise there were words hidden in them too.

"Eren," she sobbed. "He's alive. Thank god, he's _alive_!"

"Mikasa," I said gently, resting a hand on her shoulder slowly so as not to startle her. "We need to get out of here. There are still Titans around – "

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry," she whimpered.

My breath hitched. I should be the one saying that, not Mikasa. Hadn't I been the one tasked with watching over him?

"Mikasa," I whispered, trying to pull her away, but she wouldn't allow herself to be separated from Eren. "Mikasa, please, we have to go."

More wordless sobs.

"Mikasa…"

Footsteps sounded behind us, so I attempted to haul both her and Eren out, but I didn't have the necessary strength, even after all that 3DMG training. Mikasa wouldn't get up and I had to lift two people at the same time.

"Dani, how's it going?" Reiner called. I shook my head before realising the steam was still too thick for anyone to see us.

"I need your help," I shouted down. "She won't – I can't get her to let go."

I shook Mikasa's shoulders, but she still refused to let go. Eren's head dropped down onto her shoulder and my fingers brushed against his cheek. I pulled my hand away immediately, gasping slightly because it wasn't just some hazy figment of my imagination. He was _real_ and he wasn't _dead_ and I swore I would never ask for anything else from any deity.

Reiner appeared through the mist and I blinked, another image superimposing himself over his reflection so brief I couldn't make out what it was. _Goddamn shitty memory._ He let out a sigh as he reached out for Eren, but Mikasa let out a growl that wasn't quite human.

Reiner shot me a look that seemed to say _are you kidding me?_ I shrugged helplessly, gripping my hair and tugging.

"Mikasa, get up," I pleaded, tugging her jacket, but she simply buried her face in Eren's shoulder. I looked over my shoulder, worried a Titan would show up and take us by surprise. We still weren't out of the danger zone, damn it.

"Ackerman," Reiner barked, "if we don't get out of here now, we're all dead. _Eren_ is dead. Do you want that?"

Slowly, Mikasa shook his head.

"Then get up," he ordered, crossing his arms. "If you're not getting up, I'll take Eren out of your hands and have Dani haul your hysterical ass out of here, got it?"

"Reiner," I protested. "I don't think – "

Mikasa suddenly stood up, Eren's arm around her shoulders. I shifted forward to help her, but hesitated. I felt like I didn't deserve to touch him after failing him – both of them – and it wasn't like she really needed my help anyway. I clenched my right hand, feeling the handkerchief she had carefully wrapped my hand in. It didn't matter if she needed my help or not. I would help her whether she needed it or not, the same way she would – had – for me.

I made an aborted movement to help her, but she was already gone in a burst of compressed air.

Right, what could someone like me add to Mikasa?

"Let's get going. We should at least make it to the top of that tower." He pointed toward a tall tower with a hole by the side; probably where Eren had driven a hole through it. "The Titans shouldn't be able to get us." Reiner patted a heavy hand on my shoulder, but it didn't attempt to knock me off-balance like the other times. It was meant for comfort.

"Right." I left first, firing my hooks towards the nearest building and quickly shooting off behind Mikasa. I couldn't help but keep glancing at Eren, lying in Mikasa's arms as we steadily made our way to the tower that was so close and still too far, trying our best to avoid Titans and killing those that got in our way.

I looked to my left, eyeing Jean, who had been keeping up with me, for the past two minutes. I wouldn't have found it weird if it were Armin, Mikasa or even Annie, but this was Jean. We weren't enemies (it'd be rather stupid to have enemies among humans these days), but I could hardly call us friends. I didn't dislike Jean, but I couldn't speak for him.

He looked at me with a somewhat haughty look, frowning slightly. "What? Look in front," he barked, looking forward again. "You'll hit a wall or something."

I sighed, shaking my head slightly. "You're acting weird," I called.

"You didn't cry."

"Should I have?"

He glanced at me again. "Don't you care about him?"

"Of course I care," I retorted harshly. "Just because I care, does that mean I should cry?"

I darted forward, choosing to stay next to Armin instead of hanging back the way I had earlier. I didn't bother to hear his answer. If he thought the only measure of my care was tears, then he was sorely mistaken.

Armin glanced at me as I swung next to him. I could see the wall right in front of us and I was so ready for all this to be over (even if I knew this wasn't even close to being the end). "He meant well," Armin pointed out gently. "He… worries."

"He doesn't have to," I snapped, before sighing. "Sorry. I'm not angry at you. I'm not even angry at him. I'm just – "

"Angry at yourself?"

I almost smiled. Armin knew me so well. I wish I could know him just as well. Maybe I didn't, but it sure as hell didn't feel like it sometimes. "I guess so," I agreed, shooting my hooks into the top of the tower but letting the wall's surface rush towards me. I let myself hang from my wires, high enough that the Titans couldn't get me.

I wanted to bash my head against the wall sometimes. How could I be so smart but still so dumb? I could never seem to do the right thing. God, all I ever did was mess things up.

Armin landed next to me, placing a hand on my elbow. "Hey, cut it out," he urged quietly. "When are you going to learn to stop beating yourself up over things you can't control?"

I looked up to the sky. "Maybe when the sky falls," I mused.

Armin knocked into me in protest. "I'll teach you."

"You can't teach me something you yourself haven't learnt yet, genius." I knocked him back. "Let's get up there before everyone worries."

"I guess we'll have to learn together," he said.

When we reached the top, we were met with the sight of Mikasa embracing Eren again with everyone else staring at them. Reiner, Bertolt and Annie had been having a quiet conversation amongst them when Armin and I showed up.

I shot a curious look at them, but neither of the three met my eyes. Bertolt started to sweat, but that was normal for him. I couldn't help but shake the feeling there was something brewing between them. Mikasa was still letting out sobs, but she seemed to be calming down at least.

I stood to the side, looking out behind us and towards the wall. I could see brown specks where soldiers were, but I couldn't tell if they had seen Eren or not.

I could hear Armin start to cry, but I couldn't turn and join them. I couldn't even see it. I didn't deserve to. I clutched at Dad's ring, twisting it between my fingers as I continued to watch the brown specks. A tear fell from my cheek and I hastily brushed it away. I had cried enough, hadn't I?

I could feel someone standing behind me, but didn't say anything. I waited for whoever it was behind me to say something.

"Shouldn't you be joining in on their family reunion?" Jean asked, a slight twist of sarcasm in his voice that I chose to ignore.

"Do you think I deserve to?" I replied, squinting at the brown specks in an effort to stop myself from crying. Danika Vale, I think that's enough for one day.

Jean let out a sigh and I almost yelled as he spun me around so I was facing Mikasa, Eren and Armin. "Just go," he ordered gruffly, before muttering something under his breath.

Armin looked back at me, eyes shining with tears. "Dani, he's real," he whispered in wonder. "He got his arm and leg back!"

Maybe the steps I took were too hesitant, but there was still an extremely pessimistic voice in my head that told me it was all a dream. Of course, it was the same voice that whispered late at night, when I felt I was all alone, that this new life was probably just a dream too. I could have just as easily been stuck in a coma too. I learned to ignore that voice; how could I live if I thought all of this was a dream?

Armin took my hand as I stood next to him. He intertwined my fingers with his the way his fingers were intertwined with Eren's. I reached out with trembling fingers, my fingers brushing Eren's black hair. It felt as soft as those days when we stayed up late talking and he'd rest his head on my shoulder so I could run my fingers through his hair.

I could feel the thud all the way up my thighs as my knees gave out under me, but it didn't register in my brain as I threaded my fingers through Eren's hair like I had done so many times before. I bit on my lip, my shoulders shaking from the force of my silent sobs as I bowed my head. My fingers trailed down Eren's cheek as I finally let my tears fall onto the ground.

We must have looked so weird, the four of us intertwined with each other in such weird ways. I couldn't have cared less. There was no one to watch us but Jean, Annie, Reiner and Bertolt anyway.

Eventually my tears ran dry and I hurriedly wiped away any evidence on my cheeks, glad for my long hair that covered my face. It was so embarrassing, crying in front of witnesses, but I simply couldn't help how happy I was. I squeezed Armin's hand before untangling it from mine, shakily standing up. My knees ached from kneeling for too long, but it wasn't the first time I had felt the ache in my knees. I covered my face with my hands briefly before swiping any remaining tears away and taking a deep breath. We weren't done yet. Not for a long shot.

"Are you done crying?" Annie asked, sounding nothing but impatient. I rested my hand on top of Armin's head, taking comfort at the familiar action.

"Just about," I answered airily. Now wasn't the time for emotions. Not until we were behind the wall. Of course, that meant there was more trouble incoming, but nobody had ever said our lives would be easy. "We should head to the wall – "

"They saw him," Bertolt interjected. "Look at the way they're grouped. We weren't that far from the wall when Eren… came out of that Titan."

I squinted at the wall, where the brown specks were still congregating. That couldn't be helped. The ruckus we had caused hadn't gone unnoticed.

… _You'd rather be fifth or sixth choice…_

I sucked my lower lip in, mindful of the wound my teeth had left in it. I didn't want to be the one calling the shots.

"You guys should go first," Mikasa said. I looked towards her. She was standing up, looking up at the sky. "We'll follow after."

Armin stood up too, rubbing his tears away. "We should go in separately if you guys want to stay out of trouble," he added, looking towards Armin. "I don't think it'll be a good idea if you guys were involved. And…" He gave each of them a stern gaze. "I think it would be best if we kept what we just saw a secret."

Annie, Reiner and Bertolt were quick to head off with acknowledging nods, but Jean lingered. He looked at the four of us, eyes lingering on Mikasa. "Are you sure?"

"Just go," Mikasa ordered quietly, not looking at Jean as she slung Eren's arm around her shoulders. "We don't need your help."

Jean looked hurt, but he always did around Mikasa. I wish he would realise that between Eren and him, she'd always pick Eren first. I shared a glance with Armin before drawing away. I shot a glance towards Mikasa, telling him he should make a plan with her. I'd follow along readily with whatever they came up with.

I grabbed Jean's arm and dragged him to the edge of the roof. He didn't even protest, which showed just how upset he was. "She didn't mean anything by it," I said quietly, looking over at Mikasa and Armin and noting with a nod that they had their heads together, obviously devising a plan.

"Didn't she?" he snorted, pulling his arm away from me roughly. "Whatever."

"Don't be childish," I reprimanded. "She's just doing it for your own good. Leave."

His hands dropped to his handgrips, but he paused, looking at me. "Are you coming?"

I jerked, blinking at him in confusion. "Why would you think I'd be going with you?"

He growled under his breath. "Right. I forgot. I just thought – forget it. Just… forget it."

"Jean – "

I didn't get a chance to say anything (not that I was going to say anything useful) as he stepped off the roof, swinging away on his 3DMG. I scratched the back of my head before making a frustrated motion towards Jean. Ah, whatever. It's not like I liked the jerk or whatever.

Males. I didn't understand them Then and I certainly wouldn't understand them now. This is why I didn't date (among other reasons)!

"What's the plan?" I asked with one last glare to where Jean had left.

"We'll have to face them eventually," Armin pointed out. "Maybe they saw the way Eren had fought against the other Titans and will leave him alone."

"If they didn't, we'll figure out something," Mikasa said firmly, her grip on Eren tightening.

I sighed looking towards the brown specks that were increasing in number. "It's more likely they'll see him as an enemy," I said, rubbing my temple with one hand. "I think it's logical to say they'll have cannons pointed at us."

"So be it. We'll protect him. They won't shoot at their own soldiers."

I wasn't so sure about that, but Mikasa looked ready to leave. I was too. We all were. It wasn't like we could avoid going into the inner wall; we needed to report back to our superiors. I ran a hand through my hair one last time before turning.

"I'm ready when you are," I said to both of them. Mikasa nodded at me, leading us. I trailed behind Armin, feeling unnaturally tense. We were about to go through a hell of a lot more. I stared at Mikasa's and Armin's backs in front of me before letting my gaze linger on Eren's sleeping face. I guess there were worse people I could go through this with.


	10. Survive

_**And I thought life was hard enough the first time.**_

_**OC self-insert (because I'm that shameless)**_

_**Wi-Fi is slow, so updates are going to be slow as well. Sorry guys!**_

_**Of course, Battle of Trost is also causing me unspeakable pains. That's also half the reason for my slow updates. Just – pain. I am in so much pain.**_

_**I also apologise for the slightly shorter than usual chapters. I promise post-Battle of Trost, there will be longer chapters. Hopefully.**_

_**Hey, no page breaks! Hooray for my first milestone! -solo celebration mode on-**_

_**Nina – I really liked that scene with Marco too. I'm glad it had the intended effect on some people. Muahahaha!**_

_**A fan – Something's definitely going on between the two. Something.**_

_**-0-**_

I let out a sigh of relief as we neared the wall. We weren't quite safe just yet, not if my odd collection of memories were right (and in chronological order), but at least it was better than being in Titan territory. I frowned at Annie, Reiner, Bertolt and Jean, who hadn't gone in without us.

"I told you to leave," Mikasa said, frowning as well. "I don't want you to get in trouble."

"We won't leave you behind," Jean retorted. I didn't know if he was just talking about Mikasa or all of us. With Jean, it could be anything.

"It's not safe for you," Mikasa argued as she attempted to single-handedly carry Eren to the lift. However, she didn't quite have the necessary muscle strength and struggled. I made to move forward, but Armin was faster, swinging Eren's other arm over his shoulders.

"It's hardly going to be safe for you too," Annie pointed out disinterestedly. "Just get over it. We're not leaving."

The ride down was quiet, Jean, Annie and I holding onto the lift from the outside due to lack of space. I couldn't help but muse that if this was me from Back Then, I would never have had the guts to hang from a lift while there was a fifty metre drop and no safety net. I probably would have accidentally lost my grip halfway down and plummeted to my death. Well, I still could, but I had a white-knuckled grip on the ledge. I needed this, the rush of danger to keep things into perspective. This was what I was supposed to do, make sure Mikasa, Armin and Eren were safe even if I had to put myself in harm's way.

Eren had gotten _eaten_. I'd say I was doing a pretty poor job already.

"Oh…" Armin whispered and I looked up from where I had been staring at my bloodless knuckles to stare at the soldiers that were surrounding us. Their swords were drawn and they were staring at us – at Eren – the way they would a wild animal… or a Titan.

"Cadets!" the panicked commanding officer from earlier (had it really only been hours?) shouted. "Leave the premises, except for Jaeger!"

"Leave," Mikasa ordered sharply, she and Armin dragging Eren out of the lift despite the panicked shouts of our commanding officer.

Jean opened his mouth to argue, but I squeezed his arm, causing him to look at me with wide eyes.

"Just go," I whispered, looking at all of them pleadingly. "Leave us be. She just doesn't want you guys to get in trouble and neither do I."

Jean narrowed his eyes at me, but I turned to Annie. Her eyes widened slightly in shock. "Get him out of here," I pleaded. "This isn't your fight."

I watched them as they were allowed to leave without contest. I really hoped Jean understood that Mikasa did care, in her own way.

"You three," the captain shrieked. "Get out of the way!"

"We don't understand why that's necessary," Armin shouted, grip tightening on Eren as Mikasa walked in front of us and withdrew her blades. "We've done nothing wrong!"

Of course, it was during that silence where we waited for the Garrison to answer that Eren chose the time to be somewhat lucid and spoke.

"I'll kill you," he murmured in a dreamy voice, his voice carrying too well in the tense silence. I jerked, eyes darting to Eren. I shuddered slightly at the maniacal smile spread across his face. I looked to Armin, wondering if the horrified look on his face was mirrored on mine.

"Eren?" Armin whispered cautiously. My fingers twitched to touch Eren's face, but I curled my hands into fists in my lap. He was so _out of it_, the look in Eren's turquoise eyes blank and devoid of thought. Mindless, like a brainwashed cult member.

I watched carefully as Eren's eyes slowly widened from the half-lidded gaze, the light of _Eren_ coming back on. He blinked and gasped and I let out a sigh of relief. Eren was back, not that mindless Titan that had exterminated all those Titans behind that wall.

Mikasa turned back at Eren's gasp, her eyebrows drawn low as her gaze screamed worry and relief. "Eren!" she exclaimed and if I was standing, the sheer relief in her voice would have knocked me over.

"Eren, can you move? Are you yourself again?" Armin asked urgently. "Tell them everything you know! I'm sure they'll understand!"

I lifted a hand hesitantly before placing it on Eren's shoulder. His head jerked to mine, but I wasn't looking at him anymore. I was looking around at the soldiers surrounding us, wondering how we were going to get out of this alive. Fear was a powerful motivator for murder, I knew. Even if we tried to reason with them, I doubted they would listen.

Eren turned to Armin uncomprehendingly, looking so disorientated. "Armin?"

"Did you hear that?" one of the soldiers gasped. "He said, 'I'll kill you!'"

"Yes, I heard it too. He wants to devour us all!"

"He wouldn't do that," I argued loudly. The soldiers closest to us reared back in shock and I couldn't help but sneer. Honestly, they were scared of a bunch of _teenagers_. Admittedly, we were relatively skilled (or in Mikasa's case, extremely skilled) teenagers who were trained with sharp objects, but we were hardly _lethal_ to them.

I glanced at Eren. He wasn't a monster. I had practically grown up with him for the past five years. I may not have known him as well as Mikasa and Armin, but I _did_ know him. Eren Jaeger was far from a monster.

The captain seemed to turn red, which was an odd sight to see from this distance as his face almost blended with his moustache and beard. "Cadets Jaeger, Ackerman, Arlert and Vale! Your present behaviour is high treason. What do you have to say in your defence?"

"High treason?" I muttered, sharing a worried look with Armin. All because, what, Eren could turn into a Titan? It's not like he _knew_. No one knew; I had a suspicion that Dr Jaeger knew, though. He had been the cause for all this, hadn't he?

Ah, it didn't matter now. Not now. I could think about it when we didn't have cannons and guns pointed at us.

Eren emitted a small surprised noise.

"If you try anything deceitful or attempt to make a move," the captain continued in his high, panicked voice (_how had he become a captain if he couldn't keep a cool head?_), "the artillery will open fire on you immediately. We won't hesitate! I ask you: what are you, a human or a Titan?"

What kind of question was that? I bit my lip, eyes darting pleadingly towards the faces of each soldier. We were harmless enough. Did they honestly think we would kill them? There was no doubt that we had the skill, but we were a little more patriotic than that. It's not like we would want to aid in the extinction of the human race.

Eren inhaled sharply. _Eren, please_, I thought, standing up slowly so as not to alarm anyone and cause any misfires.

"I… I don't understand the question," Eren shouted.

"Damn monster!" the captain replied. "Try playing dumb with me again. We'll blow you to bits in an instant! We won't give you time to show your true face."

"My true face?" Eren repeated, sounding bewildered. I frowned down at him, placing my hand on the top of his head. Did he… well, I guess he didn't remember.

"Everybody saw it," Captain Bastard insisted, not even bothering to mask the fear in his voice. I'd really like to know how such a coward could rank so high. "You emerged from the carcass of a Titan. Mankind has allowed creatures like you to infiltrate Wall Rose. Even though you're cadets sworn to the King himself, it's appropriate to pre-emptively eliminate this risk!"

He wasn't seriously trying to say he'd blast an innocent cadet!

"You don't have proof that he's dangerous," I argued, taking a step forward so I was standing in front of Eren and Armin. "He wasn't harming humans!"

"I'm not wrong," he bellowed, face draining of blood. "The armoured Titan that broke through Wall Maria could appear at any moment! Mankind is once again on the brink of extinction. Do you get it? We can't afford to waste our troops and time on you. I'll blow you to pieces with the artillery!" he pointed at us, looking quite manic.

I bit my tongue, stopping myself from hurling my bountiful vocabulary of insults at him. Mankind was _always _on the brink of extinction, especially if we let idiots like make big decisions like this. I couldn't think of an argument that didn't end in me antagonising Captain Bastard (Eren did always say I had a real talent in annoying the heck out of people) and causing our deaths.

His fear was too great for us to do anything. The only option I could come up with was to fight our way out, but I glanced behind me at Eren. I didn't think he could even stand, let alone run.

"They are clearly defiant," I heard the ash-haired woman next to the captain comment. "I doubt we'll be able to obtain any useful intelligence from them. As you say, this is a waste of troops and time."

"Captain, it'll be easy right now. We can blow him away while he's in human form!" someone shouted. _Fear is a great motivator for murder._ Especially cold-blooded murder.

Mikasa stepped forward slowly, snapping on another blade and letting it rasp against the sheathe menacingly as she pulled it out. "My specialty is slicing up flesh. If need be, I'm prepared to display it," she announced slowly. "Anyone interested in experiencing my skills first hand, step right up."

My eyes widened. The last thing we should be doing was threatening them back. "Mikasa," I said sharply. "Violence isn't the answer."

"Mikasa, Armin, Dani!" Eren exclaimed quietly. "What's going on?"

"Mikasa! You can't fight our own people," Armin argued, panic beginning to creep into his voice. "Where could we run within these crowded walls?"

I grabbed her wrist, attempting to put her weapon down, but she flicked my hand away with a look of contempt. I… should have expected that. "I don't care who my opponent is," she declared. "I'm not letting anyone kill Eren. I couldn't care less about anything else."

"We need to talk with them," Armin pointed out almost desperately. "No one knows what's going on! Their fears are just running rampant."

"We can't talk to an unwilling audience," I sighed, the urge to bury my hands into my hair and pull almost overwhelming.

"I'll ask you once again. What are you?" Captain Bastard demanded.

I didn't look back at Eren. He didn't need the pressure. My hand rose to clutch at Dad's ring. This wasn't the end. Not because it couldn't be, but because I _knew_ it wasn't.

I eventually glanced back, the fierce determination burning in his eyes the only sign that he had made a decision. I tightened my grip. It'll be the right one.

"I'm human!" he shouted, his voice echoing through the silent courtyard. Stunned silence followed.

I had begun to cautiously hope that this would end well, but then Captain Bastard's arm slowly started to rise. My eyes widened, almost not comprehending what was going on. He was… still going to shoot, even when Eren had truthfully answered. In the end, it hadn't even mattered which answer Eren would have given. Either answer ended in death.

_Unbelievable._

Captain Bastard's hand pointed to the sky and Mikasa whirled around, saying urgently, "Eren, Armin, Dani! We're going up!" She grabbed my arm, almost yanking it out of its socket as we ran towards the boys.

"Where can we go?" I asked. Armin was right. We could hide nowhere within these walls. She didn't really think we could survive in Titan territory, did she?

"We're getting out," she muttered, snatching Eren up on her shoulder and ignoring his protest. My hand found Armin's out of reflex and I squeezed his hand, pulling him along. It was going to be okay. It had to be.

Eren's eyes met mine and he spun out of Mikasa's grasp, running towards Armin and me. My eyes widened further; I couldn't stop myself in time and Eren didn't look like he was going to. I crashed into him and we fell to the ground in a heap. At that moment, I heard the cannon discharge and was the only witness as Eren bit into his hand, drawing blood.

Lightning erupted around us, causing the hairs on my arms and on the back of my neck to stand. I shut my eyes against the glare, my hair whipping into my face in the sudden breeze. Heat enveloped us and there was another boom deafening my ears.

My eyes fluttered open, my ears still ringing a little from the noise and abuse it had suffered. I gasped as I looked up at the giant ribcage hanging above us, sitting up and pressing the back of my hand to my mouth in surprise.

"Unbelievable," I breathed, shaking my head a little. There was a voice that kept telling me something like this, a human turning into a Titan, should be impossible. Then again, it was the same voice that used to tell me Titans weren't real, so it was just one of the many voices (along with the voice of hysteria) that I easily ignored.

I looked over at Eren, who was strangely missing. Right, he was probably in the nape. Whoa.

"I remember hearing the cannon. There was an awful noise, then that impact and this heat…" Armin murmured. I squeezed his hand again, eyeing him with concern. There were tears lingering in the corners of his eyes, but it was most likely just from the shock of almost dying. "We're inside a gigantic skelet – "

"Eren protected us," Mikasa explained, side-eyeing the both of us. "That's all we need to know for now."

"You know," I started light-heartedly, causing Armin's and Mikasa's heads to turn towards me, "this is hardly disproving their theory that he's a monster." I paused, trying to find the best way for the words to leave my mouth without sounding too despairing. "How are we going to get out of this?"

Footsteps sounded. I gripped my handgrips, only managing to snap on one blade as a shadowy figure ran past the ribcage. I let out a sigh, putting down my blade as Eren appeared out of the steam. "Are you okay?" he asked urgently.

"Eren, what is this?" Armin asked, gripping my hand in a grip that threatened to cut off all circulation to my fingers.

"I don't know, but it's evaporating," Eren answered. Even as he spoke, the rib next to him began to flake off. "It's just like a Titan's carcass."

"We should get away," Armin suggested.

Eren turned away from us, looking out beyond the steam to where the soldiers were probably still waiting. "They're still watching, waiting to see what happens next." More like wondering if they needed to shoot another cannon ball at a bunch of innocent teenagers. "The Garrison can't see our movements right now, but eventually, they _will_ attack again."

"If they can't see us, it'd be the perfect time to run," I said, looking up at the disappearing carcass above us once more. "We don't have anywhere to run off to, though."

Eren glanced at me, nodding once. "Right. And after this stunt, I doubt we can talk our way out of this one." He gripped the key hanging around his neck, holding it up for us to see. "I did remember one thing though. The basement. The basement of my old house. My father said I would understand everything if I went there. He's also the reason I'm like this."

Hey, future memory gets one point for being right. He looked up at the three of us. "If I get to that basement," he continued, "I'll probably find out the truth about Titans too."

I guess in this world, Dr Jaeger was the equivalent of Einstein. It couldn't have been easy, concocting a serum to give a person the ability to turn into a Titan at will. He had to have been mad too, to use his _own son_ as a guinea pig. Dr Jaeger, mad scientist.

"Damn it," Eren cursed, driving his fist into the crumbling rib. "Why did he keep it a secret? It's the intel the Recon Corps has been searching for at the cost of thousands of lives. This is mankind's last hope!"

I'm sure he had his reasons. It didn't necessarily mean they were _good_ reasons, but he had his reasons. I doubted saying that to Eren right now would console him.

"He was just keeping it locked away in the basement?" he gritted out. "What the hell was he thinking?" I had to wonder if it was a good idea to let Eren monologue. "Where has he been these past five years, after he abandoned us – "

"Eren, we've got more pressing matters now," Mikasa interrupted, placing a hand on his shoulder before running off. As we ran off further into the Titan, the skull dislodged from the spine and collapsed to the ground, throwing up more dust.

"I'm… going to go away," Eren revealed, looking more serious than I had ever seen him.

"Where to? How?" Armin questioned. Mikasa twitched and I could tell she wanted to protest, but held her tongue.

"For now, anywhere will do. Then, I have to get over the wall and find my old basement." He looked down at his hand and I couldn't help but note there was no bite mark. "Before that, I'll need to become a Titan again."

I held up a hand. "Okay, first of all, your basement is in Shiganshina."

He gave me a strange look. "Yeah, and…?"

"That's a hundred kilometres away. And in Titan territory. Secondly, can you even become a Titan again? I mean," I gestured up at the crumbling remains around us, "this is hardly a Titan that can _move_."

Eren looked up at us, looking a little stressed. He shook his head. "I don't know, but I think I can. Just like how you can't explain how you can make your arms move." He looked down at his hand, wiggling his fingers. "Earlier, I just focused on blocking the cannon fire. I think that's why my body had no real functionality or durability." He clenched his hand into a fist. "This time, I'll try something stronger. The fifteen-metre class form I used to kick the shit out of all those Titans!"

It was… risky at best. This was like picking up a random gun that was really complicated and needing to learn how to shoot it in a split second. We didn't know if this would turn out well. He didn't know how to control this power, damn it.

Mikasa jolted, jostling Armin into me. "Eren, your nose is bleeding," she pointed out, sounding a little alarmed. Eren wiped the thin trickle of blood from his nose, staring at the blood on his finger.

"You're really pale," Armin noted. "Your breathing's really heavy too."

I bit my lip. The consecutive… _changes_ were probably taking a toll on his body. "Maybe you shouldn't try," I suggested slowly. "It's obviously too much for your body."

His eyebrows furrowed a little and I sighed. Of course we didn't through to him. He wiped away the rest of the blood, saying, "I don't care If I'm in bad shape right now." We care, dumbass. "I've got two ideas. If the three of you don't try to cover for me, they won't kill you. I've caused you enough trouble already. From here on out, I'm doing this alone."

"Like hell you are," I protested as Armin gasped, "No! I – "

"Eren," Mikasa said firmly, easily talking over the two of us. "I'm coming too."

Right, what she said!

"No," Eren replied immediately.

"If I can't keep up with you, then don't concern yourself with me," she insisted, "but I don't have to do whatever you say either."

"Cut the crap already, for fuck's sake," Eren snarled.

"You cut the crap!" I retorted, knocking the side of Eren's head with my fist. "It's her decision. I'm coming too and you can't stop me."

I glanced at Armin, but I wouldn't abandon him. If he decided to stay… well, he'd be safe. If not for me, I could at least hope that Jean would look out for him for Mikasa's sake. I wouldn't pressure him.

Of course, this was all irrelevant since we'd end up in the Recon Corps, but they didn't know that and I gravely doubted my saying so would help. I didn't have any proof to back me up.

He growled, slapping my hand away. "I'm not Mikasa's little brother or kid and I'm not yours either, so back off!"

"Do you really think you can do this alone? You won't have anyone to watch your back – "

"I'll deal with it if I have to!"

"You won't have to," Mikasa interjected. "We're coming with you."

His angry gaze darted between Mikasa and me. Both his hands clenched into fists. "The two of you are a lot more useful to mankind."

I shared a brief glance with Mikasa. He was right, partly; Mikasa would be a lot more useful to humanity if she stayed with the military.

"He's right," I said seriously, causing both of them to stare at me in shock.

"Dani," Mikasa said sharply, but I held up a hand to signal I wasn't done.

"That's why Mikasa should stay and I'll go with him. Mikasa's arguably humanity's strongest fighter. She could do a lot for humanity."

Eren glared at me. "That wasn't what I meant! _Both_ of you are a lot more useful – "

"What can I add on to humanity that they don't already have?"

"What about Armin?" Mikasa asked quietly.

I faltered. What _about_ Armin? He was my best friend. I had promised to protect him, but I couldn't ever coax him into this suicide mission, even if this was only theoretical.

"Won't you look after him for me?" I countered, looking up at her imploringly.

"Wait, Dani, Mikasa," Eren interrupted. "I said I had _two_ ideas."

I blinked, backing down. Right. _Always have a contingency._ Eren nodded at both of us before turning to Armin, who had been absent from the conversation. I turned back to him, worried about the look on his face.

"Armin, I want you to make the final call," he said, Armin's head jerked up, eyes widening slightly. "I'm fully aware how unrealistic this plan is. Even so, our best option would be using this Titan power strategically to aid the army." He stared down at his hand before looking back up at Armin. "I know it sounds insane. If you're confident you can convince the Garrison I'm not a threat, then I'll believe you and stay here. That's my second idea. If you say you can't do it, then I'll go with my last resort, the option I described earlier. You've got fifteen seconds to decide." Even as Eren spoke, I could imagine the turning of gears as they loaded up and took aim. I turned around, squinting out through the dust in vain to see how the movement was out there.

"Can you do it?" Eren asked. "Either way, I'll respect your opinion."

"Eren… why would you entrust such an important decision to me?" Armin whispered.

Eren smiled a little. "No matter how messed up things get, you always figure out the best solution. I want to rely on you."

"When have I ever…"

"A bunch of times," Eren answered without really needing to hear the question. "Five years ago, if you hadn't gotten Hannes, Mikasa and I would have been eaten by that Titan."

"I would have gotten eaten too," I added, placing my hand over Armin's. "If you hadn't come back for me, I wouldn't be here."

Behind us, a piece of the Titan crashed to the ground.

"Armin, we're running out of time," Eren said urgently.

Armin stood up suddenly and I knew he had made his choice. No matter what the situation, Armin would always have the clearest head among the four of us.

"I'll convince them," Armin stated. "Do your best to show them you don't intend to resist."

I looked up at him, feeling the oddest feeling of pride swelling in my chest. I pushed it away, nodding once. He turned and ran out of the dust and I made an aborted movement to follow him, but managed to stop myself even as Eren placed a warning hand on my shoulder. I felt skittish, letting Armin go out there alone, but he _had_ to do it alone. It's not like I would have said anything anyway.

"Would you really have gone with me?"

I didn't look at Eren, my eyes fixed on where Armin had run off to. I know I said I would have gone, but I was starting to think I wouldn't. I had seen the look in Armin's eyes. If it had boiled down to Eren needing to run… well, he would have had Mikasa with him. I wasn't necessary. No, I would have been dead weight.

"I wouldn't have thought any less of you," he continued.

"I know," I replied, "and that's why I probably would have stayed. He doesn't realise it yet."

"Realise what?"

I finally looked over at Eren, a small smile playing on my lips. "That between the two of us, I'll always need him more." I patted his hand on my shoulder. "You guys would have done fine without me anyway."

"Stop!" I heard Captain Bastard shriek and I shot up instinctively, although I wasn't planning on rushing forward. Eren held onto my wrist with an iron grip, preventing me from running forward even if I wanted to. Ugh, I hate this. "You finally showed your true colours, monster! I'll signal! I'll signal the cannon!"

"He isn't the enemy of mankind," Armin shouted back. "We're willing to share all the intelligence we've gathered!"

"Begging for your lives is useless now," came the reply. "He revealed his true form _right in front of us_. There's nothing left to say! If you say he's not an enemy, prove it! If you can't do that, I _will_ eliminate the threat."

It didn't sit well with me, standing by like this, but there was nothing to be done. I would normally trust Armin's persuasion skills wholeheartedly, but the real rule-breaker was fear. There was no way to measure the fear that filled all of them out there.

They didn't know Eren the way we did. They had no way of knowing if Eren was a good person or not. It was up to Armin to prove he was.

"There's no need for further proof," Armin replied. "The issue isn't how _we_ see him."

"_What?_"

"You said everybody saw him. Then they must have seen him fighting the Titans too! They must've seen all the Titans ganging up against him. The Titans see him as prey, just like the rest of mankind. Nothing you say can change that fact!"

_Armin Arlert, you're a genius._

Silence followed his proclamation. Sweat trickled down my temple and down my jaw. The three of us had no way of knowing how the others were taking that information.

"Prepare to attack!" I tensed as Eren's grip on my wrist tightened slightly. "Don't fall for this clever trap. Their actions have always been beyond our comprehension. If they can transform into humans and speak our language, that's just another way for them to fool us! We can't let them do as they please!"

The dust started to clear and I could see Armin, his head turned towards us. I sent him what I hoped was an encouraging look instead of my scared shitless face. We were all scared.

Determination flashed in his blue eyes as he turned around and his fist came up to his chest in a salute. "As a soldier, I swore to devote my heart to the resurrection of mankind!" he yelled out to them. "There is no greater glory than dying for that belief. If we added his Titan power to the might of our armies, it might even be possible to recapture the town!"

That was assuming our army had any might, but if our superior officers were like Captain Bastard out there, we were doomed.

"For the glory of the human race, I beg you. In my final moments before I die, permit me to explain his strategic importance!"

The captain looked frantic, but it didn't look like he was going to change his mind. I had my hand on my handgrips. All I needed to do was snap on one more blade and I'd be ready to fight. I might not have been as good as Mikasa, but I _could_ slice up flesh too and I wouldn't hesitate to hurt anyone who tried to kill myself or my friends. Captain Bastard's hand started to raise and I tightened my grip on my handgrip.

I stilled in shock as a hand stopped Captain Bastard's arm before it could signal the cannons to shoot. My eyes shot to the bald man next to him and I leaned against Eren slightly in relief. I stared in apprehension as the bald man (impressive moustache, though) strode forward, in front of Captain Bastard. Hey, I didn't know Hannes, but even _I_ knew Hannes was a much better captain.

I closed my eyes in relief, tilting my head up to the sky as the bald man (Commander Pixis, I had to remember) said, "I think it'd be worthwhile to hear what they've got to say."

In front of us, I heard Armin flop down to the ground, panting heavily.

"Knew he could do it," I breathed as I let myself sink to my knees next to Eren, leaning into him and feeling like laughing.


	11. Hope

_**And I thought life was hard enough the first time.**_

_**OC self-insert (because I'm that shameless)**_

_**Battle of Trost arc is almost over, man! Just a couple more chapters and Battle of Trost is OVER.**_

_**I'm way too excited over this but my heart is beginning to ache, okay.**_

_**Nina – Sweetie, sleep is important. Hope you had a good one!**_

_**Guest – It's not me, it's my muse. She demands I keep writing and I'm powerless to disobey. I'm glad to see you're enjoying Dani and her adventures -smiley face-**_

_**-0-**_

I couldn't take my eyes off Commander Pixis, my fingers tapping against my thigh nervously.

I tried my best to remember what I had heard about him. His name was Dot Pixis. He was the commander-in-chief of the defence of the southern territories, including Trost.

… That was all I knew.

It wasn't like I was particularly good at obtaining information. Most days, I was about as stealthy as a sleepwalking elephant. Even if I had obtained more information about Commander Pixis, I had dismissed most of it as rumours. I mean, come on. Is it really likely that Commander Pixis has sixteen illegitimate children running around Wall Sina as underground thugs?

I think not.

As I watched, he looked down the wall, probably at the Titans that were attempting to climb up. "Still haven't seen one," he muttered. "I wouldn't mind being eaten, as long as it was by a scorching hot lady Titan."

I blinked, resisting the urge to face palm. Apparently, he was a mad man as well, or at the very least very eccentric.

He didn't turn as he said, "I believe I said I would hear what you have to say."

The four of us exchanged glances before Eren started talking. He told Commander Pixis the same thing he told us; of his father and of his basement.

"I see," Pixis hummed once Eren was done. "So you believe that basement holds all the answers you seek?"

"Yes," Eren answered and I glanced at him worriedly. He had been pale for some time and I had been half-worried he'd pass out on us while we were making our way up here. "Will you believe me, sir?"

Pixis made a tiny motion that could have been a sigh. "Since even you yourself can't say for sure, let's just say I'll keep it in mind for now." He poked his temples with a finger. "However, you can prove your true intentions by your actions right now. I'll guarantee your safety myself."

There was a collective sigh of relief among the four of us, even if the only indication of Mikasa's relief was her shoulders slumping. I hadn't even noticed how tense I was until I heard those words.

Pixis turned to us. "Cadet Arlert, was it?" he asked.

Armin jolted a little before saluting. "Hai!"

"Earlier, you said that by using this _Titan power_, we might be able to retake this city. Do you really believe that, or were you just desperate to stay alive?"

Armin took his time answering. I couldn't answer for him, but I knew Armin. "No offense, sir," I said in an uncharacteristically timid voice, "but Armin rarely says anything unless he believes it to some degree."

Pixis's eyes darted to me and I hastily saluted. His eyes scanned me from head to toe, a calculative look in his eyes. "Cadet Vale?"

I blinked before answering my affirmative. He stared at me for a little while longer before nodding, murmuring, "I knew your father."

He… knew my father? My _dad_?

I hadn't even known Dad had been part of the military. Then again, Mom and Dad had had me pretty late. They could have had full careers and retired (especially if Dad was in the military and had joined the Garrison or even the Military Police) before having me. There was a reason I was an only child and it wasn't because my parents didn't love each other.

"Well, Arlert?" he asked, turning back to Armin.

"It was both, sir," Armin replied firmly. "I was trying to say that Eren could take on his Titan form, carry that boulder to the wall and block the gap in the gate." He looked down. "The thought just occurred to me, but couldn't you look Eren's power as a chance to turn this situation to our favour? Of course, I was also desperate to save our lives."

"Desperate to save…" Pixis mused almost to himself. "Those words are worth more than anything."

He took a swig from his canteen. I blinked and the scene played behind my lids. Of Eren, standing at a salute in front of everyone. Vague words of Pixis's speech. I inhaled sharply. Now it was all up to Eren, wasn't it?

He turned and walked towards us, heading somewhere to my left; towards Eren. He squatted down in front of Eren with a somewhat kind look on his face. "What do you say, Cadet Jaeger?" he asked, the tone of his voice not unkind but far from grandfatherly.

"Sir?" Eren replied, obviously not understanding the question.

"_Can_ you close the gap?" Pixis clarified.

"I… I'm not sure," Eren answered truthfully. "I don't understand this anymore than the rest of you. It'd be irresponsible of me to answer as if I knew either way."

I studied Pixis's face carefully. His expression didn't quite change, but there was a shift in his eyes. He respected Eren's assessment… but that wasn't the answer he was looking for. "Oh, right. Sorry," he apologised, his eyes hardening. "I asked the wrong question. Will you do it or not? Which is it?"

He looked behind us and all of us turned to the city behind us, into the inner wall. I knew what he was doing. He was trying to get Eren to keep it into perspective; his choice won't only decide our fate, but the fate of all of humanity. Eren's choice could either save humanity or force us back behind another wall.

I bit my lip, looking out to Wall Sina, one hundred and thirty kilometres away. Fifteen-year-olds shouldn't be carrying such heavy burdens. Damn this world and all it demanded of us. What I wouldn't give to be able to bring Eren, Mikasa and Armin back to where I had come from. I wished they could have gotten normal childhoods, not… this.

"I'll do it," Eren answered. I glanced down at him. I wish he didn't have to do this. "I _will _do it. I'm not certain I can close the gap, but I'll still do it."

I wondered if Eren really knew what he was agreeing to. I thought I did, but from the flash in Pixis's eyes, I wasn't really sure.

Pixis's eyes closed as he smiled at Eren, patting his shoulders. I couldn't help but wonder if Pixis had grandchildren our age; he certainly _could _be a grandfather. "Well said," he chuckled. "You're a real man." Pixis turned and waved to the soldiers below. "I'll call my strategists. We'll develop a plan."

"No way," Armin muttered, glancing at me worriedly before looking back at Pixis. "That idea depends on so many assumptions, and he's just going to run with it?"

"I was thinking the same thing, but there's no sense in doubting his decision," Eren murmured.

I glanced at Mikasa. "The path to take is the path with a chance of victory," I quoted. Mikasa jolted as she recognised her own words. "I guess this plan is preferable to being pushed behind another wall or risking the Armoured Titan appearing to break down the inner wall."

But the Armoured Titan didn't – wouldn't – come. I knew that, but I didn't know _why_. I had a feeling I did know, but that information was buried somewhere deep in my memory. Depp, _deep_ in my memory.

"Commander Pixis might also see potential in something the rest of us can't see," Eren added. I hummed thoughtfully. Potential in the plan or potential in Eren? I didn't doubt that it was something in Eren – maybe his eyes or his voice – that had fully convinced Pixis.

"Something we can't see?" Armin repeated.

"Also, I think there's a bigger issue that must be addressed before the plan can be executed and the commander fully recognises it."

"What do you mean?"

"The Titans aren't our only enemy."

I frowned, chewing on my bottom lip in thought. Who was he referring to? The Garrison? When they attempted to blow us up, they certainly weren't our allies.

"There's no time to waste," Pixis stated. "I will need your help, young soldiers." He locked gazes with each of us, his gaze lingering on Eren's.

At some unheard cue, we saluted. We had sworn to give our bodies and our lives for the continued existence of humanity. We were ready for this.

•●•●•●•

I looked out at the brown clumps assembled at the base of Wall Rose, half an ear on the instructions that were given as Pixis dismissed us.

I wondered what was going on down there. There were probably a lot of scared people down there. About two hundred of them were people I had trained with, joked around with, competed with. I had known them for the past three years and I knew most of them were probably emotionally scarred by everything that had transpired today.

"People are scared," I murmured under my breath as wordless shouts reached us. I could recognise it as Daz's voice, even if what he was shouting wasn't clear. I breathed out a sigh. Daz was hardly a hero. I'd even say he was a coward, but at least he had some measure of courage. Not a lot, but enough to not be a coward.

One of the Garrison officers glanced at me, but didn't comment as he continued laying out the map he had of Trost. Mikasa stood next to me, following my gaze.

"That is to be expected," she murmured.

"I'm scared too," I whispered, feeling a little embarrassed at the admission. I was doing okay with holding it at bay, but there was no denying that the fear was there. Maybe I wasn't quite afraid of the same things they were, but I was still afraid. The future was scary and knowing what was coming was just as scary as not having a clue.

I crossed my arms to stop myself from hugging my waist like a frightened child. I _wasn't_ frightened child anymore.

I could feel Mikasa's gaze on me as I watched the chaos brewing below. If the Greek gods existed, I imagined this was what they felt like as they watched the battle between the Trojans and the Spartans; all-seeing, but unable to do a damned thing to stop their children from fighting.

"We're all scared," she said quietly, "but we learn to overcome it."

I shrugged a shoulder, walking over to the map and studying it over Armin's shoulder.

"_Attention!_" Commander Pixis bellowed, causing me to jump as his voice echoed through the city. I cast a glance over my shoulder to where Pixis stood at the edge of Wall Rose, overlooking the town below. "I shall now explain the plan to retake Trost."

I turned my attention back to the map, Armin muttering under his breath as he tapped certain areas on the map. I didn't bother him; he was still trying to fine-tune his plan before explaining it to anyone.

"This is insane," he muttered, sighing quietly. I glanced at the two soldiers with us, who were still in deep discussion as in the background, Pixis explained to the soldiers below how we were going to take Trost back.

I nudged him, causing him to look up at me with worried eyes. "We're practically living off insane right now," I pointed out, studying the map once more. From his mutterings, I could already guess what he was planning. "It's not a bad plan, you know. Less casualties that way. It's already been proven multiple times that charging head first into battle with a war cry is hardly the solution."

Armin looked uncertain, glancing down at the map before looking at the two Garrison soldiers. "I don't know," he said, shaking his head slightly. "What if it doesn't work?"

I ruffled his hair, not even attempting a smile, knowing it'd come out as a grimace, but hoping my eyes softened enough. "It will. I trust you and Commander Pixis trusts you too. At the very least, he trusts you enough for this. Have some faith in yourself."

Armin exhaled slowly as the two Garrison soldiers, a male with brown hair combed back and a female with ginger hair a similar colour to mine, walked over.

"Have you figured out something?" the male asked, sounding a little apprehensive.

I stood back as Armin explained his plan, occasionally glancing back to where Pixis and Eren stood.

There was a pause as the Garrison soldiers processed the information. Then, he asked, "We don't have to fight the Titans?"

Armin nodded once before hesitantly saying, "E-excuse me. I don't mean any disrespect by speaking up to a ranking officer…"

"No, continue," the man allowed, crossing his arms and leaning back slightly.

"Y-yes, sir." He looked back down at the map. "Titans are typically drawn to pursue the largest number of people. If we can take advantage of that to lure them along the walls, we can draw most of them away from Eren without engaging them in direct combat. By using the cannons against those lured away, we'll minimise our own losses. However, we can't leave Eren undefended, so a small elite force should protect him. We can't avoid engaging the Titans that come through the wall, either. The skills of the elite force will be critical."

"Alright, understood," the man replied, looking up from the map. "We'll take that into account and revise our plans."

Armin's hands clenched on the map. "This will only work if Eren can carry that boulder and seal the hole," Armin reasoned, eyebrows drawing together. "We are proceeding with the operation without certain proof that he can. I cannot help but feel doubt."

I twisted Dad's ring. I felt more than doubt. I _knew_ the first attempt would fail. There was no way I could do anything to stop it from failing at first. That was all up to Eren. I wrapped part of the chain around my finger, biting my bottom lip at the same time. I couldn't save everyone.

"Indeed, given uncertainty of a crucial element, I do not relish sending many men to their deaths," the man sighed. "But I do understand what Commander Pixis is thinking."

"Yes…" the woman murmured, looking at Armin and me. "The first issue is one of time. Even as we speak, Titans continue to enter the town. The greater their numbers in Trost, the worse our odds of success in retaking it."

"And the higher the chance of Wall Rose falling," the man added.

"And one more thing." We turned to look at the woman. I almost shivered at the ominous look on her face. "There's a limit to how much one can be motivated by terror."

Terror was a very powerful motivator, but time-sensitive, as she had pointed out. It could drive a person insane or it would only last for the duration where they weren't sensible. Once it passed that limit, it couldn't control anything.

"You're lying!" came the cry from below the walls. I cocked my head, sighing inwardly when I recognised Daz's voice (wasn't quite the first time he had gone on a hysterical rant. However, his hysterical rants were usually reserved for the barracks where he could be easily silence with a pillow to the face). "I won't put my life on the line for a plan I can't even understand. What do you think we are? _We aren't pawns for you to sacrifice!_"

Oh, Daz. If only you didn't make so much sense and yet, still sound like a fool. He might have had a measure of courage, but it wasn't by any means bountiful.

There was a lot of shouting going on down there. If this kept up, there would be a riot in addition to the Titans rampaging in Trost. I was wrong when I said people were scared. No, they had gone far beyond that. They had buried themselves in their terror.

"Here is my decision!" Pixis boomed, effectively shutting everyone up. "I shall pardon everyone who deserts now." My lips turned downwards in a frown, but I didn't doubt he had his reasons for saying that. You didn't get to be commander-in-chief unless you knew how to use every available resource, words included. "Once you succumb to the Titans' fear, you can never fight them again. Those who have learned that fear should leave. And anyone wishing their parents, siblings and loved ones to feel that fear should also leave!"

My eyebrows rose in admiration. Impressive. If you can't threaten them, threaten their loved ones. Low, but effective. You didn't get to be at the top by playing nice.

"He's good," I murmured. Next to me, Armin nodded. He looked mildly disturbed, but I knew he understood it was necessary. I linked his fingers with mine, if only just to remind myself that I wasn't alone in this odd mix of feelings.

I wondered if a threat like that would really work on me. I had no family members and all my loved ones were standing here, with me. If it weren't for Armin, Eren and Mikasa, would I have been one of those lone soldiers to walk out without turning back? Even if humanity would have to suffer?

I didn't like the answer that came to mind.

"Let me tell you what happened four years ago. About our attempt to retake Wall Maria." I glanced curiously at Pixis, his voice taking on a vague lecturing tone. I straightened. I didn't think I'd enjoy listening to this. "As I'm sure you're all aware, that the operation was no more than the government's way of dealing with its inability to feed all of the unemployed. It was a _culling_." Armin's grip on my hand tightened as I heard him took in a shaky breath. I didn't have to question why; his grandfather had died in that culling. "The reason no one speaks of it is because by sending them outside these cramped walls, we were able to survive within them."

_Despicable._

"All of humanity, including myself, bears the weight of that sin!"

I'm sure it made it a little easier to sleep at night, knowing that burden was shared with eighty percent of the population.

"Because so few escaped Wall Maria, there was never any open rebellion, but what about now? If Wall Rose falls, the sacrifice will be more than just twenty percent. The territory within Wall Sina won't support even half of the population. If humanity falls, it won't be because we were devoured by the Titans. It will be because we killed each other. We _must not_ die even deeper within the walls." Pixis opened his arms in an imploring gesture. "I beg of you to die right here!"

I hadn't even realised I was trembling until Armin tugged on my hand. My eyes darted to his, easily reading the concern in his eyes. I exhaled slowly, focusing on stopping the trembling in my limbs.

I just – I couldn't help but feel so _outraged_ at the thought. I _knew_ that botched attempt to retake Wall Maria was to shave down our numbers so the food shortage wouldn't be so bad, but to have it said like that made me so _angry_.

_Can't save humanity without making sacrifices._

•●•●•●•

I tried to straighten out the knots in my hair, but gave it up as a lost cause, simply tying the mess of curls into a bun. Less to chew on and out of my face.

"Eren, I'm sorry," Armin apologised, causing Eren to turn away from Pixis and the elite squad he had chosen to protect Eren. "I ended up making you responsible for everything."

Eren's lips almost curled into a smile as he shook his head slightly. "It's like I said before: you have the ability to find the right answer. I believe in that."

I could see Mikasa was warring with herself as she said, "Eren, I'm going to – "

"Don't tell me you're going to come with me," Eren protested. Mikasa jolted back in surprise. To be honest, even I could have seen that coming a mile away. "You've been assigned to the decoy team."

"But I can't leave you alone… if you're alone, you'll – "

"Enough!" Eren barked. "I'm not your little brother or a child – "

My hands clenched into fists as I landed a kick to Eren's behind, causing him to stumble forward into Mikasa. "She's doing it because she cares about you, dumbass," I growled. I was sick of Eren saying things like that and hurting Mikasa without knowing it because he was thick-headed and unobservant. "You two are _family_ and sometimes you need the extra protection! You might not know it but sometimes you _do_ act like a child."

Eren scowled at me, shaking off Mikasa's arm. "What's your problem?" he demanded.

"_My_ problem?" I repeated. "My problem is _you_. Mikasa's just trying to show that she cares and you say things like you're not her little brother, when you _are_ – "

"We're the same age!"

"You're siblings, aren't you? It's almost the same thing. Siblings _look out for each other_. They don't spit hurtful words at each other the way you always do!"

I couldn't really explain why I was so angry at Eren. I just _was._ Maybe I was more angry than myself at anything. I couldn't help but think if Eren couldn't turn into a Titan, if I had been so horrifically focused on trying to save _everyone_, Eren would be _dead _and it would have been _my_ fault.

He hadn't seen the way Mikasa had cried when she found him again. He just didn't _know_ just how much she really cared and it just irritated me.

Eren took a step forward, prompting Mikasa to hold him back. Armin's hand shot out to grab my arm as I made to hit Eren again.

"Let's not fight," Armin pleaded, shaking my arm a little. "Dani, Eren, come on. Not now."

Eren and I glared at each other for a few more moments before I relented with a sigh. I leaned a little into Armin, pinching the bridge of my nose. "Right," I muttered. Tensions were running high enough without me adding to it. I looked to Eren to see he had deflated the way I had. We locked eyes again. Armin nudged me, urging me to apologise, but I couldn't do that just yet. I could tell Eren couldn't apologise either, so we were at a stalemate.

"Ackerman." The four of us turned towards the voice. I noted it was the one Pixis had placed in charge of the whole operation – Ian Dietrich. He eyed me and Eren a little warily. "Join the elite force protecting Jaeger. We need your skill."

I watched as Mikasa's eyes lit up and a small smile touched her lips. It was a little heart-breaking to see how delighted Mikasa was just to be near Eren.

"Let's go," Dietrich said. "It's time!"

Eren and Mikasa nodded. Then, Eren turned to Armin, clasping the shorter boy's shoulder. "Bye, Armin," he said. "Don't die."

Armin glanced at me before nodding. "Yeah, you neither."

I thought that was it, but then Eren's eyes landed on me. There was still a little anger in his eyes, but it was overshadowed by something else. Something softer. "Dani, if you die, I'll be angrier than I already am."

I blinked at him before nodding once. "Don't you dare die, either," I warned. "I'm pissed enough at you already."

So we didn't apologise. It could be saved for later, when we weren't in the danger zone. He had to stay alive, if only so I could apologise to him. Armin and I ran off towards the decoy team, but halfway there, I faltered.

Armin looked back at me, stopping as well. "What's wrong?" he asked.

I glanced back at where the elite team were still running towards the boulder. I clenched and unclenched my fists before shaking my head. "I have a bad feeling," I answered. It wasn't a proper answer. I was itching to follow after them, but I was hardly elite. I doubted I could even catch up with them.

I started running again. "Forget it," I muttered. "There's nothing I can do."

What had I been planning to do, stop Eren from punching Mikasa? I couldn't do that. I wasn't skilled enough and even if I yelled at him, he might not have been able to hear me.

Armin's worried gaze didn't shift from me. "Are you okay?"

I pursed my lips before blowing out a sigh, nodding once. "I'm fine," I replied. "Don't worry about me, okay?"

We were absorbed into the decoy team, but I reached out for Armin's hand so we weren't separated. I had failed once. I didn't want Armin to be like Eren, because if I let that happen, _Armin wasn't coming back._

I pushed the thought away. I _wouldn't_ fail. No, I _couldn't_ fail. Eren had Mikasa. Well, now Armin had me. I may not have been as strong as Mikasa, but maybe I didn't need to be. Armin didn't get in as much trouble as Eren did.

"Did you really have to fight with him?" Armin muttered suddenly as me, Armin and a few other cadets were given the instruction to hang from the wall to sort of taunt the Titans.

I sighed, checking the bindings again almost neurotically before standing at the edge of the wall. I snapped on a pair of blades onto my handgrips. "I didn't mean to."

"I know you didn't… you could have held off kicking him, though."

I met Armin's gaze and couldn't help but snort, seeing the dull humour in his eyes. I had a feeling if we couldn't laugh about this, we wouldn't ever be able to laugh about anything anymore. "No, I couldn't. Don't you ever get sick of Eren talking to Mikasa like that?"

He shrugged, stepping off the wall, the whizzing of his wires echoed by mine as I followed him. I waited until I was just out of the Titans' reach before shooting my hooks into the top of the wall. My feet skidded against the surface of the wall as I slid a little.

It was… working. The Titans were beginning to get lured here, desperately trying to get at the large number of soldiers at the top. I wasn't all that surprised of course, but it was still a little jarring to see it almost literally in front of my eyes and clawing at my feet.

"Listen!" our commanding officer yelled, hanging from one of the lifts. "You only need to get them to the edge of town. Avoid unnecessary combat!"

I doubted any of us would _want_ to dive into combat.

Combat or not, there were still people dying. Some of the Titans were getting smarter, one or two jumping to reach the lower hanging soldiers. It was a little scary, knowing they could _learn_. I guess it was a good thing they weren't smart enough to figure out how 3DMG worked.

I hated their screams. They were always too far away for anyone to do anything.

I glanced down, reeling my lines in a little before turning to look where the elite team were supposed to be. I sighed quietly as I noticed the fading wisp of green smoke – a signal that the operation had begun.

I tried not to worry. I really did. However, I couldn't stop myself from continuously looking up, my eyes riveted to the bolt of lightning that had previously struck fear into my heart, but now served as a comfort because I knew it was Eren this time. A loud roar punctuated the air, prompting me to bite my lip.

It would be any time now, wouldn't it? I kept tapping my feet against the wall, looking between the Titans below and where the smoke signal had come from. I looked up at the wall, where our replacements were getting ready to take our place. Maybe I could break away then and convince Armin to go with me. I probably wouldn't be able to talk Eren out of whatever it was that caused him to go rogue, but Armin could. I knew he could.

"Soldiers, make your way up!" our commanding officer yelled. I exhaled slowly, reeling myself up. It was okay; I could figure everything once I was up on the wall.

Naturally, that was when everything started to go wrong.

To my left, that was the almost subtle sound of a wire snapping, followed by a horrified yell as someone started to fall. My eyes widened as I whipped my head towards the soldier falling to his death. I wasn't even thinking as I released my hooks and shot them where the soldier's hooks had been, swinging forward with an arm outstretched to catch him. Behind me, I heard Armin yell my name.

It was awkward, attempting to hold onto his hand with both of us holding onto our handgrips, blades still snapped onto the edge. I was half-afraid I would unintentionally slit his throat as I tucked my blades in as close to my arm as I could, my hold on his hand shaky at best. He looked up at me, eyes shining with tears as they dripped down his cheek. He mouthed a silent _thank you_ to me, but I wished he wouldn't. We were hardly safe and his hand slipping out of mine was a very real thing.

I gritted my teeth as I tried to reel us up without letting go of his hand. His blade was biting into my forearm, causing thin rivulets of blood to travel down my arm and make it harder to grip onto his hand. "Hold on," I gasped, looking up and wondering how I was going to do this. I couldn't reel us up without letting him go. I looked down past him, seeing a Titan with its knees bent – getting ready to jump. "Ah, fuck."

He looked down as well and I could swear he turned paler than he already was. He looked back up at me and I could see the light go out in his eyes. _No._ At that moment, his hand slipped out of mine, the blood making it almost impossible to hang on. There was nothing I could do but watch as he dropped into the midst of the rampaging Titans.

I stared in shock as he was _ripped apart_. I wanted to go down there and kill all of them, but I wasn't that skilled. I wasn't skilled enough at all. I shut my eyes, slowly reeling myself up. I wouldn't go into a solo suicide mission for a dead man I hadn't even known.

I didn't cry this time and I had to wonder if it was because I didn't know the man or because I was already beginning to be desensitised.

It scared me, the thought that I was beginning to become numb.

I couldn't remember the moments where I found myself sat down by the side, Armin sitting in front of me as he wrapped up the shallow cut on my forearm. I stared down at my shredded jacket, my right hand clutched in the fabric as Armin tended to me. He didn't say anything, but I could feel the roiling frustration he was keeping in check.

He finished wrapping my arm, his hand holding the bandage shut unnecessarily.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, looking up at him as he avoided my eyes. "I didn't mean to make you worry."

He sighed harshly, eyes shutting briefly before he looked up at me with dark eyes. "Sometimes," he bit out, "you're so busy worrying about everyone else that you forget we worry too."

"I know you worry," I said. "I just wished you wouldn't."

He rolled his eyes, standing up and holding out a hand for me. "It doesn't matter what you wish. We're always going to worry."

I sighed a little, putting my hand in his and letting him pull me up. He tried to pull his hand away, but I tightened my grip. He raised an eyebrow as I shook my head.

"Thanks," I said finally. There were a lot of things is could have said, but only those words mattered. Even if I didn't want him to worry, he would anyway and I guess I was kind of grateful for that.

He smiled a little. "You're welcome," he replied. "I guess it's a lost cause to tell you not to do stupid things, anyway."

"… I'll take that as a compliment," I snorted, ruffling his hair.

"He, look at that!" someone cried, causing the two of us to look over.

"Look, what's that?"

I frowned, sharing a worried glance with Armin. That didn't sound very good. We walked towards where everyone was gathered, staring at the red smoke signal in the distance.

"Did they… fail?" Marco whispered, eyes fixed on the smoke. I clutched my jacket in my hand, my grip white-knuckled. I couldn't even say I was surprised because this was an eventuality I had been prepared for.

"They can't have," I murmured anyway, eyes tracing the wisp of fading smoke. They wouldn't.

"Why?" Armin asked quietly. I glanced at him, seeing his hands clench. He turned around suddenly, running off. I didn't hesitate to run after him.

"Hey, Armin, Dani! Where are you going?" Marco called after us. I glanced back, raising an arm to tell him we would be fine.

"Do you know what you're doing?" I panted, running alongside him.

Armin's eyebrows furrowed. "Not really." He glanced at me. "You don't have to come along."

"I don't have to, but I will anyway," I replied, our feet thudding below us. "Someone's got to watch your back."

He didn't answer for a while and I thought that was it, but then: "I'm glad it's you."


	12. Attack

_**And I thought life was hard enough the first time.**_

_**OC self-insert (because I'm that shameless)**_

_**This chapter. Guys, this is the chapter. THIS IS THE CHAPTER.**_

_**I'll let you guys figure out what that means.**_

_**On another note, I apologise for not updating, but chapter 13 is giving me a lot of grief. I just thought I'd warn you that the next chapter is ridiculously short.**_

_**Enjoy my pain.**_

_**-0-**_

"What do you think happened?" Armin asked, huffing out breaths as we ran as fast as we dared without exhausting ourselves.

_Eren forgot he was human_. I couldn't tell him that. I wasn't _sure_, but I had a hunch that was it. "I don't know," I answered instead, swiping a lock of hair out of my eyes irritably. God, I hated that answer. I hate saying I didn't know. There was too much I didn't know and the little I did know, I couldn't talk about. Not without sounding like a lunatic or, god forbid, a co-conspirator.

We reached the shortest path and made the rest of the way on our 3DMG. The wind flew past, but I didn't feel the same comfort I always felt. I still felt the control, but panic was threatening to take over as well. That's all I would ever let it do – threaten. I would never let it take over.

"They didn't even move it," Armin groaned as we neared. I could note Eren's Titan form, sitting against the boulder. "What _happened_?"

I could only shake my head as I landed onto a roof next to the boulder, Armin following next to me. We stood there for a few moments, staring at the sight before us and struggling to take it in and understand.

I shook my head, staring at the Titan with its head gone. Punched off, I noted, seeing the damaged hand. How I wished I wasn't right.

"What are you doing, Eren?" Armin huffed, sounding a little frustrated.

I didn't know what to say, only placing my hand on Armin's shoulder. "We should get down there, see if we can try and get Eren out," I suggested. Armin nodded almost numbly, his 3DMG catching him on his descent. I was about to follow suit when I heard a loud _thump_ from the roof facing me and gasped.

"Shit," I hissed, unsheathing my blades as I noticed a Titan was on a roof, heading straight for Eren. "I'll go take care of that Titan," I yelled towards Armin. "See if you can – "

I didn't get to finish my sentence as the Titan on the roof fell forward. I squinted past the steam, seeing someone standing on its head – Mikasa.

"Mikasa!" Armin yelled. "What happened to the plan?"

"Armin?" she called down. She seemed to pause for a moment before continuing, "Dani?"

"What's wrong with Eren?" Armin asked.

"It's dangerous," Mikasa warned. "Get away from there! Eren can't control that Titan." Armin turned to frown down at Eren while I ran towards Mikasa. "It didn't even respond when I tried talking to it. There's no use in anyone else trying either."

"And the plan?"

"It failed. We can't leave Eren behind, so everyone's fighting. But with this many Titans, we're bound to get wiped out!"

I skidded across the roof Mikasa was on, almost running into the Titan Mikasa just killed. "Maybe not!" I yelled, Mikasa's head jerking towards me. "Armin could get Eren out."

He could. He could either get Eren out of that Titan or get butt face off his ass. We just had to give him the chance.

"Armin?" Mikasa called out worriedly and I turned to see Armin had snapped on a blade.

"I'll get Eren out of here," he promised. I didn't have to see the look on Armin's face to know he had a plan. He always had a plan and I'd always trust it would be the best one. "Mikasa, Dani, protect us from the Titans!"

"What are you…" Mikasa murmured.

I gripped my handgrips, everything in me warring with my instinct to not abandon Armin. It wasn't abandoning him. It was watching his back. I had promised to look after him and that didn't always involve staying by his side.

"Eren came out of the Titan's weak point before," Armin explained, positioning himself over the nape. He shot his grappling hooks into Eren's shoulders. To keep him in place should Eren start thrashing? "This has to be related to the mystery of the Titan's true nature. It'll be fine," he said, almost to himself, as he wrapped both hands around the handgrip with the blade attached, raising the blade up high. "As long as I avoid the middle, it won't be fatal. It's just going to hurt a bit!" He drove the blade into the nape, slightly off-centre, all the way to the hilt.

"Armin!" Mikasa cried.

I jerked as Eren roared, sitting up suddenly and thrashing, almost throwing Armin off. I took a couple steps forward before forcefully stopping myself, scaling up to the top of the evaporating Titan's head. "Mikasa, let's go," I said sharply, grabbing her arm only for her to shake me off.

"Armin, don't be a fool!" she shouted before turning to me with a look of disdain. "How could you let him do this?"

"I'm not letting him _do_ anything," I retorted, grabbing her arm again and not allowing her to shake me off. "I trust him, the way he always trusts me – trusts _us_."

She stared at me with wide eyes as Armin yelled, "Mikasa, right now, do what you can! If you go, there are _lives_ you can save. Leave Eren and me and get going! Dani," I turned to him, seeing the determined look in his eyes that mirrored the one Eren always had, "make sure she leaves."

I looked at him – the need to _stay_ warring with my absolute belief in him – before I nodded. I grabbed her arm, pulling her along, and this time she came with me easily. As we raced over the rooftops, she asked, "Why?"

There were a lot of ways that question could be interpreted, as well as a lot of ways I could answer. I didn't answer for a while, wondering what she was really asking. I glanced at her just as we were running out of rooftop to run.

"I trust in them the way they always trust in us. I think it's about time we returned the favour, don't you?" I sighed, my eyes sweeping over the town to see where the Titans were. My eyes zeroed in on a Titan heading towards us – towards Eren. "There; I'll distract that ten-metre class and you finish it."

I didn't wait for her to acknowledge, zipping off to charge it. She could follow me or not; it was her decision and I was hardly her commanding officer. Even if I was (which was a highly unlikely future), I wouldn't be able to order her around. I respected her and her skills too much for that.

Still, it was with some measure of relief as I heard her following behind me anyway. I shot past the Titan, dangerously close to its mouth and shoulder rolled across a roof, getting up on my knees to yell, "Hey, dumbass. Over here!"

Predictably, it turned, easily letting Mikasa slash its nape off.

There was a scream; a scream of pure terror that I was slowly becoming acquainted to. I whirled around, spotting a man in a Titan's grasp and being brought up to its mouth. Shit, too _far_.

I leaped off the roof, but it wasn't really necessary. The squad leader from earlier shot past me, air trailing past as he slashed at the Titan causing it to crash into a rooftop and safely releasing the soldier.

"Take that, you piece of shit!" I heard someone yell and changed course, heading towards the voice. I cast a cursory glance around, but Mikasa was already heading their way. Okay, I had to rendezvous with the elite team quick. I knew I had said I would help protect Armin and Eren but I was hardly _elite_, now was I? If I wanted to –

A large hand attempted to grab me, causing me to jerk out of the way and crash land into a roof, rolling to cushion my fall.

I groaned, looking up at the black-haired Titan with a grotesque smile, heading towards me. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see some of the members from the elite squad heading over to where the Titan was, but they wouldn't get here in time.

I stood, waiting for the Titan to meander a little closer towards me. There was a roof I could safely land on without needing to use too much gas to propel myself to it once the Titan started to fall. It reached out to me again, but I shot my hooks into its arm, reeling myself in and propelling myself forward with a short burst of gas. I shot under its arm, releasing my hooks and letting my momentum bring me up behind the Titan. I twisted, putting on a small burst of gas to help me spin a little faster, the blades cutting into the skin on the back of its neck easily.

I shot my hooks into the roof next to me, reeling myself in and stumbling as I turned to see the Titan fall to the ground with a thud. I panted, eyeing my work before looking up at the sound of hooks zipping by.

"Who the hell are you?" one of them demanded, landing on the roof facing me. I sheathed both my blades, saluting immediately.

"Cadet Vale, sir," I replied. "I'm here to give aid to the elite team!"

Not that I thought they needed it, but I was already here, so they wouldn't exactly turn me away, would they?

"What are you doing here?" Dietrich asked, frowning at me. "You're supposed to be with the decoy team, aren't you?"

"I – yes, sir." I could see his expression harden and instinctively knew he was a few words away from sending me back. I had never shown I could hold my own with them and I doubted he wanted more blood on his hands if I were to die. I clenched my fists tighter, continuing, "I'm here with Cadet Arlert! I know he can get through to Eren and I am willing to give my service to the elite team, if they will have me, sir!"

I glanced at a Titan heading towards us nervously, biting the inside of my lip as one of the squad leaders – Mitabi, I think – leaned in towards Dietrich to whisper something. Dietrich nodded before turning his eyes to me again.

"Vale, you're with my squad," he ordered, turning around. I blinked, realising he wanted me to follow after him. Right, now he was technically my squad leader. "Mitabi, you and your men handle the eight-metre class heading our way."

"Hai!" I answered, swinging over to the roof they were on. Dietrich eyed me curiously before nodding.

"Good job with the Titan," he said and it actually took a while for his words to register.

I paused; I couldn't remember the last time I had been praised. Shadis had hardly been _kind _with his words and it wasn't like I had been under the command of any other officer. I didn't know if I should say thank you or just acknowledge the statement, but it didn't matter as another Titan attempted to make a break for Eren and Armin.

It all blurred into a mesh of Titans and commands, my body acting on auto-pilot as more of them attempted to head to Eren. I wanted to keep careful eye on how Armin was doing with getting through to Eren, but I had to have my senses tuned to my immediate surroundings.

"Report! Five more Titans incoming!" one of the members of Mitabi's squad shouted. I growled low in my throat, jumping to avoid a hand that crashed onto the roof I had been on only moments before. I shot my hooks into the Titan's arm, swinging under the limb and hitting the ground running to distract it. I turned behind just as a blur zipped past the back of the Titan and it started to fall.

I had to admit that for Garrison members, they were pretty good. I raised a hand towards the soldier I had assisted, making my way up onto a roof so I could see the battlefield.

"Holy shit, look at all those Titans," I breathed, wiping the sweat that dripped into my eyes. I don't think I had ever seen so many Titans before. Then again, the only time I had even _seen _a Titan before today had been five years ago and I had hardly been in the midst of the battle.

Someone rapped the back of their hand against my shoulder blades, prompting me to look back at my squad leader, Dietrich. He didn't smile, but there was a flash of _something _in his eyes. I couldn't quite decipher the emotion, but I hardly _wanted _to at the moment. "Are you holding up okay?"

"I'm fi – what is that?"

I frowned, glancing behind me as Mikasa landed on the roof with us. It was a heavy _thump, thump_, of something large and heavy. I whirled around, almost yelling in delight as I noticed a boulder slowly make its way past the rooftops seemingly unaided from my perspective, steam enveloping it.

"He did it," I sighed in relief, almost smiling as I spotted Eren's Titan form underneath the boulder. To my left, Mikasa gasped as the other members of the elite team seemed dumbstruck. "Armin, I could kiss you right now."

"Eren!" Mikasa exclaimed quietly.

"Dani, Mikasa!" Both of us turned at Armin's cry just as the blonde landed on the roof we were on.

"Armin!" Mikasa said in mild surprise.

"Eren won!" Armin told us. "He's trying to do his job now. If he can just make it to the gate, we win!"

I bared my teeth in a feral grin, throwing an arm around Armin. "Armin Arlert, you are brilliant," I stated, watching in awe as Eren lifted the god-knows-how-many-tonne boulder slowly but surely, heading towards the gate.

"Listen well!" Dietrich bellowed, his voice cutting through the air. I let my arm fall from Armin's shoulders as we straightened, turning to our squad leader. "We must defend Eren until he reaches the gate, even if it costs us our _lives_. Don't let any titans get near him!" Dietrich turned to the three of us and I could see the burning _hope_ in his eyes. The _we could actually win this _that humanity has never felt before. "You three, got to Eren! This is an order," he ordered. "Got it?"

"Yes, sir!" we answered without hesitation. It was a given even if Dietrich – Ian hadn't ordered us to. He started running, probably to get off the roof, only to skid to a stop.

"Mitabi's squad?" he said, sounding a little panicked, but not enough for it to cloud his mind. "What are they – ?"

Mikasa, Armin and I headed to the edge of the roof, where we could see a squad of three running on the ground, actually _chasing_ after the trio of Titans that were ignoring them.

"Hey, over here!" one of them yelled.

"Turn around or I'll shove my sword right up your stinkin' ass and bleed you to death," Mitabi actually shouted. My eyes widened; he's actually taunting the Titans while they're _on the ground_. Did they have a death wish?

_Even if it costs us our lives!_

Two of the Titans paused, their eyes flickering over us on the rooftops momentarily before the turned slowly to the three soldiers on the ground.

"Now, two of them are after us!" Mitabi shrieked. He sounded scared, but not scared enough to completely give up. "Run! Run to the buildings!"

"No way," Armin gasped. "Staying on the ground is suicide. Without horses or buildings, we can't fight!"

"No… it's the only way we've got left," Ian said lowly. I looked at him. He looked resigned to his death, but also… a sort of contentment flitted across his features. He looked unshakeably determined as he started running again, shooting out his hooks and swinging to the ground. "Everyone, follow their lead!"

"Armin, Dani, we're going too," Mikasa stated, running forward without waiting for the answer, not that one was needed. I shared a glance with Armin before following after Mikasa, Armin's footsteps echoing mine for the brief moment we were on the roof before we let our 3DMG catch us on our way down. "We have to make sure Eren doesn't get distracted," Mikasa told us as we ran across the ground. "We'll mark out his path so he'll avoid the Titans."

"Understood," Armin and I replied, pouring on a little more speed so we could be on par with her. We turned to look back at Eren and I noticed his eyes were on us. _Eren, you're doing a great job._

"Let's go," I barked, turning around and running off towards the gate. If I was alone, this would be terrifying, running on the ground in Titan territory, but I was far from alone. That was the only reason I could keep going – the reason I had woken up in the mornings for training even when my bones grinded and my muscles protested. It was the reason I had fought so hard and _would_ continue fighting hard, even if my comrades were dying right in front of me.

Even now, I could hear their screams as they were picked up, crushed, _eaten_. It didn't make me want to give up. Instead, it made me angry, the anger telling me I _couldn't_ let their death go to waste. They gave their lives for a _reason_ and I'd damn well make sure that reason was worth it.

I heard another scream. It wasn't any different from the others, but I was glancing out of the corner of my eye anyway. My eyes widened as I realised the scream _wasn't_ like the others after all; rather than a howl of a dying man, it was the howl of someone falling to the ground because they had _just been saved_.

My eyes were glued to Ian, who seemed to hang suspended in the Titan's mouth, hand and legs prying the Titan's mouth for the split second before its hand rose and pushed him inside. I looked away from his face – the only thing showing – as the Titan clamped its mouth shut, nose upturned in smug delight. I wanted to chase after the Titan, but we had been ordered to stay with Eren because that was who was important right now. I wasn't going to go against a dead man's order. Not now.

We were almost there. We were _so close_ to winning. My grip on my handgrips tightened as I realised the only thing standing in our way was one solitary Titan blocking the hole.

"Watch out! Titans!" Armin warned. I gritted my teeth. Even if it cost me my life.

"I'll handle this," Mikasa said, running a little faster.

I veered away from them, right into the Titan's path. "I'll distract it – "

"Out of the way!" the ash-haired soldier – Rico – screamed and even from the distance, I could see the rage playing across her face as she swung towards the ten-metre class blocking Eren's way, slashing out its eye and quickly getting out of the way. After that, it was easy for Mikasa to get behind it and finish it off.

"Hey, shithead, I'm over here!"

I turned at the familiar voice, coughing in surprise as I noticed Connie waving crazily at an eight-metre class Titan. I didn't know when the hell he got here, but I couldn't say it wasn't welcome, even if he was putting himself in danger, the idiot. I glanced back at Armin, deemed it safe enough for me to leave him alone and ran towards Connie and the Titan he was distracting. I growled as I realised it was heading towards Rico and with a wordless cry, shot my hooks into the monster, my feet leaving the ground as I reeled myself in and propelled myself ever faster, blades dragging into its flesh and cutting out its nape.

I tumbled to the ground, looking up just as I heard Armin yell, "_Go_, Eren!"

Eren roared, almost in response, as he threw the rock down into the hole. There was a huge shockwave as the boulder was thrown into place and I let out a grateful sob, pressing my cheek to the ground in relief.

"He did it," I murmured, getting up onto my knees and feeling tears prick my eyes. In front of me, Rico fell to her knees. I watched as she raised the smoke gun to the sky, shooting a yellow smoke flare that was vibrant against the setting sun.

We had to get up eventually, but for now we were allowed to bask in our success. I felt the shockwaves of large footsteps and rose, whirling around to find two seven-metre classes heading towards us.

"The remaining Titans are coming," Rico warned as I ran towards her. "We have to climb the wall!"

"I'll withdraw as soon as we've recovered Eren!" Mikasa replied, already heading to Eren as well.

"We'll see you up top," I called out to Rico as I met with Mikasa and we ran to Eren. At Eren's nape, I could see Armin attempting to recover Eren.

"Armin, how's Eren?" Mikasa called.

"He's feverish from the unbelievable heat in here," Armin grunted, Eren's unconscious body in his arms as he tugged. "We need to get him over the wall right away!"

"You help Armin and I'll make sure no Titans get too near," I said, looking up at Eren before turning to Mikasa. I could tell how anxious she was to get him out and if I went up there and tried to pull Eren out too, it'd get too crowded. We needed to have someone to make sure we didn't all get eaten anyway. I just hoped I had enough gas to not get eaten.

"Part of his body is still fused with the Titan," Armin noted. "I can't pull him out!"

Rico showed up next to us. "We'll have to cut it, then," she gritted out. Before I could protest, she was already swinging down, blades slicing through the flesh that held Eren to the Titan. It sent Armin tumbling backwards, down Eren's Titan body.

"Armin!" I shrieked before I could stop myself. "Are you and Eren okay?"

I ran towards them, being the closest and tried to pull Eren and Armin up simultaneously. A shadow loomed over us and I felt cold as I looked up at the two seven-metre classes that had been heading towards me and Rico earlier.

"Eren! Armin! Dani!" Mikasa shouted, but she was too far away to do anything.

"Crap," I muttered, raising my blades as the Titan on my right reached its hand towards us. I bent my knees, ready to jump up its arm or at the very least slash its hand off when there was the whooshing of compressed gas and a green blur whizzed past, easily taking care of both Titans within seconds.

Our mystery saviour landed atop one of the fallen Titans. I raised an arm to shield my eyes from the glare of the sun, squinting at the figure standing above us. His cape fluttered in the light breeze and I could make out the wings of freedom. _Could it be…?_

The figure turned and I could make out familiar features that hadn't aged at all over the years. I slowly let my arm fall as I stared into the face of my saviour from so many years ago.

"Hey, you kids," Levi drawled. "What's the situation here?"

I almost wanted to snort at the irony. When I was eight, Levi had come rushing in, killing both human traffickers before they could kill me. Once again, he had killed both assailants, saving me. I hoped this wouldn't be a regular thing.

_Hello, nii-chan_, I thought as I looked up at him._ It's good to see you face-to-face again._

•●•●•●•

Mikasa and I each had one of Eren's arms slung around our shoulders, the two of us bearing his weight together as we trailed behind the soldiers that had rushed in to extract us.

I stared at Rico's and Armin's slumped shoulders in front of us as we made the slow trek back to the inner wall. We could have been faster if Mikasa had allowed one of the bigger and stronger soldiers to carry Eren, but she wanted to do it and I volunteered to help. It gave us the illusion of privacy as the others walked in front of us, far enough away that we couldn't quite hear what they were saying. I readjusted Eren's arm on my shoulder, the unconscious boy groaning as he was jostled.

"You said they trusted us," Mikasa said quietly, shattering the companionable silence between us. "What did you mean?"

I glanced at her, but she wasn't looking at me, her eyes fixed on the ground in front of us. I exhaled slowly. "They… trust us to always watch out for them, I guess," I answered quietly, looking at her even if she wouldn't look at me. "We don't have to say anything because they'll always know. That's why they can do the things they do – they know we'll be there to support them or get them out of trouble or whatever." I blew a lock of hair out of Eren's face. "Eren might act like he doesn't like having you watching him the way you do, but he's actually really grateful. He just has a crappy way of showing it."

Mikasa shifted her hold on Eren as well. "He's… grateful?"

"Really grateful," I said. "He cares about you too. That's why he gets so angry. He knows what he wants to do is dangerous and he hates that he's putting you in danger too. Idiot here just can't show it."

"Don't call him an idiot," she protested half-heartedly. She was quiet for a moment. "Is that why you get angry at Eren? Because you care?"

I hummed thoughtfully. I never really thought about that. I did get angry at Eren quite a lot, didn't I? "I guess so."

"You're never like that around Armin."

"Armin's a reasonable person. Eren is a stubborn mule. Just because I get angry at Eren and not at Armin doesn't mean I care for either of them less."

"Right," she murmured. The others were getting further away and I was about to suggest we pick up the pace when Mikasa whispered, "I forgive you."

I nearly dropped Eren in my surprise, which wouldn't have been appreciated by either Eren or Mikasa. I never thought she'd forgive me. If I was in her position, I wasn't sure if I would have forgiven me. Probably not.

"I would have understood if you didn't forgive me," I murmured. She finally turned to look at me and it was with no small measure of relief that I saw the _life _in her eyes.

"I know," she replied softly, "but if this were Armin, you would have forgiven me the moment he had appeared out of that Titan."

I laughed awkwardly, my voice sounding strained. "Ah, I don't know about that."

"No. I know you would have. You're just that kind."

I blinked at Mikasa a few times before slowly letting a small smile grace my lips. It would be a while before I could smile properly again without it feeling too stiff, but I think earning Mikasa's forgiveness deserved a smile, even if it was a crappy one. Her corners of her lips tilted upwards a little too; not quite a smile, but just as good as one.

The rest of the journey passed in silence, but I wouldn't have had it any other way.

Mikasa and I dropped Eren off at the medical tent, Armin loitering with the both of us outside. I was itching to find Marco, but I couldn't quite leave Armin yet. I still wanted to make sure that he _was_ there, not some apparition I had made up to deal with my grief.

"Dani!" someone cried just before I was assaulted from behind. I choked as I was wrestled into a headlock, my airway dangerously close to being crushed. I nearly lashed out before realising my face was squished against a brown military jacket and it was Connie's voice that boomed, "You brilliant bastard, I could just kiss you!"

Typically, when someone says shit like that, they don't _actually_ kiss you unless you're together or something. I could swear Connie seriously wasn't right in the head as he grabbed my face and planted a sloppy kiss on my cheek.

I swear that my immediate response to punch him was entirely justified.

"What the fuck?" I screeched, scrubbing away at my cheek as I glared at Connie, who was going a little cross-eyed. I highly doubt I hit that hard. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Ow, my jaw," Connie moaned, cupping said appendage as he lay on the ground. "Damn, you definitely don't hit like a girl."

"I believe Connie was trying to say thank you for saving him just now," Annie sighed, eyeing Connie's pathetic form still on the ground. "Of course, he could just have a death wish."

I scowled down at Connie, deciding against kicking him and poked Mikasa's shoulder as she threatened to smirk. "Not funny." Nope, she was still smirking a little. I spotted Jean a little ways away. "Hey, have you guys seen Marco?"

Connie and Annie didn't answer. Connie looked up at me, scratching his head before shrugging. I looked at Annie, but she wasn't looking at me. There was a flash in her eyes and I zeroed in on it, trying to figure out what that emotion was. She couldn't have already… could she?

No, I couldn't accuse her like that, even if it was only in my head. There was never any proof that she had killed him. It… it could have happened to anyone.

"He'll show up eventually," Armin piped up as the silence stretched uncomfortably, his hand resting comfortably on my shoulder. "He should be around."

My heart was beating uncomfortably fast as I kept my gaze on Annie for a few more moments before looking away. "You're probably right," I agreed quietly, crossing my arms. Ugh, my arms felt so naked now that I wasn't wearing my jacket.

_Marco, you're safe… right?_

•●•●•●•

If I thought battle was gruesome, the aftermath was far worse.

We didn't have to worry about the Titan carcasses. It was the bodies of everyone else – the soldiers who had given their lives – that had to be picked up so they could be given decent burials. I grunted as I dragged another body towards the line of dead we had started. I didn't know the person, which made this a little easier, but I still had to avert my gaze to stop myself from being sick. Being crushed to death definitely isn't a dignified way to die.

I hadn't been able to identify any of the bodies so far, except for Mitabi. God, I hadn't even realised how far he had flown when that Titan had backhanded him.

"Do you know him?" the nurse asked, blue eyes wide and unmoving on me. I had realised soon after I had been assigned to her for clean-up duty that she had an almost dead look in her eyes. I suppose working with the dead had that effect on people.

I looked down and shook my head. I watched as she scribbled his measurements and description as well as probable cause of death, _John Doe_ written where his name should be. She walked off again, but I continued to stare at the man I didn't know. His eyes were still open and I leaned down, closing his eyes for him. Yes, being crushed to death wasn't dignified, but it was the slightest dignity to have your eyes closed. I hoped when it came down to it, I would have someone to close my eyes for me.

I stood up, shaking the melancholic thought away. I wouldn't think like that – no, I _refused_ to think like that. I couldn't keep thinking about death. I had been there before and I was done. All I had to do was keeping moving forward, one step at a time.

I sighed, the heat merely blowing back onto my face due to the cloth I had covering my mouth. There was still Titan ash falling around us, so we had to keep our mouth covered, along with the threat of infection from the dead bodies. We had been collecting corpses for _two days._ Two days and there were still bodies to find and extract.

I was tired of waking up and knowing I would look at so much death.

I hoped Eren was okay. Not long after we had placed him in the medical tent, he was taken away by Garrison soldiers. He was under the custody of the Military Police, I had heard. There wasn't anything Mikasa, Armin or I could have done to stop them from taking him away. I assumed he hadn't woken up yet, since a military court appearance hadn't been cited to the three of us. I guess he would need the time to recuperate, wouldn't he? He had pushed his body to the limit with those changes and carrying that heavy boulder.

I looked up at Jean, but he was standing still. I couldn't see what he was looking at. I could only see the pool of blood.

Fear struck my heart. I hadn't seen Marco for two days. Neither had Armin or Jean or, well, anybody, really. I had hoped and hoped… but what was the point of hoping when the deed was done? I stumbled towards Jean, my feet shuffling against the ground unsteadily. It's not possible. I knew I couldn't have changed much, but I was hoping I could have at least changed this. Please, let me have changed this. If nothing else, let me change _this_.

Jean turned at the sound of my footsteps, his eyes widening as he walked forward to intercept me. "Dani, you don't want to see this," he said gently, blocking my way.

"What don't I want to see?" I rasped, pushing him to the side. He moved away with little resistance, allowing me to see the body slumped against the wall of the house. The brown military jacket caught my attention first, followed by the insignia of the 104th Training Squad. I fell to my knees, gaze fixed on Marco's face. I wanted to cry; there was only half of his face left.

My body trembled as I fought back tears. No, I couldn't cry here. There wasn't time to mourn. There wasn't even time to _understand_. The cloth around my face was making it difficult to breathe, my rapid breaths not helping matters as I kept breathing in the carbon dioxide I was exhaling. I felt suffocated and light-headed.

My hand hovered over Marco's face. I couldn't even try and pretend he could be alive. The part of his mouth that I could see was bared in what might have been a grin, but I couldn't have been sure. I greatly doubted he was grinning. It might have been a grimace. I didn't know.

I covered his eye with my hand, shifting the eyelid down so his eye was shut. It was the least I could do; the _only_ thing I could do.

Slowly, I got up, taking a deep breath. There was still so many dead we needed to find and try to identify. There was still so much to do and there would be a lot of time to mourn and regret afterwards. I had a lifetime to mourn.

"Did you tell the nurse?" I heard myself ask as I turned towards Jean, my voice sounding far away. He was watching me with a wary look in his eyes, a look that I hated to see directed towards me.

"Yeah," he answered quietly.

I nodded almost absentmindedly, feeling the oddest sensation of floating away before I forced myself to _focus_.

"I'm fine," I said automatically, not giving him the chance to ask the question I knew he wanted to ask. I didn't want to hear it because I was afraid my answer would be _no_. "We need to keep moving. Come on."

One step at a time. I just had to keep moving forward, one step at a time, even if it hurt.


	13. Loss

_**And I thought life was hard enough the first time.**_

_**OC self-insert (because I'm that shameless)**_

_**This one gives me unspeakable pains much more unspeakable than any other pain I have ever had with any other chapter. I am barely coherent.  
**_

_**PEACE OUT**_

_**-0-**_

I felt like a poorly glued-together figurine. Sure, I was standing now, but it was a matter of time before the meagre amount of glue dried and I fell apart.

I played with my soup, still feeling sick to my stomach. I could feel Armin's concerned gaze, but I couldn't do anything to alleviate his worry. The image of Marco was still painted behind my eyelids – evidence of my failure. If I couldn't even save one of my closest friends, what use was I?

A hand was placed over mine, stilling it. I stared at my hand momentarily; I hadn't noticed I had been tapping my fingers. Man, I was so out of it. I looked up at Mikasa, her eyes glinting with worry.

"There's something wrong," she stated. She didn't ask, but she didn't have to. She already _knew_ there was something wrong.

I didn't answer, trying to figure out a way to answer the question that wasn't a question in a way that made it sound like I _wasn't_ falling apart. I cleared my throat, shifting my hand away and pushing my mess tin from me at the same time. "No," I answered, shaking my head and keeping my gaze on the table. "I'm fine. Really. I just – a lot of dead people today."

"Bullshit," Armin refuted immediately. I glanced up at him at the curse. "What's really wrong?"

How to say it, _how_ to say it. I tapped my spoon against my mess tin. God, I wanted to hurl. "I found Marco."

"That's good."

I bit back a sigh. "No, not good." I cleared my throat again; my voice was starting to sound weird. "He was, uh… he's dead."

The silence that followed grinded against my skin. I shifted, feeling uncomfortable. It was different, saying I had seen dead people and I had seen _Marco_ dead. We knew Marco. We had spoken with him and practically grown up with him. I could barely wrap my head around the fact that he was _gone_. I wouldn't see him around anymore or joke around with him. He was going to be one of _them_ – one of those people who left.

"I'm sorry," Mikasa said softly.

I tapped my spoon against my mess tin again, looking up at her. "Why are you apologising? It's not like you had anything to do with it."

Her eyebrows furrowed slightly. "Well, no, but weren't you – "

I had no idea what she was going to say as Jean thought that was the ideal moment to make an entrance. Normally, his entrance wouldn't have been noticed by us, but there was a dark aura hanging above him that caught everyone's attention.

He stopped next to our table, blinking down at us as if he just noticed us. I glanced up at him curiously, pushing away the fog of grief that threatened to cloud my senses. He took one look at me and flinched. I raised an eyebrow. Okay, not the weirdest reaction Jean has ever had towards me, but it was definitely one of the weirdest.

"Yes?" Mikasa asked impatiently.

Jean's hand rose to scratch the back of his neck. "They're going to start the pyre soon," he mumbled, looking down at the ground.

I understood what he was trying to say. I stood up, my soup untouched as I pocketed the small roll of bread we were given. I still wasn't hungry, but I would be eventually. "We'll be there," I replied, glancing quickly at my two best friends and seeing they weren't averse to it.

I almost wished I hadn't said that.

Hours later, I stared into the flames, Mikasa and Armin standing silently by my sides. They didn't have to say anything for me to know they were giving me comfort the way I was, stewing in their own grief.

I heard someone collapse and shifted my eyes away from the fire, eyeing Connie's silhouette. He was clutching his head and I could make out his tear tracks shining in the light of the fire. I looked around at the faces of my fellow 104th trainees, seeing their sadness and feeling their sorrow in the air. The only thing I could hear was the crackling of the fire and Connie's hitched breaths as he swallowed his sobs.

I felt something brush against my right hand before Armin's hand took mine, intertwining our fingers. I didn't turn to him, but I squeezed his hand gratefully. I was glad for his presence – for his and Mikasa's presence.

Strangely enough, there weren't any tears in my eyes now. There was something wrong with me, wasn't there? Marco's body was burning to ashes in front of me and I couldn't even shed a tear for him. Even Mina was somewhere in there (I had seen Annie staring at her body sadly as she was brought in) and I could feel the regret in my chest that made it hard to breathe, but the rush of tears was strangely absent.

Jean's steps echoed in my ears as he walked forward, his footsteps dragging against the ground. He kneeled down, grabbing something off the ground.

"Hey, Marco," he said lowly, "I can't even tell which are your bones anymore."

I looked away from Jean, the emptiness in my heart unbearable. Of the two hundred and nineteen, how many of us were gone? We'd lost so much more than Marco and Mina and Thomas…

I let my hand slip from Armin's as I turned away from the sight of my grieving comrades, my shoulder brushing Mikasa's arm as I walked away. I just had to leave. I couldn't stay there anymore, with my grief adding to everyone's.

I didn't hear footsteps following after me and I couldn't help but be grateful. I just needed some time to myself to sort out my feelings. Everything was still a jumble and even if the Battle of Trost had been two days ago, we had been too busy for me to properly think, today being the first day I hadn't dragged my feet to the small room I was sharing with Mikasa while we were in town and collapsed onto my cot in an exhausted heap.

I walked through the quiet streets, the civilians still absent. They would be opening Trost for the civilians first thing tomorrow, but for now, the town was only filled with military personnel. My foot kicked against something soft and I paused, looking down at the soft object and leaning down to pick it up.

I allowed myself a small smile as I picked up a small stuffed rabbit. It was battered from probably being stepped on, but it was otherwise fine. It needed a little cleaning and it would be fine. My fingers traced its battered right ear. It was obviously very well-loved. I picked at the rabbit's left eye, which had been replaced by a worn button. I clutched it to my chest as I looked around. I didn't know who it belonged to, but I could at least put it somewhere off the ground.

I noticed a window sill that wasn't damaged and placed it there instead, caressing its battered ear one last time before walking away. I hope the child that had dropped the rabbit would find it.

I meandered mindlessly through the streets until I found myself facing Wall Rose. I squinted up the grey stone, looking for a lift I could use to get to the top. There should be fresher air up there and I wanted to see the stars.

I had to admit that it was surreal, walking the wall without needing to worry about getting attacked or wondering if more of my comrades would fall at the hands of the Titans (at least for the moment). I looked out into the territory Wall Maria enclosed. There was the occasional Titan around, but they were silent and missing for the most part. A light breeze blew my hair away from my face as I let out a sigh. I stopped walking, looking up at the crescent moon above, surrounded by all those stars.

"_Do you think people could ever go up to the stars?"_

_I shot Marco a dirty look, trying to twist without injuring my ankle further. "Marco, shut up and go to sleep," I groaned. "It's late and we're on actual beds. Don't waste this wonderful opportunity."_

_I felt his pillow hit my hip and grabbed it, hugging it to my chest. "I'm not giving it back," I told him._

"_Give it back," he whined. "Come on, Dani. Talk to me."_

_I sighed as I slowly sat up, careful of my ankle. I shot him a playful glare as I threw his pillow back. See, I'm such a nice person. "What do you want to talk about?"_

_In the darkness, I saw him shrug as he leaned against the wall, looking out the window at our back. "I don't know. Stars. Do you think people could ever visit them?"_

"_They can't," I denied immediately. "Technically, stars are just balls of gas. You can't land on a star."_

"_Oh."_

_I clicked my tongue. "No need to sound so disappointed, Marco."_

"_I'm not disappointed." He sighed. "I wonder what it'd be like to be up in space."_

"_Difficult to breathe," I replied smartly, sticking my tongue out at his mildly annoyed look. "I doubt we have the technology necessary to fly up to space. Not in our lifetime, at least."_

_Marco sighed again, but it sounded more wistful. "Will we ever get to fly up to space?"_

_I looked out the window, up at the black sky dotted with stars. "One day, maybe. When we die, we'll probably fly up to the stars."_

"_Huh?"_

_I lolled my head to the side, seeing Marco look at me with a curious look in his eyes. I smiled a little, hearing Mom's voice in my ear. "My mom used to tell me that when people died, they flew up to the stars and looked after all their loved ones. Some of the special ones even turn to stars themselves."_

_I pulled in my uninjured leg towards me, hugging it to my chest. I rested my cheek on my knee as I watched Marco look up at the stars again, humming thoughtfully. After a pause, he finally said, "That's a nice thought."_

"_Isn't it?" I agreed. "I like to think my mom and dad are up there, looking over me." I laughed a little. "I bet they saw me take that fall and thought what a klutz I was. I mean, I even dragged you in here with me."_

_He waved it away. "I would have made my own way in here eventually."_

"_You're so nice," I cooed and he bowed his head, rubbing the back of his neck. I could make out his lips curled into a grin._

There was a loud whirr as the lift I had used made its way down. I didn't pay it any attention. It was probably just Armin, making his way up to check on me. I didn't mind. I was getting a little sick of being alone and his presence would be welcomed.

"Weird place to be," Jean commented, standing next to me. I jerked, head whipping to my left so I could eye Jean suspiciously. He didn't look at me, his gaze on the sky the way mine had been earlier. "It's nice though."

"What are you doing here?" I asked hesitantly. I appreciated his company, but it was hardly comfortable for either of us. All I could think of at the moment was any conflicts and friction we had had in the time we knew each other. They weren't as many as Jean and Eren had between us, but we had a fair few between us as well.

He shrugged. "I just wanted to check up on you, I guess."

"I, uh… huh. Thanks, I guess." I rubbed my eyes, still free of tears. It was so odd. Now that I had a chance to feel sad and cry, the urge simply _wasn't there_. There was no way I could have numbed myself to everything already. I couldn't have. I didn't _want_ to. If I couldn't feel sad and cry, did that even make me human anymore?

Jean glanced at me. "You're not… you're not crying."

Brilliant observation. I bit back the sarcastic retort to continue rubbing my eyes.

"I don't know why," I murmured. "It _hurts_, but I'm not crying."

I rubbed my arms, shivering even though I wasn't cold. It felt like the force of my emotions were too much for my body to bear. I couldn't help but wish that I could have had more time with Marco. There just – there hadn't been enough time.

"Does that mean you're strong, or does it mean there's something wrong with you?" he mused.

"It definitely doesn't mean you're weak – to cry, I mean."

"He called me weak." Jean choked on his words a little. "No, he just said I wasn't strong. It's not the same as being weak."

"You just know how the weak feel." I sighed, rubbing my eyes one last time. "He meant well."

"I know." He sucked in a breath. "Marco's dead."

A shudder wracked through my body as I exhaled slowly. "Yeah…"

I didn't know why, but hearing Jean say that made things a little more real. It made me a little more hyper-aware of the fact and made the emptiness in my chest widen. I wanted to curl up into myself and never get out. I wanted to find the cause of Marco's death and punish whoever was responsible for it (even if I doubted I would have done anything if Annie _had_ turned out to be the one to do it). I wanted to go back to our trainee days when everyone was still alive and the danger of Titans seemed so far away. There was so much I wanted and all of it was impossible.

"We're not dead, though," I pointed out gently, glancing at Jean. "We're still alive." He was looking out into the distance and as I watched, he turned his head until his gaze met mine. There was a swirl of emotions in his brown eyes, too messy for me to decipher.

"I'm going to join the Recon Corps," he told me, a flash of determination in his eyes. I thought of green eyes with that exact same emotion and could finally see why people though Jean could be Eren's body double even though there were so many glaring differences between the two teens.

I didn't answer for a little while. I could sense his sincerity… but I sort of didn't want him to join. He would just be another friend I'd worry would end up eaten. If he was in the Military Police, at least I wouldn't need to wonder if he would still be around at the end of the day.

"Nobody would think any less of you if you went to the Military Police," I replied, twisting my fingers in my chain. "That's what you wanted from the beginning."

His hands clenched as he shook his head. "It's not because of Eren."

I chuckled quietly. "I know it isn't. It's just – you don't have to feel pushed into joining the Recon Corps."

He shot me a mildly annoyed look. "I'm not _pushed_," he insisted. "I don't want to throw another one of us into that pile without knowing what happened." Under his breath, he added, "I owe that much to him."

Sometimes, I underestimated Jean's and Marco's friendship. They had a bond almost as strong as the one Armin and I had.

We descended into silence. I didn't know if he was waiting for me to comment or if he simply had nothing else to say. I thought up of replies I could give, only to discard them. I glanced at Jean's side profile, seeing the downturn of his lips as he frowned.

"It'll be… nice to have you around," I commented eventually, sucking in my lower lip and tracing the healing wound with my tongue. I glanced at him again, seeing him looking at me and I knocked into him, my shoulder bumping into his arm (height differences, ugh).

He knocked me back and most of the awkwardness lifted. There was a comfortable camaraderie settling between us that hadn't been there before. It was bittersweet; we only became somewhat close because of our shared loss in losing Marco.

"I still won't be looking after you reckless ass," he warned with a playful glare.

I stuck my tongue out at him, knocking into him again. "I wouldn't _expect _you to… horse face."

I guess I kind of deserved the punch to my shoulder.

•●•●•●•

I thought I was okay.

I was okay with everything, to an extent. We had only just buried our friends and comrades hours ago, but by the time I slipped into mine and Mikasa's room at four in the morning after hours of silent companionship with Jean, I was feeling fine.

At least, until I went to the bathroom to wash up.

I splashed my face, letting the water dripping into the sink be the only sound to fill my ears. I looked up at the small mirror, dirtied and grimy, but still usable. I could see my face, but it looked _wrong_.

I blinked, seeing my reflection that didn't feel like my reflection blink back at me. I didn't know what felt wrong. There was my hopeless mess of red curls, still twisted into a bun at the back of my head. There was my face, the skin lightly tanned from all that time under the sun. And there was my eyes.

My _eyes_. They were still grey, more or less the same as they always were, but there wasn't any _life_ in them. They were dead, like a fish's eyes at the market. I spun around in shock, unable to look into my own eyes as a gasp lodged in my throat. Where the spark of life I was used to seeing that reminded me I was alive? Where was the _feeling_?

I was lying to myself. I _wasn't_ fine. I had been doing a good job of fooling myself into thinking I was, but I _wasn't fine at all_. I collapsed to the ground, my tailbone stinging as my eyes stared blankly at the bathroom floor.

As if a dam had been broken, all the raging emotions I had held in check were suddenly flowing out. The fear, the grief, the _anger_… it flooded through my veins and made me feel like screaming. I tangled my fingers into my hair, tugging as I tried to keep the emotions at bay. I wanted to run from them, but I guess I was just too tired to even try.

A strangled sob escaped from my throat before I muffled it behind my hands. The tears welled in my eyes, making my vision blurry. There was so much grief that I could barely breathe. Thomas, Mina, Mylius, Marco… they were gone. They weren't _gone_ the way Eren had been _gone_. No, they were gone and they were _never coming back_. I would never joke around with them or make stupid bets. I would never be able to see them in the mess hall anymore or be there to calm them down if they were to freak out.

There were no words to describe how I felt. It was like being burned and frozen to death at the same time. The tears kept flowing and my throat was turning raw from holding in my screams. I curled up into a ball on the floor. It was probably extremely unhygienic, but I couldn't have cared.

I didn't know how long I stayed there, drowning in the force of my own emotions, but I was eventually brought back to reality by a tentative knock on the door.

"Dani?" Mikasa called softly, the door beginning to open. "Are you – "

"I'm fine," I replied hoarsely, pushing the door shut and leaning against it. "I just – fell. I'm fine. Just – just don't come in here!"

I couldn't let Mikasa see me like this; see how broken I really was behind the façade I had put up. When it came down to it, they relied on me to be the one least affected by everything. I couldn't bear to let them know that I was probably handling all of this a lot worse than they were. I didn't want to burden them like this.

The weight against my back eased, but I didn't hear Mikasa walk away. The tears streamed down my cheeks. Eventually, I heard her sit down behind me, her back probably to the door the way mine was. I pressed the heels of my hands to my eyes, willing the never-ending tears to cease. Silent sobs wracked my body as the ache in my heart slowly eased with every passing minute.

"It's okay to not be okay," Mikasa said quietly, the thin wood of the door allowing her voice to travel easily.

I shook my head, belatedly realising she couldn't see me. "I don't know how to not be okay," I whispered back, not really sure if she could hear me. I waited for her answer, but she didn't say anything. I sighed, glad she hadn't heard me. It was so embarrassing, breaking down like that. In a louder voice, I asked, "Did I wake you?"

"No," came the quiet answer. "I just… woke up and noticed you weren't in your bed." A pause. "Where did you go?"

I took in a deep breath, leaning my head against the door as I looked up at the ceiling. I wiped away my tear tracks as much as I could, feeling unbelievably tired. "I needed to think." I wasn't quite answering her question, but Mikasa would take it nonetheless.

"I hope you sorted out all your thoughts."

I slowly stood up, my muscles aching from my time on the floor. I let the water run, splashing my face again. I almost didn't want to look in the mirror, but I forced myself to. I almost collapsed in relief when I realised I looked normal again. I mean, yeah, my eyes were a little puffy from my crying session and my nose was as red as Rudolph's (of all the things that could have been brought over from Back Then, it just _had_ to be _Rudolph, the red nosed reindeer_), but there was life in my eyes and I didn't look like a zombie anymore.

It wasn't until I looked into the mirror that I realised how _light_ I felt as well. Sure, there was still the sorrow and regret settling in my chest, but it was a tolerable weight rather than the crushing force it had been previously. I splashed a little bit more water onto my face. I guess it just goes to show that I was the worst kind of person to keep my emotions bottled up.

I dried my face and let my hair down, allowing it to frame my face. I finally looked like myself again, albeit a more tired version of myself.

"I did," I answered belatedly, making a little more noise than I had previously so Mikasa knew I was going out. I opened the door to see Mikasa standing in front of it, looking like she was going to go to the bathroom. I knew better. "It's late. You should get to sleep."

She bit her bottom lip and her hesitance was palpable in the air. She seemed conflicted, but I was too tired to guess what she might be conflicted about. I was just tired and done with the day, wanting to let myself sink into blissful sleep and forget.

I walked towards my bed, but as I passed her, she grabbed my arm and pulled me in for a hug. I was so shocked I didn't protest as her arms wrapped around me. She buried her face in my hair as she hugged me so tight I thought she was trying to break my ribs. My arms hung limp by my side as my cheek was pressed against her shoulder, tears stinging my eyes once more.

She didn't say anything, but she didn't have to. We just stood there, sharing in our grief and loss. The silent _I'm sorry_ and _they're gone_ passing between us as silent as the tears rolling down our cheeks.

•●•●•●•

The next morning, I woke up to an empty room and the sun much higher in the sky than I was used to. I sat up, rubbing my sore eyes. I had a mild headache thanks to all the crying. Ugh, what I wouldn't give for some aspirin right about now.

I made my way to the mess hall for breakfast after cleaning up, I looked like the walking dead, but at least I had life in my eyes and that was all that mattered.

That blank look in my eyes… I never wanted it to be there again. I didn't know how I would do that, but I swore that would be the first and the last time.

I covered my yawn behind my hand, nodding at a civilian who nodded at me with a smile. It seemed I had slept through the civilians being allowed back into Trost. The city was a lot more lively now than it had been the past few days. There were voices and even the laughter of children; it didn't feel like I was walking through a ghost town anymore.

The first thing that happened when I arrived to the mess hall was get tackled by a blur, blonde hair blocking my vision.

"Um, Armin?" I said hesitantly, hugging him back in confusion. "Just because Eren isn't here doesn't mean you have to emulate him."

"Mikasa told me," he muttered into my shoulder. "I'm sorry I wasn't there."

I flushed from embarrassment. God, it was one thing to cry, but another thing for _Mikasa_ to tell Armin. I would have preferred telling him myself. It's not that I didn't appreciate it – it only showed she cared and worried – but I have an image to maintain, you know?

Okay, well, no, not really. I would have just preferred to tell Armin myself.

I patted his back, smoothing his hair as he tried to hug all my sorrow away. I sighed, relishing in his warmth. Marco was gone, sure. There was nothing I could have done about that. I guess he was just destined to leave. Armin, though, was still here. He was still with me and I could still protect him.

There was nothing to do but to keep moving forward. They were gone and we were still here. All we could do was remember them fondly and live our lives they would have wanted us to, I guess.

"Nah, it's fine," I replied, smiling a little. "You're here now." I nuzzled the side of his head a little before realising that we were getting stares. It was probably a little weird, two teenagers hugging for so long in the middle of the mess hall. "Um, Armin. People are staring."

"I don't care." He hugged me a little tighter. In a whisper, he said, "I'm just really glad you weren't on that pile."

I tightened my hold on him as well. There were so many moments when it could have been me on that pile too. I would have left all of this behind; I would have left Armin and Mikasa and Eren behind without accomplishing anything. So much could have gone wrong and it could have been Mikasa or Eren or _Armin_ on that pile. As mean as it may sound, I was glad Armin wasn't on that pile either in place of any of them, even Marco. I would have never traded any of them for Armin.

"Me too." I looked over to Mikasa, where she was standing looking a little sad. I guess she must have felt a little lonely. I mean, she has me and Armin, but neither of us could really replace Eren in her eyes. I would have felt the same way if Mikasa and Eren were the ones having sibling fluff right in front of me while Armin was god knows where.

I finally pulled away with a ruffle of his hair, feeling much lighter than I had last night. "So, breakfast?"

I linked arms with my two best friends. Marco might be gone and Eren might be absent, but beggars couldn't be choosers. At least I was prepared for this eventually. I just had to keep moving forward.


	14. Judgement

_**And I thought life was hard enough the first time.**_

_**OC self-insert (because I'm that shameless)**_

_**I'm like a day late, but that's okay, right? You've got to admit that I have a crazy updating schedule as is. I'm dragging my feet now, man. It ain't flowing easy.**_

_**The tribunal. AKA Levi beating the shit out of Eren and Dani not being to do a thing. And maybe a demonstration of Dani's annoy the shit out of people talent.**_

_**Pixis is a cool dude. I mean, look at his moustache. Any dude with a moustache has got to be cool. Awesome 'stache.**_

_**It's almost two in the morning, peace out everyone.**_

_**-0-**_

I rushed to the mess hall, my hair in a disarray (as usual). I checked over my shoulder to see if I was being followed (not that it ultimately would have mattered) before opening the door to the mess hall. I scanned the seats, finding Mikasa and Armin immediately.

"Hey," I chirped, sliding into the space next to Armin as I pulled the soup Mikasa had taken for me towards me.

"Have you heard anything?" Armin asked immediately.

I nodded, hurriedly tying my hair into a ponytail. "They're going to have an inquisition over Eren."

"Eren's inquisition," Mikasa murmured. "What's it about?"

Both of them turned to me, but I shook my head. I hadn't managed to learn much from my gossip mongering. All I knew was that Darius Zackly, head of all three military branches, would appear for the tribunal and that both the Recon Corps and the Military Police were going to place proposals over custody of Eren.

"I'd guess they're deciding what to do with Eren," Armin inferred as I hurriedly inhaled my soup. I kept glancing towards the doors; I had seen a bunch of military personnel on my way here and I had heard the mention of witnesses. I didn't doubt we would be called in for the trial.

Mikasa frowned slightly. "What to do with him?" she repeated.

Armin glanced at me and I nodded slightly. It would be better if she found out now so that she wouldn't fly into a rage later in court. He looked down as he answered, "Probably whether to kill him or let him live."

Her eyes widened as she slammed her spoon onto the table top, standing up. I bit my lip as I noticed the horrified look on Mikasa's face. I sighed quietly. _We_ knew Eren wasn't dangerous. The problem was that everyone else didn't. Titans have always been synonymous with monster and with the thought of 'Titans turning into humans' would scare the crap out of any lesser human being.

Of course, the fact that we had never heard of such a thing would also fuel the terror. They didn't know that it was humans turning into Titans, not the other way round. Lack of knowledge added to terror just as much as a horrifying monster did.

Like I said before, the thinking in this world was pretty small-minded, for the most part.

The door was pushed open and I immediately darted my eyes to it, spotting three soldiers in Military Police uniform, two of them armed with shotguns. The bearded man read out, "Mikasa Ackerman, Armin Arlert and Danika Vale!" He looked around the room, although I didn't see the point in that. It wasn't like he could recognise us. "Are you here?"

"Yes, sir," Mikasa answered for the three of us as Armin and I shared a look before getting out of our seats. I gulped down some water before leaving my bench, looking up at the Military Police soldier curiously.

He peered down at us with a stern gaze. "You've been ordered to appear as witnesses at this afternoon's inquiry."

With that announcement, he left. I could feel Armin's and Mikasa's surprise.

"Witnesses," Armin murmured.

"Maybe it's because we know Eren best," I guessed. "Not to mention we were there when Eren… you know. Turned into a Titan. Twice."

Armin hummed thoughtfully, pursing his lips in thought. "I wonder how Eren's doing."

I shrugged. I hadn't heard anyone say anything, but I knew he was in a dungeon, being chained up like some animal. I wanted to get angry at the thought, but I understood why they did so. Just because I understood didn't mean I had to like it.

Mikasa's expression darkened. "If I find out they harmed Eren…" she muttered lowly. She didn't have to finish her threat to know that whoever it was who laid a finger on Eren would suffer her wrath. Mikasa's protective instincts trumped mine any day.

Ah, crap. Levi's going to beat Eren up. I certainly hadn't forgotten that.

I shot Mikasa an apprehensive look. Well, it wasn't like Levi-nii ever gave good first impressions. Or second impressions. Actually, he rarely gave any good impressions.

"Well, are you guys done?" I inquired, eyeing their almost empty bowls. "If you are, we can start heading to the courthouse now."

Armin blinked at me before looking down at my empty bowl. "Oh, you're done?"

"You know where the courthouse is?" Mikasa asked, raising an eyebrow.

I nodded. I had passed it several times in my busy morning of information gathering. There was where most of the reliable information was, after all. Most of the soldiers there simply regarded me as an interested civilian as I had forgone my jacket earlier in the morning. It was easier to get information on Eren if they didn't know I knew him or suspected that I did.

"As far as I can tell, Armin's right," I informed them as we made the trek to the courthouse. "Both the Recon Corps and the Military Police are going to make proposals for custody over Eren. The final decision will be made by Darius Zackly."

"Darius Zackly?" Armin repeated, eyes widening slightly as he recognised the name. "They managed to get him here from Wall Sina?"

I nodded, twisting my fingers into my dad's ring. "That's why the tribunal is only being held today. They had to wait for him to arrive."

Mikasa's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Who's Darius Zackly?"

Armin and I shared a confused look. Sometimes I forgot how little Mikasa and Eren cared about military politics. I mean, in the long shot, they didn't really affect us until we became people of consequence, like commander-in-chief or commander of a certain faction. I couldn't really blame Mikasa for not knowing. I only ever took an interest because I knew we'd need the information and Armin took an interest because, well, he's Armin.

"He's the head of the entire military," Armin answered. "In other words, he's responsible for all three branches: the Military Police, the Garrison and the Recon Corps." He shook his head. "I don't envy him. He has to make a lot of difficult decisions, a lot of them involving what to do with a human life."

"I heard that he's in charge of overall decisions for humanity," I added. "You know, what would help us progress and win against the Titans." I frowned slightly, my voice taking on a grim tone. "If he decides that Eren should be placed under the Military Police, I have a feeling that he'd mean to sentence Eren to death."

Mikasa's lips thinned in displeasure. I doubted she was going to allow that. I wouldn't allow that either, nor would the Recon Corps. I just had to trust that all of this would go according to canon and Eren would end up in the Recon Corps.

As we entered the military court, I had to admit that I was _surprised_ by the number of people that had turned up for it. Sheesh, I thought court hearings were only meant for those involved, not for the general public. In a way, I guess everyone was involved. I eyed the man in pastor's robes with thinly veiled disgust. Ugh, I really dislike those Wallists.

The three of us stood in the witness' stand. I spotted Rico there and nodded at her, receiving a nod of acknowledgement in return. She was one of the few surviving members of the elite squad other than Mikasa. I hadn't doubted she would be here.

We stood at attention, waiting for Eren to be brought up.

Eventually, the door was swung open and we got our first glimpse of Eren in days. He looked… healthy enough. Maybe he was a little paler than usual, but he didn't look malnourished and I couldn't make out any bruises or signs of abuse.

The two Military Police soldiers roughly grabbed Eren and pulled him to the middle of the court, pushing him forward with the barrel of his gun. My jaw clenched as Mikasa made an outraged noise in the back of her throat and Armin shifted uncomfortably. Well, no signs of abuse until now.

_Goddamn Military Police._

"Kneel there," one of them ordered as the other soldier brought in a metal pole. I frowned. Honestly, his hands are cuffed behind his back. It's not like he can do much. I couldn't protest as they chained Eren to the pole. It irked me that Eren just did what they were told. He wasn't a monster and he didn't deserve to be treated like one.

Eren looked around the room, no doubt taking in everything. He looked towards us and his eyes widened. I raised my eyebrows slightly. Had he not expected us to be here or something? Of course we would be here. We were his friends. Nothing, not even his freaky Titan shifting, would change that fact.

The door at the front of the room opened and I turned my eyes to the judge's stand, where an elderly man was making his way up to the seat. His hair was completely grey, along with his beard. I thought he looked like a grimmer, slightly more shaven version of Santa Claus. He took off his coat, folding it onto the surface next to him. He rolled up his sleeves and looked down at the sheets of paper on the table.

"Well then, let's begin," he announced, eyes flitting from side to side as he read the reports or whatever it was. He lifted the sheets of paper closer to his face, readjusting his glasses. "Eren Jaeger, yes? You are a soldier, sworn to sacrifice your life for the greater good. Is that correct?"

"Yes, sir," Eren answered, looking apprehensive as hell. I wondered what they told him before he entered court that had him looking so nervous.

Zackly nodded to himself. "This is an exceptional situation," he noted. "This tribunal will be held under military law, not civilian. The final decision rests entirely in my hands." He finally looked away from his papers and even from where I stood, I could feel Darius Zackly's sharp gaze. "Your fate will be decided here. Do you have any objections?"

I swallowed, feeling doubt creep into my chest. In canon, the Recon Corps had gained custody of Eren. All of the events had gone as I had anticipated, but what if this didn't? I could hardly call my existence canon. I shook those thoughts away. I couldn't think like that. If I couldn't even change – I swallowed – Marco's fate, I could barely change this. I was sure it'd be fine.

Armin's gaze shot to mine and we shared an apprehensive look. The tension was so thick I hardly dared to breathe. We had known this was a possibility, but having our guesses confirmed was hardly a relief.

Eren looked down and I saw his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed. "No, sir."

"I appreciate you perception. I will be direct." Zackly glanced down at the papers once more. "As anticipated, concealing your existence has proved impossible." Well, you don't say. I'd like to see them try hiding a fifteen-metre class Titan controlled by a fifteen year old. "We must make you existence public in some form or a threat to humanity other than Titans may arise."

I frowned slightly. He was right. If the people didn't know more about Eren and his Titan shifting abilities – more specifically which side he fought for, they might riot. We really didn't need more trouble on our hands than there already was.

"What I will decide today," he continued, "is which force will have custody of you: the Military Police, or the Recon Corps. Then, I ask the Military Police for their proposal."

"Yes, sir," one of the Military Police soldiers answered, stepping up. Wait, no, not just a normal soldier. The commander-in-chief of the Military Police, Nile Dok. I remembered him. I had asked him about _that Titan boy_ while I was collecting information as a civilian and he had told me to piss off. Pleasant guy, that one. "I, commander of the Military Police, Nile Dok, will present my proposal. After a thorough investigation of Eren's body, we believe he should be eliminated immediately."

"… Thorough investigation?" I repeated quietly, mildly confused and almost disgusted. I had to wonder what _kind_ of thorough investigation they did. It had better be with Eren's knowledge or so help me.

"It's certainly true that his Titan power overcame our previous peril," he continued, reading from what I assumed were notes before looking up at Eren. Ouch, if looks could slice flesh. "However, now his existence threatens to spark a civil war, so we ask him to die for humanity's sake, leaving behind all the information we can."

I had to bite back a scoff, almost choking on it. _Eren's existence_ threatened to spark a civil war? There were a number of things that could start a civil war. I had a feeling that a civil war had been brewing for decades and they were just using Eren's appearance to revolt. Utter bullshit.

"There is no need for that!" the man next to Dok boomed. I sneered silently; when did those Wallists find it fit to show up at military tribunals? "He is an _invasive pest_. He has _deceived_ the walls that embody God's wisdom. He must be killed _at once_!"

"Pastor Nick. Order, please," Zackly urged, cutting the pastor's rant short. "We'll hear the Recon Corps' proposal next."

"Yes, sir." Commander Erwin Smith stepped forward. I chewed on the inside of my lip, almost impressed that he hadn't pulled out any papers to refer to. I hoped he had a good argument prepared. "I, thirteenth commander of the Recon Corps, Erwin Smith, will present my proposal. We would welcome Eren as an official member of our forces and use his power to retake Wall Maria." I waited for him to continue, but all he said was, "That is all."

I almost fell over even though I wasn't moving. That… was all. One sentence was all he had prepared. I – there are no words I can think of to describe my bafflement.

I wasn't the only one surprised, apparently. Armin's arm jostled against mine and I noticed his eyes widened minutely, the smallest glint of fear appearing.

"That's all?" Zackly asked. His facial expression didn't change, but I thought I could hear the slightest tint of surprise in his voice.

"Yes, sir," Erwin confirmed. "With his power, we can retake Wall Maria. We believe it is clear what our priorities should be."

"I see. And where do you plan to begin this mission?" Zackly turned to where the Garrison were assembled. "Pixis, the Trost wall has been completely sealed, correct?"

"Yes, it can never be opened again," Pixis replied.

"We would like to set out from Karenese, in the east," Erwin explained. My arm twitched at the sound of my hometown. Right, the fifty-seventh expedition had started from there. "From there, we will proceed to Shiganshina. We will determine the route as we go."

"Wait a minute!" a civilian (a merchant, I could tell from his clothes) protested. "Shouldn't we seal all the wall gates once and for all? The Colossal Titan can only destroy the gates. If we can strengthen them, we need not endure further attacks!"

I eyed him with poorly hidden disdain as Pastor Nick spat, "Shut up, merchant dog!"

Is that the way humanity is going to live forever, within two walls? That would only strengthen the feeling of being trapped. We would never move forward, forever stuck within our manmade (at least, I assumed they were manmade) cages of our own design.

"With that Titan's power, we can return to Wall Maria," someone behind us insisted.

"We can no longer indulge your delusions of grandeur," the merchant growled, looking manic.

"You talk a lot, pig," Levi suddenly commented. I glanced at him, immediately noting the uninterested look on his face. He hated politics quite a lot, didn't he? "Where is your proof that the Titans will wait while we seal the gates?" He made a good point. "The _we_ you speak of are only those you wish to protect; your _friends_ who help line your pockets. The people who starve because there isn't enough land to sow don't even figure into the thoughts of you pigs."

I thought of my house, back in Karenese. We didn't have much land, not being able to afford it, but we always managed to get by. I had always wondered how, but I guess some commission was given to Dad for his service in the military. We always had a bit of cash leftover and I asked Dad once why he didn't buy more land. He told me land was expensive and we had to make do with the land we already had, our miniscule plot of land that barely provided us enough crops for half a year each season. We never starved, but there were families much bigger than ours with plots half the size of ours. They were the ones that suffered, not these merchants with pockets that jingled when they walked.

The merchant looked flustered. "We just thought we could survive by sealing the wall gates – "

"Silence!" the pastor hissed, whirling towards the merchant with a glare. "Impious traitor! Mere humans altering Wall Rose; walls that were a gift from God? Can you truly see those walls, God's work far beyond human capabilities, and not understand?"

"Thanks to them, it took ages before we could even mount weaponry on the walls," Armin murmured.

"They have a lot of support and power, which makes them difficult," Rico added reluctantly.

I huffed out a sigh as I watched Pastor Nick rant, getting way into the merchant's personal space. "They've especially gotten a lot of support since Wall Maria fell," I sighed. "God knows why."

Zackly banged on the table top with his palm, cutting the squabbling men's quarrel short. It was just starting to get interesting, too. I glanced back towards Zackly. Aw, no gavel?

"Silence," the grey-haired man rumbled, effectively shutting them up. "You may discuss your personal philosophes and opinions elsewhere. Jaeger, I wish to confirm something. Can you continue to serve as a soldier, using your Titan powers to benefit humanity?"

Eren didn't even hesitate as he answered, "Yes, I can."

Zackly hummed thoughtfully. I didn't like the look on his face. If possible, it looked grimmer than it had previously. "But the report on Trost's defence says this: _Immediately after turning into a Titan, he swung his fist at Mikasa Ackerman._"

Eren jerked, turning towards Mikasa. I tried not to look too worried. He probably didn't remember the initial moments after he first shifted, when he lost control.

"Tch, you want me to lie in a report? Hiding the truth wouldn't help humanity," Rico hissed and I looked over at her, seeing Mikasa glaring at the elder. As much as I wished she had left that detail out, she was right. It was a setback and it had to be mentioned in the report. Even omitting it was considered lying.

"Is Mikasa Ackerman present?" Zackly asked.

"Yes, that's me," she responded.

"You are Ackerman? Is it true that as a Titan, Jaeger attacked you?"

Mikasa turned back to Eren and I could tell she was thinking of what to say.

"Lying isn't going to help Eren one bit," Rico muttered, glancing at her.

"… Yes, it's true," Mikasa answered reluctantly.

Murmurs and whispered erupted in the courtroom. The look on Eren's face was nothing short of horrified. He definitely didn't remember anything.

"But on two previous occasions, Eren saved my life in his Titan form," she continued, almost pleading. "The first time, mere seconds before a Titan would have had me in its grasp, he stood between us, protecting me." I watched Eren, but the light of recognition didn't appear. It must have been before Armin swooped in and saved her. "The second time, he saved Armin, Danika and me from an HE shell. I would like these facts to be considered as well."

"I object," Dok called. "I believe these comments are coloured by her own personal feeling." _Excuse you?_ "At an early age, Mikasa Ackerman lost her parents and was taken in by the Jaeger household." I was about to open my mouth to object when he continued, "Our investigation has also revealed a surprising fact about the underlying events." He looked back down at his notes as I held in my rage. It was best to hear what he had to say first so I had a better rebuttal. "At age nine, Eren Jaeger and Mikasa Ackerman killed three robbers who tried to kidnap her."

Gasps rang through the room and I couldn't hold it in anymore.

"If I may object," I said loudly, letting my voice travel, "I don't see the relevance of that event to this case. It had happened years ago and if I recall correctly, _kidnapping_ is still a criminal offense." I bit back the _they deserved to die_ that almost slipped out. Not the best comment to make. "It was in self-defence!"

"_Even_ if it was in self-defence," Dok interrupted with a glare aimed towards me, "their fundamental humanity is questionable. Is it right to entrust humanity's fate and lives to him?"

"That's right," someone gasped. "He's just a Titan that infiltrated us by pretending to be a child!"

"So is she!" the merchant whispered, horrified as he pointed towards Mikasa. "Do we know she's human?"

"Of course she's human," I argued, my voice as sharp as I dared to allow it. "If she had been able to turn into a Titan, wouldn't she have done that when she was cornered? Anyone would have done that." I turned a scornful eye towards Dok. "How could Eren's fundamental humanity be questioned? Yes, he had killed, but it was to save a little girl – who he had _never_ met before – from a human trafficking ring where she would most likely be sold as a – a sex slave!"

The court quietened at my outburst. Armin placed a hand on my elbow in warning, but I was on a roll. They _needed_ to hear what was going on beyond their safe little bubbles.

I sucked in a deep breath as I reigned in my anger. I needed to stay calm, but it was my _friends_ they were accusing of being monsters. I _knew_ them. I knew of their messy pasts and I think I would know if two of my best friend were monsters.

"Cadet," Dok said sharply. My spine straightened as I recognised what he was trying to do. He was trying to remind me of my place. Okay, I had spoken out of line, but they were being _ridiculous_. "I suggest you _learn your place_ – "

"What is your relationship to Eren Jaeger, Cadet…?" Zackly asked. He turned his gaze towards me and I had to admit that it was a bit chilling. He looked completely relaxed amidst the tension, but his gaze was hard and unforgiving as well.

"Danika Vale," I supplied. "I'm – I know Eren and Mikasa. I know them well enough to know they're _not monsters_."

"Answer the question, Vale." Stern.

"I'm his friend."

"If that's the case, it's safe to say that Danika Vale's comments are also compromised by her personal feelings," Dok said. "Not to mention she obviously has no respect for authority."

My first thought was, _look here, you little shit_, but that would have only cemented his theory that I was a disrespectful little brat who only knew how to speak out of turn. But goddamn _look here_, you little shit!

"I was just stating facts. _Sir_," I gritted out. I took in another deep breath, looking around the courtroom. "Most people would have stayed at the Ackerman residence and waited for the Garrison to make their move. I mean no offense to Garrison soldiers, but they were just too slow. If Eren hadn't acted, they would have lost the kidnappers' trail and Mikasa would have been gone forever. _Instead_, Eren chooses to put his life in danger to save some random girl he doesn't know. What does _that_ say about his fundamental humanity?"

Zackly's eyes stayed on me for a while, the scrutiny obvious in his eyes. I stood at attention, letting him. If I was lucky, maybe I would be given a chance to make my case.

Zackly cleared his throat, finally looking away from me and folding his hands together. "Commander Dok is right. As a cadet, you should learn your place." God, I could practically feel Dok's smugness even if his facial muscles didn't even twitch. "However, you have made an interesting case."

Silence reigned over the courtroom once again. I thought a miracle might have happened and everyone finally grew some common sense, but then the whispers started, more horrified than the last.

"Why would she care so much?"

"They're just friends, aren't they?"

Then one comment took the cake, made by our favourite knucklehead merchant: "She's probably one of them!" he nearly shrieked.

I would have had an affronted look on my face, but I was too busy admiring the stupidity adults had. Just… wow. Look at all that stupidity.

"That's right," some other idiot yelled. "We should dissect both of the girls, just to be safe!"

Excuse you, _girls_? We're not just a couple of little girls.

"Wait!" Eren yelled, his voice cutting surprisingly well through the panicking voices (they're adults panicking over a _bunch of teenagers_, please). "I may be a monster, but leave them out of this!"

Eren…

"We can't trust that!" the merchant screeched.

"It's true!" Eren retorted.

"If you're covering for her, that means they're one of you!"

_Ridiculous_. This is why we never let panic cloud our judgement.

"_NO!_" Eren growled, his voice echoing through the room as his shackles rang loudly. I startled, inhaling sharply. The whole room went silent at the sight of his rage. Eren seemed to take a deep breath, calming himself down. "I mean, you are wrong. You're simply coming up with theories that fit whatever it suits you to think."

"What did you say?" Dok demanded. He jerked as Eren turned his eyes towards him. _Pathetic_.

"Eren…" Armin murmured. The blonde was frowning a little, looking like he was itching to step in and say something.

"Besides," Eren continued, "all of you people… you've never seen a Titan! What are you so afraid of? What is the point if those with means and power do not fight?" I glanced at Armin; he could recognise those words too. It was starting to sound like the speech Annie had given him all those weeks ago. I… hadn't realised Annie's words had such a powerful influence over him. "If you're afraid to fight for survival, then help me! You… you cowards!" I bit my lip. Eren, please stop talking. "Just _shut up_ and bet everything you have on me!"

There was this horrified silence that followed. I glanced around the room. It was only a matter of time before one person snapped. When that happened, it would either end with Eren's death or his induction into the Recon Corps.

"Weapons ready!" Dok ordered and the soldier next to him scrambled to comply.

"Yes, sir!" He aimed his gun towards Eren. I had to admit that I panicked. Where was –

Eren let out a grunt as a foot drove into his face. I held in a gasp as I noticed Levi (when the hell had he gotten _there_?) was standing in front of I watched, Levi aimed a kick straight to Eren's gut. My fists tightened reflexively and as Mikasa made to lunge forward, Armin grabbed her.

"Wait, Mikasa!" he gritted out, holding her back.

"He… means well," I choked out as Levi beat Eren to a pulp. I wanted to protest, but I _knew_ this was the only way the Recon Corps could gain custody over Eren. They wouldn't have allowed it otherwise, even with my argument. I still couldn't help the surprised yelp I gave out when Levi stomped on Eren's head, smashing it to the ground.

"This is a personal opinion, but I believe pain to be the best way to train someone," he commented with a look of disdain aimed at Eren. "What you need is to be trained like a dog, not a man. It's easier to kick you while you're kneeling too."

I looked away as Levi continued kicking Eren. It turned my stomach, which was a little ironic. After what I had seen, what I had been through, I couldn't stomach the sight of Eren being beaten to a bloody pulp. Maybe it just annoyed me that I couldn't do anything to stop it. Like _I_ could stop Levi.

"Wait, Levi…" Dok protested weakly.

Levi paused. "What is it?"

A shiver seemed to run through the Military Police commander. "That's dangerous. What if he gets angry and turns into a Titan?"

Levi turned his eyes to Eren again, delivering another kick to the latter's face. I winced. "What are you saying?" Levi said monotonously. He grabbed Eren's hair and dragged Eren's face up to his. "Aren't you going to dissect him?" He released Eren suddenly, causing him to flop to the ground. "When he turned into a Titan last time, he killed twenty other Titans before collapsing. If he _is_ an enemy, his intelligence makes him a formidable foe." There wasn't a hint of arrogance in his voice as he added, "Still no match for me, of course, but what will you do?" I twitched, internally fangirling. It was true, of course. They didn't throw around titles like _humanity's strongest fighter_ without probable cause. "Anyone persecuting him should also consider that fact. Do you really think you can kill him?"

A bead of sweat travelled down my neck. I didn't like hearing Levi-nii talking about killing Eren. Sure, he wouldn't actually _kill_ Eren – not that Mikasa would allow it, nor would Armin and I – but it was a very real thing. Levi could easily kill Eren. Much more easier than anybody else could.

Erwin's arm shot up. "Sir, I have a proposal," he offered.

"What is it?" Zackly drawled. Frankly, he was starting to sound a little tired.

"The details of Eren's Titan power remain uncertain, making it dangerous. Thus, I propose to have Captain Levi take responsibility for Eren's control and embark on an expedition outside the walls."

"With Eren in tow?" Zackly questioned.

"Yes, sir. Based on the expedition's results, I'd like you to judge whether Eren can control his Titan power and whether he is a boon or bane to humanity."

I had to admit that I was impressed. He had come up with that plan on the fly. He might not have had any preparation done, but he excelled at quick-thinking. I guess you couldn't be commander of the Recon Corps and a damn good one to boot without being able to make up plans in a split second.

"Control Eren Jaeger," Zackly mused. "Can you do it, Levi?"

"I'm certain I can kill him," Levi drawled and I glanced at Mikasa as she jerked in Armin's hold, rage plastered across her features. "The only problem is I doubt I can do any less." I could practically hear Mikasa's growl of rage.

"Then my decision is made," Zackly stated. He shuffled the papers on his desk, clearing his throat. "I therefore assign Eren Jaeger under the care of the Recon Corps. Court dismissed."

•●•●•●•

Whenever I got angry, I would be muttering under my breath and generally whining to Armin. Mikasa angry is a completely different thing. She didn't mutter, but the look on her face would have most grown men running in the opposite direction. Her black eyes would darken into soulless pits of pure hatred and her wrath could be assured.

To say that she looks _scary_ would be an understatement.

Rico kept shooting Mikasa what I was beginning to think were concerned looks. I couldn't blame her. Mikasa had her gaze fixed on the ground in front of her as her hands clenched and unclenched.

"Is she… okay?" Rico asked hesitantly, shooting Mikasa another look.

"She'll be fine," Armin answered as I put my arm around Mikasa's shoulders in an attempt to calm her down. I didn't expect it to _work_, but at least I tried. "She's just…"

"Pissed," I offered. "What are our odds of catching Eren and the rest of the Recon Corps before they leave?"

"Slim," Rico answered on a sigh. She glanced behind her to where the rest of the Garrison soldiers were. "I have duties to do. Stay out of trouble."

If I didn't know better, I would have thought there was an almost fond tone in Rico's voice. As it is, I was pretty sure she just didn't want the three of us to cause more trouble than we already did.

"We probably missed them already," Armin sighed. "Maybe we should just meet up with the rest of the graduates. Dani?"

I tore my gaze away from where the Garrison soldiers were – more specifically Commander Pixis. I blinked at him. "Uh, yeah," I agreed. I shook my head, waving away Armin's concerned gaze and pulling my arm away from Mikasa. "I'm sorry, but I have a – thing to do. You guys go on without me?"

"Are you going to get in trouble?"

I glanced at Mikasa, seeing she had controlled her rage enough to participate in normal conversation. "Nah," I replied casually, putting on a smile. "I just have some questions to ask."

"About your father," Armin guessed. I wasn't surprised he had managed to catch onto my line of thought.

I nodded. "Yeah. I'll see you guys later."

They left as I watched Dot Pixis carefully, waiting to ambush him the moment he was alone.

The moment I heard him confess he had known Dad, I was made aware of just how little I actually knew about my parents in this life. There were cues that I had picked up here and there – like my dad's military background and my mom's gypsy heritage – but they had never actually _told_ me. I didn't even know where my parents came from or what they did before they had me and got married. There were blanks in my knowledge that I should have known, but didn't. It wasn't a priority for me to find out everything about my parents, but now I had the _means_, so I might as well take advantage of it.

I walked forward, my footsteps echoing slightly in the almost empty hall. Pixis looked up, but he didn't look surprised. Maybe he had anticipated it.

"Commander Pixis," I greeted, saluting him.

He nodded. "As you were."

I relaxed into a more comfortable stance, hands behind my back. "If I'm not taking too much of your time, I'd like to ask you a few questions."

He walked away, leaving me confused. I thought that was his way of dismissing me, but then he turned around with a raised eyebrow. "Are you coming?" he asked, turning back and continuing to walk out of the courthouse.

Um, okay. I jogged lightly to catch up with him.

He didn't say anything until we were halfway to the wall. It was quite unsettling, walking next to Pixis like this. This was the man who had saved us, but he had also sent men I knew to their deaths. He had blood on his hands and I didn't quite know what to feel about that.

He cleared his throat and I flicked my eyes to him. He wasn't looking at me, his gaze fixed forward.

"You're curious about your father," he stated.

It wasn't a question, but I answered anyway. "Yes, sir. You… said you knew him?"

"That's right."

I hesitated, wondering if it was okay for me to say it. Ah, what the heck. "He… never mentioned you." Then again, I was eight at the time. I doubt talking about his old military friends were hardly the first thing he was going to say to his eight-year-old daughter. The stories would hardly be light-hearted or even appropriate to tell me at that age.

Pixis chuckled. It sounded a little sad. "Ah, I imagine he hadn't. They were hardly meant for the ears of a young girl. We used to get into quite a bit of trouble together."

I bit my lip. "Was my father part of the Garrison?" I asked.

His eyes flickered to me and I could read the surprise before he closed off all his emotions from me.

"He never told you?" he asked me right back. I shook my head, frowning slightly. Was it supposed to be common knowledge…? "Your father was part of the Recon Corps."

I stumbled, but Pixis didn't even blink. My dad was a member of the _Recon Corps_? No freaking way. I mean, I always knew Dad was a restless man, the routine life we had led grating on his nerves some days, but I hadn't thought he had been that adventurous. At least it cleared up his mild disdain for the walls, even if he was grateful for the safety it provided.

I had to wonder if Levi-nii knew my dad too. The timeline might not have been right, but there's a possibility.

"You have your father's spirit, cadet," he commented. "I can see it in your eyes. I never knew your mother, but I imagine you're quite like her as well. There are traits in you that I could never see in Aaron." We stopped as we reached the wall. He clapped a hand to my shoulder in an almost grandfatherly fashion. "Your father wouldn't have been happy knowing you would follow in his footsteps, but he would have been proud nonetheless." His eyes crinkled into crescents as he smiled, but I thought I could detect a hint of irony in his smile. "It's a shame we won't ever get a Vale in the Garrison."

He walked away before I could think of a response. I was trying to compartmentalise my thoughts and sort out my feelings.

I had to admit that I never really thought about why Dad never had any friends over. Mom's friends would occasionally drop by when they were passing through town, but Dad's friends never made an appearance. It… made sense now. Somewhat.

I didn't know why, but finding out about Dad being a former member of the Recon Corps made me feel like I understood him a lot better now. I understood some of his actions a little better and why he would respond to this with that when others would respond with something else.

I had to wonder why he quit. Was it because he met Mom? Or maybe he had sustained injuries that convinced the military to release him. He could have even just decided to quit because he had had enough of the death and danger.

I sighed, making the trek back to the tent where the graduates of the 104th Training Squad (what was left of them, anyway) would be. It wasn't much, but at least I learned a little bit more of my dad.


	15. Recruit

_**And I thought life was hard enough the first time.**_

_**OC self-insert (because I'm that shameless)**_

_**My updates are getting irregularly regular. My muse is being difficult. Dani's being mildly difficult. Only mildly.**_

_**-0-**_

The blades of the scissors seemed to glint in the light of the candle. I snipped the blades together, eyeing them nervously.

It had to be done. It just had to be done.

I raised the blades, shutting my eyes before pulling the scissors way, the metal clattering in the sink.

"I can't do it," I whined quietly to myself, eyeing the mess of curls I called my hair. I loathed to cut my hair short. I told myself I wouldn't, but it was getting more troublesome for me to keep it the length it was. I wasn't like Krista and Mikasa, who had straight and manageable hair. The curls were matted at the edges and I hadn't done anything to salvage my hair after that Titan had bitten it off. It was a mess and the only thing I could do to salvage it was to cut it short.

I twirled a lock of hair around my finger, glancing out the open bedroom door. Mikasa was still asleep and it would be at least another couple of hours before she woke. Besides, I was hardly going to wake her up from her precious sleep just to help me with my hair crisis.

It was necessary. I couldn't afford to keep my hair so long. If I was planning to join the Recon Corps, I didn't want to worry about my hair getting into my face or be the reason a Titan grabbed me. My hair being the cause of my demise was a horrible way to die, to say the least.

It took a really long time for my hair to grow this long, though.

I shook myself, picking up the scissors once more and looking up into the mirror.

I faltered. Sometimes… sometimes I looked into the mirror and I had to do a double take. I would look into the mirror and expect darker hair and darker eyes. I'd expect straighter hair instead of the curly mess of red hair I had. I'd look at my cheeks and expect them to be plumper, to have less sharp features. Sometimes I just forgot that this was how I was supposed to look.

I took a deep breath. I was a big girl. Cutting my hair wouldn't hurt at all since hair was just dead cells and they had no nerves. I couldn't afford to keep my hair long because I had no way of straightening out my hair enough to keep it manageable.

Oh, fuck it.

I measured out the length of hair I wanted to keep with two of my fingers and snipped off the hair below it. The hair fluttered into the sink and I let out a sigh. I eyed the rest of my hair. One down, about seven hundred to go.

It was slow going. It would have been a lot faster if I had gotten Mikasa to help me. I guess I was just glad I had washed my hair before cutting it, the damp, slightly straighter strands a little more easier to cut. I just had to remember not to cut it too short; once my hair started to curl, it would look shorter than it already was. The woes of having curly hair.

By the time I was done, the tips of my hair was brushing my shoulders and I had a wad of hair to worry about clogging the sink. I blinked down at the hair in the sink, rolling my eyes at myself.

"I obviously didn't think this through," I muttered to myself as I grabbed all that damp hair – ugh – and tossed it into the trashcan.

I tugged a newly-shorn lock, eyeing my hair. Yeah, it would be fine. I flicked my fringe out of my hair, testing it out. It was about time I had a trim anyway. Necessary casualty. This wasn't the time to be vain.

"Oh, you cut your hair," Mikasa observed sleepily. I whirled around, feeling a lot lighter now that I didn't have to swing around so much hair.

I smiled a little awkwardly, patting my hair self-consciously. "Yeah," I answered. "It had to be done. It was… getting too long." I looked down at the tips of my hair, glancing at her. I let her scrutinise me, her eyes travelling over my hair and then over all of me.

She shrugged, pushing past me to the sink. "It suits you," she comments, reaching for her brush. "You're done, right?"

"Yeah. I'll go get dressed."

I probably didn't need to be self-conscious. After all, I wasn't the only one with short hair. It was just… weird. I could finally feel the breeze on my neck and I didn't have long strands of hair continuously flopping onto my face. I kept playing with the ends of my hair, which was starting to curl as it dried. It must have irritated Mikasa because she took my hand, holding it in hers as we walked to the mess hall.

Armin's eyes widened as we sat down next to him. I raised an eyebrow at him as he stared at my hair.

"You… cut your hair," he said slowly, frowning slightly.

I nodded. "Yup," I replied. I smiled slightly. "I like it."

Armin blinked a couple of times before smiling back at me. "Suits you."

"I feel like I'm trying to be Mikasa," I joked.

"My hair isn't as wavy as yours," Mikasa stated, not even looking up. I fingered a lock of my hair. When I cut it, it had gone from ridiculously curly to a more manageable wavy. I glanced at Mikasa's straight hair, feeling the very faintest pinch of hair envy. Very faint because I don't really care all that much.

"Meh."

Sasha slipped into the seat next to me, hand reaching for my bread roll. I slapped it away, causing her to pout at me. "Aw, Dani," she whined. She paused. "Hey, did you do something different with your hair?"

•●•●•●•

Four days later, there was a cry throughout the town. It had everyone rushing out of their beds and looking out of their windows.

"I think it was a stupid move," I commented as I strapped on my harnesses. Mikasa looked up from where she was lacing up her boots, nodding.

"I agree. Even though they were Titans, they were useful." She frowned. "I don't understand why they would do it. The Titans were harmless."

"Maybe…" I bit back my words. No, I shouldn't speculate. I didn't have the sufficient information. I mean, I _knew_, but I had nothing to back it up. Armin would say they would have helped the Titans. Armin would be right. "I'm sure they had their reasons," I said instead.

Yes, I'm sure Annie had her reasons. I might not have agreed with them, but she had her reasons. I just hoped they were worth it to her.

Mikasa shook her head, running her fingers through her hair to straighten out non-existent tangles. "I still don't understand."

I chuckled, running my own fingers through my hair (what I wouldn't give for a comb right about now) and slipping on my jacket. "That makes two of us," I agreed. "Come on, let's head to breakfast. Maybe Armin has an idea why the mystery person did what they did."

It had become somewhat routine, after the clean-up operation. We'd meet up with Armin for breakfast, sometimes accompanied by the other graduates and sometimes just the three of us. I didn't know if I was the only one who seemed to notice, but we were beginning to cling to each other. It was like after losing so many of our friends, we were trying to keep the ones we had as close to us as possible.

There wasn't much for us graduates to do. We weren't under any particular command, but most days we were tasked to help the Garrison. When we weren't given any duties, we were left to our own devices. I wasn't the only one beginning to become restless. I liked to think that I was handling it better than Connie, who had taken to pranking all the graduates. He had stayed clear of Mikasa, Annie and, to a very small extent, me, but everyone else was fair game. I was just waiting for the inevitable blow-up when Connie managed to piss Jean enough for him to retaliate – and trust me when I said there _would_ be a blow-up. I couldn't help but be reminded of the great prank war of '48. Now, _that_ was a laugh (and mildly frightening as well when I thought they would be found out by Shadis).

When we met him in the mess hall, Armin had a faintly disturbed look. He glanced up at us as we sat down next to him with our breakfast, greeting us absentmindedly. Looks like it would just be the three of us today.

"I see you're stewing over the dead Titans," I commented. Armin nodded, frowning down at his mess tin.

"They're going to be checking our Maneuver Gear," he informed us. "Just the graduates, though."

"They're not going to check other branches?" Mikasa questioned, frowning herself as well.

I hummed thoughtfully. It normally wouldn't make sense for them to only suspect us graduates, but it made perfect sense as well. We could be considered working under our own command since none of us had a direct superior officer to report to. When said like that, it could also be said that we were only loyal to each other and had no fear of superior officers as our instructor was back at the training camp, far away from us.

I wonder what Keith Shadis must be thinking about his runts of soldiers participating in their first battle the day they graduated.

"It's still odd," I said, "but I'm sure they have their reasons for suspecting us." I bit on my spoon as I thought briefly. "It couldn't have been the Recon Corps because they were at the old Recon Corps HQ and wouldn't have been able to make it back there in time to not look suspicious. The Military Police… well, it simply wouldn't make sense for a member of the Military Police to do that. They haven't…" _seen what we have_. I cleared my throat. "And the Garrison… well, I don't know. There must be a reason why they're only suspecting us graduates."

"That's a load of crap," Jean announced, sliding in next to me. Connie slid in across from me, next to Armin.

"I just don't understand," Connie added, stuffing himself.

"No surprise there," I muttered, rolling my eyes slightly. "Hey, when did we say you guys could sit with us?"

Jean slung his arm around me, which I was quick to brush off. "We're practically family!"

"No," I replied in a deadpan. "I can't imagine being related to _you_."

He glared, tugging on a lock of my hair as Connie wheezed out a laugh.

Somehow, Jean and I had managed to slip into a cat and dog relationship that was pretty similar to the one I normally had with Eren. Except, you know, I was a lot nicer with Eren. We were still trying to figure out a way to speak to each other without sounding too antagonistic. It was… going well. Enough. We're working on it.

Being civil came easy for us now, at least. The friction was still there, but it was beginning to smoothen, or so I liked to think. There were still awkward moments, but they never lasted long.

Breakfast was noisy, but that was mainly on Connie's and Jean's part. Mikasa, Armin and I usually preferred to enjoy a quiet meal so that we could think. We would never let each other think for too long because… well, it wasn't a good idea. When we were left alone for too long, we became melancholic. I guessed having others with us kept those thoughts at bay.

Soon enough, the announcement sounded for us to make our way to one of the halls for inspection.

"They must've really hated Titans."

I glanced away from my Maneuver Gear in front of me, glancing at Connie. We were all being lined up to get our gear inspected and Mikasa had ended up somewhere in the row behind us.

"Yeah," Armin murmured, "but in reality, they've ended up helping the Titans. Their desire for vengeance may have been fulfilled, but it's a blow to humanity."

"Maybe that's what they were hoping for," I muttered under my breath, watching Annie out of the corner of my eyes. She didn't react, but I thought her eyes flashed towards me.

Connie seemed to heave a sigh. "I think I kind of get why they did it because I'm also an idiot." I wanted to disagree, but Connie _was_ a little bit of an idiot. I didn't think it was a bad thing. He glanced towards Armin and me. He looked a little dead inside. "Before I saw the Titans, I seriously planned to join the Recon Corps. Now, I never want to see another and today, we have to decide which force to join." Connie paused. "Hey, Annie, what did you think? Even Jean said he's joining the Recon Corps."

I glanced at Annie, who continued to look forward. It wasn't news to me.

"Huh? _Jean_ said that?" Armin asked, his arm brushing against mine. Oh, right. I hadn't told Armin what Jean had told me that night. He must not have stuck around for Jean's announcement either.

"Nothing in particular," Annie sighed.

"You're joining the Military Police, right? Maybe I should too," Connie mused.

I didn't remove my eyes from Annie. There was just something about her… maybe I was just being too suspicious. I was the only one who knew she was the Female Titan. I'm pretty sure that was the only reason I was so suspicious of her. She wasn't really a bad person. Just… misguided.

"If someone told you to die, would you do it?" she asked, eyes still facing forward.

"What? Of course not."

"Then, why not make your own decision?" The tone of her voice never wavered, but I could hear the silent taunt and almost gentle coaxing in her voice. And Eren called me a walking contradiction. "Armin, what about you?"

Armin looked down and I glanced at him, feeling slightly concerned. I didn't have to, of course; he was just in a contemplative mood (but it was whenever Eren and Armin got into a contemplative mood that I worried the most). "I… I think if you know why you have to die," he answered, "there are times when you simply must." He looked up at me and there was a hint of _don't worry_ in his eyes. "Not that I want to."

Not that I would let him, either.

"I see…" Annie murmured. "You've made your choice."

"Yeah," Armin agreed. "I've been thinking about doing it for a long time."

A long time… I wonder how long. Probably when Eren brought up the idea of enlisting. We all knew he was going to get into the Recon Corps and we were all willing to follow him.

"Seriously?" Connie said, sounding really shocked. "Armin, you as well?" he seemed to deflate before looking over at me. "Dani, don't tell me you're going to the Recon Corps as well."

"I think you already know," I replied. He sighed – a sign that he did know. Other than the fact that I would always be there to look out for Armin, I still had something to prove. Graduating wasn't just enough. I had to put on the jacket with the Recon Corps insignia on it before I could say _I told you so_.

"You're weak, but you have guts, Armin," Annie commented.

Armin started, looking over at Annie. "Th-thank you," he replied. "Annie, you're actually pretty nice, aren't you?" She jerked her head towards us, frowning ever so slightly. Armin smiled kindly at her. "It seems like you don't want us to join the Recon Corps. Isn't there a reason you want to join the Military Police?"

I had to admit that even I was curious. It would have made more sense for her to join us – and Eren – in the Recon Corps if she wanted to capture him.

She looked forward again, but there was a heavy sadness that seemed to linger in her pale eyes. "No reason. It's just that I want to survive."

To survive… that's what most people prioritised, didn't they? They weren't willing to head into battle the way we – or even I – was. Then again, they didn't know what was coming. They didn't know the hardships we would have to go through. Most of them here would have been content with being in the Garrison and hopefully never participating in another battle for their lifetime.

I stared at Annie for a little while longer before letting my gaze slip to the table in front of us. As my eyes landed on her Maneuver Gear, they widened.

"You," one of the Military Police soldiers snapped and I stood to attention, eyes snapping forward.

"Danika Vale, squad thirty four," I replied, almost faltering. Squad thirty four only had me and Armin left, didn't it? Eren was with the Recon Corps and everyone else was… gone.

He turned to his fellow Military Police soldier, a woman holding a clipboard. "Check for wear."

They asked their questions in bored voices, the words no doubt stale and overused in their mouths. I answered as promptly as I could, not wanting this to drag longer than it should.

I blinked out of my stupor as the female tapped my gas seals. "When was this done?" she asked. I looked down at my Maneuver Gear, realising she was pointing out the tape that had corrected my faulty seals.

"Um, during the battle, ma'am," I answered. _By… Marco_. I nearly winced, managing to stop myself in time. No, I didn't want to think about him right now.

She frowned, jotting down something on her clipboard. "You should get that replaced."

I hesitated. It would have been best. I had known they had replacement gas seals in a couple days ago. Armin had mentioned it and I _had_ filed it away, but I never did anything with that information. I should have… but I didn't. I had _consciously_ ignored that. "Yes, ma'am," I said anyway, frowning down at my Maneuver Gear as the duo moved on to Armin on my left.

It was stupid. No, _I_ was being stupid. I should just change my gas seals. The tape was only meant to be a temporary seal, not a long-term solution.

We were dismissed once the last graduate was inspected. None of us were called upon, so I could safely assume that no one had been caught. Of course they wouldn't have. After all, Annie hadn't presented her own 3DMG, not that they would have known.

I lingered, picking up my Maneuver Gear and inspecting it. Armin turned back when he realised I wasn't walking with him.

"Problem?" he inquired, frowning down at my Maneuver Gear.

"I should… probably replace my gas seals," I murmured, picking at the electrical tape. It was the smart thing to do.

"You should," he agreed, "but you don't want to."

"The tape…" I bit my lip. God, it sounded like such a dumb reason. It _was_ a dumb reason. "Marco helped me fix my gear during the battle. I don't – I'm being stupid."

"Oh." He glanced around us. I did as well, realising that the hall was almost empty, except for those who had probably stayed behind to repair their gear as well. His voice lowered to a whisper as he leaned towards me. "Did you notice Annie's gear…?"

I rolled the replacement gas seals that the female Military Police soldier had been kind enough to pass me between my fingers. I darted my eyes around once more, making sure no one was in ear shot.

"Yeah," I replied under my breath. I looked up at him, seeing that he wasn't reassured at the confirmation. "There has to be a reason," I offered weakly.

There was a reason we could both think of, but it was one we were both uncomfortable with.

•●•●•●•

I scratched drawings onto the ground with my finger, looking up periodically. I couldn't help but wonder where Mikasa was. She had been absent from my radar since we were separated for the 3DMG checks. She would show up eventually, I knew, but I still liked to keep tabs.

Armin, Sasha, Connie and Annie were with me, leaning against the wall in various states of contemplation. There was quite a turnout for the Recon Corps induction this year. I knew that most of them would leave by the end of the night, but I hadn't really thought Eren would have been able to sway that many people. If it weren't for Eren, most of them would have gone straight for the Garrison's induction, not even bothering to show up for this one.

Footsteps nearing us had me looking up from the forest I had been drawing absentmindedly. My lips parted in surprise as I nodded at Jean, clapping my hands free of dirt as I stood up.

"Jean," Armin said, surprise evident. "You're really joining the Recon Corps?"

He nodded, eyes shifting to mine briefly. I tilted my head to the side, sending a silent _I'm impressed_ that I was sure he had caught. "Yeah."

"Why, all of a sudden?" Sasha asked. She looked down, almost looking ashamed. "I mean… aren't you scared?"

Jean's hands rose to his hips. I had to smother down a snicker; holy crap, he looked so sassy. "Huh? Of course I don't want to join the Recon Corps," he stated. I raised my eyebrows, crossing my arms and leaning against the wall.

"Th-then why…" Connie muttered.

"It isn't that I decided the Titans don't scare me," Jean explained, sounding mildly exasperated like we should have known better. "And I won't say something like, _the best should join the Recon Corps_. I'm not as eager to die as some." He rolled his eyes slightly. It didn't take a genius to figure out he was talking about Eren. He shot me a somewhat playful look, as if to say, _I'm maybe talking about you too_. Since when have _I_ been suicidal?

"You mean Eren?" Connie said. I glanced at him, seeing him looking down at the ground with a forlorn expression. "He already joined the Recon Corps."

A shout echoed through the field, telling us to line up before the stage. We didn't move; Jean wasn't quite done talking yet.

"I'm not risking my life because someone convinced me," he continued, the slightest hint of sadness in his gaze. "This is a job you can't do unless you decide for yourself." He kept silent for a while, allowing us to mull over his words. Man, the 104th Trainee Squad sure was filled with silver-tongued smartasses. Suddenly, a smirk kicked up the corner of his lips. "Besides, if Red can cut her hair, I can make it in the Recon Corps."

If this was a cartoon, there would be steam rising from my head. I hate that stupid nickname and it's Eren's fault for sticking me with that unoriginal name. "What did I say about – ?"

He turned away before I could protest further, walking off. I sputtered to myself as weak smiles spread across everyone else's face. I appreciated his attempt at lightening the mood, but did it have to be at _my_ expense?

Armin patted my shoulder, amusement lighting up his eyes as he tugged me forward. Well, I'll deal with it.

We met up with Mikasa, who gave me a _look_. I turned around, seeing where her gaze was.

"Yeah, he's joining the Recon Corps," I confirmed, seeing her eyes widen minutely. I knew she cared for Jean, if only in a platonic way. Kind of. It's really hard to figure out her emotions sometimes unless Eren is involved.

She hummed thoughtfully as we lined up, Armin in the middle with Mikasa and me flanking him. The stage was still empty and the sun was going down. Maybe they were still making their way here. I let my gaze travel over the rest of my fellow graduates. I wondered if I would be able to see most of them again.

The sound of footsteps on the stage in front of us had me looking forwards once more, seeing the tall, blonde figure of Commander Erwin Smith.

"I am Erwin Smith," he introduced. "Commander of the Recon Corps. Today, you will choose a military branch. Put bluntly, I'm here to persuade you to join the Recon Corps."

There was something in the way the words rolled in his mouth…. It made me think that he wasn't really going to _try_ to persuade us to join the Recon Corps, but the opposite. I don't know, maybe I was grasping at straws. I could hardly say I would be able to understand Erwin Smith.

He continued. "During the Titan attack, you learned how terrifying they can be and how limited your own power is. However, this battle brought humanity closer to victory than it's ever been. Through Eren Jaeger's existence."

I had to fight the frown off my face. Was it… smart to mention Eren? I didn't want to question who would most likely be my commanding officer, but I simply didn't see the tactical advantage. I tried not to glance at Annie. Maybe…

"By risking his own life, he's proven himself, without doubt, a friend to humanity." His gaze travelled over us graduates standing before him. "With his help, not only did we stop the Titans' advance, but we have a way to discover their true nature."

Mikasa and Armin gasped as I frowned, chewing on my bottom lip. My eyes narrowed. He wasn't going to… was he?

Erwin was undeterred, bulldozing forward. "We believe," he boomed, "that in the basement of his Shiganshina home, there are answers about the Titans that he himself doesn't have. If we can reach that basement, we will find a clue that will end this century of Titan rule."

Why mention the basement? It made sense to mention Eren, somewhat, but the basement should have been classified information.

"We will head for the basement in Shiganshina," he announced, blue eyes still scanning the crowd. He was looking for something, but what exactly? "However, that requires us to retake Wall Maria. In other words, our objective hasn't changed." He turned back, to where two Recon Corps members – Petra, I recognised with widened eyes – was revealing a map. "But with the Trost gate sealed, we'll have to take the long way around, from Karenese to the east." Information Mikasa, Armin and I had already known from the tribunal. "The four years we spent laying route for a large army have gone to waste. In those four years, more than sixty percent of the Recon Corps lost their lives.

"Sixty percent in four years. An insane figure. Any graduates who join will participate in our excursion beyond the walls in a month. We expect thirty percent won't return. In four years, most will be dead, but those who survive will become superior soldiers with a high survival rate." The statistics weren't comforting at all. They would definitely scare at least half of the graduates away.

Superior soldiers, huh? I glanced at Mikasa. I knew she would definitely still be around in four years. Jean too. Armin would hopefully stay behind lines enough to survive that long. I just wondered if I would still be donning my attire in four years as well.

_No, don't think about that. Not now, not ever._

Erwin seemed to take in a deep breath, letting his words sink in. "Knowing these discouraging facts, any still willing to risk their lives remain here. Ask yourself… _are_ you willing to offer your beating heart for humanity?" His words rang through the field, almost hanging in the air before dissipating. "That's all. Anyone who wishes to join another branch is dismissed."

All it took was one person to turn and leave. Then, there were groups of people walking away. I glanced behind, finding Annie's retreating back easily. I wasn't surprised. Future knowledge aside, Annie had always had her sights set on the Military Police after she found out she was in the top ten.

"A lot of scared people," I murmured, remembering my whispers before the retake of Trost. Did that make us brave or simply willed enough to push our fear aside?

I shut my eyes, waiting for the sound of footsteps to subside. There were so many I couldn't even count. When it finally fell silent, I opened my eyes once more. There couldn't have been more than thirty, if even.

I looked to Erwin as he inhaled sharply. "Can you die if you're ordered to?" he asked.

"I don't want to die!" someone yelled. I didn't turn to find out who.

Erwin's lips curved upwards minutely. "I see. I like the looks on your faces." He seemed to breathe in our presence. "Then, I welcome everyone here to the Recon Corps! This is a true salute. Offer up your hearts!" His hand beat against his chest in a salute and we followed suit.

Armin looked around. "Everyone…"

"It's a lot more than I expected," I said breathlessly, feeling inexplicably proud. I glanced at Jean out of the corner of my eye. Yeah, definitely proud.

"You have done well to endure your fear," Erwin complimented. "You are brave soldiers. You have my heartfelt respect."

I didn't know why, but those words meant a lot.

•●•●•●•

"I'm impressed."

Jean turned, pausing so I could catch up with him. We had been dismissed and I told Mikasa to head to our room first. We were leaving at the crack of dawn for the Recon Corps HQ they were using and it would be at least a four hour ride on horse.

"Yeah?" he replied. "And why's that?"

I shrugged, tucking a lock of hair behind my ear as I walked next to him. "I always figured you'd be in the Military Police." I took in a deep breath, smiling at him a little. "I guess Marco really changed everything."

"Are you scared?"

I scratched the back of my head. "Not really." I mean, there was the rational fear that I could get eaten, but other than that, not really. "I always knew."

"You always knew," he repeated, sounding sarcastic. "_I_ always knew I was going to get into the Military Police."

I rolled my eyes. "Don't start regretting it now," I warned. "You said you couldn't do this unless you decided for yourself."

He ran a hand through his hair, shooting me a brief glare. "Don't use my words against me," he snapped. I raised an eyebrow. I wanted to snap back at him, but he was just blowing off steam. He did things like that. I didn't understand, but I couldn't say I wasn't used to it. Yet another similarity Jean and Eren had. "You say you're a little scared? I'm damn near terrified."

"I expected that." He gave me a look. "Hey, don't look at me like that." I blew out a sigh, putting my hand on his arm so we stopped. We were about halfway to the barracks anyway. "I really did always knew I was going to get into the Recon Corps. I made that decision before I enlisted."

He snorted. "Did you?"

"I was beginning to think you weren't a jerk. Don't change my mind now."

He looked a little contrite. "I just figured you joined because…"

"Because of Eren," I completed. I guess the four of us did seem to make a lot of decisions based on Eren. I shook my head. "No, I didn't. Armin and I made our choices on our own. We joined because _we_ wanted to. I don't know about Armin, but I was thinking about enlisting to the Recon Corps even before I met Eren."

"No kidding," he murmured, beginning to walk again. "You guys just seem very… united."

"Maybe it was because of what we went through," I sighed, fingering Dad's ring. When I thought about it, the four of us had been through a lot. The fall of Shiganshina, the botched attempt to retake Wall Maria, the training… all of those were things that attributed to our closeness.

We walked silently, just taking comfort in each other's presence. I don't know. Even if I knew he would end up getting into the Recon Corps, there was still that small part of me that had wished he'd turned around and walked away. It wasn't because I thought he was a coward, but because I just wanted him to stay safe. I was more aware than ever now that I couldn't save everyone. I was just scared I wouldn't be able to save him when the time came either.

"Thanks," he grumbled as we reached the compound.

"Huh?"

"For not getting angry," he clarified, squinting over my shoulder at… something.

I smiled gently. "Hey, I deal with Eren. You're not that difficult."

He scratched the back of his head. "Yeah… well, night."

"Goodnight."

•●•●•●•

"Salute!"

In my opinion, it was still too early to be listening to the loud voice of a commanding officer ordering us around, but it wasn't anything I wasn't used to. Besides, my fuzzy thoughts probably made my reflexes better than usual.

"I'm Squad Leader Ness," the cheerful man in front of us introduced, turning to his horse and petting it. I wondered why he had a cloth tied around his head. "And this is Shallot, my horse. She loves to chew off your hair, so be careful if you don't want to be bald." Oh, so that's why.

I deadpanned internally. Well, I'm definitely glad I cut my hair now. Better to have cut it off than have it chewed off by my horse.

"Nice to meet you all," he said. Shallot decided that was the perfect moment to attempt to de-hair her owner as it gripped the cloth covering Ness's hair. "Hey! S-stop it, Shallot!" Now probably isn't the best time to laugh. "Hey, someone grab her!"

I glanced at Armin, trading amused glances as Jean stepped forward to calm the horse down. Jean was arguably the best at handling horses. I was… mediocre at best.

"Right," Squad Leader Ness huffed after Shallot had ceased its attack on his hair, "before we move on to horses, we'll head to the lecture room."

Lecture room…?

It turned out that our training would begin with memorising Erwin's long-range scouting formation. I squinted at the diagram at the front. I detested memorising things, but at least I memorised things much better now than Back Then.

That was odd. I mean, I didn't exactly have the memory of an elephant, but I had noticed that there were some things that stuck better than it used to. Maybe it was the training I had, but it might just be because I have a different brain.

Ugh, talk about mind blown.

Squad Leader Ness pointed to a figure on the right flank. "You new recruits will be here," he announced. "You'll be between the recon support team and those who guard the carriages." I jotted it down, nodding to myself. It wasn't the most defensible and we were still likely to encounter Titans, but we weren't really expected to engage them, or so I assumed. "Your job will be to ride alongside the spare horses and relay messages." Yup, there you go.

Armin frowned, jotting down his own notes and adding to his diagram. His elbow jostled mine and I looked over. He tapped his notebook and I glanced over.

_They didn't mention where Eren would be_, he scrawled in the margin.

I looked over my own notes, seeing no mention of Eren's or the Special Operation Squad's position either.

_I noticed_, I scrawled in my own notebook. _They probably just want to keep him safe…?_

We shared a look that was a little tense. All of us knew Eren. Why keep his location secret from us?

There had to be a reason, as with all things in life. Maybe Erwin was scared we would leak the information to… to whom? They couldn't have already known about the Female Titan. It was entirely possible that Commander Erwin already suspected there could be more Titan shifters like Eren. And there were. I took a quick glance around the room. Who else?

I knew they were close-by. I mean, I didn't _know_, but I had a gut feeling and those were almost as reliable as my future knowledge. I knew they were likely to be here with us, but I couldn't remember _who_. Or rather, I never really _knew_. More like derived from the show's wiki page.

I spent the rest of the lesson (I guess that's what they were) trying my best to guess who it could be. The problem was… I couldn't. I knew everyone who was here with us now. It was one thing to _know_ that Annie had been the Female Titan even before I met her and it was another thing to know _Annie_ was the Female Titan after we had talked and sparred. I didn't want to suspect anyone else for being the Armoured and Colossal Titan.

"That was enlightening," I muttered under my breath as we were brought to another building to get our uniform, making us official members of the Recon Corps.

Armin seemed uneasy as he pointed out, "They're bound to keep information from us."

"Because they suspect us," I finished.

Mikasa glanced at us, frowning slightly. "It does seem that way," she agreed reluctantly. "But what do they suspect us of?"

A very good question. One that I might have the answer to, but am extremely reluctant to say.

"Oi, Mikasa, Armin, Dani!"

We turned around at the exclamation, a smile instantly spreading across my lips when I realised it was Eren.

"Eren," Mikasa whispered and the joy in her voice was simply aching. I hadn't really noticed how lonely Mikasa must have felt. I felt like a horrible friend, not keeping her feelings in check more.

"Feels like it's been a long time," Eren grinned, eyes scanning the three of us quickly.

Mikasa's hands shot forward, gripping his. "Eren, did they do anything bad to you?" she asked urgently, black eyes roaming his face. I looked over him as well, seeing he was at least healthier than when he had been held in the dungeon by the Military Police. I knew Levi would take better care of him, but I still couldn't help but worry. Levi hardly has _people skills_. "Like investigating every square inch of you or psychological torture?"

"No way," Eren answered, reeling back slightly from shock.

Mikasa's voice turned dangerous and I had to resist the shudder that threatened to run down my spine. Damn, but Mikasa can be _scary_. "That short guy went too far," she hissed, glaring at nothing. "Someday, I'll see him pay for it."

I laughed nervously, grabbing Mikasa's arm and tugging lightly. "I don't think you should be saying that about our superior officer," I argued. I wasn't _defending _Levi. It's not like he needed me to.

"You don't mean Captain Levi, do you?" Eren said, sounding disturbed and mildly horrified.

"Hey, Eren!" Connie greeted happily.

"It's been so long!" Krista added, giggling slightly. I glanced back at the blonde briefly. I didn't know, but sometimes… sometimes Krista seemed so fake. I felt horrible for thinking that, but the look in her eyes – it's just that sometimes, she looked dead, but only when it seemed like no one was looking. I don't know. It was probably just me.

"What, everyone's here?" Eren looked around the group that had gathered. His eyebrows furrowed lightly. "But if you're here, then… that doesn't mean you joined the Recon Corps, does it?"

"What are you talking about?" I asked, grinning slightly. "Of course it does!"

"Is there any other reason we'd be here?" Connie added.

"So only Jean, Annie and Marco joined the Military Police?" Eren inquired. My grin faltered briefly at Marco's name, but I glanced at the people around us. Huh, Jean wasn't with us.

I looked behind Eren as footsteps sounded, spotting Jean. Oh, apparently he had lagged behind. Eren turned, gasping at the sight of Jean. "No way," he murmured. "Not you too!"

"Marco's dead," Jean announced. I frowned a little. How subtle of him. That was about as subtle as a punch to the face and just as direct.

Eren was quiet for a moment. "What was that?" he asked slowly. "Did you say Marco's _dead_?"

Jean's facial expression didn't shift, but his gaze landed on me. Eren glanced back at me as well and I shrugged a shoulder, tilting my head in a _that's how it is_ manner as I looked down at the ground.

"Seems not everyone gets a dramatic death. I don't even know how he died," Jean grumbled. "He died without anyone knowing or seeing."

"Marco…" Eren uttered.

Sadness hung in the air as we mourned our fallen comrade once more, letting Eren allow the knowledge to sink in.

"Hey, new kids, get over here," Ness called. "Your uniforms are here!"

I smiled weakly. "That's us," I said, my voice hushed. Everyone blinked themselves out of their stupor, heading towards Squad Leader Ness. I hung back, shooing Armin and Mikasa forward. I fidgeted as Eren kept his gaze into nowhere and as the crowd started to get bigger in front of Ness, I tugged on his sleeve. He jerked back to me, eyes wide.

"I'm sorry," I sighed out, tugging on my bracelet out of habit. I probably shouldn't because the fabric could fray. He blinked at me quizzically and I elaborated, "About the fight. Before your mission during the battle."

"Oh," he said, nodding in recognition. "I… almost forgot about that."

I laughed quietly, looking away as my fingers tangled with the chain around my neck. "So did I, but I felt guilty. I shouldn't have snapped at you like that."

"No, you were right," he protested. "I shouldn't have said that to Mikasa. I'm the one who should be sorry."

"Then, I apologise for hitting you."

He grinned; a weak grin, but still there. The light in his eyes dimmed, probably from the news. "Apology accepted." He held out his arms. "Truce?"

I stepped into his arms, my arms wrapping around him as we hugged briefly. "Truce," I breathed.

He eyed my hair when I pulled back. He flicked the hair by my cheek. "I see you finally cut your hair."

"Not because you suggested it," I retorted with a roll of my eyes when he grinned, this time teasingly (but still not with the same brightness he normally did, which was to be expected). "I needed a change."

He tugged on a lock of hair. "Fits you," he commented.

"I don't need your approval, but thanks for it anyway." I glanced back at the other new recruits. "I should go. You… don't piss Captain Levi off too much, okay? He's scary when he's mad, but mainly because he's the quiet angry type."

"Okay… wait, how would you – ?"

I turned and ran before he could complete his question, catching up with the others as our uniforms were being handed out. Ness gave me an odd look as he passed me my cape. Probably because I squeezed my way between Armin and Reiner.

I glanced down at the green fabric, clenching it in my hands as I stared at the wings of freedom. This was it; after slaving away during training for three years, after that horrible battle, I was _finally_ part of the Recon Corps. I had finally made it.

I threw the cape on, securing it. It was a different feeling, the cape almost weightless but enveloping me in a comforting warmth. It was almost reminiscent of the warmth I had felt when Petra had embraced me as we swung through the trees.

Ness appraised all of us with his arms crossed. He grinned at his friend, smacking his shoulder with the back of his hand. "A fine batch of recruits we have this year, eh?"

His ponytailed friend smirked. "Pretty impressive, I guess."

Ness laughed. "Alright, you're dismissed. Head to your barracks."

"Hai!" We saluted before breaking away from him, heading to the place we would call home for… well, for however long the castle would be in use, I guess.

Armin kept glancing at me, a small little smile on his face. I smiled back, a little bewildered.

"Yes?" I asked, linking my arm with his.

His smile widened. "You apologised first."

"I can apologise first sometimes."

"Thank you."

I bumped his hip with mine. "Nothing to thank me for. The guilt was eating me up alive."

He snorted, shaking his head. "No, it wasn't."

"You're right. It really wasn't."

We loitered in the hall, not really wanting to go off to our separate rooms just yet. That would only mean we'd be left to our own thoughts. I didn't know about the others, but I didn't want to stare at the walls and wonder why.

That's where Eren found us. We weren't saying anything, just giving each other company.

"Are you really…?" Eren asked, the question trailing off at the end. He didn't need to finish for us to know what he was going to ask.

"Yes, we'll also be participating in the mission," Mikasa confirmed.

I bit my lip, my gaze steady on Jean. I could tell he was going to say something and I wouldn't like whatever it was he was going to say. "Hey, Eren…" he said. "I heard that when you turned into a Titan, you tried to kill Mikasa. What does that mean?"

"Jean," I said sharply, shaking my head. I looked over at Eren, seeing the shocked and guilty look on his face. It wasn't really Eren who tried to kill Mikasa. He would never do that consciously.

"No," Mikasa protested. "Eren was trying to hit a fly…"

Okay, even I had to admit that was a weak argument.

"I wasn't asking you," Jean said with a brief glare towards Mikasa. His gaze stayed on her. "Mikasa, it looks like the wound on your cheek is pretty bad," he observed, pointing at his own cheek. Mikasa's eyes widened a little as she tried to cover the cut with her hair. "When did you get that?"

"Will you cut it out?" I snapped.

"I think we deserve to know," Jean snapped back, glaring at me.

Eren looked down. "I've heard it's true," he said reluctantly. "When I became a Titan, I tried to kill Mikasa."

"If you _heard_, then you don't remember it, right? In other words, you had no idea you even had this Titan power and you don't have the means to control it."

"Yes, that's right," Eren admitted, looking unhappy with himself.

I frowned at Jean. Where was all of this coming from? They were valid questions, yes, but why bring them up _now_?

Jean sighed, turning back to the others. "Did you hear that? This is the situation." I didn't like the irony in his voice. "Humanity and our lives depend on him. We'll probably die just like Marco, without Eren ever realising it."

"Hey," I said, but I didn't have anything to protest. There was a chance that Eren would go rogue again and half of us could be wiped out without him knowing.

"Jean, what's the point in asking Eren these questions now?" Mikasa asked, her voice razor-sharp.

"Listen, Mikasa." Jean turned towards us, eyes hooded and more serious than I could remember. "Not everyone's like you, willing to die for Eren's sake with nothing in return." Mikasa let out an offended huff, barely reigned in. "We should know what we're dying for. Otherwise, we'll hesitate when the time comes. We want something in return from him., so let me see what he has to offer… and whether it's worth my life." He whirled towards Eren, stalking forward and grabbing the shorter teen by the shoulders before Mikasa can protest. "So, Eren, I'm really counting on you," he stated in a strained voice.

_You say you're a little scared? I'm damn near terrified._

Eren looked into Jean's eyes in shock before that determination burned once more. "Right."


	16. Hijinks

_**And I thought life was hard enough the first time.**_

_**OC self-insert (because I'm that shameless)**_

_**This is not a filler chapter, I think. It just isn't in the anime. This is also a slightly more light-hearted chapter compared to the others. Not by much, but considering that the title is **_**Hijinks**_**, it's hardly going to be as heavy as other chapters.**_

_**I think.**_

_**Heeeey, I passed the 100k mark for this story and it hasn't even been a month yet! -solo celebration mode on again-**_

_**I think I'm giving ammo to Dani/Jean shippers. Maybe.**_

_**RomaniaFan130 – I'm glad to hear that Dani has managed to stay within realistic boundaries. I hope you'll continue to enjoy the coming chapters! And… why would you do something as horrible as shipping Dani and Jean? You know you're never going to get out of this ship because they can be so sweet to each other. (Sorry, not sorry.)**_

_**Guest – Not making Dani a Mary-Sue is my ultimate goal and hearing that I succeeded is the highest praise ever. Now Dani and I can go squeal together.**_

_**-0-**_

_D-19_

I could say training was tough, but that wasn't quite the truth. It was killer on the brain (there was a lot to memorise), but not as much on the body. Physical training was to be done in our own time, or so it seemed.

Well, that and chores.

"Dani," Connie called as we were exiting our latest lesson with memorising where we were supposed to be and what the various smoke signals meant. I almost felt like a normal student, except that what I was learning would inevitably be used and pretty soon. It had me feeling nostalgic and already pegging how everyone would act in a real classroom situation; the studious ones, the effortlessly (and annoyingly) brilliant and the clowns.

Connie's arm slung around my shoulders as he leaned into me. I raised an eyebrow at the hopeful look on his face. "No," I replied as he opened his mouth.

"You don't even know what I was going to – "

"You want to switch chores," I deduced – correctly, it seemed as Connie's mouth snapped shut. "The answer is _no_."

"Aw, Dani," he whined as I shoved him off. He scurried after me. "The horses like you a lot more than they like me!"

"No." That wasn't true. The horses only liked me because they seemed to want to eat my hair. It didn't help that I was just plain uncomfortable around horses. They were big and I was small. I would tolerate them, but I was hardly going to visit them without cause. If I could get out of stable duty, I would. "Go ask Jean," I suggested, jerking my head to the boy in front of me.

"He's _already_ on stable duty."

"Tough luck, Connie."

He made a face at me before looking towards Armin. "Hey, Armin…"

My best friend shook his head, a smirk playing on his lips. "I'm not giving up kitchen duty either," he replied. "Sorry, Connie."

I whacked Connie with my notebook. "Don't be lazy," I chided. "Stable duty isn't that bad."

"If it's not so bad, then why do you keep avoiding it?" he shot back.

I scoffed, not meeting his eyes. "I'm _not_ avoiding it."

Both boys stopped, giving me similarly disbelieving looks. I blinked.

… _Maybe_ I was avoiding it. Horses and I do _not_ work. They're skittish creatures and I'm a skittish person. Skittish with skittish does not a good pair make.

We never needed to use horses back when I lived in Karenese. Our land wasn't large enough to need it and the town was so cramped that everything was only a couple kilometres away. There was a lot of walking in this world and I was used to it. We _had_ gotten horse training during our training days, but I had barely passed because I wasn't good with controlling my horse.

"Maybe you should switch with Connie," Armin suggested.

I wrinkled my nose in displeasure. "Traitor," I huffed, giving him the stink eye.

He held up his hands in a placating gesture. "You have a problem with horses," he pointed out.

"I don't have a problem?" Damn, why did that sound like a question.

"We've been here a week and a half and you've successfully avoided contact with horses except for when we came here."

"That's not a bad thing." He settled his stern gaze on me. I shifted my weight on my feet. "I don't deal well with horses!"

Connie grinned. Aw, man. He got me. He waggled his eyebrows as he sang, "Someone needs to get over their phobia."

"It's not a phobia," I argued.

"It's not a phobia," Armin agreed, but the tone of his voice told me he was going to try and coax me into doing something I didn't want to (and succeeding). "We _are_ going to work with horses a lot."

Connie was just really lucky I let Armin talk me into things.

That was how I found myself heading towards the stables instead of the kitchen. Armin made a lot of sense. If I couldn't work well with my horse, I wouldn't be able to do much. Just… horses. It wasn't a phobia. I was just overly cautious around them; I was supposed to lead them, but I simply couldn't.

I heard footsteps and slowed, waiting for Jean to catch up with me. When he caught up, he laughed, causing me to scowl and shove him.

"I can't believe you let him talk you into switching," he wheezed.

"Shut up," I retorted maturely.

"So how did he do it?" Jean asked, ignoring my glare.

"He used Armin against me, that's what he did."

"He's smarter than I give him credit."

"Jean. Please, _shut up_."

A hand on my shoulder suddenly spun me around, causing me to almost fall as Jean's hand shot out to catch my elbow. I blinked at the man who had spun me, sounding a little agitated as he said, "Petra, I said – " He blinked when he got a good look at me. "You're not Petra."

"Um, no," was my eloquent reply. There was that familiar ring of familiarity, from Back Then. A face I had seen before but had never really committed to memory. Dirty blonde hair, hazel eyes… very familiar. I blinked, stepping away from the man because the staring was getting a little creepy, accidentally bumping against Jean. "Right, well, we have stable duty. Uh, sir."

I saluted briefly before whirling around and dragging Jean with me.

He sent me a confused look. "What was that about?" he muttered as we continued our way to the stables.

I shrugged, tugging on a lock of my hair before pushing it behind my ear. "I don't know," I mumbled. I guess Petra and I had hair of the same colour and with the length of my hair, I guess we could be mistaken for each other. I always thought I was taller than her, though.

"Who's Petra?"

"One of our senpais," I answered before I could stop myself.

His head turned to me so fast I could hear his neck crick. "How would _you_ know that?"

I grabbed his arm, pulling him towards me before he could crash into a wall (even if that would have been a hilarious sight). "Who else would it be?"

He narrowed his eyes. "You're hiding – "

"Dani-chan?"

… This is not how I planned my day to go.

I whirled around, eyes widening as I noticed Petra standing next to the man from earlier. He was looking between Petra and me and me in slight confusion. I grinned, Petra mirroring my expression. I had arguably been the closest to her while we had made the long trip to Shiganshina and I practically regarded her as a sister.

"Petra!"

"You know her?" Jean asked.

I glanced at him, seeing he was looking between the two of us as well. "Something like that." I strode forward to engulf her in a hug, laughing a little. "It's good to see you again."

She laughed as well, patting my back as I drew back. Her hand rose to my hair, ruffling it. "It's good to see you too," she chuckled, head tilting to the side as she scrutinised me. "You grew taller." There was a teasing accusatory tone in her voice.

"You didn't," I shot back. Her eyes swept over my attire and the corners of her lips tilted downwards. Her lips pressed together as she stood back.

"You joined the Recon Corps." Her voice sounded… weird. Like she wasn't happy I was here. She was smiling, but her eyes glistened in the morning light. Not with tears, but something infinitely sadder.

I bobbed my head in a nod, glancing back at Jean. He was standing there like some awkward bean pole. Right, he was probably waiting on me so he wouldn't be stuck with stable duty alone. "I should go," I said, gesturing back to Jean. "The stables await."

"Of course. You have chores to do."

"Yeah… I'll, uh, see you around then, nee-chan."

I waved goodbye as Petra grabbed her comrade's arm and dragged him away, the both of them exchanging whispers that didn't sound overly happy, in my opinion. I turned back to see Jean with his arms crossed, eyebrow raised.

"What?" I asked as we continued our trek to the stables.

"Nee-chan?" he repeated agitatedly. "Is she the reason you joined the Recon Corps?"

"Petra?" I shook my head. "Of course not. It's not because of her."

"It's not because of _her_," he mused. "It's not because of Eren either. But it _was_ because of someone?"

"Use your brain cells to figure out something more important," I retorted. "Don't do it for stupid things like this."

He smacked the back of my head, ignoring my yelp and glare as he said, "Stop being so mysterious. It doesn't suit you."

I rolled my eyes, grabbing a bucket of horse feed and shoving it at him. I'll work on my not-phobia of horses later. Maybe when Jean leaves. I didn't need his snide remarks about my inability to connect with horses. It really was laughable when you compared it to Jean's natural talent with equestrian animals.

He looked down at the bucket before looking back up at me with a disbelieving look.

"What?" I grabbed the shovel, hand resting on my hip when he didn't move. "Is there a problem?"

"You _want_ to shovel horse crap. There's something wrong with you."

I waved my hand impatiently. "Let's just finish this up quickly so we can have lunch. Don't argue so much. It's unbecoming."

I didn't really want to shovel horse crap around, but it was preferable to having the horses back away from me when I moved in close. Maybe I emitted an aura of horse killer. When we were in training, I had only ever used one horse because it was the only one that didn't kick up a fuss when I tried to near it. It might have been because it was old.

Jean shook his head, but got to feeding the horses. I figured he was just tired of dealing with me for the moment, so I didn't make small talk as I cleaned the stables. It could be tiring to deal with me. I knew that.

The smell of horse crap clogged my nose, but it was like an old friend. I almost giggled aloud thinking of all the time Eren, Armin, Mikasa and I were stuck with stable duty and the stupid games Eren would come up with.

Ah, good times.

"I know that song," Jean said suddenly.

I paused. I hadn't realised I had been humming under my breath; a habit I always had when I worked, my body on autopilot. I brushed some hair away from my face, leaning against the shovel as I looked up at Jean. The empty bucket was by his feet as he stroked the horse's snout. There was an inappropriate comment about them looking like they could be related. I'll take the higher ground and not voice it (today).

I tapped my fingers against the handle of the shovel, tilting my head in contemplation. "My mom used to sing it to me," I revealed, looking away as Jean shifted. I cleared my throat, feeling Jean's gaze on me. I didn't talk about my parents much. Then again, none of us did, even those whose parents were still alive. They were mentioned in passing, but I guess this must have been the first time I ever mentioned my parents in Jean's presence.

I could sense his hesitation. Then, he said, "Mine too. But isn't the song in French?"

It was funny how certain things from Back Then stuck, like names. Some languages stayed mainly unchanged, retaining their names. A few examples of that were French, German and Italian. For others, the name was lost, but the language itself remained, albeit integrated into another language, making it completely different from the one I knew. So complicated.

"It is," I agreed, scraping the last of the horse crap into the wheelbarrow so it could be dumped out later.

Jean emitted a frustrated noise. "There you go again!"

I let out an exasperated sigh. "I'm not doing anything wrong! _You're_ the one prying." I kicked some loose straw. "Why are you so curious all of a sudden?"

"I wanted to see if Eren was right."

The retort that was on the tip of my tongue died. "Right about what?"

He smirked, going back to the entrance of the stable to get more horse feed. "Let's see how you like a taste of your own medicine," he sang.

"Oh, grow up," I scoffed, kicking more straw as I dragged the shovel to the entrance. He startled, nearly dropping the bucket on his foot.

"Holy crap, I thought you were going to hit me with the shovel," he wheezed, clutching the bucket to his chest.

I gave him a judgemental look. "I have a little more finesse than that."

"You're done, right?"

"Uh huh."

"Then help me feed the horses."

I hesitated. Horses… didn't like me. Maybe they could feel the city girl that I used to be. I leaned against the wall, Jean looking back when he realised I wasn't following. He raised his bucket and shook it.

"Come on," he sighed. "Then we can get out of here." I didn't say anything, but something on my face must have showed because he sighed once more. "You've got to be shitting me. You're _scared_ of horses?"

I shot him a dirty look. "How the hell can I be scared of horses? We had horse riding back in training, didn't we?"

"This is ridiculous," he muttered, drooping the bucket by his feet and grabbing my wrist, tugging me forward. I let out a squeak as he placed my hand on the horse's snout gently.

"Hey," I protested.

"Shut up and pet the horse."

I made a face, not that he could see. "Bossy."

The horse whinnied softly and nervously skittered back. I pulled my wrist out of his grasp, shooting him a look. "I _told_ you horses don't like me," I huffed, gesturing at the horse.

"You want to know why?" he asked rhetorically. "You're too… tense. Stop acting like you've got a stick up your ass." He poked my shoulder. "You're too hesitant, too. Horses need to be led. They need a firm hand." He stood back, a firm expression on his face. "Try again. Let the horse come to you."

This is ridiculous. I was older. Kind of. "Is this – ?"

"Don't argue."

I blew out a breath, relaxing myself as much as I could and holding out my hand, making sure it didn't shake. If this horse rejected me, I would definitely take a hit to my self-esteem. It eyed my hand curiously, hoof tapping against the ground. I glanced at Jean, but the look in his eyes told me to be patient. Sure enough, something wet touched my hand and I nearly jerked my hand away, but Jean grabbed my elbow, holding my hand in place.

"See?" he murmured as the horse nuzzled my hand. "Not so bad."

I let my fingers trail across its snout as I shrugged. I looked over to him as he brought up the bucket to fill the horse's trough. "Thanks," I said, pulling my hand away and leaning against the post.

"It'd be stupid if you died because you couldn't control your horse," was his only reply. "Go feed the others."

I rolled my eyes, poking his back. "So bossy. It doesn't suit you."

"You're not related, are you?" he asked as I poured some feed into the trough of the horse next to his. "To the Petra lady."

I shook my head. "We're not related at all."

"So how do you know her?"

I smiled, but it wasn't out of amusement. I couldn't think of anything else to do. "I just do."

"… Dani-chan?"

"Tell anybody else and I'll kill you."

_D-14_

It had been two weeks and I had yet to approach Levi-nii. It wasn't like I had the opportunity. I didn't even know if he still remembered me, let alone recognised me. It would be a little embarrassing if I tried to talk to him and the first thing he said was _who the hell are you_.

I shot Levi glances occasionally as I listened to Armin recount the stupid attempt at ghost hunting a bunch of us had decided to do last night after Connie _swore_ the castle was haunted, as most castles were rumoured to be. He had managed to convince Sasha that it was a good idea and the idiotic pair had somehow managed to rope myself, Armin, Eren, Jean, Reiner and Bertolt into the dumb scheme. To be honest, I think the rest of us were just there to ensure they didn't get into trouble. It would be like Connie and Sasha to stir up a mess.

It had pretty much just ended up in Connie squealing when a branch hit against a window too loud, causing him to run into Sasha and sending them to the ground. Of course, Sasha had chosen that moment to grab my arm, ending with the three of us tangled in a heap.

I swear those kinds of things only ever happened to me.

"The only scary part of the whole night was when Captain Levi poked his head out of his room and threatened to disembowel us and string our intestines like Christmas decorations in the mess hall if we interrupted his sleep again," I added once Armin was done. Mikasa didn't say anything, but the tilt of her lips and the glint in her eyes screamed _I told you so_. I gave her a long-suffering look. It's not like I _wanted_ to get into trouble. I just happened to get caught up in it. It was a hazard of being friends with Eren, I guess.

"The scariest part was that he didn't even have to say anything for us to know that," Eren muttered, scrubbing the shirt in his hands a little harder as he sent Levi-nii an apprehensive glance.

Armin nodded, wringing out the shirt Mikasa passed him. "He had this look in his eyes that managed to convey everything." He shuddered a little, shaking his head.

I glanced at Levi again, looking away quickly when I met his gaze. Shoot. I shrugged as wrung out another shirt. "I don't think he's as scary as he tries to make himself out to be." They stared at me like I had grown another head. "What?"

Eren's eyes narrowed at me. I raised an eyebrow. "You sound like you know him," he accused.

"How would I know him?" I retorted, carefully avoiding Armin's gaze. He was the only one who knew I had been brought to the orphanage by Recon Corps soldiers. I could tell he was putting the pieces together to make the right conclusion.

Eren frowned, attention redirected back to scrubbing the laundry. It wasn't a bad day to do laundry. It was sunny, the uncomfortable heat alleviated by the gentle breeze blowing. It was nice, having just the four of us again after being in a large group for so long or being separated. I could almost believe we were just doing our regular chores back at the training camp, if not for the cloud of gloom that threatened to smother us and Levi's eyes trained on Eren.

I had to wonder why Levi was taking the watch today, not Petra or Gunther. You know, a more familiar and less intimidating face. Emphasis on _less intimidating_.

I know I was supposed to march up to him and say that I proved to him I wasn't just some stupid little girl, but that took a lot more guts than I had at the moment. I grimaced to myself, risking another glance towards Levi. I nearly squeaked when I realised he was looking at me again. I wished he wouldn't. I had to wonder if he recognised me, which brought its own set of complications. Mainly how to explain to Eren and Mikasa how I might know the man they admire and loathe respectively.

"Oi, brat," Levi called and I flinched on instinct, nearly turning before I caught myself. He was talking to Eren, which was obvious by the way Eren's head jerked up. I peeked at Levi from behind my hair, looking away quickly before he could notice I could be watching him. I didn't know why, but even though I wasn't the same girl he had dropped off at the orphanage, I felt eight again. "We have patrol."

Eren glanced at us, then at the pile of laundry we still had done. "Um, Heichou – "

"You have to go," I said quietly, my voice sounding meek even to me as I took the sheet out of his hands. "I'll wash. We'll see you later."

I'll admit that it hurt Levi-nii didn't even glance at me. It was also surprisingly easy to push away the hurt. He hadn't seen me in seven years and puberty changed a lot of things, sort of. Of course it wasn't a surprise if he didn't recognise me. Nothing to feel hurt about.

As they walked away, I noticed Mikasa's gaze on Levi-nii's – Levi's back. Her gaze was suspiciously blank, which was the only way I knew she was secretly plotting a way to make the elder pay for his crimes against Mikasa. I rolled my eyes, glancing at Armin and seeing him do the same. I hid a grin behind my forearm as I passed the sheet to Mikasa to rinse and grabbed another piece of dirty laundry.

The rest of our chores passed in companionable silence, the three of us not really needing to talk. It was easy being with Mikasa and Armin, just letting the silence speak for itself. The lack of need to fill the silence with chatter was refreshing.

Eventually, it was just me and Armin left as I shooed Mikasa to the mess hall to have a proper meal. She hadn't really gotten a proper breakfast, with Eren dragging her to god knows where to show her something before she was half-done. I was starting to think she was looking haggard. I knew some nights she wasn't sleeping well. It was usually the same nights when I was woken from a dream, the breath that I sucked in never leaving my throat until the panic subsided. Maybe the stress of the coming expedition and all that came with it was starting to affect me.

I didn't mind Mikasa not lending the extra hand. All we had left was to hang the laundry up to dry so another bunch of people could take it down and fold it. It was a two-person job and it would give Armin and me a chance to talk.

"You could have told me," he began. "I wouldn't have told them if you didn't want me to."

I sighed, throwing a sheet over the line and straightening it out. "I know. It just got harder the more I procrastinated that I just ended up not telling anyone."

He kept silent, prompting me to peek at him from behind the sheet. His eyebrows were furrowed in thought as he looked down at another damp sheet in his hands. He looked up, catching my eyes and starting slightly.

"He's the reason?" he asked. I pursed my lips, wondering how to answer, but Armin knew the answer from just one look. "He is."

"He's not my role model. Some days, I'm not even sure if I like him," I admitted, wringing out a particularly damp shirt. I watched the water trickle down rather than look up at Armin's curious blue eyes. "He told me I wouldn't be able to make it. I guess you could say I wanted to succeed just to spite him. Or something. I don't know."

He placed his hand over mine. I looked up to see him smile a little. "That sounds like you," he teased and I let out a laugh.

"It does, doesn't it?"

"Do you think he was shocked?"

I shrugged as we continued our work. "I'm not even sure if he recognises me."

_D-10_

I heard rustling from the bed next to me and looked up from my diagram of the scouting formation. I hoped I wasn't bothering Mikasa with the light. I mean, she wasn't usually bothered by it even though she was a light sleeper, but I could tell that she was having a bad dream. She didn't usually move a lot while she was sleeping, but she was quite agitated tonight.

I continued my studying, rubbing my eyes once the words started to blur. If I kept this up, I'd probably end up damaging my eyesight, but I didn't know how else to distract myself on these sleepless nights. I exhaled slowly, drawing my knees up to my chest and resting my chin on my knees. I still wasn't feeling tired and even the knowledge that I needed the sleep wasn't making my body crave sleep. I probably _should_ get some rest; I had patrol just after breakfast and Reiner and the others wanted to have sparring practice, maybe some 3DMG training too if we could squeeze it in since we didn't have any lessons.

I slipped out of bed as quietly as I could, glancing at Mikasa's slumbering body. Maybe if I took a short walk, I'd be able to fall asleep. I just needed a change of scenery and allow my body to tire itself out. I glanced at my shoes, deciding against putting them on. I wouldn't go out of the castle. I wouldn't even leave the floor.

I shut the door behind me as quietly as I could, cupping my hand so the flame didn't sputter. The hallway was dark and I shivered from the slight draft. I should have grabbed my jacket.

My bare feet barely made a sound as I walked through the hallway, the stone floor cold against my feet. I paused by a door when I realised there was a faint light shining from under it. I glanced at it, realising it was Reiner's and Bertolt's room.

_Listen at the door_, a voice whispered in the back of my mind and I almost listened, but stopped short. I could hear murmuring, so I knew they were still up. I had to admit I was curious as to what they could be discussing, but curiosity did kill the cat.

I backed away, unease crawling over my skin as I stared at their door. Sometimes I got a strange feeling whenever I thought of those two. They just… didn't feel right. Some things just didn't add up. I shook that thought away, making my way to the back of the hall, where the stairs were.

(I heard the whisper of _traitor_ that I didn't want to believe, even when some things made sense that way.)

I glanced down at the stairs leading to the basement – to where Eren was. Armin was asleep, so who was to say Eren wasn't either? I could hardly talk to anyone about my concerns. It was probably all in my head, like most things were. I sighed, running a hand through my hair as I sat down and placed the candle next to me. The light flickered over the walls, throwing shadows everywhere. I stared into the nothingness, waiting for the moment when my eyelids started to droop.

I didn't hear the footsteps until they were right behind me. I turned back, nearly falling down the stairs.

"You shouldn't be here," he said, sounding like he couldn't give a shit.

I glanced down the stairs. "Right," I replied, shooting to my feet. "I'll get to my room now, Heichou." I picked my candle up, bowing briefly before brushing past him.

Just as I took a step, he said, "You made it, brat."

I froze. I turned around again, frowning at Levi. He was looking at me and I could see a glint of recognition in eyes that were as hard as the steel our blades were made of. So he did remember me.

I took a quick glance around before letting my gaze settle on him once more. I stood a little straighter. "I told you I would."

I didn't expect a compliment or even acknowledgement. Levi didn't disappoint. He sighed, giving at me with a look that was a mix of disdain and judgement. "I put you in that orphanage so you wouldn't get yourself killed."

I bit back my sharp retort. I'd say that didn't work out very well since Shiganshina had been attacked. If I had stayed put the way he had expected me too, I probably would be dead. Talk about irony.

"I won't get myself killed," I replied instead.

He snorted. "We'll see. Get back to your room and stay there."

"Yes, sir," I muttered, continuing my journey back to my room.

_D-06_

The sounds of scrubbing filled the room. It was beginning to get on my nerves.

I glared at the stain on the floor that refused to disappear no matter how much energy I put into trying to obliterate it. Goddamn stubborn stain. I squinted down at it, picking at it with my nail. I hoped it wasn't blood or something disturbing like that. I looked around one of the unused rooms (of which there were many) in the castle that Levi had decided wasn't quite clean enough. To call him a clean freak was an understatement.

"If he's so nit-picky, why doesn't he clean it himself?" I muttered under my breath, scrubbing at the stain a couple more times before giving up on it. There was still more floor left to clean. Bertolt glanced up at me and I thought he was hiding a smile.

It was weird, being in a room with Bertolt like this, mainly because Reiner wasn't here. He had stable duty with Sasha (I didn't envy him at all) while the rest of us were tasked with castle clean-up. Bertolt and I were hardly close friends, so the air was thick with awkwardness.

I stopped scrubbing, looking at the giant (puberty was way too kind on him with the growth spurt). "Hey, Bertolt," I called. He glanced at me, eyes widening in surprise. "Why did you join the Recon Corps?"

He stopped as well, frowning at me as sweat beaded on his upper lip. It wasn't that odd, to be honest. It was a hot day and the air was stagnant. We had both abandoned our jackets an hour ago and my hair was sticking uncomfortably to my neck. "Why do you ask?"

I shrugged, shifting into a more comfortable position. "Eren and Armin said you told them you were going to the Military Police. I was just wondering why you didn't, since you could."

He sat down, stretching out his legs as he eyed me cautiously. Compared to Reiner, I had noticed that Bertolt was noticeably much more guarded. I didn't know why, but I wanted to use this moment to actually _talk_ to him and be friends. The silence lengthened and I accepted that he likely didn't want to tell me.

"It's alright," I said eventually. "I was just curious, that's all."

"Why did you join the Recon Corps?"

I blinked at his question. "Me? I joined because… I wanted to see outside of the Walls, I guess." The excuse settled heavily on my tongue. It wasn't a lie because I _did_ want to explore the lands outside of the walls, but that wasn't the main reason. I was hardly going to say I had joined the Recon Corps to sooth my wounded pride. We weren't close.

His lips twisted into a cynical frown. "There's nothing out of the walls but Titans and danger," he stated. There was an odd tone in his voice… almost _knowing_.

"True," I agreed slowly, "but that's not all. There's freedom too."

"Freedom," he sighed wistfully. I eyed him curiously, but decided not to pry. All I learned from experience was that with people like Bertolt, prying would only lead to them closing up tighter than before. "You always hang around Eren and Armin and Mikasa," he observed rather randomly.

"Yeah?"

He shrugged. "You didn't seem easy to get close to."

I wiped away the sweat on my forehead with my sleeve. That was new information. "Did a lot of people think that?" I frowned slightly in thought. I knew I was hardly approachable, but did most of the trainees see that as a wall? It was true that I didn't have many friends outside of my comfortable Shiganshina group, but they were always enough.

Bertolt shook his head. "I don't think so," he answered slowly. "You just didn't seem like the type to get close to people."

"Oh." I bit my lip. I guess I did tend to give out that vibe sometimes. I tilted my head as I studied him. "What changed your mind?"

He caught my gaze and held it. I tried to get a glimpse into his thoughts, but that was about as easy as squeezing water from a rock. I could almost feel him reading my thoughts that I laid bare like an open book. I blinked, looking away and breaking the gaze. I wasn't used to letting anyone other than Armin read me so easily.

"I don't really know," he said. He threw a pointed glance to our brushes. "We should get back to work."

I gripped my brush, but didn't start scrubbing. I could hear in my mind's ear Eren's voice, recounting Bertolt calling himself a coward and weak-willed.

"I don't think you're a coward," I admitted quietly. I almost thought he didn't hear me, but he paused, glancing back at me. Confusion flooded his green eyes. I couldn't help but notice that the green of his eyes was a lot flatter than Eren's.

"Why would you say that?"

"A coward would have gone to the Military Police." I winced when irritation flashed in his eyes. "I don't mean to say Annie's a coward. It's just that… she didn't go there for the easy life. You just… allow yourself to be swept up in the crowd."

A bewildered smile touched his lips. "You're saying that I'm easily influenced."

"Well… you're here, aren't you?"

"I'm not denying it."

I studied him. "You're not a bad person. It's not a crime to let yourself be influenced sometimes." His shoulders tensed, so I dropped the subject.

"Just depends on what I'm letting myself be influenced by, right?" he said, sending me a hesitant smile.

I smiled back as well. It was a small smile, but still a smile. "Right."

We let the rest of the time pass in silence. At least this time we weren't choking on our awkwardness. I mulled over my thoughts. Some of Bertolt's reactions didn't make sense. I was beginning to think that both Reiner and Bertolt just didn't make sense in my head. Maybe I just didn't know how to understand people like them. I had certainly never met anyone like them before. I had never seen two boys more attached to each other.

I planted my hands on my hips as we surveyed the room once we were done. "Do you think he'll approve?" Bertolt questioned as he grabbed our things. I thanked him as he handed me my jacket and pail.

I shrugged. "I really don't care," I sighed. "We spent three hours cleaning. I think that's more than enough time for a room that'll likely be used for storage." Or possibly a medical bay, depending on the time.

He smiled softly. "Then let's head to the mess hall for dinner."

I grinned. "Great. I've been hearing your stomach grumble for the past half hour."

He flushed, but didn't disagree. I wasn't really exaggerating; it was a small room.

"How did cleaning go?" Reiner asked, smirking as the two of us slid onto the bench.

"Well, Bertolt and I tried to kill each other within the first hour by dunking our heads in soap water," I replied, smiling serenely. Stunned stares were directed at both of us as Bertolt shot me a mildly concerned look. "I'm joking. Do you really think that badly of me?"

"Bertl could have taken you," Reiner said confidently. Bertolt shook his head, smiling nervously.

"No way," Eren disagreed. "Dani's smart. She could take him!"

Reiner raised an eyebrow. "Bertolt has at least thirty centimetres over pipsqueak."

"I resent that," I huffed. I'm not that short.

"Dani's been training under Mikasa," Eren bragged. I whacked the back of his hand with my spoon. "What?"

Reiner's eyes nearly bugged out of his head. "No shit?"

Eren's grin turned smug, arm reaching out to plaster me against his side. "No shit."

I glared at him, jabbing his side in a futile attempt to get him to release me. He usually didn't. I swear, one day I'll find his weak spot that'll make him crumple.

It wasn't really that I was _training under_ Mikasa. It would have been more accurate to say that Mikasa had been giving me pointers and I made a conscious effort to pay heed. Mikasa was _good_ and if listening to her would keep me from dying, I would listen. Any advice that could keep me alive was good advice.

Reiner turned his eyes to me, gaze scrutinising. "You know what? I think she _could_ take Bertl on."

"Hey!"

_D-03_

I loved summer. It gave us wonderful days like these and made sitting in the shade of a tree bearable. I inhaled the scent of summer deeply, eyeing the apples hanging above me and hoping an Isaac Newton moment wouldn't happen to me. On the bright side, if that happened, I wouldn't have to climb up to get an apple.

I found myself alone, which wasn't a bad thing, surprisingly enough. I had been so used to being around people – Mikasa, Armin, Eren, even Jean to an extent – that I had almost forgotten what it was like to be well and truly _alone_ with my thoughts. They didn't turn dark the way I feared they would, instead remaining in that pleasant buzz of awareness and daydream.

Armin was with Jean and Mikasa in the mess hall, the three of them discussing the long-range scouting formation and the expedition. I had bowed out; I didn't want to blurt some future knowledge out by accident, even if Armin and Mikasa were more than used to my occasional premonitions. This was something that I simply _couldn't_ slip up. Accusing Annie… it was difficult and something I really didn't want to do.

I glanced back down at my notebook, drawing in the empty page. There were sketches of flowers, birds and machines that didn't exist here. I drew of trains, cars and the Eiffel tower. I drew of what I could remember from that old life, the one I had mourned and moved on from, but could never quite forget. I drew back and scrutinised my doodles. My hands were steadier now, the lines I sketched even and sure. I wasn't an artist, but my drawings were passable, I guess.

Feet rustled the grass, causing me to shut my notebook and look up. I smiled, raising a hand in greeting as Eren neared.

He peered around. "Where are Armin and Mikasa?"

"Talking about class," I answered with a slight roll of my eyes. "I just decided to take some time to myself." Days where we didn't have any training or lessons that dragged were wonderful and I was going to take advantage of it. "Where's your keeper?"

He blinked at me in confusion before understanding lit up his green eyes. "Oluo senpai's over there," he said, gesturing over his shoulder. I followed his gesture, noticing the man who had mistaken me for Petra that time.

I studied Eren, his gaze shifting between me and the ground. "How are you feeling?" I asked, causing him to jerk.

"I'm fine," he answered and I could tell it was a knee-jerk reaction.

I frowned. "How are you _really_ feeling? The expedition is in three days."

He paused this time. Then, he looked up at me, eyes shining with determination. "I'm fine," he repeated, sounding much more sure of himself. "How about you?"

I pushed a lock of hair behind my ear, looking away from him. "Fine," I answered. "I'm just, you know, a little scared."

"Oh." His voice was soft, like he hadn't expected my honest answer. "I'm sure it'll be fine." Doubt laced his voice, but I didn't call him out on it. It'll be fine, hopefully.

(But I knew it wouldn't really be.)

"You're not scared," I stated. He opened his mouth to protest, but I didn't give him a chance. "You're worried, though. I can tell. Do you want to talk about it?"

He fell quiet, his forehead wrinkling in thought. "Jean's right, you know," he said quietly. I noticed his hands clench into fists on the ground and placed my hand over his. "They're all counting on me. I don't want to let him down; let all of you down."

"You won't," I protested half-heartedly, my heart sinking into my stomach because that wasn't true. He shot me a sharp look and I sighed, unfurling his fist so I could hold his hand. It was odd for me to do this with Eren, but he seemed like he needed it and running off to get Mikasa now would only ruin the moment. "I can't promise you won't let people down. You can't please everyone." I squeezed his hand, hoping he could feel all my sincerity in that one action. "Armin and I have faith in you. Mikasa doesn't doubt you at all. Just give your all and it wouldn't matter if you let people down. The three of us would never be disappointed in you." I gave a weary smile, leaning back against the tree. "Just don't die on us and leave us defenceless."

"Never," he whispered fiercely, squeezing my hand back before letting go. A small smile spread across his lips. "Thanks, Dani."

I bumped shoulders with him. "What are friends for?" My gaze turned stern. "I'm serious though. Don't die. I'll cry." So would Mikasa. I didn't think I could take the pressure of knowing I had let myself down like that. I was supposed to make sure he carried out his insane plan of exterminating all the Titans.

He poked my cheek, but I could sense the seriousness behind his teasing words as he retorted, "I'm sure you look really ugly when you cry, so I won't."

I hoped he realised I was going to hold him to that promise. I was going to hold him to that promise until the day I died and if it had to come down to it, I'd go first if it ensured his, Armin's and Mikasa's continued survival. Technically, I could be considered a canon-fodder character. I could be sacrificed just so they would live. I was _willing_ to do that. After all, I've already died once. What's death a second time?

_Lonely_, a meek voice in the back of my mind answered. I shoved it away, locking it in a box.

"Good." I nodded once, letting my fingers trail over the sparse grass.

We sat in silence for a while, just enjoying the camaraderie that came from years of knowing each other. While the moment alone had been nice, sitting here with Eren only made me aware of how much I despised solitude sometimes. There was comfort breathing that wasn't just my own, of feeling warmth that wasn't just the sun.

"Do you remember the book Armin showed us?" he asked out of the blue. I hummed, signalling I did. "Do you think we'll see all of those? The land of ice and the burning water and the ocean…"

I tried to remember what those had looked like in my old life, but all I could recall were the fading pictures drawn on yellowed pages. I sighed wistfully. "I hope so," I murmured. I looked up at the tree, shielding us from the worse of the sun. "I'd really like to see the ocean."

Of everything, I just wanted to see the ocean. I wanted to see the blues and greens in the waves and feel the spray of salt water against my face. I wanted to remember what being at a beach felt like.

"We'll see it," Eren swore, voice full of conviction. I looked over at him, the familiar fire in his eyes. "You, me, Mikasa and Armin – we'll see the ocean and we'll visit the land of ice. We'll travel the endless sand pit and climb those giant mountains!"

I smiled at the conviction he said those words in. It sounded like a damn good plan. "We'll bring the others too," I suggested and he turned those green eyes towards me, darkened with the fervour of his desire.

"Alright. I won't rest until those lands are attainable."

I chuckled. He _would_ forego rest to reach his goal, but that's what Armin and I were there for. We'd be there to remind him to rest when he was run ragged and Mikasa would be there to protect us. He suddenly let out a yelp and my jaw dropped in disbelief as he rubbed the top of his head and held up a red apple.

It was the hardest I had laughed in a long time.


	17. Expedition

_**And I thought life was hard enough the first time.**_

_**OC self-insert (because I'm that shameless)**_

**_Expeditions. Jean threatening Connie. Yup, that's a thing._**

**_Birthdays. They're things that happen once a year._**

**_Your reviews are all awesome and useful to some extent. I really appreciate it!_**

_**-0-**_

_D-day_

The sun wasn't even up yet.

I swore that was my only complaint for the rest of the day. It was still dark outside and my hair was being a bitch.

Jean snorted when he caught sight of me after letting his eyes follow Mikasa. "Nice hair," he said sarcastically.

I couldn't even muster up a glare, my eyes still feeling too crusted over. I wrinkled my nose and flipped him off like the mature adult I was mentally. Maturity could wait for the sun to come up.

I headed over to 'my' horse. We all had grown attached to a particular horse during training. Mine was a chestnut horse with specks of brown across her snout. Her name wasn't Speckles (as Jean had started to call her, that little shit), but Freya (which I sometimes forgot because Jean kept calling her Speckles).

I strapped her saddle on, my body working on autopilot as I waited for my brain to catch up with my body. I had had a sleepless night, going over the scouting formation and signal flares almost neurotically. Then there were the nightmares. I didn't even want to think about them.

Armin's eyes peeked out from the wall separating our horses' stable. He frowned, leaning against the divide. "You haven't been sleeping well," he accused, his voice kept low so no one else could hear.

I waved his concern away, soothing my horse when she whinnied at the sudden action. "I'm fine," I assured him, brushing my fringe out of my eyes with my forearm. "I'll be fine. Don't worry about me."

I didn't even have to look at him to know he was sending me his signature _I'm always going to worry about you no matter what_ look. It was mildly irritating, but only because I knew part of his mind was occupied with worrying about me when he should be focusing on his surroundings and keeping himself alive.

"Mikasa, cut it out!"

I whipped my head towards the frustrated cry, sharing an exasperated look with Armin. Well, at least he lasted a month this time, which wasn't so bad when I thought about it.

Then again, it's only been a month. Really, Eren. _A month_. I will hit him again if I have to.

Armin and I headed to Mikasa's stall, where we could hear their voices. Beyond Eren's exclamation, their argument was generally confined to the stall, which was a good thing since we were hardly alone.

"Eren," Mikasa said, frowning at him. "I just want you to be safe."

"I _know_," Eren sighed in aggravation, "but you don't need to spit all that info at me! I can barely keep up."

Ah, so Mikasa was just pestering him about his Maneuver Gear and testing him on the various smoke signals. You know, the usual advice that she normally gave me.

"Nice to see you two getting along fabulously," I commented, leaning against the stall door as the two siblings looked towards Armin and me.

Eren eyed me suspiciously. "Are you going to hit me?"

"I was planning to. Then you talked to her kind of nicely and I decided I didn't have the energy."

Mikasa's eyes lit up, but her expression never changed. I hid a smile. It was always the little things that made me wonder about her. She had a lot more potential that I really wanted to see. The more I knew about her, the more I thought she really could surpass Levi and take the title of humanity's strongest fighter.

"We'll be fine… right?" Armin said, smiling nervously as he leaned into me, blue eyes darting between Mikasa and Eren. I put my arm around my best friend, trying not to let my worry and fear show.

"Of course we will," Eren insisted, a determined grin stretched across his lips. His eyes flashed. "This'll be easy. It's just a dry run after all."

"And to prove your usefulness," Armin guessed, swiping his finger across his bottom lip in an uncharacteristically nervous gesture. I hadn't seen him do that since the day we enlisted. "That's half the reason for the expedition."

"If this works," _which it won't_, "we'd probably head for Shiganshina next to go to Eren's basement," I stated, the mechanical efficiency in my voice scaring me a little. My fingers played with Dad's ring out of habit.

Eren clasped the key around his neck, eyes blazing with the fire of his determination. "Then, we'll find out all about my Titan power and remove the Titans from the face of the earth."

My eyes roamed his face, taking in every line on that youthful face. If only it was that easy, huh? I tried my hardest not to let my doubt show on my face. If the world was black and white, we'd set off for Shiganshina the moment we were done with this expedition. It was the greys that ruined everything and sent all of this to hell.

"I should go," Eren said and I stepped to the side so he could exit the stall. "Gunther senpai is waiting outside."

"Tell him I said hi," I called after Eren. He raised a hand in acknowledgement, past asking me how I knew Gunther. I still didn't know why I hadn't told Mikasa and Eren. I didn't really _need_ to tell Armin since he was observant enough and it was easy to offer the information to him. It was different when it came to Mikasa and Eren. Well, when it came down to it, Armin knew me best.

Armin and I took Eren's leave as our cue to return to our own horses. I readied the horse, my mind whizzing by as I tried to remember what would happen.

The Female Titan (I didn't want to think of that monster as Annie until I absolutely had to) would attack after we passed the town. I didn't know how long it would be before she would make her move since it wasn't specified in the anime. I worried my lower lip between my teeth. I just had to make sure I made my way to Armin before the Female Titan launched her attack on Armin.

The information I had been given on Eren's location in the formation was false. That much I knew. I might have taken a peek at Armin's and Mikasa's notes (it's not my fault they left it around for me to see) and I realised that the position they had marked out for Eren and the Special Operations Squad was different from mine. I hadn't told Armin, waiting until we were well and truly alone before I brought it up for discussion.

I readjusted my horse's saddle, frowning at the straps. I hadn't been placed with Armin, which unsettled me more than I cared to admit. I didn't like the thought of him being alone out there with only two horses for company. It wasn't that I didn't like Jean, but he was capable of taking care of himself without me around.

I shook myself. I was starting to think I was developing a Mikasa complex – an overwhelming need to protect my adoptive brother. I grimaced. I really had to do something about my dependency on Armin someday.

"Dani?"

I turned towards Armin. "Yeah?"

He grimaced. "I'd tell you not to come, but you will anyway, so just… make your way safely, okay?"

I reached out to tousle his blonde hair, sending him a small smile. "Of course." I sighed. "I know you think I worry too much, but I just can't help it."

"I know. That's why I humour you."

"Armin Arlert, you are too good to me."

"Only because you let me worry over you too, Dani."

Ness entered the stables. He looked around at us new recruits, nodding in satisfaction when he noticed we were all prepared. "Alright, kids," he boomed. "Move out!"

I led my horse by her reins, a hand on her neck to keep her calm. Naturally, the most nervous horse had attached herself to me. However, she was a lot braver than she seemed. I had never had any troubles with her after the first ride where she had thrown me off when Connie had accidentally cut in front of me. She just required a firmer hand than other horses.

It was a sight to see – six hundred horses were to be brought along, as well as dozens of wagons, some empty (_for the injured and the dead_) and others filled to the brim with supplies along with three hundred Scouts. In a moment of scepticism, I wondered how the return troop would look like. Certainly less grand than this one. A whole lot more pathetic.

I raked my fingers through my hair, blowing out a breath. I really needed to stop with these kinds of thoughts. They were starting to scare me. I had always been cynical and sceptic of everything, but this was a whole new level.

I mounted the horse, wobbling when she jerked. "Whoa, girl," I murmured, keeping a steady hand on her neck as I grabbed her reins. I walked her over to where Armin, Mikasa and Eren had gathered while I had been looking around.

"You won't be riding with us?" Mikasa asked, frowning as her horse skittered in place, more out of restlessness than agitation. "I know you won't be placed with us, but you should at least be allowed to ride to Karenese with your peers." Her expression darkened and it almost felt like dark clouds were swirling overhead. I deadpanned as my horse whinnied nervously. "That shorty…"

"No, no," Eren protested. "I was allowed into the Recon Corps under the condition that Captain Levi keeps an eye on me, remember? I can't be more than two horse lengths away from him."

"We understand," Armin assured him with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "I guess this is the last time we'll get to talk."

"Until the expedition is over," Eren interjected aggressively.

Armin hesitated before nodding once. "Right. Until the expedition is over." He reached out, clapping a hand against Eren's upper arm. "Stay safe."

Eren nodded. "You too." He quirked an eyebrow at me. "You're quiet."

I tore my eyes away from where they had been fixated on Petra and the rest of the Special Operations Squad. "I can be quiet sometimes." I frowned thoughtfully, turning my eyes to Eren. "Hey, don't die, alright?"

He jerked. "Of course not. You guys don't die either."

"I won't," Mikasa replied confidently as Armin nodded. I didn't reply, only nodding when Eren frowned over at me. I wouldn't. I wasn't going to let the Female Titan kill me.

"Eren…" I bit my words back, taking my time to think over what I was going to say. "Trust your team. Trust Captain Levi," I advised, my grip tightening on the reins. He stared at me in confusion, but nodded just as Levi called out for him curtly. I watched him go, feeling apprehension settle heavily in my chest as I shook my head. Things were already set in motion. I just had to keep moving forward.

"Something wrong?" Armin inquired, eyebrows drawn low over his eyes.

I gave a strained smile as Mikasa's eyes darted to me and the call for us to move forward was heard. "Just… a bad feeling."

I didn't miss the way Armin's gaze lingered on me, worry swirling in his blue eyes. I caught his eyes, shaking my head again.

•●•●•●•

"I spy – "

"Connie, I swear to god if you finish that sentence, I will cut your dick off," Jean snarled.

I sighed. He was in a bad mood, which was understandable since Connie had been attempting to coax everyone into playing a game of I Spy with him by repeating his observations until someone answered. The only ones who ever replied were Armin (out of pity and kindness, the sweetheart) and Sasha (who was actually interested in the game because she was just like that).

Connie shot Jean an offended look. "Why you gotta be so mean to me?" Connie asked. "My dick never offended you before."

"Just shut up, Springer. You're annoying the shit out of everyone."

"I think I'm just annoying the shit out of _you_."

"No, you're annoying the shit out of everyone," Ymir said, rolling her eyes.

"Maybe we should all just take a quiet moment," I suggested. We had been on the road for four hours now and we were just reaching the edge of Karenese proper. I was starting to see sights that were familiar. I had to wonder if we were nearing my house. I think a couple more kilometres.

"Shut up, Dani," Jean snapped.

"That was uncalled for," I started, but a meek voice calling out my name stopped me short.

"Danika… Vale?"

I turned towards the voice, frowning down at the somewhat familiar face. Earnest amber eyes stared up at me in wonder from beneath scraggly brown hair that hung about her dirtied face. It took me a while, but I realised it was that girl from my class – the one who had lost her sister to human traffickers.

"It's… you," I said awkwardly, slowing to a stop. "I, uh, don't recall your name…"

She smiled like she had expected that. "I'm Geneviève," she said, thankfully not offended at all that I had forgotten her when she obviously remembered me. "We used to be in the same class."

"That, I remember."

"Dani, hurry the fuck up," Jean called back, looking agitated as his gaze flitted between me and Geneviève.

"Tch. Kirstein, don't get your panties in a twist," I replied, irritated by his irritation. He was probably just feeling stressed because it was our first expedition. We were _expected_ to run into Titans and he hated that. I got that. It didn't give him the right to get snippy because all of us were scared, damn it. I turned back to Geneviève, dismounting so she didn't have to crane her head back to look at me. "Are you okay to walk with me to the gate?"

Geneviève looked over her shoulder before nodding. "You joined the Recon Corps."

"Um, yeah," I replied, glancing at the backs of my comrades. They occasionally sent confused looks, Armin looking mildly concerned. I waved, gesturing to him to look forward and not to worry. "Did you have a particular reason to talk to me?"

She twirled a lock of hair around her finger. "Not really. I was just… shocked, I guess. Everyone thought you were dead, if not worse." She glanced at me with eyes that I thought were too blank for a fifteen-year-old. "We found your parents. That's all we could think. What _happened_, anyway?"

I looked away, my gaze directed towards my horse as she exhaled loudly. "I ran into the woods. A couple of soldiers rescued me." My answer was vague, but her status of ex-classmate was hardly going to get her the full story.

"Oh. Then… where'd you go? You weren't in the orphanage."

"Shiganshina."

Geneviève fell silent for a while and I turned towards her. Her lips were parted in surprise as her eyes widened. "Oh," she whispered. "You were _there_, weren't you?"

I didn't have to ask what she meant. Shiganshina was only ever synonymous with that one fateful day in human history. "I was."

"What was it like?"

I didn't like thinking about that day. It meant so much more to me than just the fall of Shiganshina. I had lost a lot that day; a second family, my second childhood, safety. Geneviève wouldn't understand. When that had happened, she had been in Karenese. She hadn't seen the horrors we had.

"I don't want to talk about it." I hadn't meant to sound cold, but my voice sounded frigid even to me. I just had a lot of suppressed memories about that day.

Geneviève seemed to curl into herself in shame. "I'm sorry," she apologised in a small voice. "I didn't mean to make you mad."

"I'm not – I'm not mad. I just don't like to think about it. I didn't mean to snap."

She flinched, but nodded. She seemed so small, so similar to that eight-year-old girl who cried when she thought no one was seeing for the sister she had lost. All these years and she never changed. She grew up, but she was still a little girl.

Would I have turned out like that if I had never left Karenese too?

"We buried your parents for you," Geneviève informed me in that small voice.

My grip tightened on my reins as I looked away from her. I fixed my gaze on Armin, further away than he was previously. I should probably catch up. It wasn't a good idea to stray too far. I was supposed to be paired up with Jean – I would relay messages and he would keep hold of the extra horse. I wasn't happy with being separated from Armin, which was why I was meeting up with him once I determined Jean would be fine on his own.

I should have been the one to bury my parents, not the citizens of Karenese. I was a horrible daughter.

I cleared my throat. "Where are they?"

"They're at your house. Easier to find, I guess." She tugged on the lock of hair she had twirled around her finger. "You're there too.

It was… unsettling. Graves without bodies weren't unusual. Back when I was living in Karenese, we had our own fair share of dreamers who had joined the Recon Corps. Most of them weren't as lucky as Moses. We had a relatively large number of empty graves in the cemetery. I just didn't think I would be one of them.

"Right." My voice sounded weird, like I couldn't breathe properly. We were already on the main road of Karenese proper and I needed to mount my horse and catch up with the others before we reached the gate.

She didn't offer to take it down and I didn't mention it. It could be done when I got back. They didn't know if I was going to come back. I wasn't quite sure either.

"I have to go," I murmured, mounting my horse and looking down at Geneviève. "I… appreciate you talking to me."

She shrugged, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear and smiling. "Mom would be glad to hear you're alive."

Right, our moms were good friends. I guess there were just some things I couldn't forget.

"I should go."

She nodded, stepping back, almost merging into the crowd. "Good luck." Then she turned and was lost among the people. Suddenly, she paused, whirling around once more and smiling at me. "By the way, happy birthday, Dani."

I hiccupped in shock that she could remember my birthday after eight years. I was still trying to figure out what to reply when she turned once more and disappeared into the crowd. I contemplated calling out to her, but I didn't have anything to say. I stared for another moment before I snapped the reins, coaxing my horse into catching up with the others.

"Who was that?" Armin asked, leaning in close.

I glanced back to where Geneviève had disappeared. "She's an old classmate," I replied, shaking my head. "I don't know how she could have recognised me."

"Red hair and grey eyes. Jean calling you Dani. Yeah, I wonder why."

I snorted. It was easy to forget that Armin spent a large amount of time with me, until he turned on the sarcasm. We were both mildly sarcastic people who tended not to let it show unless we were feeling pressured. "It was years ago."

"Maybe you'll get to catch up," he suggested gently, smiling as he moved closer. "By the way, happy birthday, Dani."

I smiled weakly, brushing a lock of hair from my face as I tried to will down a blush. Ugh, it was embarrassing. I was just glad he hadn't made a big fuss. It was fine; turning fifteen wasn't a big deal and seeing as it was on the day of the expedition, my birthday was insignificant. "Thanks, Min." I exhaled slowly. "I think the best birthday present I could get is having all of us getting out of this alive."

We drew to a stop as we reached the gate. All we had left to do was wait. Armin reached out and grabbed my hand, squeezing it. "I'm sorry I couldn't get you anything."

I gave him a proper smile. "Hey, I'm only turning fifteen. It doesn't even matter all that much."

"You only turn fifteen once."

I shrugged, urging him to get into position. Not quite, Armin. Technically, this was my second time turning fifteen, although this was hardly the same celebration. My first fifteenth birthday didn't involve a dangerous expedition into uncharted territory.

"We've driven away all the Titans in the area," the cry rang out. "Thirty seconds until we open the gate!"

I tried to look for Geneviève in the crowd, but she had disappeared. I looked forward once more. She wouldn't have stayed. She didn't have a reason to.

I could feel Jean's eyes on me and glanced at him, frowning when he immediately darted his eyes away. I tightened my hold on my reins, petting my horse's mane when she whinnied softly. I had to focus on the expedition. The others might not know it, but we were about to go under attack. I scanned the crowd of green capes in front of me for Armin's blonde head, chewing on my bottom lip nervously. As soon as I could, I would meet up with him whether he wanted me to or not. He could worry, but I would worry more because I knew things he didn't.

A light kick to my ankle had me looking to the side. "What is it?" I asked Jean, not unkindly as I leaned in towards him.

"Don't do anything stupid," he warned. "I won't be there to look after you once you go galloping off to find Armin."

My mouth twisted into a slight frown, but I nodded. It wasn't that different between me being with Jean and me being with Armin since I wouldn't be holding an extra horse with me; I would be the one to relay messages if the need came. The dangerous part would come when I was making the transition. It wasn't that far in theory, but there was a huge difference between theory and practice.

"You take care of yourself as well," I replied as the call for us to ready ourselves was heard. "I mean it."

His head jerked back a bit as we let our gazes lock. Finally, I turned back to the front, breaking our stare down. "Right," I heard him mutter.

"Humanity will take another step forward," one of our trainers announced in a gruff voice. "Show me what you can do!"

There was a rallying cry from all of us Scouts as the gate inched open. I took in a deep breath, calming myself down as my horse skittered nervously. If I started to panic, the horse would notice I was losing control and it would start to panic as well.

"Advance," Erwin bellowed and the thundering of horses' hooves filled my ears as I snapped my reins, urging my horse to break into a gallop as others around me did the same. "We will now begin the fifty seventh expedition beyond the walls. Onward!"

We exited the gate only to enter an abandoned town. I glanced around nervously. I couldn't help but think that it looked like Trost had before we had managed to clean it enough for civilian habitat. The sound of hooves pounding against the ground and the beating of my heart thundered in my ears.

"Ahead, to the left a ten-metre class!" I heard a voice cry out. I almost jerked, managing to calm myself in time. I hadn't expected for us to encounter Titans already. We had _just_ left the walls, damn it. I tightened my grip on the reins, pushing my panic away with practiced ease as I straightened my back.

The words of Ness's droning voice, telling us the Titans wouldn't be our problem, whispered in my mind. It wasn't our problem. They were the support team's problem. At least until we cleared the old town.

"Onward!" our squad leader shouted, no doubt for us new recruits. We would be the ones most likely to panic, after all. Then again, we had also handled ourselves relatively well during the battle. I think we deserved some praise for that.

The shadows passed over us, revealing a rising sun. I squinted against the brightness as the command to separate into the long-range scouting formation was given. I glanced to Jean on my right, where Armin and Reiner were as well.

"See ya, Armin," Reiner called, dropping back into position. Jean met my eyes and I nodded. We would have to drop back too.

"If you run into a Titan, don't piss your pants," Jean said as his _see you later_ as he dropped back as well. I rolled my eyes slightly, expecting it. I lingered.

"Right, same to you, Jean!" Armin replied, turning his eyes to me. "You should go."

I sighed, swallowing the petulant _I don't want to_ that was my first response. "Take care," I said instead, pulling back on my reins so I could level with Jean. "See you later."

"Later," Armin agreed. Then, he was shooting forward and all I could do was stare after him worriedly.

He would be fine, I told myself. He could take care of himself, I reminded myself. Sure, he wasn't anywhere near Jean when it came to 3DMG handling, but he could hold his own just fine. He wasn't supposed to encounter Titans in the first place. _We_ weren't supposed to encounter Titans.

Too bad this expedition wouldn't go as planned.

"Damn it," I muttered under my breath, sweat rolling down the side of my face as anxiety built up in the pit of my stomach.

"Oi, don't worry so much," Jean grumbled. "Armin can handle himself just fine."

"I know," I bit back. I wasn't angry, just worried. I didn't know the specific timeline to the attack and that was what worried me. Tiny little details that were easy to forget as the years went by. Like the said, the devil was in the details. Devil, indeed. I spotted a red trail of smoke in the distance, my hands immediately going to my belt for the gun and red smoke round.

I fired it in the air, wincing from the sound as it resounded in my eardrum. I holstered the gun, redirecting my horse as we noticed the green smoke round pointing to the left; Commander Erwin's command to change direction. We veered to the left, hopefully avoiding the Titans.

I glanced to the side nervously. We weren't that far from the edge. _Armin_ wasn't that far from the edge. After the vanguard, he'd be next.

I kept my gaze forward, shaking my head slightly. I couldn't worry about that. If anything happened, I was going to _be there_. I glanced upwards, allowing my grip on the reins to relax so my fingers wouldn't cramp.

A black smoke round appeared in the distance and I bit back a gasp. An abnormal Titan… already?

There was a tingle in my fingertips tat told me something was wrong. _Very_ wrong.

"I have a bad feeling about this," I called towards Jean. His eyes were fixed on the black smoke round as well. "I think that's where Armin is!"

"It might be nothing," Jean reasoned, but I could tell that his jaw was clenched. He was worried too. He shot a sharp gaze towards me. "It's too early for you to switch positions."

"I know," I ground out, "but the black smoke round…"

"Son of a bitch," Jean swore and I whipped around, my hair slapping into my face. My mouth went dry as I noticed another black smoke round, so close after the first round. Fear clutched my heart. I was pretty sure that's where Armin was.

"I'm going," I ground out, my heart drumming out a staccato rhythm in my chest from the fear. I couldn't lose Armin. I tugged on the reins, veering away from Jean and riding towards where I was sure Armin would be. She wouldn't – it _couldn't_ take Armin away from me. I wouldn't let it!

"Wait – !"

The wind blew Jean's words away as I urged the horse to gallop as fast as it could to my best friend. The Female Titan wouldn't kill him, but I just wouldn't be comfortable until I saw him in front of me.

A second set of hooves echoed and I glanced behind me to see Jean. He noticed my eyes on him and looked away with a scowl. "Tch, you'll probably get killed at the rate you're going," he huffed.

I bit back a smile. "Thanks, Jean." I turned my gaze forward once more.

_Please, Armin… be safe._


	18. Enemy

_**And I thought life was hard enough the first time.**_

_**OC self-insert (because I'm that shameless)**_

_**Re-watching this arc, I can't help but think that Reiner is one really suspicious bastard. I like Reiner, don't get me wrong but… some stuff didn't fit with him, man. It's horrible. I **_**really**_** like Reiner. Not as much as I like Armin or Eren, but I like him. He's a cool dude.**_

_**I know you guys want Dani to get off her but and change stuff, and I promise that will happen, but not until a couple chapters. I **_**promise**_** Dani will change some stuff. Promise. Really.**_

_**Yeah, so… school is starting soon, so my updates will be decreasing drastically. I'll try updating once a week, but things get harder once I catch up with the anime and start referring to the manga. Sides, you guys know how school is, yeah?**_

_**Guest – I am thinking of changing some stuff, but not too much. I'm sorry, I need more creativity, I know. I'm ecstatic to hear that you're still tuning in religiously to this sham of a fic nonetheless. Props to you!**_

_**-0-**_

Jean couldn't understand my overprotectiveness over Armin. Then again, he couldn't understand why Mikasa hung around Eren all the time either. Maybe he just didn't understand overprotective females in general.

I sucked my lower lip into my mouth, trying to chew it thoughtfully without biting it off. The Female Titan had left Armin alone, hadn't it? He'd be fine, for now at least.

We passed the area the second black smoke signal that I was sure Armin had discharged had come from, but there was no sign of him. Flutters of anxiety settled in my stomach as I glanced up at the dissipating smoke. I shouldn't panic. Panic would cloud my thinking. Maybe he followed after the Female Titan, hopefully _not _alone.

My horse brayed, responding to my agitation. He should have been here. My calculations must have been off.

"Keep it together, Dani," Jean barked. I jerked, almost sending causing us to topple over. "Don't you dare freak out on me."

"I'm not freaking out," I snapped back. My eyes darted forward once more and I nearly fell off my horse in relief. "There's Armin!"

"The fuck are they chasing?" he asked, squinting into the distance. Beyond Armin and another blonde figure that I assumed was Reiner (_how had he already gotten there?_), I could spot a much larger figure in the distance. Blonde hair glinted in the sunlight and I narrowed my eyes.

"Send up a yellow flare," I ordered, snapping my reins and pushing my horse to gallop faster for just a little more. Behind me, I heard a sharp _bang_ as Jean sent up a yellow flare. "Armin!" I called, causing both blondes to turn towards me. "Are you okay?"

Armin blinked, nodding sharply. "I'm fine. Really."

He jerked as the sound of smoke pistols being discharged echoed, yellow trails of smoke mirroring the ones Jean had just shot into the sky cropping up.

"It came from the right flank," Reiner noted. "Does that mean we're so compromised we can't continue the mission?"

I stared at the back of Reiner's head. He seemed too… agitated at the possibility.

"Looks like the right flank recon squad was partially wiped out," Jean informed us as he drew up next to me. I bit back a gasp. _That's horrible…_ "Titans… tons of them. I don't know why, but there are lots of fast ones. For now, we're holding them back, but recon is no longer possible." I glanced at Jean as he looked at his horse's mane, eyebrows drawn low over his eyes. "We've taken heavy losses and if we aren't careful, we'll be destroyed!"

A lot of fast Titans… I wondered where they came from. I stared at the Titan's back. It had had the power to summon other Titans, causing them to act abnormal, hadn't it?

"That Titan came from the same direction," Armin mused. His eyes widened as he looked towards the Titan running in front of us. "No way… was it _leading the Titans_?"

"It?" Jean repeated, finally looking forward. "Why is a Titan over there?" He glanced at Armin. "An abnormal?"

"No. It's a human in a Titan body," Armin answered grimly.

"Like Eren?" I answered, injecting the appropriate amount of surprise into my voice. I widened my eyes slightly. It would look so odd if I wasn't surprised by the information (even if I _wasn't_).

"Exactly."

"What?" Jean uttered, looking worried.

Reiner frowned, a shadow passing over his face. "Why do you think that, Armin?" Reiner asked, a cautious note in his voice. He was always so open, but for once, I could see why he and Bertolt were such good friends – they had the same way of drawing into themselves.

"The Titans only eat us. We're just killed in the process. Killing us isn't ever specifically their goal, but when Siss aimed for its weak spot, it crushed him and smashed him into the ground," Armin explained, eyes glinting with seriousness. "It killed him to kill rather than to eat him. Its nature is different from the others. When the Colossal and Armoured Titans destroyed the walls, it must've been the one that brought that army of Titans. Their goal has consistently been to attack all humanity."

"But it isn't the case now?" I inquired, seeing the calculative look in Armin's eyes as facts assimilated in his mind.

"No, it isn't," he agreed. "It felt like it was looking for someone…" He frowned. "If that _is_ the case, could it be looking for… could it be looking for Eren?"

Something flashed in Reiner's eyes. "Eren?" he repeated. "Eren's with Squad Levi, which is in charge of the right flank."

"The right flank?" Jean asked, utterly confused as Armin made a surprised noise. "The plans I got had them to the rear of the left flank. Right, Dani?"

I looked away from the Titan's back, nodding sharply. We had both received the same plans since we were partnered together.

Armin's eyes shot towards me, a silent question – _did you know?_ – in his gaze. I exhaled sharply, dipping my head in a nod that was disguised by the rocking of my horse. "Mine said they were near the front of the right," Armin offered. "Wait. There's no way they'd be on the front lines."

"So where are they?" Reiner asked, eyes glinting with a sharp emotion in the weak sunlight.

"Does it really matter where Eren is?" I piped up, flicking a suspicious gaze towards Reiner that I hoped he hadn't caught. Why was he so curious? "It doesn't affect us."

Armin frowned and I didn't doubt that he had an answer, but I didn't want him to say it. My fingertips were tingling again in a very bad imitation of _my spidey senses are tingling_.

Was it just me or did Reiner shoot me an irritated look?

"There's no time to think," Jean interjected. "Smoke rounds can't possibly indicate how much of a threat it poses! At this rate, it'll wipe out command. Then the formation will fall apart and that'll be the end."

"What are you trying to say?" Reiner said.

I saw the look in Jean's eyes and shook my head. "You're not suggesting we try to stop it?" I asked, hoping against hope he would call me an idiot and say someone should ride ahead.

"We may still be able to draw its attention," he argued. "We're the only ones who may be able to buy time to withdraw." He looked down, jaw clenching. "Maybe…"

"But it really is intelligent," Armin said, eyebrows drawing into a worried frown. "To it, we are nothing but insignificant insects. It'll just crush us…"

"It's a suicide mission," I added, sending him a worried glance. What was going on in his head?

"Seriously? That's scary," Jean laughed, blood draining from his face. I could tell from the flicker in his eyes that he was seriously contemplating doing something about the Female Titan.

"Hey… are you really Jean?" Reiner asked, sounding worried as well. "The Jean I know never thinks of anyone but himself."

Jean snorted. "Don't be an ass." He looked up, gaze burning with purpose. His knuckles turned white from how tight his grip on his reins were. "I just don't want those charred bones I saw to be disappointed in me!"

I tore my gaze away from him, feeling sadness and nostalgia well in my chest. If only Marco could see how much of a difference he made in Jean. He would be proud.

"I… I know what I have to do now!" Jean growled. "And this is the job we chose. Help me!"

I felt the same awe that I always felt whenever I saw Eren. I smirked slightly, shaking my head. He really had grown up, hadn't he? I had thought I was impressed when Jean had stayed during the Recon Corps induction, but this change impressed me much more and he didn't even know it.

Armin's gaze hardened as he made a decision. His hands went to his hood, pulling it up to hide his face in shadow. "Put on your hood," he ordered. "As far forward as you can, so that your face is hidden from it. I don't think it'll kill us until it knows who we are."

Reiner grinned a mischievous grin, reaching back for his hood as well. "I see…" he said. "You believe if it thinks we might be Eren, it won't kill us? If nothing else, it'll make me feel better. Let's just hope it has poor eyesight!"

There was a flaw, of course, as all good plans did. We were all of different heights. Reiner was too tall and Armin was too short, so the only likely targets were Jean and me. Small comfort for me.

I pulled my hood up as well, pulling my hair back as much as I could. I had never had reason to doubt Armin. "I trust you," I told him quite uselessly. He already knew that.

"Armin, I thought it was creepy how you always clung to Eren, but I've always thought you had it in you," Jean stated as he pulled his hood on too, utterly confusing me. I didn't have the capacity to try and understand his words at the moment, most of my mind preoccupied with the fact that we were going to take on the Female Titan head on. I was terrified, but it was all too easy to push the fear to the back of my mind and focus on pushing the analytical soldier to the front.

_Seriously, teenagers shouldn't be doing this._

"Uh, thanks…" Armin replied, sounding about as confused as I felt. "But, _creepy_? That's really mean." I rolled my eyes slightly, the corner of my lip kicking up in a nervous smirk.

"Always with the brutal honesty," I muttered, snapping on my blades onto my handgrips after seeing the others do the same. It would be naïve to think we wouldn't need to engage it.

Slowly, we managed to catch up with it, which I found a little disconcerting. From what I could see, it should have been able to outrun us.

Maybe I was being overly suspicious. It was the same as my interactions with Annie – the human Annie. There was always an undercurrent of suspicion in anything I did concerning her, which made our relations quite tense. It was all on my side, I knew. It was only because I _knew_… and I wished I didn't. Sometimes I wished that I hadn't remembered.

"We need to give the formation time to withdraw," Jean said as we neared the Titan. "Cutting the Achilles tendon should be enough."

I tensed, shooting him a look. "It's intelligent. Don't you think it'll see it coming?" I argued. I just didn't want to see him get hurt or worse, killed. "That's _suicidal_."

"Just don't try doing something stupid like killing it. We only need to slow it down."

On my right, Armin sighed, the sound still audible over the whistling of air in my eardrums. "We don't have any other options," he pointed out. "Unless you have a better plan?"

I bit my lip. Other than telling the others to run forward to command and inform them of the Female Titan while I confronted it, I had nothing. It didn't make sense why _I_ would want to confront it. Skill-wise, it would make more sense for Reiner and Jean to stay behind while Armin and I raced forward.

But… I didn't want Reiner to be left alone with the Female Titan and Jean. Jean was easily disposed of –

No, what was I _doing_? Was I trying to suspect _Reiner_ of something? He wouldn't do that. He was the big brother of the 104th Training Squad; the one who looked after the little guys like me and Armin.

I shook my head. Jean nodded sharply. "Then we'll go with mine. I'll take point. You guys distract it." He hesitated. "Dani, pull me out if something goes wrong."

"Me?" I jerked, turning to him with wide eyes. "Why me?"

He regarded me seriously. "You're the fastest out of the three of them," he explained.

I blinked. Was I? I didn't think so. Then again, I only ever compared myself to Connie, Mikasa and Jean, who were much faster than I was. I figured that Armin and I were about the same speed and where Reiner lacked the necessary speed due to his size, he made up for with razor-sharp precision and force he had behind his attacks.

Armin looked to me as the Titan's formed loomed overhead and I nodded. I shot Reiner a sharp look, eyes flicking back to Armin momentarily before resting on the older teen once more. He nodded in understanding, seemingly sighing. At some unheard cue, we veered away from each other; Jean and I to the left and Armin and Reiner to the right.

"Strike fast and deep," I muttered. Jean's eyes flashed to me as he smirked.

"Like lightning hitting a tree," he replied, echoing words Shadis had drilled into us every single 3DMG training we had ever had.

"Don't miss."

"I won't."

I drew back, letting him take my place as we drew closer to the Titan. Now was the time for absolute focus. I kept a steady eye on the Female Titan drawing up on our right, its lope steady and even. It was probably just conserving energy. Yes, that was it.

Jean pressed the hilt of his right handgrip to his lips for luck, a gesture he had repeated on the day we had our graded 3DMG test. It was vaguely reminiscent of sword salutes from Back Then, to be honest. Then, he jumped off his horse.

That's when everything started to go wrong.

I sucked in a deep breath as the Titan's head turned towards Jean. I tried to call out, to shout for him to abort, but his hook was already flying through the air. The Titan turned all of a sudden and I watched in shock as the hook merely rebounded off the heel and its body twisted to the right. I wanted to _do_ something, but there wasn't anything for me to swing off of. The flat terrain was useless for 3DMG use.

I pulled on the reins of the horse, stopping it short as I whirled it around. The Titan's arm swung towards Jean – safely on the ground, thank god – and a scream lodged in my throat as it missed. The wind from the swing buffeted Jean's hood back, revealing his face.

The Titan locked its gaze on something and my eyes shot to the figure that held its attention – a rider on a horse. My heart leapt into my throat as I realised it was Armin, my hands urging Freya into a gallop once more. The Titan raced forward, hand coming down in an arc.

"No, no, _no_," I breathed, the trees obscuring my vision so I couldn't see where the giant hand would land. A green figure flew up into the air, the hood falling back to reveal honey-blonde hair that was just a little too long. "_Armin!_"

My hand fell to my belt as my horse galloped forward, my fingers fumbling for my gun and black smoke round. I might not have been able to get close enough to blind it with my blades, but there was more than one way to do that.

I took a deep breath to steady my aim, the Titan kneeling to observe something (possibly Armin, who I fervently hoped was fine) and fired. A black cloud enveloped the Titan's head and shoulders, not as thick as I had wished, but enough to make seeing a struggle.

Jean shot forward, reeling himself into the mass of black cloud that was dissipating too quickly to be of real help. I gritted my teeth, biting back a curse. It turned, spotting Jean and swatting at him. He released his hooks, inertia carrying him under the arm. It was instinct for us to strike for the nape, even when we knew that this was the one time we _couldn't_. He swung around, gas trailing after him as he propelled himself towards its back.

My hooks shot forward as I jumped off the horse, letting it continue on its way. The hooks impacted the soft flesh of the Titan's shoulder. It was probably the stupidest way to go, past the Titan's mouth, but this wasn't a Titan that would eat me. I hoped.

I propelled myself forward with gas – _too much_, my mind noted in disapproval in a voice that sounded suspiciously like our old instructor's – reeling in my hooks just as I reached the face. I met the Titan's eyes, surprised by the glacial blue that matched the colour of Annie's eyes (even if I shouldn't have been) before angling myself so that I could shoot over its head with a burst of gas.

I twisted, meeting Jean's wide and fearful eyes. "Jean! Let go," I commanded, my voice sounding too harsh, but this wasn't the time for niceties. If Jean didn't move _now_, he was dead. His released his hooks, reeling them in with an unusually sharp _zip_ that was only loud in my head.

I grabbed his arm, shooting my hooks into the patch of the skin right below the hand blocking the nape for lack of a better target. I let Jean's arm go with a grunt of exertion, hoping the trajectory was right and he didn't accidentally stab himself with his blades when he rolled to safety. My eyes shot to the Titan's right hand, which was raising and reaching back. My eyes widened.

Shit. In getting Jean out of harm's way, I had just set myself up to die.

My mind flew through plans and fled, leaving me with a horrifyingly blank head and panic banging at the door. I wouldn't be able to reel my hooks in fast enough and I was too far away to do any real damage.

God, I wished I had connected with Annie more so she would hesitate at the thought of killing me.

"Dani, avenge the suicidal bastard who rushed to his death!" Armin screamed. I nearly pulled the trigger to release a stream of gas at the shock. Armin was talking about Eren… but Eren had been nowhere near us. Confusion tactics. My heart took residence in my throat as I noticed the Titan's hand paused. _It's working…_?

"That's the one – that's the one that killed him!" he continued. I didn't have visual on him, but the fact that he could scream had to be proof that he wasn't too badly hurt. "He rushed to his death on the right flank. _Avenge him_!"

I pulled one of the triggers, reeling in the hooks only to shoot them into a tree Jean was standing next to. I twisted, using the distraction to get out of the Titan's range as I swung to safety.

I rolled to a stop by Jean's feet, panting from the sudden rush of adrenaline and cessation of immediate danger.

"What the hell is Armin talking about?" Jean muttered, pulling me up by the back of my cloak. "Did he hit his head and lose his mind?"

"He's distracting it," I said, scanning the field for Armin, alone and defenceless.

"It crushed my best friend; I saw his body under its foot!"

"Wait, Reiner!" Jean exclaimed and I followed the sounds of horse hooves to Reiner charging the Titan. "He's going for the neck! What is that idiot thinking?"

My thoughts exactly. We were too far away to do anything as Reiner shot his hooks into its neck, reeling himself in with blades poised to strike. His form was perfect and even if he didn't have the speed Jean had, his aim was always true, so I could almost believe that Reiner could do it – expose Annie in the nape – except…

The _intent_ wasn't quite there. There _was_ intent, but it was off. It was lacking, which wasn't a word often used to describe Reiner.

Maybe the stress was making me overly-suspicious. I was probably just high-strung. There was still adrenaline pumping through my veins, muddling my thoughts and making everything too _sharp_.

Reiner seemed to meet the Titan's eyes and I let out an involuntary gasp as the Titan grasped Reiner in its fist.

"O-oi…" Jean uttered in shock.

Reiner's leg was still poking out and I noticed it twitch. I elbowed Jean. "He's still alive," I pointed out frantically. "If I distract it, you can cut the – " I cut myself off with a strangled squeak. The Titan's hand squeezed – it was almost hypnotic the way I had watched the muscles flex – and blood splashed into the air.

Jean emitted a horrified yell, backing away as I stood paralysed. "Oi, Reiner…! You…"

That… wasn't right. It just didn't seem right. My mind tried to understand, not believing the information my eyes had fed to it. Reiner hadn't died…

The hand seemed to _explode_ and I took a step back as I noticed yellow and green amongst the red – Reiner. He had gotten out!

He swung out, grabbing Armin and Jean pulled me along so that I ran with him. I turned to look back at the Titan, motionless and… studying its hand? I frowned.

"Reiner did it!" Jean panted as he kept a steady grip on my arm, steering me as I tried to understand why the Female Titan wasn't chasing after us, or doing _anything_. "Mikasa was so strong… I forgot Reiner's really strong and reliable too." He shook me. "Oi, Dani, look forward, will you? Or do you need me to carry you?"

"I'm fine," I huffed, registering a sting in my calf but shelving it for a moment when we weren't still in danger. But… I didn't think the Titan would chase after us.

"We've bought enough time, right?" Reiner called, heading towards us and scooping up Armin's 3DMG as we ran. "Let's get the hell away from it. If it isn't a man-eater, it won't follow us!"

I looked back once more, my breath sticking in my lungs as I noticed the Titan had stood up. "It's up," I squeaked. I watched its retreating back as it started to run… towards the position that I suspected Eren and the Special Operations Squad to be – centre rear.

How… could it have known? Annie wasn't one to take into account details like this. She would have headed straight for the spot in the first place if she had known, not veer away to the right flank (which was suspicious, but the adrenaline thrumming through my body didn't allow me to think _why_ that was so suspicious). Why _now_?

"Look, that big bitch got scared and decided to go home!" Reiner boomed and I didn't know why, but I thought I heard misplaced delight in his voice; not just the exuberance of being alive, but something else. Something that didn't fit.

I swatted those thoughts away the way I would a fly, forcefully removing them from the forefront of my mind. We were going to be in dangerous territory for a while. It wouldn't do if I couldn't trust any of my comrades to watch my back.

I stumbled, causing Jean to let out a frustrated growl as he straightened me. "Get yourself together!" he growled. "I can't keep watching out for you like this."

"It's – that Titan's heading towards the centre rear," I panted, trying to understand. "How could it know to go there?"

"Ah, does it matter? We should have given the formation enough time to withdraw."

"But… Eren – "

"Eren's safe wherever he is, but _we're_ not," he snapped. "Think about him when we're not going to die!"

I fell silent. Right. Eren was with Petra and Gunther. He was with _Levi_. He was fine. We weren't. I was just too used worrying about him that it was all I could think about at the moment.

Reiner caught up to us, breath puffing out evenly. "There's a bunch of trees over there," he grunted, pointing to a stand of trees. "We can rest there. Attend to injuries."

_Injuries_. My eyes shot to Armin, where he was still being carried by Reiner.

"Armin, are you okay?" I asked urgently, struggling to catch up with Reiner's long legs as I tried to meet Armin's eyes. There was blood trickling from his hairline, dripping onto the ground. Sluggishly, I noted with relief, so it wasn't as bad as it seemed.

"I'm fine," Armin huffed, annoyed by the hold Reiner had on him but not being able to do anything about it. "You?"

"Fit as a fiddle."

"You're bleeding," Reiner interjected. I turned widened eyes towards him.

"I'm _what_?" I asked, glancing down at my arms and wondering if I had gotten cut when I had grabbed Jean earlier. No, my arms were clean and I was pretty sure I would have noticed if I had a cut on my abdomen by now. My right calf twinged and I glanced back, a surprised noise escaping me. There was a cut across the skin, a slash in my pants and staining the surrounding fabric red. It wasn't deep enough to cripple, but the pain was beginning to register more sharply with every step. "Oh."

Jean let out a derisive snort as we reached the trees, seeing Reiner's horse greeting us with a throw of its head. "Typical."

Reiner gently set Armin down by his horse, his arm stopping me short as I moved to attend to Armin's injuries. "Deal with yours first," he said sternly.

I made a face, pushing his arm away and dropping down in front of Armin to assess his injuries. "It's just a cut," I insisted. "Armin's is a lot more serious."

"Dani, no," Armin protested, hands wrapping around my wrists and tugging them away from his face. "Your leg – "

"This isn't up for argument."

A hand landed heavily on my shoulder. I looked up at Reiner, his gaze unamused. "Vale, your leg needs attending to," he said gruffly. "Armin can wait."

"It could be serious," I argued. "Let's just settle on Armin first." My voice cracked on the last word and only then did I realise my hands were shaking. Armin's eyes met mine and I looked away, snatching my hands out of his grasp as I clenched them into fists to stop the trembling.

It could have gone so very wrong. That was pretty much all I ever seemed to think anymore, but it was true. The Titan – _Annie_ – could have hit Armin instead of his horse and _he'd_ be the one dead. That she didn't was because she had never intended to kill Armin. There was always going to be the irrational fear that if Armin died, it was going to be my fault. If he died, it would have been because I wasn't fast enough, smart enough, _strong_ enough and the knowledge would most likely eat me alive.

Someone sighed behind me, a heavy exasperated sigh. "Just do what she says," Jean grumbled. "She's thick headed and she'd rather bleed to death than leave Armin unattended."

It was a mildly harsh way to say it, but true nonetheless. I highly doubted I would bleed to death from a cut that might have been cause my Jean's hooks grazing my leg when I had pushed him away. My vision was still clear and a major artery hadn't been nicked. I didn't think there were any major arteries pleasant in the calf anyway. The thigh, definitely, but not the calf.

"It looks a lot worse than it is," I said dismissively, careful of not sitting on my bad leg anyway as I checked his head for an injury that was a lot worse than it really was.

"So are head injuries," Armin mutters. There was the slightest tone of snark in his voice and I couldn't help but think that he might possibly be spending more time with Jean and me than healthy. I had been known to come out with subtly sarcastic remarks at inappropriate times and Jean… well, he needed no explanation.

"Shush, you."

"I'm going to see if I can get my horse to come back," Jean offers, squinting out into the distance as he brought his fingers to his mouth and blew. A high pitched whistle pierced the air; the same sound that was always heard when Jean tried to call his horse. Frankly, it grated on my nerves (bugger sometimes whistled in my ear at ungodly times just to annoy me), but I had no problems with it now. It just didn't register as my mind tried work properly through the loop of _could have died_ and _what about me?_

Reiner set the meagre first aid kit we were all given next to me and I set to work, cleaning away the blood. Armin winced as I dabbed at the cut on his forehead, but drew his attention to his 3DMG that Reiner had set in his lap.

"How's your Maneuver Gear looking, Armin?" Reiner asked, lumbering next to me and pulling my calf into his lap without preamble. I grunted as I lost my balance and fell, shooting him a dark look. I didn't protest as he picked up the bottle of water I had abandoned and started cleaning the cut. There wasn't any use in saying anything.

"It's okay," he replied, hands moving over his gear and tinkering with various parts. "The clasp released as intended, so it seems it's not broken."

"I see. I'm glad to hear it," Reiner murmured, wrapping my calf tightly. It would have been preferable with disinfectant, but the Recon Corps had always been lacking in funding, so we didn't have enough bottles of disinfectant to dole out to every soldier. Most of it was reserved for the medic team (_and the dying_). He sighed, causing me to glance over as he passed me the roll of bandages. "But what do we do? We only have one horse."

_And two people too many_ went unsaid. I wrapped Armin's head, the two of us sharing a look that held a whole conversation. We decided with one look; Armin and I would stay, when it came down to it. The two of us because Jean and Reiner were more valuable than we were. They were fighters that could add a lot. Of course, I could argue that Reiner and I were the ones could be left behind instead. Reiner was strong enough to make it and I would be content knowing that Armin was with Jean, but Armin wouldn't stand for that. Logically, the two of us – the two weakest links – were to be left behind to die.

"Is it too tight?" I questioned, clipping the bandage. His hand rose to the bandages and he shook his head.

"It's fine," he sighed. I ran my fingers through his hair, the vacant look in his eyes telling me he was seeing something that wasn't there. At least, not there anymore.

"Thanks," I said quietly, looking up at Reiner. The older teen's eyes darted to me, eyebrows drawing together in a frown.

"Why?"

Not _what for_, which was an odd choice of words. I shrugged, pursing my lips. "For saving Armin. For wrapping up my leg." _For not dying._

"No problem," he answered. "Of course, if you want to repay me…" He tapped his cheek teasingly.

I scoffed, swatting his arm lightly at the mild joke. Insinuations made up a large part of Reiner's humour, but I had to wonder if there was a lot more insinuated than just in his humour.

Ugh, there I went again with the unwelcome suspicion.

I realised the annoying buzzing in my ear was gone and looked over towards Jean. He wasn't doing the incessant whistling, only staring into the distance.

"See what he's up to," Reiner said. "Maybe try and get your horse back too."

"It won't come back." I stood up anyway and went to check up on Jean. He was staring at the vast field before us, jaw clenched as he thought. It was obvious that whatever he was thinking about upset him. "Any luck?"

He jolted, eyes darting to me as his elbow drove into my arm unintentionally. "What does it look like?" he huffed, waving a hand agitatedly. The tips of his pinkie and ring ringers shone in the light. "Damn horse won't show up." He shot me an irritated look. "Why aren't you trying?"

"My horse won't come," I answered. "She's stubborn like that."

"I wonder where she gets it from," he snorted.

I glanced at him, noticing the string of saliva on his chin. I reached out, hesitating when his hard gaze locked on my hand like I was going to hit him and he was daring me to hit as hard as I could. I rolled my eyes, using a part of his cloak to wipe it off. He blinked, pulling the collar of his cloak away from him; probably to see what I had did.

"You're gross," I stated with a roll of my eyes. "You had some spit on your chin."

He rolled his shoulders, making a noise that could either mean _thanks for that_ or _you're just as gross as I am_. "Damn it," he spat through gritted teeth. "Where is that damn horse?"

I exhaled slowly as Jean started whistling again. I knew he didn't want to think about the possibility of leaving any of us behind, but it had to be done. Survival had to be priority.

"Armin… oi, Armin!" I turned slightly at Reiner's urgent cry. "Are you still out of it?"

Armin hesitated before replying, "Yeah, my head's still a bit fuzzy."

"I see… but we must decide. It's a hard choice, but we'll have to leave people behind."

Jean's whistling stopped as he turned back, a noise of protest lodging in his throat. I crossed my arms, the posture feeling defensive. It was necessary.

"Wait," Armin protested. He stood up and I twitched as he wobbled, but stayed in my spot. He was fine. "First, let's fire a smoke round. If the formation continued straight ahead, the row 4-3 team should be nearby."

It was a worth a shot, I guess. Might as well explore all available options. I reached for my gun and a purple smoke round, attaching it and firing it into the sky. As the purple smoke trailed – the signal for a call for help – I hoped that someone would come soon. I didn't even know what Armin and I could do if we were left behind.

"Let's hope someone will try to find out what's happening," I murmured, eyeing the dissipating smoke anxiously.

Jean sighed, shaking his head as he crossed his arms. "I can't imagine they'll understand our intentions just from that. They might not investigate."

I sent an apprehensive glance towards Armin, reading the fear in his blue eyes that he tried to hide. He could hide it from the others, but never from me. I imagined that my own fear wasn't hidden from him either.

We knew why we had to be left behind, but that didn't make the knowledge less scary. We would be in Titan territory without any mode of transportation and limited mobility, with or without 3DMG gear. What were our odds of survival, realistically speaking?

"Armin, we can wait another three minutes," Reiner said after a heavy sigh. "By then, we must decide – "

"I'll stay," Armin announced. I met Reiner's wide eyes and nodded. Where Armin would go, I would follow. That went unsaid. "But there's something I want you to tell them for me… preferably to Commander Erwin – "

Armin had probably figured it out. I could tell from the sharp look in his eyes and the lingering of _I don't want this to be_. His hand gripped mine and his fingers tapped against my palm in an unmistakeable rhythm of Morse code shorthand that he had discovered in one of the books he had read in the library and developed for shorthand between the two of us; it was something he had planned to teach the others, but only after he was sure it might prove useful. At the moment, there were still kinks to work out, so we mainly used it for silent communication between the two of us.

_Titan is possibly A-N-N-_

I squeezed his hand before he could tell me more. His eyes shot to mine and I blinked once. _I know._

"No, Armin," Jean interrupted and the excitement in his voice had me turning to face him. "You should tell him yourself. Looks like someone's here… and with two horses!" There was a moment as he squinted out into the distance. I squinted as well. I could make out blonde hair and a petite stature. "It's… Krista!"

"Is everyone okay?" said blonde girl cried, her eyes shining with concern.

Jean blinked at one of the horses Krista was holding, lips curving into a smile. "That's my horse!" he exclaimed, laughing as Krista let the horse go for it to trot forward to meet him. The horse immediately nuzzled Jean's hair, braying happily. "Whoa, whoa… calm down, Buchwald."

"He ran toward me, terrified," Krista explained as Reiner got onto his horse and Krista gave the reins of the spare horse to Armin. "Did you engage the Titans?" Her eyes roamed between us, surveying us for any major injuries. Her eyes widened as they landed on Armin and me. "Armin, what happened to you? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I think so," Armin replied, sending the shorter girl a small smile.

"And Dani? Your leg is hurt!"

I gave her a reassuring smile, waving a hand dismissively. "I've had worse," I assured her. It felt weird, having another girl worry over me like that. I was usually the one fussing over everyone and Mikasa was hardly overly emotional whenever I got hurt.

"I can't believe that smoke round brought you here," Reiner commented.

She smiled, her relieved smile lighting up her features like a beacon. "I was nearby and I already had Jean's horse." She looked towards me apologetically. "I'm sorry I couldn't find your horse, Dani."

I shook my head. "Nah, it's fine. I'm sure wherever she is, she's better off."

"Even horses like you. It seems you have a strange charisma. You saved our lives," he said sincerely, smiling dazedly at Krista.

I tried not to feel offended at Reiner's words. I doubted it was a stab at my horrific relationship with horses. I was pretty sure Freya and I were getting along just fine too. I was probably just feeling an irrational stab of hurt at the comment. There I go, being overly sensitive again.

I blinked at Krista as her blue eyes shimmered with tears. She seemed mildly embarrassed as she wiped them away delicately. "But, I'm so glad that the worst didn't happen to you," she sniffed. "I really am glad."

Oh… wow. A flush heated up my cheeks as I fought the urge to drop my jaw the way Armin and Jean did. It felt like I was being embarrassed for her, even when I didn't need to be. I knew Krista was a really nice and compassionate person (why she chose to join the military, I'll never know), but I never thought she would actually shed tears of relief at the thought that we were safe. At the boys' dazed looks, I had to admit that I felt a stab of insecurity. Totally irrational and very brief, but there nonetheless.

I cleared my throat, causing all eyes to snap to me. I tried not to feel too insecure. I was well-aware that I couldn't compare myself to Krista; we were two very different girls. She had straight, blonde hair that she could easily tie back into a low ponytail and I had wavy, unmanageable hair that was a horrible mess when I left it loose. It was too short for me to do anything with it anyway. I felt like a mess next to her, with the smudges of dirt on my cloak from my tumble that I hadn't bothered to brush away and my calf that stung every now and then, probably still bleeding a little.

Why did Krista have to be so damn pretty?

"We should probably re-join the formation now," I suggested, trying my best not to glare as Jean's eyes shot back to Krista momentarily before finally resting on me and Reiner's eyes didn't shift at all. I could swear there was drool trickling out of the corner of his mouth.

"Oh… yeah. There should be orders to retreat," Jean said, finally mounting his horse.

"Wait," Krista murmured, eyes darting between the four of us. "What about Dani? There aren't enough horses. You can ride with me."

"Um, I'll be riding with Armin," I told her as Armin mounted the spare horse Krista had brought along.

She looked politely confused. "Is that okay?" she inquired, but I didn't know if that was directed at Armin or me. Probably both, knowing Krista.

"It'll be fine," Armin replied, holding out a hand to help me climb on. I didn't need it, but I wasn't one to push away a helping hand. I seated myself behind him, leaning forward slightly and clutching the back of his cloak so I wouldn't fall off. I would have wrapped my arms around him – safer that way – but it would have made manoeuvring difficult. Krista shot Armin and me an inquisitive look before taking off, the rest of us following behind.

"Are you sure you're okay?" I murmured, leaning forward so Armin could hear without needing to raise my voice. His head tilted so he could look at me a little. "I mean, I could take over."

"It's just a head injury," he insisted. "It's not even a concussion."

I tightened my grip on his cloak, but sighed and stopped asking. I trusted Armin's judgement. He wasn't rash or impulsive the way Eren or I was. He was the level-headed one. If he said he was fine, then I could believe he was fine.

"To think we've been pushed back less than an hour out of the walls," Jean said, sounding uneasy. "Things are even bleaker than I imagined… and for some reason, it went in the opposite direction from the vanguard command team."

"Maybe it wasn't aiming for the command team," I muttered, feeling Armin's back tense as he heard my words. The others hadn't heard, but he had.

"It?" Krista asked, only to be interrupted by the familiar _bang-whoosh_ of smoke guns discharging. To our left, I spotted a line of green smoke. My jaw clenched; I had expected it, but the fact that the expedition wasn't being called off despite the inherent danger irked me.

"A green round?" Jean exclaimed.

"Looks like they're continuing the operation, only changing course," Armin noted. I didn't have to see his face to know he was frowning in thought.

"What? That wasn't a retreat command?" Krista said, sounding distressed. I looked over Armin's shoulder to her, noticing that her grip on the rein was turning white-knuckled.

"What is Commander Erwin thinking?" Jean wondered aloud, frustration evident in his features.

What was Commander Erwin thinking, indeed. To be honest, I didn't want to know. A day – heck, even a minute in Commander Erwin's thought processes could drive me insane.

"In theory, any soldier has the authority to determine when mission completion is no longer possible," Reiner stated. "Did command not see our smoke round somehow?"

That was entirely possible. Our smoke round could have gone undetected. However… it was highly unlikely that _no_ soldier had seen our smoke round and passed it along. So, Commander Erwin was pushing forward despite that. The question was why.

I felt rather than heard Armin's sigh. "Even if we don't know what's going on, there's still only one thing left for us to do… follow the order," Armin pointed out seriously. "Dani."

"On it." I fired the green smoke round, feeling tense; I knew what was coming next.

Command was going to attempt to capture the Female Titan.


	19. Forest

_**And I thought life was hard enough the first time.**_

_**OC self-insert (because I'm that shameless)**_

_**School starts tomorrow. Ugh. This is probably going to be my last regular-ish update in a while as I get used to school again.**_

_**I'm just having too much fun with this fic.**_

_**-0-**_

A huge forest loomed ahead and somewhere in my foggy memory, the image clicked.

I jerked, causing my horse to snort in protest. I murmured an apology to it. I was grateful for the extra horse that had been given to me when we had met up with other members on the right flank. Being that close to Armin wasn't uncomfortable, but it lacked the proper mobility and breathing space that was afforded by being the one in front.

"I recognise this place." The words slipped out of my mouth before I realised I said it aloud. I made a face, wondering when the hell I was so caught up in my thoughts that my brain-to-mouth filter went to shit.

On my far right, Jean snorted. "No shit?" he said sarcastically. "There are only about a dozen of them between Wall Rose and Wall Maria."

I spared him an annoyed look. He was snippier than usual, which could be attested to our high-danger environment. I longed to rip him a new one, but I was too busy worrying about more important things than biting Jean's head off (aware that the stress and danger was taking its own toll on my temper).

It clicked in more than my future knowledge. I could remember seeing the same spot painted on a yellowed flyer. Dad had been planning on bringing us here for a holiday one day. _See some old friends_, he had said. I had wondered why he would want to venture to Wall Maria, but it didn't take a genius to figure that most of his friends lived in Wall Maria.

"Oi, what are we even doing at this tourist spot?" Jean complained. I was beginning to think he was just doing it for the sake of complaining. "We're totally off from both our original destination and our return point."

I sighed, eyes darting to the large trees on our left. He made a good point. Why continue with the mission if the mission objective cannot be fulfilled?

To fulfil the secondary mission objective that we weren't told of, of course.

"I don't know…" Armin murmured. "I don't know, but the order came from Commander Erwin, after all." He glanced towards me and I shrugged. He frowned at my vague reply. "He must have a plan."

"What kind of plan?" he asked irritably. "Are they planning to hold a welcome ceremony for us new recruits at a tourist spot?"

I snorted, my lips curling into a lopsided smirk. The sarcasm in his voice grated against my skin, amusing me at the same time.

"No, I don't think so," Armin said seriously. He was so deep in his thoughts that the sarcasm flew over his head.

Jean sighed. "That was a joke." He glanced behind him. "Anyway, that giant woman's following us. No matter what his plan, we can't stay here. The only thing I can imagine is that we're passing through on our way to somewhere else…"

"Maybe Commander Erwin has some hidden agenda we don't know about," I mused. "He always seems to be four steps ahead of everyone and everything."

Armin made a noise of agreement.

"Besides," I added with a pensive look towards the trees, "the terrain in the forest is perfect for 3D Maneuver Gear usage."

I could feel both of their calculating gazes on me, but there was an order for us to stop (_in the middle of nowhere?_). It cut our conversation short, so I didn't know what either teen would have said about my sudden observation. Well, I could guess what Armin would have said, but Jean could have either gone with another sarcastic retort (he had sarcasm overload today, apparently) or an intelligent remark.

"Alright, listen up, recruits," the soldier, our senior, announced in a no-nonsense voice. "We will now make preparations to launch a counterattack. Draw your blades and wait above in the trees. If any Titans try to enter this forest, stop them at all costs!"

… Launch a counterattack. Really.

I sincerely hoped my judgemental look wasn't on display right now; it wasn't a good idea to sass superiors. It just didn't seem like a good idea.

"U-um, sir," Jean said, frowning slightly. "What do you – "

"Shut up and follow orders!" the soldier bellowed, leaving no room for arguments as he made his way up a tree using his 3DMG.

"Seriously… what's going on?" Jean muttered. I glanced down, realising his fists were tightening reflexively. Out of fear?

Armin didn't reply. I looked over at him, but he was frowning down at the ground in contemplation.

"Let's just… follow orders," I suggested uneasily. There wasn't anything we could do about it. We were trained to follow orders, not question our superiors. It didn't matter if we didn't agree. Our opinions as lowly recruits didn't matter. I nudged Armin out of his reverie, shooting my hooks into the tree opposite the soldier barking orders and reeling myself up.

We situated ourselves in the branches, high enough off the ground that even Eren in his Titan form would have a little trouble reaching us. I glanced down at the forest floor below, letting out a sigh. I wouldn't want to fall off the tree at this height without my Maneuver Gear. I slid down the trunk until I was sitting on the branch, thumping my head against the trunk lightly a couple times before just staring up at the canopy above.

"This is insane." I looked over to see Jean scowling into the distance. "We've abandoned the original mission to cache supplies and when we abandoned it, we should've turned tail and run. Instead, we're forging ahead to a tourist trap." I tried not to snort at the joke he didn't know he had just made. "And now, we're just standing here to stop any Titans that enter the woods?"

He sent a disdainful look towards our superior officer, gritting his teeth in frustration. "Damn him for giving the crazy order," he spat in his direction.

"He'll hear you," Armin pointed out quietly with a worried look aimed towards Jean. My lips twisted into a worried frown. It didn't do for him to be speaking like this.

"And this no real explanation thing is innovative too," Jean groused. "Of course, I'm sure he has his own concerns."

Armin's face pinched into a worried expression. "What do you mean?" the blonde asked hesitantly.

"A commander deemed worthless by his men in a critical situation quite often succumbs to a mysterious attack from behind." Jean eyed the blade in his left hand contemplatively. "I'm just saying it wouldn't surprise me."

Armin shot me an alarmed look, but I kept my eyes on Jean's back, holding a hand up. I turned so I was sitting on the branch with my legs dangling.

"So what are you going to do?" Armin asked.

Jean let out a sigh, looking up briefly before half-turning to us. "Don't be so serious," he grumbled. "This situation's got me a bit worked up, that's all."

I pursed my lips before blowing out an exasperated breath. "You shouldn't be speaking like that," I said seriously. "A soldier who questions his superior officer is easily disposed of too. Not to mention you wouldn't be able to do your job properly."

"Tch. The two of you have obviously been spending too much time with each other." He huffed. "I won't do anything. I'll obey my orders and keep Titans out of the forest the way that bastard wants me to." He turned enough to meet Armin's eyes. "You also think it's the right move, don't you, Armin?"

Armin startled and took a step back, emitting a surprised noise in the back of his throat. I looked up, some unknown emotion swirling in his cerulean orbs.

Jean's expression was dead serious as he stated, "You look like you know something."

Armin looked down almost guiltily. I stood up, frowning at my best friend. He _did_ know something. The question was, was it something I already knew? "Well…"

"Five-meter class incoming!"

All eyes shot to the running figure in the distance, head lolling and arms cocked out weirdly. It didn't impede the Titan's speed however, the grotesque sight still travelling good distance. However, it was still far enough away that it didn't really register as a _huge_ threat.

"What can you deduce?" I said suddenly, turning away from the sight to study Armin's side profile. The gears were turning and dots were connecting. Armin was the only one out of all of us who could figure it out. I didn't count; I had the advantage of _already_ knowing what was happening.

He didn't turn, his eyes making aborted darting movements from side-to-side as he made connections in his mind at the speed of light. He would get there eventually.

"Armin," Jean said sharply, interrupting Armin's thinking. I sent him an annoyed look that went unnoticed. He looked slightly manic. "Our orders were to keep the Titans out of the forest, right? In other words… there's no longer any reason to fight. Right?"

I tapped my leg with the side of my blade, eyeing the Titans clamouring to get us up in the trees. "There was never any reason to fight," I sighed. "Commander Erwin is considered one of the Recon Corps' most brilliant commanders for a reason." Arguably, he was also considered one of the better military commanders in history. That was up for debate. I had begrudging respect for someone who tried to minimise loss of human life, even if I was sure he was using Eren as bait.

Trying and succeeding were two very different things.

"Armin." His eyes shot to me. "What have you deduced?"

"The Female Titan…" Armin murmured, still connecting the dots. "Commander Erwin is going to deal with it in the forest. Kill it?" He immediately shook his head. "No, not kill it."

"They brought in the carts," I prompted mildly. Jean turned to study us. "Odd carts, too. Covered the whole way. I didn't get a glimpse of them."

"I did," Armin interjected, his eyes widening. "Do you really think…?"

"It's possible."

He frowned. "It's not very practical."

"Isn't it, though? You did say…"

"True," he murmured. "_If_ it was that simple…"

"Not alone, no. There has to be…"

"How the hell are you doing that?" Jean demanded. I turned to him with a confused look.

"Doing what?" Armin and I asked in unison. It was odd, but then again, I had never been so in tune with Armin before.

"That freaky twin thing," he elaborated. "It's creepy as fuck."

"I'm starting to think everything about Armin creeps you out," I snorted, shaking my head.

"I'm not creepy," Armin muttered.

"You're not – shit," he cursed suddenly, gaze fixated on something behind us. We both turned and I almost screamed when I noticed there was a Titan crawling its way up the trees, almost reaching Armin and me. Its eyes stared up at the two of us hungrily, almost grinning. "We're going to shift position, guys."

"Okay," Armin answered. I glanced back at the Titan with a shudder. I followed both of them to a tree further down the line, occasionally glancing back at the Titan that crawling towards people who weren't there anymore.

"They've started to figure it out," Jean noted worriedly. "They seem to keep getting better and better at climbing."

Armin grunted, eyeing the Titan that had been climbing to get to us. "That means, as scary as it sounds, they can learn. Although some are better than others, I'm sure."

"Small comfort," I commented drily. I squashed down the urge to kill it before it could hurt anyone. There was no guarantee that I could make it and I didn't want to die from stupidity.

Jean looked into the forest, where the _boom_s had come from. "Sounds like something is going on deeper in the forest. I think I have some idea what." I didn't doubt he had. There was that sharpness in his eyes that I recognised as the puzzle pieces clicking into place. "They lured that Female Titan all the way here in order to capture it. More precisely, to capture whoever is inside of it. That was Commander Erwin's goal."

He shot us a look, continuing in a grim tone, "That's what you guys were talking about, right? It has to be one of us. A spy in the Recon Corps."

I sighed through my nose, an ugly emotion crawling in my throat. It killed Ness and Siss, the Female Titan. _Annie_ had killed them. I wanted to hate her, but I had this feeling that it wasn't really her choice. She was probably brainwashed, in a way – fed opinions and forced to swallow them.

Reiner's grinning face as the Female Titan made its escape flashed in my mind. My heart sank and my stomach churned. It was possible… but why would he? There was just one more vital piece of information that I needed to figure out; something that I refused to acknowledge and therefore locked away deep in my mind.

"That's what we thought," Armin answered. I knew he didn't like to think of one of our own (Annie) as the cause of all this, but it was the only logical explanation. Armin was nothing if not logical and he was no stranger to the cruelty of people.

Jean grimaced, turning to watch the Titan struggle to climb. It almost sounded absurd, having a spy among _our_ ranks – someone who we had trained with. Betrayal hurt more when we thought we knew the traitor.

Reiner and Annie… maybe Bertolt?

I didn't want to think about that. Not here. Maybe it'd revisit those thoughts when we weren't in Titan territory, when I could take every single piece of information I knew about Bertolt and Reiner (more Reiner than Bertolt) and analyse it without fear or any other emotion (sadnessanger_pain_).

There was an almost inaudible crack and I watched as the Titan fell to the ground in a tangle of limbs with a resounding crash. It looked like it wouldn't move for a while.

"I can't say he was right," Jean said, eyes locked on the fallen Titan as well. "If we'd known there was a Titan informed of our operations, we would've dealt with this in a different way. Our squad leader and the others would've too."

"Would we have?" I demurred, watching the Titan struggle to rearrange its limbs in a way that allowed productive movement. "Would it not have made us distrustful of each other? It would have jeopardised the mission objective."

_Spy. Reiner?_

No. Not now.

"It would have," Armin agreed ruefully with a grimace. "Commander Erwin wasn't wrong."

"Huh? How can you say that?" Jean asked in disbelief. "How many do you think died for _no reason_?"

Armin shook his head. "Jean, after the fact, it's easy to say _we should've done something else_. However," he turned to Jean, "no one knows how things will turn out and even so, you have to make a choice. You _must_. The lives of a hundred fellow soldiers or the lives of all the humans within the walls… the Commander made his choice. He _chose_ to let those hundred die. I haven't lived that long, but I'm certain of one thing: if there's anyone who can bring change, it will be someone willing to sacrifice what they care for. it will be someone who can throw aside their humanity in order to defeat monsters."

Become a monster in order to defeat them. It sounded so poetic in the grim reality of things.

"Someone who can't sacrifice anything can't ever change anything," he stated.

"Do you think you would be willing to do that if the time came?"

Both boys turned to me as I spoke. I had seated myself on the branch, watching the Titan attempt to right itself with detached interest. I could never do that, so I knew I would never be able to change anything. Jean and Armin though… I could tell they had the potential.

I never wanted that for them.

I never got my answer. At that moment, an unholy screech boomed through the air, the air practically _vibrating_ with the sound.

I shot up quickly – too quickly. My foot slipped and I fell.

Not long, but long enough for my breath to stick in my lungs and for me to feel the weightlessness and fear of falling without 3DMG. I squeezed a trigger and my hooks shot out, embedding themselves into the branch above us and causing the branch I had previously been standing on to drive into my gut.

The screeches died, but my heart pounded in the brief silence as I clambered back onto the branch. It was the silence of waiting for something to happen and I had a feeling that whatever came next was going to be dreadful.

Another sound replace the scream – the sound of hundreds of large feet pounding the ground below. Vibrations chased up the tree as we bore witness to the sight of a horde of Titans ignoring us, running straight into the heart of the forest.

"What's up with them?" Jean shouted. "They're all running into the forest? Why did they suddenly start ignoring us?"

"Maybe they're answering a call," I suggested half-jokingly, despite being dead serious. I leapt off the branch, chasing them as compressed air punctuated the heavy footsteps.

"Begin combat!" the soldier barked. If only it were than easy.

Usually, Titans were relatively slow. The only ones that ever gave us trouble were the Abnormals. Suddenly, it seemed like _all of them_ were Abnormals, at the rate they were going. They had their backs to us, which should have made it easier, but not with the speed they were running. Within seconds, they were out of sight.

"I think it's like Eren," Armin yelled, causing me to look at him sharply and nearly crash into a tree. "When the Titans ate him!"

"But… Eren hadn't made that sound," I pointed out, jolting to a stop when the sound of smoke guns being fired sounded. We stopped, staring above the tree line to see the signal; a dark blue column of smoke.

"What? It's already over?" Jean said, bewildered as he braced himself against the trunk of a tree. I hung in mid-air, my feet brushing the branch Armin was standing on.

I fell silent, a gentle breeze pushing me forward and causing me to swing lightly. This didn't seem right. Maybe they had just gotten Annie out already?

No, they hadn't. They hadn't managed that in canon and I greatly doubted they had managed that now. So… they failed, most likely. They hadn't revealed her. If they had, they would have taken a little more time.

So, where was Annie?

I drummed my fingers against my handgrips, feeling agitated. I should know where she was. I probably _did_ know where she was – or had. I had just… forgotten.

_Details… details. Damn all those details._

A hand on my shoulder brought me out of my frustrated thoughts. "We should head back to the horses," Armin said. I stared out into the heart of the forest, where the Titans had run off to.

"Right."

There was an agitated buzzing crawling under my skin, begging me to take action. I had to do something, but _what_? The call for retreat had already been given and there was nothing I could do about that.

_You could always disobey orders again._

Well, that was an idea.

I didn't think I was a particularly disobedient person, nor a soldier who enjoyed questioning and going against orders, but things were different in the battlefield. Orders couldn't be followed when things were going by so fast that most people didn't have the luxury to think. I really didn't want to make it a habit, though.

"Dani, why do you keep looking back?" Armin asked as I landed next to him. I turned back to him, where I had been looking into the forest.

I faltered. "I – I don't really know," I mumbled, heading to my borrowed horse to untie it. It whinnied and I soothed it absentmindedly, feeling sick all of a sudden.

_Uh oh, my spidey senses are tingling again…_

"Alright, recruits. Move out!"

My body obeyed, but my mind was already in the clouds. There was something I wasn't remembering – something _crucial_. Whether it was something I could change or not was up to discussion (but according to my horrendous track record, I was managing to change nada).

I was a useless lump.

"If we're withdrawing, does that mean the mission succeeded?" Jean's voice pierced through my restless thoughts. I snapped back to awareness, finally noticing that the forest was passing by us in a blur. I shouldn't have been so out of it, I chided myself.

"Not necessarily," I muttered, shaking my head slightly. _Focus_.

Armin hummed thoughtfully. "Retreat doesn't always mean success," he agreed reluctantly. "However, if it _did_ succeed, we may already know who was inside the Female Titan."

Restrained anger lined Jean's face. "I'd like to know who it is," he said in a low, dangerous voice. I hid a grimace; he really didn't. "But why was the commander so sure the enemy would come after Eren if he left the walls?"

I knew why Annie wouldn't have tried to get Eren while he was in the walls. He was under heavy surveillance. Eren was bigger than her, so there was no way she could have kidnapped Eren without causing a ruckus. A Titan within the walls coinciding with her absence would raise alarm bells.

More importantly, Mikasa wasn't around to defend Eren out here.

It wasn't that I thought Levi was weaker than Mikasa. Even if I said Mikasa could possibly surpass him, there wasn't any contention that she still wasn't quite up to Levi's level. She had yet to obtain the level of control he did.

No, Mikasa was only a great threat because _Eren_ was involved. If anybody tried to harm a single hair on Eren Jaeger's head, woe unto them in the form of Mikasa. Annie knew that – heck, anybody in the 104th Training Squad knew that.

How _Commander Erwin_ knew, I didn't know.

"I think," Armin said slowly, assembling his thoughts, "it's because they suddenly stopped their advance in the midst of the last assault, for some reason."

"Huh?"

I exhaled sharply in surprise. That was right. The Colossal Titan had broken Trost's gate, but the Armoured Titan hadn't appeared to break through Wall Rose the way he had with Wall Maria.

_Maybe because the Armoured Titan is one of us._

Shut up. Please… shut up.

"Even though they managed to break through Trost's gate, they didn't even _try_ for the inner gate and when Eren sealed the gate, they let him," Armin explained. "It would mean that they have bigger concerns."

They _let_ him. Just like that. They hadn't tried to stop him. They just… let him pick up the boulder and seal the hole. However, it was a lot more complicated than that, at least to me. All I could see in my mind's eye was Mitabi's broken body, kilometres away from the boulder where he had been.

"Bigger concerns?"

"Something more important to them than breaching the walls. Something unexpected that happened."

I heard Jean's sharp intake of air as his eyes flared wide in surprise. "Eren's transformation into a Titan."

Armin nodded. "I think that's the only answer."

I glanced at Jean, his forehead creased as he struggled to reach the conclusion Armin was striving for. "Then… that means…" Come on, Jean. "Wait, so…"

"Someone who was there," Armin interjected impatiently, "who saw Eren transform, is the Titan."

_Annie is the Female Titan._

That was a fact. That was something I _knew_… so why did I feel so unsettled? I pulled back gently on the reins, causing my horse to slow and draw back.

_The Female Titan killed dozens of Scouts._

Yet another undisputed fact. A horrible fact – Annie Leonheart, fifteen-year-old Titan shifter had been the cause of death for god knows how many people, had human blood on her hands… but that wasn't all. What was so important that it rang such loud alarm bells in my mind?

Come on, Dani. _Think_.

The horse slowed to a stop. I watched Jean's and Armin's retreating backs. They hadn't noticed I had lagged behind – had stopped – yet, but it was only a matter of time before they did.

_Annie killed Squad Levi… Petra, Gunther!_

"Shit," I cursed quietly, jerking the reins a little too harshly as I changed course – heading straight for the Forest of Giant Trees. The horse brayed in protest; loud enough to attract attention, I was sure. I was proven correct as I heard my name shouted.

The pounding of hooves doubled, then tripled. I glanced to my sides, where Armin and Jean were drawing up, similar looks of confusion and worry on their faces.

"Guys, turn back," I ordered, eyes snapping forward once more. They couldn't be involved in whatever crazy feeling it was that made me do weird stuff like this.

"What are you doing?" Armin demanded.

I tightened my grip on my reins. "I can't tell you. Just – just go back, Armin, Jean."

"There's nothing back there!"

I just shook my head. This wasn't the time to tell him. I didn't even know _how_ to tell him. I could hardly just say that I was actually older than my fifteen years simply because I remember a previous life where _this_ world was fiction. I had never even breached the thought of telling anyone, even Armin. He was my best friend… but this was a secret I would (had to) keep to the grave.

Jean shot forward, blocking my way. I tugged on my reins, the horse protesting once more as I forced us into a stop before we collided.

"Jean," I snapped, glaring at him. I was almost surprised to see him glare back with just as much anger. "Get out of the way."

"Not until you tell us why _you're_ going against orders to go back into that hellhole," he snarled, gesturing sharply to the mass of green ahead. I stubbornly kept my silence. "_Danika!_"

"I _can't tell you_," I hissed, sending a pleading gaze towards Armin so he could understand. I really couldn't. There was no way I could explain there could possibly be a massacre on our hands, that the Recon Corps' strongest squad was going to fall at the hands of one of _our_ comrades. "I have to do this alone."

"No," Jean growled. I gave up on him, knowing he would never understand.

"Armin, please," I pleaded, hoping he could understand. "I have a bad feeling, but I don't want to endanger you guys and we're _wasting time._"

It was ridiculous, really. Every time I uttered the words 'I have a bad feeling', I was always hoping I was wrong. More than half the time, I was wrong and that was more than a relief, but I _knew_, deep in my bones, that this wasn't one of those defunct times.

Armin sighed. "Promise you'll stay safe."

My shoulders slumped in relief. "I'll try," I promised. "Jean, move." He didn't. "Jean!"

He dismounted with a sigh, holding out Buchwald's reins. I raised an eyebrow, dismounting as well and grabbing the proffered leather strips; it was pretty obvious what he was trying to say.

"Are you sure?" I asked as he didn't relinquish his hold on the reins.

He sighed. "Buchwald and Freya are the only two horses that are comfortable with you." Under his breath, he muttered, "God knows why you freak out any other horse."

I could have said something about that, but there was that tingle, more of a prickle, in the tips of my fingers that spelled _danger, danger!_

"I want Buchwald back unharmed," Jean said sternly and I rolled my eyes, but he cut off my retort by continuing, "with you on it, Vale."

A corner of my lips kicked up in a smirk – a nervous gesture meant to calm my nerves. "If you keep saying stuff like that, Kirstein, I might think you actually care." I glanced back at Armin, his worried gaze fixed on me. "I'll see you later," I promised.

A nervous smile touched his lips as I turned away, squeezing my calves against Buchwald's sides to urge him forward faster and faster.

I didn't know the timeline. It would have been for too optimistic for me to think that I would be able to stop the Female Titan from killing Gunther. It might have even been too late for me to stop Annie from transforming. I didn't know why, but I just wanted the chance to do something.

Something told me that I might have already been too late.

I was still too far away when a flash of yellow lightning appeared above the tree tops.


	20. Retreat

_**And I thought life was hard enough the first time.**_

_**OC self-insert (because I'm that shameless)**_

_**Classes start next week. Yay.**_

_**Okay, I actually am excited and I don't even care if it makes me sound like a nerd. I'm sorry the next couple chapters are shorter than usual. Just… let me get back into the groove. I'm running out of episodes -crying face-**_

_**In regards to the chapter: OOOOH, OUCH!**_

_**-0-**_

"Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck," I swore, urging Buchwald on faster. I didn't know if that was Annie or Eren, but it didn't matter. Both meant that I was too late.

If that was Annie, I had, what? Half a minute before she eradicated Squad Levi. Gunther… he was gone. That much, I remembered. I gritted my teeth, jaw clenched so I couldn't feel the ache in my chest. We weren't as close as Petra and I were, but he had taken good care of me. That wouldn't ever change. He may not have been a brother, but a caretaker that knew just how to push me and how to let go.

I shook my head. I couldn't think about that now. I just had to focus on locating Eren and the others… and how the hell was I going to do that?

Obviously, I hadn't thought this through.

I passed under the forest canopy, the sunlight turning green as it filtered through the leaves. I looked around, but there was no indication of where I was. Tree here, fallen log there… I had horrible navigational skills and the forest was hardly easy to navigate. To top it off, I had no idea where Squad Levi would be. Knowing they were centre rear in the formation meant nothing here. The formation had been scattered –

A roar ripped through the air – a _familiar_ roar.

Well, shit. Eren had engaged the Female Titan. On the bright side, all I had to do was follow the crashing, I thought grimly.

"Buchwald, _stay_," I barked, hoping the horse would listen to me and remain out of harm's way. I couldn't wait for Buchwald to slow, flying off on my 3DMG. Going by air would be a lot faster and safer for both of us. The moment I was off the horse, I snapped on a couple of blades onto my handgrips.

Green and brown blurred past with occasional breaks, but no Eren or Female Titan. I was starting to feel antsy as more roars could be heard, louder than they had been when I had been near the edge of the forest. I was getting closer then, but how much closer?

Another roar. Maybe I was only imagining it, but I thought it was filled with anger laced with grief. It might have even been a mangled mash of words that he couldn't possibly have formed with his lack of lips.

I swung through the trees, probably faster than was safe. So far, I was doing fine and that was all that mattered. I just needed to get to Eren before… before something. Maybe before he got captured.

"_Eren!_"

I jerked towards the scream, the fear in Mikasa's voice scaring more than anything else did. It had come from right ahead. I must have been close.

What could have happened to make Mikasa scream like that?

I could see Mikasa right in front of me, but she wasn't looking at me. then, I finally _took in my surroundings_, only to see a pair of feet disappear into a large mouth. I widened my sight range, using a brief half-second to take in the scene; the Female Titan, the decaying Titan body in front of it and the carnage. Eren had fought – and lost.

I was still too far away when the Female Titan stood up and started running. Mikasa just… hung there. What – what the hell was she doing?

"Mikasa," I yelled, trying to get her attention. She suddenly seemed to snap awake, but I didn't think it was because of me. She was gone in a burst of gas and I had to change course suddenly so I could catch up with her. "Wait!"

I knew Annie sometimes called Mikasa a beast. I myself had mentioned multiple times (especially around Jean) that harming Eren would only result in an excruciatingly painful death. Mikasa wasn't someone to be _messed with_. As I followed behind her, well out of the range of her rage, I was finally aware of how _true_ those statements were.

Mikasa was a demon. That was the only thing I thought as I followed behind. I had only gotten a blurred glimpse of her face, but rage could be seen in every line of her body. It wasn't difficult to imagine flames shooting out of her eyes – that was how angry I could tell she was. There was silent anger – the kind she had shown after the tribunal – and _true anger_, like now. True anger as in the unbridled, _I will rain hell and brimstone unto you_ kind of anger.

I was her friend, but even _I_ was scared. There was no telling how Annie must have felt, being the object all that anger was directed at.

"Give Eren _back_!" Mikasa roared, slashing at the Female Titan's cheek.

I opened my mouth to protest, that it wasn't a good idea to try and take the Female Titan head on, but the protest died on my lips. She was utterly fearsome, circling around the Titan and slicing at flesh. She was too fast for even the Female Titan to keep track of, turning into a blur of green and pain amidst the steam. Since the Titan had to keep one hand on the back of its neck, it only had one hand to grab Mikasa, which wasn't enough in her anger-fuelled rampage.

I wanted to stop her – in her anger, she wasn't making effective cuts. She was just cutting blindly, determined to score as much flesh as possible. She was letting her anger dictate her actions, which was always a bad thing.

Then again, I couldn't step in now. She was going by so fast that I was scared of slamming into her and causing both of our deaths.

I eyed the hand still protecting the nape. I didn't know if it had realised I was here. It might have heard me shout for Mikasa, but I didn't even think _Mikasa_ had noticed my appearance.

Before I could make a decision, Mikasa screeched, "_Give him back!_" She coupled it with a well-aimed strike (which I felt was more luck than actual aiming) to the back of the Titan's kneecap, causing it to crash to the ground in a heap.

The surprise emanating from the Titan (_Annie_) was palpable as it lay on the ground, waiting for its injuries to heal. I saw it before Mikasa did – the silver spreading across the hand protecting its weak spot.

My eyes darted to Mikasa, trying to strike from above, but I instinctively knew the attack wouldn't work. I remembered seeing something similar; the glint of the Armoured Titan's skin as it broke through Wall Maria. She was going to do the instinctive thing and strike, but that would only be a waste of a good pair of blades. I couldn't let that happen.

I intercepted her right before her blades would have slashed against the impenetrable skin, my arm bracing against her middle. I used my inertia and an extra burst of gas to slam Mikasa into a tree trunk, following the trajectory of her own flight path minus breaking her blades for nothing.

"Mikasa, stop and think for a second," I ground out, trying to get her to look at me. She refused to look at me, her gaze full of hatred and fixated on the Titan behind me. It wouldn't move just yet; I could spot the steam still rising out of the corner of my eye, but it wasn't as thick anymore.

"I know he's alive," she hissed, eyes impossibly dark. I didn't even think she was seeing anything anymore. "I know that Eren's alive! No matter where she goes, I'll kill her, rip her apart and get you out of that filth." I shouldn't have been so unsettled at Mikasa's proclamation of death, but I was. Maybe I had completely underestimated the depth of Mikasa's love for Eren. "I'm sorry, Eren… just wait a little longer," she whispered, pupils finally dilating. Her gaze shot to me. "Dani? When did you – look out!"

I reeled in my hooks, letting myself fall as I twisted. A large fist impacted where we had been milliseconds before and I shot my hooks forward once more so I could swing out of danger. I snarled under my breath; I couldn't believe Annie had actually _done_ that to us. Then again, she had no love for either Mikasa or me.

I looked over my right shoulder, where Mikasa was already chasing after the Female Titan. Son of a bitch. I turned in mid-air, shooting my hooks forward so I could follow after her and make sure she didn't get herself killed. A green blur shot past me and grabbed Mikasa, forcing her to slow down.

"Wh-what are you – " I heard Mikasa protest as I caught up to Levi. He shot me a look before aiming his disapproving glare towards Mikasa.

"Fall back for now," he ordered.

Mikasa's jaw clenched, but I knew she could see that Levi's orders were correct. Maybe the anger was ebbing or it was simply Levi's forceful presence that knocked some sense into her, but I was grateful for it. As much as I knew Mikasa respected me, I knew my words wouldn't have been able to draw her away from Eren and regroup to think of a plan.

He released Mikasa and we swung around the tree in our way, keeping far enough that we could keep visual of the Female Titan while staying out of its range.

"Maintain this distance. It may be tired. It does not appear to be going very fast," Levi commented. He could be right; its lope was more of a brisk jog rather than the run it had been in when Armin, Jean, Reiner and I had engaged it. He eyed Mikasa out of the corner of his eyes. "He seems to have been bit right out of the neck. Is Eren dead?"

I could have sworn Mikasa growled when Levi said that. Sometimes I wondered if losing Eren scared her because she would be alone again.

"He's not dead," I replied firmly. "He's not."

I knew he wasn't. Not only because I knew we'd have to take on Annie in Wall Sina, but also because he was _Eren_. I had this irrational belief that Eren wasn't someone who would go down easily. There was that belief and there was the knowledge and that's all that mattered to me.

Others might not be so content with that answer, though.

"The target appears intelligent and its goal seems to be capturing Eren," Mikasa pointed out before I could fumble my way through an explanation. "If it wanted him dead, it would've crushed him." When said like that, it made it blindingly obvious. I should have been able to give a logical answer like that. "The target is fighting to escape after going through the trouble of putting him in its mouth."

Levi made a sound that might have been a derisive snort on anyone else. "Its goal may have been to eat Eren. If that's the case, he's in its stomach. It's more reasonable to assume he's dead."

"He's alive!" Mikasa growled.

Blank brown eyes flashed in my mind, followed by a face whose name I sometimes forgot. Not this time.

"I assume you saw Eld's torso," I said flatly, the words aimed towards Levi. "I saw the bottom half of his body, covered in saliva," _and blood,_ " when I was passing. She – _it_ bit him and spit him out. It doesn't eat humans. It certainly won't have devoured Eren. He's too valuable."

I glanced at Levi to see him regarding both Mikasa and I with a cold gaze. I had no idea how to analyse that gaze. There was no way I could guess what he was thinking.

"I hope you're both right," he grunted, looking forward once more.

"If you'd only protected Eren, this wouldn't have happened," Mikasa accused.

"Mikasa," I reprimanded. She shot angered eyes towards me.

"You know I'm right. If _Captain Levi_," she sneered his name, "had protected Eren like he said he would, Eren would be _safe_." _And with me. Us._

Levi turned to us to regard Mikasa. I took a completely inappropriate moment to marvel at Levi, who was still swinging forward while facing backwards. I had been trying to get Petra to teach me before the expedition, but all I had managed was turning backwards and then slamming into a tree. My spatial recognition needed a little bit more work, obviously.

"I see…" he said. "You're the one from back then. Eren's close friend?"

I shot him a confused look. I knew that social nuances flew over Levi's head the way sexual jokes flew over Mikasa's, but I would have thought he would have realised _that_ over the past month. If anything, I imagined he would have recognised Mikasa. He hadn't, it seemed.

He hadn't regarded me and I had expected that. It wasn't that I was _hiding_ our relationship (whatever that may be), but the fact that he never actually addressed me in public was… comforting. I didn't have to give an explanation on how Captain Levi might have known me because for all intents and purposes, he didn't. I was just… that girl who hung around with Eren and the blonde kid.

"We'll limit ourselves to a single goal," Levi said, facing forward one more. "First, give up on killing the Female Titan."

I nodded. Sound reasoning. Although I didn't doubt that together, they could have brought down the Female Titan, we had to focus on getting Eren out of the Titan's mouth and safe – with us.

Mikasa didn't agree. "It killed many of our comrades," she protested.

"As long as it can harden its skin, we can't kill it," Levi retorted before I could even think of an argument. The tone of his voice allowed no room for arguments. "Do as I say."

Mikasa's eyes shot to me. Maybe she wanted me to agree with her, expected me to want to kill it too (and to some extent, I guess I did), but I simply shook my head. It would have been smart to listen to Levi; he was experienced and he was humanity's strongest soldier, not to mention our commanding officer. Betrayal flashed across her features before she slipped behind an emotionless mask.

"We'll pin our hopes on Eren still being alive and rescue him before it leaves the forest," Levi continued, unaware or maybe simply uncaring of our brief conversation. "I will tear away at it. You," he shot Mikasa a look, "draw its attention. And you," he turned to me, "cut Eren out when I give the signal."

"Yes, sir," we answered.

I hung back, keeping on par with Levi while Mikasa darted forward in front of the Titan. Its eyes shot back to where Levi was; he had obviously been pegged as the more dangerous target. I strayed to the left, where the Titan's blind spot was. With its eyes fixed on Levi, it wasn't quite following the plan, but maybe he could distract it enough for me to grab Eren.

The Titan suddenly whirled around, leading with a right hook. I jerked out of the way, but Levi reeled his hooks in, turning in a tight spin and almost _drilling_ his way up its arm. He reached its bicep and leapt off in a graceful arc, plunging both his blades into its eye sockets.

He flipped off the Titan's face and I realised he had left his blades embedded in the eye sockets – making it a lot more difficult for the wound to heal with the metal still lodged inside. He reattached a new set of blades onto his handgrips, shooting forward once more with a burst of compressed air.

He carved a route from its left shoulder, across its back and around its hip only to spiral down its left leg, most likely severing important tendons from the way its leg buckled. He finished it off with a double-bladed slash to the back of its head, just above the skin that was protected by its hand. The Female Titan was defenceless, falling onto its ass and using the tree trunk as additional aid to protect its nape.

All of that happened must have happened in the span of under ten seconds. It was superb; a real testament to his skill. I was too generous in saying Mikasa could surpass Levi. Even Mikasa didn't possess that much control at high speeds.

Mikasa and I could only watch as he continued his assault, shearing off the muscles at the Titan's shoulders. He was trying to ensure its arms would be useless as I retrieved Eren. As the arm protecting the nape dropped, I kept a careful eye on Mikasa. I remembered Levi had twisted his ankle around this time and Mikasa had been the cause. If I could pre-empt that…

_There_! Mikasa's hook shot out, embedding into the flesh at the Titan's left shoulder.

My own hooks shot out, thudding into the tree the Titan was leaning against. Gas propelled me forward and I _slammed_ into Mikasa, even as I heard Levi's order to stop. The Titan's hand was coming towards me on my right, maybe to swat at me. My momentum had passed on to Mikasa, so I was near motionless and the hand was going to hit me, so I did the only thing I could think of: I slammed both of my blades into its hand.

The shock of pain caused the hand to stop. I tried to tug the blades out, but they were embedded too deep. Telling myself that the blades were probably already dull and definitely not worth it, I unclipped them and pushed off the hand, twisting so I could swing to safety.

Anger pounded through me when I saw Mikasa – _how could she be so stupid, she could have fucking _died – but there was utter relief on her face. "Eren!" she cried. I landed onto a branch, whirling around to see Levi grab a slime-coated Eren out of the Titan's mouth. A shaky sigh of relief escaped my mouth as Levi landed safely on a branch as well, an unconscious Eren under his left arm.

"Oi!" he called. "We're getting out of here! I think he's okay," Levi commented, but I realised he was looking at Mikasa

"He's alive! But filthy," he continued. If the situation wasn't so serious, I was pretty sure I would have giggled at the disgust in Levi's voice at Eren's state of cleanliness. As it was, I was just glad that both of them seemed unharmed, more or less. Maybe I had changed _something_. "Forget about it. We'll retreat." He turned back to the Titan, steam still rising around it as its wounds healed. "Don't lose sight of the core objective. Is it more important to get what you want? Isn't he an important friend?" A glare was sent towards Mikasa.

"Mikasa, let's go," I bit out and her head jerked towards me. I was angry and I guess it showed on my face from the guilty look on her face. I didn't wait to hear if she had anything to say, following after Levi in a burst of gas. I could scold her once we were safe.

I hesitated before shooting forward so I was next to Levi. He barely spared me a glance, fixated on something behind us.

"Is… your leg okay, Heichou?" I asked awkwardly.

He shot me a look. "Why wouldn't it be?"

I hesitated once more before shaking my head. "Nothing," I muttered. I doubted he could have heard it.

Maybe he hadn't hurt his leg. Then again, he was hardly one to complain about injuries. He was like my dad, in a way – he could have had a knife in the gut and he still would have said he was right as rain. He could still have twisted his ankle.

At that moment, I could have dropped back once more, but that would have meant I would have been with Mikasa. There was still the displeasure simmering under my skin, but I didn't want to blow up at her. I just hadn't thought she would be selfish enough as to place her own vendettas above Eren's safety.

Fuck, she could have _died_. I didn't want to be the one to have to tell Eren when he woke up that she died because of him. He wouldn't have taken that well. Mikasa was strong, but she was emotional, as well, especially when it came to Eren.

It still didn't explain why that made me so angry.

I shook my head. I was older, mentally, so I could hold it in. I could wait.

•●•●•●•

Jean was going to kill me.

I whistled again, letting the piercing sound ring. If I didn't get him his horse back, he was probably going to push me in front of a stampede of horses the next time he saw one.

I ran a hand through my face, sighing as I waited three seconds with no horse heading towards me. Two horses in one day. I was on a roll, I thought sardonically.

The trees were blocking the sound. Telling Buchwald to stay might not have been my brightest idea. I whistled once more, futilely, before giving up. I could just ride in the cart Eren was in and deliver the bad news later. I looked back to where Eren was resting, cleaned up and still out like a light. I reckoned he would be for a while. He would need to recuperate after his shift and the gruelling fight that he no doubt had had with Annie. As I had expected, Mikasa lingered nearby.

I made a distressed sound, worrying my bottom lip between my teeth. They were just about done with preparations and Buchwald had approximately eight seconds before he was left behind. Where was that damn horse?

Horse hooves sounded behind me and I turned hopefully, seeing a horse emerge from between the trees. I let out a whoop, causing several soldiers to shoot me disapproving looks, but hell if I cared. I just couldn't believe I managed to call the horse.

"There you are," I greeted happily as he nuzzled my palm. "And here I thought I would have had to leave you behind." He brayed in protest. "Whoa, Buchwald. I'm not going to do that. Jean would kill me."

"Buchwald?" I turned to Mikasa, where she was eyeing the horse. "What are you doing with Jean's horse?"

"Buchwald's the only horse that'll tolerate me now," I replied tersely. She frowned, but before she could say anything, we were given the call to exit the forest and rendezvous with the rest of the Recon Corps at an area out in the open. A large grouping of humans in Titan territory would not have been my first choice, but orders were orders.

Mikasa and I took up the rear, near the cart that held Eren. It almost felt like we were some sort of honorary guard for Eren.

"What's your problem?" Mikasa asked.

I raised an eyebrow. "What makes you think I have a problem?" She frowned and that look alone spoke volumes. I sighed. "I don't… really have a problem."

"You're angry," she stated. "At me."

It was easier to breach the subject now that she had brought it up. "You're right. I'm angry at you," I agreed. That admission brought back all the anger and fear I had suppressed back in the forest, but I was still aware that this was hardly the time nor place. I tightened my grip on the reins, then loosened it. I needed to calm down. I was just overreacting. "You know what? It doesn't even matter."

"Dani."

"What do you want me to say?" Agitation crawled over my skin. "What you did back there was stupid. You were given a _direct order_ not to kill the Female Titan and you ignored it. Damn it, Mikasa. You could have _died_."

The silence that followed was saturated with shock. Then, Mikasa quietly muttered, "But I didn't die."

I glared at her. "Only because I managed to get you out of there in time. What if I hadn't been there? What if I had been too slow? Did you even _think_?"

"Of course I did," she argued, bristling.

"No, you didn't," I countered harshly. "If you had, you would have thought twice about attacking the Titan's weak point back there."

"It was _open_. I saw the opportunity and struck."

"You flew right into a _trap_. It would have crushed you if I hadn't pushed you out of the way."

"Who are you to lecture me?" she hissed. "I'm – " _better than you_.

She cut herself off just in time, but her statement was loud and clear. I'll admit it, it stung. The four of us knew we were hardly equal in skill, but we all had our strengths. We never highlighted who was better than who in what; we never lorded our skill over the other, even when we were arguing. For Mikasa to stoop so low…

She was just emotional. That was it. She was still trying to get over the fact that she almost lost Eren and emotions were running high. I was still trying to shake off the pure and utter relief at Eren and Mikasa being okay, so that was probably why I blew up.

Nonetheless, even when I knew there was a reason for Mikasa's animosity (which was justified because I had attacked first), my voice turned glacial as I said, "Fine. You're better than me, but even if you're better, at least _I've_ got my head screwed on right."

Those were the harshest words I had ever said to Mikasa. Even as they left my mouth, I was already regretting them. The last time Mikasa and I had gotten into an argument was three years ago, a few months into training. It was horrible; unlike Eren and I, we didn't fight often and we were both stubborn. If Eren and I were like a pot bubbling over, Mikasa and I arguing was like spending a week in those lands of ice Armin was so fascinated by. We were the definition of _cold war_. We were usually tolerant of each other's flaws, but when we fought, it was all or nothing. Armin had told me once that he never wanted to ever get between Mikasa and me if we ever had another fight.

I knew I'd have to swallow my pride and apologise. Mikasa would never yield and I didn't like putting the boys through the horror of mediating fights between Mikasa and me.

Not just yet. I was allowed to be angry for a little while.

The atmosphere between the two of us was frigid. That was… just great. This was a sucky birthday. I was one thing to know the expedition was going to be a clusterfuck and a half and another to actually live through it. So this is why people sometimes wondered if all Scouts were insane. I was starting to doubt my own sanity.

Why had I wanted to join the Recon Corps? To show Levi that I wasn't some silly little girl acting tough.

At least, that was the reason when I had first enlisted.

I think, over the years, my goal had changed. It was part of the reason that drove me so hard, but that wasn't the _main_ reason anymore.

I wanted to be there for Armin, Eren and Mikasa. I wanted to ensure Armin's safety. Most importantly, I wanted to _see the world_. Back Then, I never really got to physically travel the world. Sure, TV and the internet was sufficient, but it wasn't the same as getting on a plane and walking the streets of a foreign country. This was a chance to see the world _untouched _by humans. To marvel at things we simply didn't have behind the Walls.


End file.
